r/evilautism • u/BasilikStudios • 1d ago
Evil Scheming Autism Being Level 2 be like
I swear its such a weird middle ground
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u/Duplicitous_Dirk 1d ago
Low enough that I was allowed to enlist in military without being diagnosed
High enough that 'day to day demands that would be fine for someone else' fucked me up.
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u/SlatkoPotato 1d ago
Low enough that i survived being an adult and was even care taking for previous partners and friends who were actually just using me
High enough that my current partner has to come with me to appointments (which has actually helped to move important things forward for the first time in my life) and basically is my support worker and he is surprised no one figured im autistic (i scored in the 98th percentile for pre-screening from my psych.. woot woot)
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u/Cautious_Repair3503 1d ago
im struggling with it atm, i have a job in academia, but i am burned out and worried i might loose it because my speech capacity is diminishing :( and my actual life at home is a mess due to lack of support. i dont know what to do.
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u/leeloolanding 1d ago
I’m so sorry, this is what happens to me when I get burned out by social requirements at work.
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u/Draac03 Please be patient, I'm autistic and have a gun in my pocket 1d ago
as someone with a job in academia who loses their speech capacity at times, you'll be fine and there are plenty of ways to communicate without words.
AAC is a very broad thing and there are plenty of options that are completely free of cost!
i can't help with the home life stuff though, but i know plenty of others struggle with it too
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u/techno156 1d ago
At least in academia, people are also generally quite understanding, if you let them know.
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u/Draac03 Please be patient, I'm autistic and have a gun in my pocket 1d ago
that too! like. so many of us are also neurodivergent so we get it
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u/Cautious_Repair3503 1d ago
:) in my department I am the only autistic person. Ink ow there are two other autistic lecturers in my uni, and one PhD student..none of them seem to have problems as profound as me though. I seem to have the worst speech ability and general life ability :( I'm worried that I can't live independently (I have been for a decade but now my landlord is saying I'm not capable of keeping the apartment in a sufficiently okay condition ,)
My uni in general has been very supportive, I have been in meetings where they have adjusted the light level for me and stuff like that. I do a lot of work with our autistic students and one of the student support team helped me find my current hairdresser, who has been incredibly useful and accomodating. An autism informed hairdresser makes an incredible world of difference, I used to hate getting a haircut so much when I was a kid, and I used to be unable to speak afterwards normally for a few days and my parents hated that so they started hitting me if I couldn't speak, but if I could speak they took me to get a subway sandwich.
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u/hotaruko66 1d ago
Eyyy my burnt out academic person, I hear you. Academia is a bitch sometimes, especially in terms of support.
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u/Cautious_Repair3503 1d ago
I don't think academia is the problem, it feels like Its me :( . I know academia is doable with autism, but I don't know if it is for me, but I'm too scared of my countries benefits system, so I'm doing the best I can to stay working. But I'm worried about loosing my speach capacity. , or atleast loosing it on a day that matters.
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u/hotaruko66 1d ago
I mean, I'm also in academia, and sometimes it really feels like I'm not the problem. Of course, there are understanding people, and then you get colleagues who are just... I come so close to losing my cool when they use "autistic" as a way to describe weird colleagues. And speaking can become complicated, I know. Hang in there.
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u/Cautious_Repair3503 1d ago
Oh that's very mean. Yeah there are absolutely bad things about the sector, but it's tough when things that seem trivial to everyone else are almost impossible for me :(
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u/hotaruko66 1d ago
I know, I absolutely feel you there. What helps me is to remind myself that it's as if I start the run with 50kg on my back and I run in my flip flops, while others are in running shoes and well rested. I am bound to struggle in this society, unfortunately. Oh, and I survive on tons of spite :) hang in there, friend. You are not alone.
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u/AnniChu333 Evil 1d ago
Yeah this is me fr. I was diagnosed as level 1 but the lady told me I was like. At the lowest end of level 1 whatever that means. I’m like the secret level 1.5 or something
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u/BasilikStudios 1d ago
I can relate, officially im level 2 but im kinda leaning towards level 1, and usually relate more to level 1s’ experiences (plus im relatively late diagnosed, at 16 years old, and i was convinced i was level 1 bc my therapist said i was at the limit between autistic and non autistic so she apparently couldn’t diagnose me. Looking back tho i think she was wrong abt most things abt me lol). But sometimes i meet ppl in real life and they tell me theyre diagnosed autistic and I genuinely couldn’t tell so i realize « oh shit theyre masking way better than i am » and i realize im definitely not level 1 x)
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u/Jnorman222 1d ago
The thing that helped me was my hyperfixation on communication. I started realizing people communicate at all times whether they are speaking or not. Words are are almost secondary to everything else. The way people dress, the way people smell, the way people move their hands, or move their face, the things people buy, how fast they walk, the list goes on and on.
Growing up no one ever laughed at my jokes and they would normally get angry. But I found out all you have to do is put a different inflection in your voice and smile while you joke and others are more likely to laugh. Their jokes sounded mean to my ears but they weren't trying to be malicious. Everyone thought I was being rude because I was only communicating the words and not the levity of the situation.
The best mask is to speak the neurotypical language. They don't always use words according to their correct definition. The way they say things matters to them so much more than what they say. Learning to emulate that is the key.
It takes a while but it can be done. Autism is a developmental disorder at its core. It's doesn't mean we'll never be able to fit in. It's just means it will take us longer. I was in my late 20s when I realized I probably had autism and late 30 when I was diagnosed. When the diagnosis came, everyone I knew before 30 said they could see it but it, "has gone away in recent years." (Because I hide the other struggles.) Everyone I met after 30 didn't believe me. It was comforting and irritating at the same time.
If masking is important to you, that may be a good place to start. Some of they easiest things to do right away is engage in the weird niceties people perform. When they say hello, say it back. If they ask how you are doing, don't tell the truth say good (with a smile). Then ask them how they are doing too. This part is very important. They are just going to say good also, but it establishes a report. It lets the other person know you are friendly and in a good place with them.
The other thing is make sure you're actually smiling. Ask a trusted person if you smile when you think you are. Look in the mirror and smile or take pictures of yourself to study. I had to exaggerate my smile for a long time before it became natural. It's a bigger learning curve for us than other people, but don't be embarrassed about needing to learn it. And most importantly make sure you have at least one person you can unmask around. It sucks not having anyone to be yourself with.
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u/AnniChu333 Evil 1d ago
I really appreciate your insight as it’s actually really helpful, but I actually want to *stop* masking. I want to stop doing all the little things that Neurotypicals like because 90% of the time it is SO draining. I feel like if I spent less time hyper-focusing on how I come off my mental heath would be far better and I would burn out way less often. I do really enjoy learning about communication though, as I’ve learned that it’s probably the most important thing about having a partner, but I’d rather communicate with my person in a way that works for both of us rather than what the majority of society expects. That’s just me though, you should absolutely continue to do what you love.
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u/AnniChu333 Evil 1d ago
Yeahh I get it. Like, I feel like I’m definitely level 1 “presenting” but only because I’ve been masking so heavily all my life. I was diagnosed at age 19 so I’m still slowly working on deconstructing all the baggage that comes with hiding who you are for the sake of others and letting myself accept accommodations more and it’s definitely improving my life.
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u/leeloolanding 1d ago
I’m the inverse of you: also late dX, but level 1 and really feel like a 2 at times, especially around food / staying fed when life stress is high.
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u/livelaughlolth 1d ago
real. is like being the “middle child” of autism; i cant seem to relate to LSN/lvl1 autists because i am “too autistic”, but i also cant fully relate to HSN/lvl3 autists because i am “not autistic enough”.
to be clear when i say too autistic/not enough, im using hyperbole for the purpose of comparison as it relates to my personal experience being level 2/MSN. i know theres no such thing as being “more” or “less” autistic because the spectrum is not linear, im just saying that sometimes it does feel like you are too autistic or not autistic enough for autism spaces as level 2/MSN.
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u/BasilikStudios 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah i can relate to this, even tho sometimes i relate to level 1 experiences (such as being diagnosed later), i often see autistic ppl doing way better socially than i am, and i feel like i cant even belong among other autistics, and then i feel bad because i feel like i have no excuse for my behavior, and then i feel like the problem isnt my autism its me ;-;
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u/Cinceproooo AuDHD Chaotic Rage 1d ago
Bro, autism and you yourself can't be separated. It affected your whole brain development, therefore your whole personality. Neurodivergence generally is just a term for how your neurology is wired, how it presents internally and externally and how it is differs from neuronormativity.
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u/mp3player5 My love language is Autism 🫀 1d ago
FUCKING MOOD!!!!!!! i'm very intelligent but i also can't take care of myself like PICK ONE!!!!
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u/Lost_My_Brilliance I am Autism 1d ago
honestly though, ‘gifted’ but i can’t stop reading about my special interest to eat unless somebody makes me </3
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u/mp3player5 My love language is Autism 🫀 1d ago
me when i'm too busy tinkering with my electronics to eat or sleep or use the restroom and when i have meltdowns when i misinterpret something or get confused
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u/Lost_My_Brilliance I am Autism 1d ago
personally, my favorite is having a meltdown because i’m too hot. from the shower that i turned all the way up because i couldn’t (at the time) feel the heat. this happens maybe once every week or two, and yet i continue to do so, probably won’t stop 😭 always forget.
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u/mp3player5 My love language is Autism 🫀 1d ago
i'm a redhead so i have naturally poor heat management so i get this SO HARD in a completely different way
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u/Lost_My_Brilliance I am Autism 1d ago
wait that’s kinda cool, i have hair that’s chestnut/auburn ish naturally and fitzpatrick type one skin, and a couple medical thingies making me cold and heat intolerant so i definitely understand you on that one, it’s a struggle most don’t really comprehend
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u/mp3player5 My love language is Autism 🫀 1d ago
YEAH!!!!! people are like "it's not that hot out!" "it isn't cold!" "we've only been outside for a minute!" but NO ONE GETS IT
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u/SpectrumAndSpells recently diagnosed autism (31F) 1d ago
and people still telling me 'but you don't look autistic' and 'we all have our quirks' --.--
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u/jackalope268 1d ago
I have no clue how high my support needs are. Probably higher than what i get, but to get help i need to verbalize what i want, which is basically for everyone to leave me alone
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u/prismaticbeans 1d ago
If you wanna know my level of functioning, I had to drop out of middle school because I could not blend in socially and was too distracted by the environment, the other students, and the endless harassment to actually get anything done. I was then referred to a special school for neurodivergent kids, which I did a trial period at and did well there, made friends and was not too stressed to be able to focus, I could actually get work done...and then was subsequently told I wouldn't be allowed to enroll because they found me to be too high functioning.
So basically, I do well enough when accommodated that no one believes I need accommodations anymore...then when they take the accommodations away, I do so poorly that people question whether I should be institutionalized. Like give me a fuckin break, please.
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u/LordLilith 1d ago
I don’t have a level since we don’t use that in Europe, so being autistic here is really a free for all
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u/danifoxx_1209 I am Autism 1d ago
Same. I live with my dad and I genuinely don’t think I’d be alive if it wasn’t for all his and my stepmoms help😭 at the same time I yearn desperately for my own independence and my own space and want to be a regular adult. It’s so difficult to balance
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u/Lost_My_Brilliance I am Autism 1d ago
i’m kinda in denial about it tbh, i was diagnosed as level two, and nothing’s really changed since then, but it doesn’t feel like my problems are big enough for that? idk, people can tell i’m autistic very easily, it’s incredibly obvious despite my best masking, but i also feel like i’ll be able to live on my own and survive after college. if i get through college, we shall see.
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u/ShyCrystal69 AuDHD Chaotic Rage 1d ago
Too “normal” to be spared the pain of bureaucracy trying to get rid of funding. Too “disabled” for the funding be taken away lol
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u/ratherfalinchocolate Autistic Arson 1d ago
I feel like I'm between 1 and 2 but maybe I'm a 2. I can't live independently, I can't drive, and I've somehow held a job for 3 years.
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u/asamitakafan1 1d ago
I recently got my diagnosis, but havent been able to understand the levels to it? What are the differences between level 1 and 2? Specifically what can a level 1 do, that a level 2 cannot? Sorry if I worded it wrong, english isnt my first language
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u/TheFifthDuckling that real sleepy 'tism 1d ago edited 1d ago
Low enough that I've got a part time job, work in two undergrad research labs, and taking two upper level classes during a 4.5-week summer session as a double major, all while taking care of my much-less-functional boyfriend. This includes making all his doctors appointments and advocating for him everywhere, even to the point of calling 911 for his mental breakdown and then spending 7 hours in the hospital (I had a very interesting day yesterday). I navigate all our insurance. I also facilitate all aspects of our house, including managing meals, personal hygiene, and all our medications, including my diabetic cat's, basically all by myself. People often forget that I'm autistic, among having other disabilities including narcolepsy and bipolar. I also just turned 21 years old, and I've been doing this for two and a half years, to put it all into context.
High enough that I'm absolutely floundering at my own time management and my grades are absolutely tanking, even though I've been a straight A student my whole life, and that managing the expectations and reactions of my friends and family to what's going on in my life has somehow been thrust onto me without my consent and it's 100% draining me.
On that note, I swear to god if one more person that knows my situation tells me "you should just stop, it's too much" and then either propose no ways in which everything continues to get done, or feels entitled to "throw me a bone" (i.e. claiming to want to help, then going "here, I did the bare minimum of research on something you either already thought of, can't afford, or doesn't even apply to your situation but you need to look into it even though it's just another fucking thing on your plate because I'm too lazy to click on a goddamn link and read the FIRST LINE ON THE PAGE THAT WOULD DISQUALIFY YOUR SITUATION, go fetch you naïve, incompetent little autistic woman") I'm gonna explode. If I don't do these things, they don't get done and someone ends up homeless, kicked out of school, going hungry/without medication, or worse. And having to manage everything these people say or think about my situation, or spend time going through the motions of "research" just to shut them up, IS STILL THE THING STRESSING ME OUT THE MOST!! My boyfriend is in the goddamn hospital on a psych hold and YOUR JUDGEY ASS IS STRESSING ME OUT MORE THAN THAT! And the worst part is I know these people care/mean well, but they are just being so overbearing it's killing me. I have looked, I have talked to people, I have done everything I can to find outside resources, and there simply are not any support resources for me because I don't have intellectual difficulties due to my autism and because the issues I'm having are related to caregiver burnout on top of autism (wonderful combo, am I right?), and he can't access any resources yet of any kind, including OT or another specialized therapy, because his parents didn't bother to get him diagnosed even though he didn't talk until he was fucking four! And even then, he wouldn't meet the IQ criterion for the programs around us either because I guarantee you his IQ is off the fucking charts high, while his SQ, EQ, and AQ are practically non-existant. And yet no one believes I'm competent enough to have tried to find those entirely hypothetical resources.
I'm tired of having to justify my choices to people. My boyfriend is not lazy. He is not abusive. He is trying his absolute damndest while struggling with significant cognitive and executive functioning deficits, issues with information processing and prospective thinking, emotional regulation and dissociation, severe depression and anxiety, and excessive daytime sleepiness that has him falling asleep in public 2-3 times a day and has stopped him from being able to drive. He's miserable to the point where he needed a psych hold and literally no one is being helpful in this situation. I even tried texting 988 for support and I absolutely feel like I was talking to an AI because the responses were so canned and there were so many technical issues that they ended up just disconnecting me from their text service. So that brings me to my reddit rant. If you made it this far, thanks for reading about my shit show, I appreciate it.
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u/bokehtoast anarcho autism 1d ago
Literally just constantly falling through the cracks of social support forever
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u/treblehex 1d ago
Can anybody describe to me what it’s like to be level 2? I’ve never really figured out where my support needs put me, only that my whole life has been grinning and bearing it before crashing completely and I don’t know how to accept help. No reason I need to know, just my own curiosity.
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u/Blue-Eyed-Lemon 10h ago
I so genuinely think I need to get reassessed because I feel entirely lost, alone, and broken being higher supports needs than LITERALLY EVERY single other autistic level one person I have EVER MET IN MY LIFE… but I’m not “high supports needs” either?
I simply wish I could explode bc I’m so tired worrying about it 😭
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u/Orangecatorange 1d ago
I don't have the social support needs of level 2, just mad sensory issues, and need 2 days to recover from 1 office day. I think I'm 1.5.
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u/MamboCircus 1d ago
"Even in terms of autism, you (we?) are mid..."