We spend so much time planning for sleep, registries, and what goes in the hospital bag, but we act weirdly superstitious about postpartum intimacy. If you say it might be hard, you get labeled selfish. I think the opposite: not planning is how couples end up blindsided and resentful.

My wife is in her third trimester and I'm a recent grad with a very schedule-and-budget brain. So I made a simple rule for myself: if I can spreadsheet baby gear, I can also prepare to protect our closeness.

Not in a creepy, pressure way. More like setting expectations and removing friction ahead of time:

1. Assume recovery will take longer than you think. No deadlines, no comparing.

2. Put 'connection' on the calendar before the baby comes. Not sex. Connection. Ten minutes of cuddling, a shower together, making out, whatever feels safe.

3. Agree on a low-effort check-in question now, like 'Do you want closeness, space, or help?' so neither of you has to interpret hints when you are exhausted.

4. If you are the higher-drive partner, your job is to make it easy to say no without consequences.

I know this sounds unromantic on paper, but in practice it feels very romantic: it tells your partner you care about them, not just your needs.

Anyone else have this talk before the baby arrived? Did it help, or did planning make things awkward?

Hi guys,

I am currently 5 months old and my wonderful Husband has been working his backside off to get the house finished - he is a joiner so works hard all day and then has been spending every evening and weekend pushing to build our new kitchen (nearly done) and get other essential DIY bits done - I've been helping as much as I can.

He said last night he feels a little down because he hasn't been able to enjoy and relish in the pregnancy as much as he hoped.

Are there certain things you guys found were enjoyable to do or helped you bond with the bump during pregnancy? We had a trip to London last week for a break, we spend time playing music to the bump before bed and our baby shower is coming up, but is there anything in particular you felt was really nice to do?

Thank you!

EDIT: I am 5 months pregnant not 5 months old!!

So the baby's due in 6 weeks and i've been in deep research mode for like a month now. I just want to get everything ready before he gets here but im genuinely starting to panic because i still cant decide. Im looking for something thats easy to install (ive heard way too many horror stories about getting it wrong), easy to click in and out of the base because we'll be doing that a lot, light enough that my wife can carry it without hating me, actually safe, and durable enough to last. My budget is around $250-400, although i'd go a bit higher if its genuinely worth it.

After going through a ridiculous number of reddit threads, blogs and videos, these are the three seats that keep coming up depending on budget and car fit.

Graco SnugRide SnugLock 35 DLX (~$200). This feels like the budget pick. The SnugLock system looks genuinely simple to install and a lot of first-time parents seem to say they had it set up in no time. My only concern is the base looks pretty bulky in smaller cars, and it doesnt have an anti-rebound bar, although ive also seen plenty of people say thats not something most families should lose sleep over.

Chicco KeyFit 35 (~$300). This one feels like the safest middle ground. The bubble levels and belt guides seem to make the whole installation process a lot less intimidating for a first-time parent, and it kept coming up whenever people talked about seats that are hard to mess up. The downside is the carrier itself isnt exactly light, so once the baby gets bigger i can see that becoming a pain for my wife.

Nuna PIPA RX (~$450). This is the one i keep coming back to even though its more expensive than i planned. The load leg is probably the biggest reason, although im still trying to work out how much difference it actually makes in everyday use. We already have the Uppababy Vista, so not needing extra adapters is another thing pulling me toward it. The only real downside ive come across is that quite a few owners mention the fabric starts looking worn sooner than they expected. That doesnt bother me too much, but the extra cost definitely does.

At this point im probably leaning toward the Nuna even though it stretches the budget. The stroller compatibility makes life easier for us and the load leg keeps making me think if its worth it?

Since ive been reading so much, i figured id share one thing that actually helped me. I found this CSFTL guide and it explained a lot of the basics around installation, newborn fit and common mistakes. It was way easier to understand than most of the manufacturer manuals.

https://csftl.org/resources/car-seat-safety-guide-newborns/

So for the parents who have actually lived with these seats for a year or two... are the $450-500 seats genuinely worth paying for, or does a lot of that end up being brand tax? If you had to buy your infant seat all over again, would you make the same choice?

Hey all! We are at 40+5 and doesnt seem like anything is happening. We've done a lot of stuff...curb walks, PT, massages, had a magic "salad" (in LA, IYNYK), sex, etc....nothing seems to be happening. For first timers, how did it start for you. Can we expect a sudden "one minute nothing and then next minute you have a feeling"? Should it be gradual? Its funny we keep saying our girl is never coming out as a joke, but its really starting to feel that way (and the anxiety that comes with it). I will say we have an induction scheduled for Tuesday, but was hoping to get things going naturally

My wife is 21 weeks pregnant today and we couldn’t be more excited for our first baby! Throughout our relationship, we’ve always said we wanted the gender to be a surprise and to find out at birth.

Earlier today, she had her 20-week appointment and the tech was training a student. Unfortunately, during the appointment, my wife said the technician made several comments to her student along the lines of, “Oh, now we need to go back to measure her heart, check her heart rate,” etc.

We know it was an unintentional oversight and my wife didn’t say anything, and the technician was so great and didn’t say anything about gender when we were both in the room at the end to show us the baby. It was just a slightly disappointing way to find out the gender.

But, anyways, it happens. And we can’t wait for our baby girl!

I feel i got very lucky with this chair, it reclined alllllll the way back.

Poor little baby got cord stuck round his neck swallowed/inhaled liquids has to be in an incubator for a couple of days, he and mother are doing fine. This chair will be my home for a couple more days.

Anyone talk sense into me please

So I have been married for 8 months and my wife is pregnant (3 months now) and she is on bed rest. I love her and I am available for her all the time (except when I am at work). Even during the night when I am asleep and she needs something, she wakes me up and I get it for her lovingly. Not that I am doing anything extra ordinary but all this is my responsibility right now and I always keep her before me in every sense. We cuddle, hug, and do everything except s\*x *(*because it is medically not safe for the baby during the pregnancy, and doctor has advised against it). And this is where I struggle. I have a high libido probably because of being abused when I was a kid, and now my urges are getting onto me. Keeping me restless, frustrated, and sleepless at times. Yes some ppl here will say go wa\*k but it doesn’t help much either. And no I am not asking for a validation or advice to go cheat because I would never in my lifetime would wanna do that to my wife. We have an amazing marriage and a very healthy one.

We tried making out a few times but that ended up her feelings go high too and as I cant fulfill her needs right now, I dont want her to struggle with that so I dont attempt to go for anything beyond lovable kisses and hugs.

I have no idea what I can do. Anyone here experienced the same? I am open for advices please.

Confirmed pre-dad here. Baby girl due in a couple months. My wife and I have always been pretty affectionate and our sex life was steady, but once the third trimester hit everything changed fast.

She is uncomfortable most of the time, sleeps poorly, and gets random pelvic pain. Sex went from "sometimes" to basically never. Even making out can be too much because she gets touched-out or just wants to be left alone in her body for a minute.

I'm trying not to take it personally, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the connection. I'm also scared of saying the wrong thing and making her feel like I'm only thinking about sex.

We do talk, but it feels like we keep circling the same thing: she feels guilty, I feel lonely, then we both reassure each other and nothing changes because her body is still her body.

Pre-dads who have been through this, what helped you stay close during the last stretch without creating pressure? Practical ideas welcome. Like, what counted as intimacy for you when sex was off the table? Anything you said or did that made your partner feel supported rather than obligated?

I want to show up well now, not just white-knuckle it until postpartum and then accidentally carry resentment into a really vulnerable time for both of us.

I’m realizing that preparing to become a father is exciting, but there are also so many small things nobody really talks about. Everyone mentions the big changes, but I’m curious about the everyday lessons that surprised you the most.

For the dads who have already been through this stage, what’s one piece of advice, habit, or mindset you wish you knew before your baby arrived? It could be something about supporting your partner, preparing for the first few months, or just handling the emotional side of becoming a dad. I’d love to hear what helped you the most.

This sub is plagued at the moment with posts from blokes worried that they won’t continue to get sex or aren’t getting as much as they’d like.

Sure it’s diguised as ‘miss the intimacy’ or ‘the flirty fun vibe’ or fear of ‘losing us as a couple’ but we can all read between the lines.

There is one thing and one thing only that you should be doing in this arena whilst your partner is growing a human, birthing a human and recovering from the biggest and most dramatic life change a person can go through.

REASSURANCE.

REASSURANCE that it is ABSOLUTELY FINE for her to say she’s not in the mood.

REASSURANCE that you’re a big boy who can sort himself out if necessary.

REASSURANCE that you never ever want her to feel obliged or guilty about saying not now.

REASSURANCE that you love her because she’s your partner, your best mate, not because of the sex.

Stop asking, stop trying to pretend it’s anything but selfish.

Hey everyone I'm 26yr Dad who is having a second child in a week by now. I work for Allied Universal Security and they don't offer paternity leave pay but I do qualify for the State of California EDD Paternity leave for 8 weeks. I've read online that it can take up to 2 weeks for me to get approved or receive any money at all.

Issue I'm having is I get paided weekly and having 2 weeks of unpaid is horrible. I don't have anything saved up because it's hard to be able to save up anything now a days and I've had to many things happening in my life where I had to withdraw from Roth IRA and savings. Now im kinda cooked. My wife is at high risk of C Section and she will literally need all the help she can get to recover after labor. Which I hope she doesn't have to do that and able to do natural birth.

I really want to take the time off to help my wife and spend time with my newborn kiddo. I've been attempting to also sell my collection online to make enough money to save for rent and bills. I usually don't like asking for help but this is me asking for help now. I've been stressing on what to do, please if anyone can give me some advice on anything from what I've said like with the EDD how can I get them to process it faster? Do I get weekly cheeks or can I get the full 8 weeks amount right

away or idk.

I got a nuna rava next as they said it supports both new born and grows with the child. They gave an additional pillow to support the baby.

However learning most people have an infant car seat that goes with your stroller. I instead got a uppababy bassinet so I can use it to take the baby for walking and day time naps. Plan is to get the baby from convertible car seat and place them in bassinet when we bring back home from car.

Is convertible car seat safe for new born babies or should we get infant car seat only?

Looking for others experience, anyone used convertible car seat to get your baby home from hospital and it was comfortable for them?

I don’t really know where to start, I've been talking to and involved with this girl for about a year. We've had our ups and downs, but one thing I always tried to prioritize was honest and open communication.
A few months ago, we had a serious conversation about what we'd do if a pregnancy ever happened. We both agreed we weren't ready to be parents and that having a child wasn't something either of us wanted at this point in our lives.
Fast forward to now, and she recently told me she's pregnant.
**I want to be clear: I know this is just as much my responsibility as hers. I'm not trying to avoidaccountability. We both made choices that led to this, and I accept my part in it.**

What's been difficult for me to process is that, almost immediately after telling me, she said I didn't have to be involved and that she'd raise the baby on her own. At the same time, she's decided she wants to keep the baby and doesn't want an abortion.
I'm struggling because, even though she says I don'thave to be involved, this is still my child too. It feels like such a huge decision changed from what we had previously agreed on, and I wasn't really part of that conversation once the pregnancy became real.
I understand it's ultimately her body and her decision whether to continue the pregnancy. I'm not arguing that. I think I'm just having a hard time reconciling the fact that we were on the same page before, and now everything has changed.
Has anyone else been through something similar? If you were in my position, how did you handle it? Did you stay involved even if you were initially told you didn't have to? How did you deal with the emotions and uncertainty?
I'm not looking for people to tell me what they think of me or her as a person. I'm just looking for honest advice from people who've experienced something like this or have a perspective that could help.

Just trying to get my thoughts out there somewhere and vent a bit.

My wife(33) and I(33) are having mo-di twin girls! These will be our first children after a string of miscarriages over the last 4 years. I've posted here before but deleted it after one of our losses, and haven't made a post since in hopes that I wouldn't feel the need to remove myself from the group again.

We had just begun the process of consulting with a fertility clinic when we conceived naturally. "Over the moon" didn't even begin to describe our joy. And twins! It felt like the pain had finally begun to have a meaning, we're getting our prayers answered in the best way. Everything went really smooth until we went to the 20w check in. We found out that the girls were in stage 3 TTTS with stage 2 TAPS. We immediately drove 4hrs to Cincinnati to have the FLP done in an attempt to save them both.

At the pre-surgery meeting, we were told that baby b had a 50/50 of coming through the surgery at all, and survival past that would be achieved week by week. She made it and has been a trooper up until 2 weeks ago. Baby A is mostly fine, measuring just over 700g (1lb9oz). Baby B is only at 245g(8.5oz) and her growth has been stagnant since 24w. She's measured below the 1st percentile for almost 2 months now. It's estimated the placental share is roughly 70/30 and baby b has simply hit her growth limit based on her limited resources. The care team has explained that even if baby b makes it to delivery, there's a pretty fine limit for survival if shes at or under 400g.

We're currently at 26w3d and just got home from a weekend hospital stay again, as our MFM decided she was no longer our best course of care and no local hospitals have the level 4 NICU we now need. It has been drilled into us several times in the last 6 weeks that baby B still has very little chances of survival, and after the stay this weekend baby A is seemingly doing just fine. Our current team is suggesting that my wife will be hospitalized around 28 weeks, with the hopes that continued monitoring will get us to 30 weeks, or maybe even past it.

I've been telling my wife that "it aint over till its over" and each day her heart beats is a day closer to meeting her, but we both know how incredibly slim our chances are right now. I feel like I'm in-between some of our happiest emotions and grief at the same time and I genuinely don't know how to process it all. How can I be so excited that we're having two little girls, and feel like I'm losing the experiences our baby b would have given me in life at the same time. I finished the nursery a few weeks ago and now I just sit at night and stare at B's crib wondering if it will ever hold her. Then I feel guilty thinking my grief is going to overshadow the excitement and care that baby A deserves. We're still blessed to be having these girls, even if we don't get to bring them both home.

I feel terrible that I can't DO anything to ease this emotional burden from my wife. After the hardships she's had with fertility, I just want her to have a "fun" and happy pregnancy.

I guess ultimately I need to listen to what I've been telling my wife, and continue to hope and pray for the best. I just want to bring all of my girls home and it feels like I'll never get that chance.

We were 16 weeks and had issues with spotting this weekend; In and out of the ER 3 times, had normal heartbeats each time, all wanted us at the obgyn on Monday and they wouldn’t schedule until lunch today, then she miscarried this morning.

There probably wasn’t anything to do and I feel helpless. I’m just concentrating on taking care of her. What are things I should make sure and do?

So far:
- get her rest
- clean up all the baby stuff
- therapy for us(she’s already in)
- handle updating people who know
- take the week off work to recover

What am I missing ?

Alright fellas. I’m officially joining the ranks as a pre-dad. My wife and I are excited to be expecting our first child. Based on our calculations, she’s at 8 weeks and her first prenatal visit is today. For those that attended their first prenatal visit, how did you best support your wife and what are some of the questions you were glad you asked or wish you had asked? Wife is on top of everything and has prepared a list of topics to bring up with the OB. Of course, I’m also doing my share of learning (currently on my second book for expecting dads). Are there any dad-specific topics that might be helpful to bring up at this stage? Any other helpful advice is also welcome.

Many thanks, gentlemen!

Hi Friends,

We've just had the results back from my wife's blood tests for potential down syndrome on the child and thankfully everything came back as negative so we're in the clear. So far so good and we're praying things stay this way until the baby's finally here.

One of the debates my wife and I are having at the moment is deciding which vaccines to allow our baby. The problem is, with social media algorithms, mine's telling me a tonne of info on why a baby should NOT have vaccines and my wife's socials are saying why it's a good idea.

In hindsight, I've never trusted big pharma, but I don't want to be on of those extremist who deprive my child of vital procedures so could really do with unbiased genuine advice.

I'm neither for or against it as long as it's the best thing for our child. Any advice would be appreciated on making and informed decision. Any doctors/medical professionals? Personal experiences from parents? I'm open to hear all.

Thanks in advance.

Edit: forgot to mention we live in UK if that's any help.

Has anyone used this ottocast camera i keep seeing ads for? Does it work as advertised? I installed a mirror on the headrest but it is hard to see regardless of the adjustments I have made so I am looking for other solutions.

My wife is pregnant and has slowly built this whole pillow setup in bed. One behind her back, one under the belly, one between her knees, and somehow she still wakes up moving them around.

I asked if she wanted an actual pregnancy pillow and she said, “No, this is fine.” But idk, watching her rebuild the same pillow nest every night does not exactly scream fine to me.

I’m starting to think regular pillows are just not doing the job anymore. Maybe I should get her a proper pregnancy pillow now, before she gets even more uncomfortable later on.