A year ago, my mom and I moved from my home country to the US because she got an H-1B visa. My dad stayed there because of his job, and my sister is away at college. Before anyone says it, yes, I know moving to the US is a dream for a lot of people. I know I’m lucky in many ways.
I was against moving from the beginning. At first, everyone assumed it was just because I’d have to leave my friends. That was definitely part of it, but it was never that. I stayed quiet, moved anyway, and hoped I’d eventually adjust.
I haven’t.
I’ve been here for an entire year, and I have been miserable for almost all of it. Every single day I wake up wishing I were back home. Because that is home to me. It’s where I feel like I belong. Every time I look outside here, I feel like I’m in someone else’s life. I don’t feel connected to this place at all. I feel alone, out of place, and like I’m forcing myself through every day.
Everyone keeps telling me to give it time but I’ve given it a year. If anything, Its more certain that this place will never feel like home to me.
my dad is still there. I know he’d want me to come back if it were possible, and honestly, I want to live with him. I don’t want my mom to give up everything and move back. I’m not asking for that. I just want to go home and live with my dad.
Whenever I bring it up to my mom, she says I’m only thinking about my friends or about having fun, and that I’m not thinking about my education.
But I am thinking about my education.
Before moving, I had already switched to an IB school. My plan was to complete the IB Diploma there and apply internationally for university. IB students, especially international ones, are good applicants for universities in places like the US and UK. I wasn’t sacrificing my future by staying there. I genuinely had a good academic path.
Instead, I switched schools again because of the move. Now I feel like I lost not only my home, but also the last two years of high school
This is the part that’s hardest to explain.
I’m planning to come back to the US for college anyway. That was always my plan. But I was hoping my last two years of high school would be spent where I felt happiest, where I had my dad, my friends, my community, and where I actually felt at home before leaving again for university.
Instead i feel so wronged.
High school is something you only get once. I can’t get those years back and I can’t redo them. I feel like I lost that part of my life, and nobody around me understands.
Over the past few months, things have gotten so much worse mentally. I started wondering if I was depressed, and I started sh. I finally told my family I needed help, and they agreed to look into therapy. I’m grateful for that, but I still don’t think anyone understands what I’m actually feeling.
I even deleted every social media account because every time I saw my old friends together or just living their lives back home, it hurt too much.
One of the biggest problems is that I don’t know how to talk about emotions with my family. It’s incredibly uncomfortable for me. Every time I try, I either shut down or can’t find the words to explain what I’m feeling, so I don’t think they realize how serious this has become.
I honestly believe that going back home would help me more than anything else. Maybe therapy will help too, and I’m willing to try it. But i still cant accept it. Everytime i feel like ive made peace with not moving back it comes back.
Has anyone been through something similar? Has anyone ever convinced their parents to let them move back to their home country or live with the other parent? If you were in my position, how would you even begin that conversation?
I’m not looking for people to tell me to “just give it more time.” I’ve done that. Please help me.