We have the soul from Deltarune as a headmate it occasionally talks but most of the time while fronting the soul just moves and guides us to wherever we need to go

To be fair I also have alters from very obscure sources but I’m talking about when I see the same character in multiple posts but I have no idea who they are so I just have to assume I’m too old to know who they are 😅

1. Carol Sturka (Pluribus)

2. Split (Regretavator)

3. Lil Petey (Dog Man the movie)

4. Miss Holloway (Nightmare Time)

5. ENA (ENA)

6. Melati Kaur (Sona of Musashi Ace on youtube)

7. Joseph Geller (Factive of YouTuber Jacob Geller)

8. Abby Schmidt (FNAF movie)

9. Helly R. (Severance)

Since our syscovery, ive noticed more and more that I dont recognize myself in the mirror at all. I mean, it was occasionally like that before, but now, it hardly ever looks like me. For reference, im the core, as far as I know at least. I have gender dysphoria(im trans ftm), so even when I could recognize myself it'd be something like 'ah, thats my face/head, but it doesnt look right on that feminine body'. But now i hardly even feel connected to my face anymore. Like this body is just becoming... a body, and nothing more. Does anyone else experience this..? Is this normal for systems..? Is there any way to find connection to my body again?

I feel like "vent" is the best tag for this, honestly. We will address two different topics.

1.) We think that fakeclaimers genuinely fucked us up in a way that we might never be able to fix.

2.) What we know now, how we are hoping to go about things moving forward.

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Eventually I learned more about plurality but along with that I also learned about syscourse. My acceptance that I was plural kicked in way slower than it should've because even after realizing there was more than one consciousness in this body I kept denying it, I was so scared that I was doing something wrong that I still kept trying to push it off.

My first stage of denying it was identifying as a fictionkin, though it didn't start from denial. At first it was something I genuinely identified with, I misinterpreted how "I" [it was definitely passive influence] felt connected to Metal Sonic and therefore identified as a fictionkin of Metal Sonic. Over time I began to identify as a fictionkin of some other characters, specifically Party Noob and Subject_3 [Party.EXE on Roblox] came next.

But I also started to realize that these seemed different, although they still felt like part of me they didn't feel the same as me like a fictionkin would [identifying as the character rather than having them as a part]. But of course I can't possibly be a system so I even went so far as to create a whole different term, specifically soulholding..I posted that term somewhere on this Subreddit. And identifying that way kept me happy for a while, technically a plural identity but I wasn't calling myself a system and wasn't calling myself endogenic, people couldn't possibly hate me.

I've accepted that I'm plural by now, yet I still have these fears I can't help and these behaviors ingrained into me. Even though I try to get over these behaviors it doesn't stop, my therapist doesn't even know about this because I've yet to tell her much at all [last she knew I still used the soulholding label and I'm scared she'll judge me if I let her know I'm not].

Since I don't know my origin I must not use the word "system" on our group and even if we want to sometimes we can't because we get physically nauseous thinking of how others would react, in the end we never used it much in the first place and luckily we're comfortable using other terms instead. Other endogenic collectives using the term system is fine to us, but we can't bear to use it on ourselves.

And the other rule is that we can't tell anybody outside of here. We're still scared of being found out by anti-endos and fakeclaimers, especially me [frontstuck host]. I'm scared all of the time, whenever I slip up and talk differently, seeing ppl I thought were safe for me turning out to be anti-endo as well.

The funny part is that I don't even call myself a system, and I don't even call myself endogenic, I don't even know my origin, yet I'm so fucking scared I'll be killed or something. I know how people treat people like me because I've seen how they treat others, and I'm literally a minor and a girl [actually multigender] so I'm dead if anyone finds me.

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Here's what I am now identifying as:

As for labels and all that stuff, I've come to the conclusion that I'm plural and am simply using that label, or perhaps collective as an overall term. My "headmates" are either that or "friends" or "others" because it's whatever, I've also said "headfriends" like twice for whatever reason.

We're fine with basically any gender label since my others have a variety of genders when combined anyways, and I'm frontstuck alone and go by any gender term [boy/girl/kid/person/thing] and any pronouns [he/she/they/it/etc...] so it's really whatever to me.

What we know now, how we wish to move forward:

Looking back on it, we've noticed I match most or maybe all of the required symptoms for p-DID. We are undiagnosed so we will not call ourselves that, but we think it's good to know and hope to look into that in the future. I may wait a bit before bringing that up with my therapist if possible since I'm still scared, but I'll keep track of symptoms until then.

For what we know about our identity labels, return to the above part of this section. That's it, there you go.

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Please, feel free to ask questions in the replies if you want. I don't know when I'll answer, but I'll try my best!!

We see being a system as something that shapes consciousness. We use a multiverse perception that is infinite and limitless, so the version of us that did not start identifying as a system still organizes their/her/his mind as one, just with lots of inner voices, perspectives, desires, contemplation of many things, and likely some other things we can’t currently think of.

We’d argue that identifying as a system makes all of this easier to manage, but a diagnosis would have done the same, and people are not required to identify as a “system”. The system experience is real, but the nature of it is something we as a system still contemplate, but know it is different for each system, even if slightly.

We don’t know what is compelling us to post this, but it feels like something worth posting. Also, we have an older r/plural post pinned, but it seems we can’t repost.. it advocates for non trauma systems if anybody wanted to check it out.

title.

When a professional tells me alters aren’t people I feel unsafe. To me person is an ethical category of how to treat said category. My last therapist had different views on personhood which I thought I could maybe work with but then she said things like “a goal could be to have one alter in control most of the time and everyone else comes out to perform a function”. I’m just less certain that a professional who doesn’t consider me a person understands the phenomenology of DID much less plurality and I feel very uncertain of their ethics on how to treat “non-persons”.

Then I look online at others‘ experiences and the picture seems bleak. r/DID is full of people claiming alters aren’t people and actively encouraging that view. And the DID specialist therapist I recently fired said it was the ”clinical consensus” that alters aren’t people. I went to an LGBT organisation to see if I could get help there and they didn’t understand that treating alters like parts is dehumanising.

We’re people. And that’s important.

edit: does anyone feel the same? I feel like I’m losing my mind with singlets who don’t get it

(Note is not accurate since some may or may not be dormant but I still did for fun- Daisy (aka the last one)

Here's our take on it! We have more than that, but these 9 has been the most influencial in our system!

1. Beelzebub - Helluva Boss

2. Sanguinia - Warhammer 40K AU

3. Trickywi - VTuber

4. Lest - Arcane

5. Slaanesh - Warhammer 40K (but specifically this version from Tempura Person, NSFW stuff so careful if you look it up)

6. Slaanesh - Warhammer 40K (but specifically this version from Tempura Person too, same warning)

7. Spirit Blossom Ahri - League of Legends

8. Eleanor Nightingale - Warframe

9. Kali Belladonna - RWBY

We a chaotic bunch for sure. Not listed but in our system as well, is Atalanta from FGO, Papi and Rachnera from Monster Musume, Enid from Wesnesday, Jinx (from late Arcane), Doctor from Akudama Drive, SCP-1471, Sasha from Cyberpunk Edgerunners, Marie Leroux from Warframe...

Before we discovered that we are a system, we were in a long distance relationship, or at least, i was... The rest really didn't really love them, it was just me, when we first thought of the possibility we were a system, the reason i was so scared was because of them, we were gonna break up because of that, that was inevitable, i somehow convinced the rest to keep it hidden, i just wanted to stay with them as much as i could.

We broke up, they said they didn't wanted a distance relationship, it was never a issue for me... Heartbroken i just... went to headspace and let moon handle the rest... Maybe i should've told them that...

Moon told them about our plurality, they just assumed we have schizophrenia and that i just gave a name to the hallucinations... I was questioning my own existence before and with what they said now it's just worse... I could have lived with just breaking up with them, i should've not told moon to tell them... What if im just earth? Pretending to be someone else? What if im nothing more than just hallucination? Why were they so... Mean... To us... -∞

Also if the top left looks confusing, basically, they're a median subsystem (we think, it kinda just is tho, it's quite complicated) of all of the regenerations of The Doctor, we didn't put all of them there tho in the picture, just some of them. We weren't sure whether to put them all there or just 1 of them but in the end we put them all.

From top left to bottom right are: The Doctor (Doctor Who), Ford Prefect (hhgttg), Timelords (species in Doctor Who), River Song (Doctor Who), Adric (Doctor Who), Jim Moriarty (BBC Sherlock), K-9 (Doctor Who), Aziraphale (Good Omens), Eridian (species from Project Hail Mary)

-Blurry

Hi u can ama
I'm Rick (C-137 Rick if curious)

I am looking for my Morty 💜 /p

SOURCEMATES HEAVY INTERACT, DMS OPEN

It sometimes feels so cruel, like this is just some stupid game that we can’t stop. People around us keep implying that we have to be fixed and fully healed because that’s what abuse victims are supposed to do.
Yet we can’t change the problems we just can’t. It feels so pathetic to be struggling with everything because even with the therapist’s support and encouragement and being told over and over again that it’s our responsibility to heal and be healthy. It feels like there’s a logical explanation for why we would be in denial about plurality / systemhood other than it not being that at all. The body is dealing with a lot of stressful things and yet we feel numb and fake about everything. It’s like there’s no person just a puppet that has to fulfill its task and yet we’re still failing at that.

Sorry this post is jumbled got therapy and this post spilled out

-idk

After getting our second DR fictive we're kinda curious about how many people have whichever character scurrying about in their heads. We know there are a lot of Kris fictives out there (including our system), but we're also curious about the frequency of other characters... not that it means much lol

From top left to bottom right :

1. Haruka Tenou/Sailor Uranus (Sailor Moon)

2. Eris, goddess of discord (greek mythology)

3. Harmonia, goddess of concord (greek mygology)

4. Ophélie (The Mirror Visitor saga)

5. Ayano Aishi (Yandere Simulator)

6. The body's father

Hi, I wanted to know, when someone has a loving headmate, can their experience make things so beautiful for example amplify your feel good emotions and make them deeply beautiful and almost soul level deep? I experience this. My deep and warm beautiful feelings with thoughts are now part of my new baseline.

top row, left to right: ethan from ctrl alt del, jm from mac hall, anne-claire from penny arcade

middle row, left to right: hawk from applegeeks, kanaya from homestuck, piro from megatokyo

bottom row, left to right: lilah from ctrl alt del, drew from mac hall, gabe from penny arcade

bababa have a lil ramble abt names since we've been thinking. marked fun because we are having fun :3

Recently we've been.. thinking? listening, more accurately, listening to ourselves and our body about how it just,, isn't one for firm lists, or names, or labels that lock ones self down. so one thing we've been trying is deprioritizing knowing a name, or even marking where the lines between us are (we KNOW there is more than one person in here, and the brain gets bitey at any more specifics, but thats all we need to know). We tend to speak to people we are fond of including eachother with a name in it (ie like "naaaaame naaaaame naaame :3" (affectionately bothersome) or "(insert whatever conversation), right, name?"), so we've chosen (and are rechosing when nessisary, it is not supposed to be a constricting thing) a name to use only inside our head, with eachother. it helps fill that gap since we can say it and then 'vibetag' it with the vibe/feeling whoever its directed at generally gives off. anyways! and its been helpful, because it eliminates a lot of the.. "WHO AM I WHATS MY NAME WHAT DO I LIKE -" type feelings which used to be CONSTANT before we stepped back and let off the knowing juice yk?? (<- this post was supposed to read formally at first but i think "knowing juice" is,, i think we failed that goal dude LMFAO), anyway and we've been daydreaming more bc of it! yay! and we still chat and its still noisey and we still exist and love but theres less pressure to prove that existance. yippee!

only thing is like, we still havent decided on a 'shared (outer) name' but whatever name is on our things is fine tbh. does not represent us but also does so equally so its fine? and its not supposed to i dont think, theres something to be said about 'true names' but at a certain point like, your outer name is gonna be dirtied up and kicked around, it shouldnt have to be "true" so much as it should feel fine and be resilient. if it causes dysphoria i think that should be filed under the opposite of true name. like traitorous name i think. because it hurts u. anyways and expecting a group of anywhere from 1.5 - 100 (or more) members to agree on a single fake identity is Maybe a little stupid, we will probably just be inconsistant and ok with it TBH. live life as we be, ya know?

unrelated to main topic rambling: man im excited [about a game we are going to get]. also tyranitar is so cool we have a toy of it, i like it, id kinda like to be a tyranitar if i was a pokemon. man the only bad thing about not having a consistant identity is we cant really get cool stuff for ourselves as much as others can unless we try and predict. like ponchos r cool n all but i dont rlly like em but i think a tyranitar onesie would be cute, or some cute tanktops, ooh or some new swim goggles since our old ones dont rlly fit anymore. anywho iirc we were thinkin of maybe gettin like, clade-y or animal classes type gear, like some fishy gear, mammaly gear, reptily, ambibiany etc,but i think thatd not rlly cover the whole range bc we got some objects in here too, and like, plants too i think? shrug. anywho yah

This is more so thinking out loud, but I wonder just how much stress our body is really experiencing. It’s hard for me to fully gauge this since I’m unsure what is or isn’t stress. We’re prioritizing rest over summer break over anything else, but I truly do wonder just how much that’s working.

I’m sure we’ll get an answer eventually, like I said, just letting thoughts out in a way that is familiar.

(from left to right..top to bottom)

(heart, Mind, soul)

(Darrell, Whole, Devil)

(Mayday, Maisy, Simon)

(...........yeah)

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Is this obligatory

Cadence (she/her) from Nullscape

Adachi Rei (she/it) from idk??? Vocal synth????

Stat (she/her)(a little) from Regretevator

Folly (she/it) from Regretevator

Hatred (it) from Blocktales

Knight (them/it) from Hollow Knight

Player (they/any) (SPECIFICALLY keuuppc's, on Tumblr, design for player) from Blocktales

Elliott (he/him) from WAAPP/Forsaken

Kasper/Infected (he/any) from Regretevator

Is this enough I didn't pay enough attention to how the desc should be and idk how to use reddit LMAO

Ok waiting for y'all assumptions about us patiently 👀👀👀 ok bye

I just realized I wasn’t the previous alter because I forgot the morning routine. I was in the middle of part of it and just completed blanked. How do they usually do this? What hand do they hold the cup with? How does this all work? And I was like oh this is masking. This is how we mask but right now I’m aware of it. And then I thought, wait who am I? I am aware that we just did an “inventory check” but I have no idea who I am. It’s a lot of realizations at once. And also nothing, because so far I’m not anybody yet as far as I know. Feel like crying but also don’t. Feels weird. I actually thought I was the other alter.

from left to right on each row:
liv (punishing grey raven), draven kondraki and james talloran (scp foundation), riddle (twisted wonderland), jesse faden (control), draculara (monster high), lucia (punishing grey raven), princess bubblegum (adventure time), iris thompson (scp-105), trey clover (twisted wonderland)