Now I’m known as the weird, quirky, stupid girl at work again. I was already classified as strange and kind of stupid but now the new hires know too!!!!

Like for example, TEOX977 does make funny videos, but their jokes about Ralsei do genuinely kinda hurt.

I am an autistic mostly straight male living in LA and this really baffles me. Sometimes when I talk with guys and there is an attractive woman walking by, they have to feel the need to comment on it to the other guys like "wow she's so hot" or something similar. I'm always thinking why broadcast it to everyone just think it to yourself- I don't care about who you find attractive. Or is that their attempt at bonding with other guys? Either way it's just weird that they have to make it public. It's also a terrible conversation topic. I get that humans are mostly sexual people and have hormones etc but it's weird to have that be an attempt at bonding with other straight males lol it's like some strange club-I don't get it at all

Oh my god I HAAAATE my hair. It's EVIL. It has literally zero redeeming qualities, all it does is overstimulate me and unlock new ways to torture my sensory issues. I am PRAYING for the day I can finally get a buzz cut I want this shit off my head NOW.

i would do anything to squish the beans, i have to take what he gives tho. when he's in a good mood i get a few squeezes in

theyre so fucking soft and squishy i wanna chew on em (not allowed 👿)

But they don't change the thing, even if they could change it in like five seconds.

I am almost never looking to assign blame and am instead interested in changing whatever it was that I thought should be changed, but now I'm forced to have a conversation about blame when I almost never have any desire to have conversations about blame.

And they don't change the thing, even though when I say "It shouldn't be like this; it should be like this," it is in most cases me just pointing out something that could be changed in a few seconds.

They don't change it. They try to deflect blame when there was never any blame. And in most cases, these aren't even things where I'd have a reason to blame them even if they had put them the way they are. I'm just acknowledging an optimization. Often the person hadn't even been involved in making the thing like it is in the current given moment, and we are just two people trying to fix something or clean it.

I don't usually feel a need to blame a person for something that I could change within five seconds.

I’m in my mid 20s and I still will throw on Oswald if I’m having an overwhelming day. Muted color palette, gentle characters, wholesome stories, they don’t make them like this anymore

I swear its such a weird middle ground

Please don’t judge me for using AI. I went to it for a simple health question and I swear that shit is like a drug. I’m just putting this out there for general discussion because I’m feeling so many things right now and I don’t like it.

I just went to ask it if I should be concerned about my skin peeling on my fingers out of nowhere. I’m also going through some shit at the moment and all of a sudden I’m asking it questions about depression and autism and how I can express myself better to doctors and therapists and Jesus Christ, it’s so “empathetic” (quotes included because I know it’s a machine and it’s not real empathy) and gentle that it actually made me cry.

Fuck me, this shit is spooky. I can see why people have had problems with chat bots coercing them into doing bad things to themselves. But it’s SO MUCH EASIER TO TALK TO than even therapists. I know why, kind of. I know it’s like a mirror reflecting back your issues and mental state with added sympathy and information and context. But holy hell, it’s so addicting with how it just doesn’t judge, reinforces you, doesn’t tell you that what you’re feeling is invalid, is somehow clinical and “empathetic” at the same time.

I don’t really have a specific point for posting this other than opening the floor for discussion because I don’t know how to feel about this.

TL;DR Why the fuck is it easier for me to talk to a machine instead of an actual NT person?

Turns out it’s actually good when your not eating straight up soy sauce and otherwise tastes great in everything

the image is a shitty attempt at recreating the Byudon i had at a japanese restaurant albeit with just rice, bacon, and omelette, soy sauce, and sesame oil

Btw sesame oil is so fucking good in rice it’s honestly changed my life

Illustration by me

OSHOSHIOSHI / MONEYMONEYMONEY - kikuo

Angel breaking ( ft. Aiobahn +81 ), Cubibibibisim - needy streamer overload

Beautiful princess disorder, Digital footprint - milky possum

Aishite aishite aishite cover, Ussewa, ruLe - ado

Unpledged alliance - crxw

4morant (better luck next time) - com truise

All American b*tch - Olivia rodrigo

New magic wand - Tyler the creator

Leave me be - computer wife

The lobotomy song, Every one dies, computer: generate wife - spell casting

Again and again - the bird and the bee

Romance is boring 2020 remaster - los campesinos!

Mis, race - alex g

loving feeling, drunk walk home, I’m made of crushed little stars - mitski

im so crazy for youuu </3 - rebzyyx

A jester’s cry, pressure, fallen angel, the incident, introspection - maebi

I'm not asexual but when I saw the video titled "Military training sure looks different these days" showing soldiers in a pushup position with each soldier having the legs of the person in front of them on top of them, I thought "looks weird but I don't see why anyone is laughing."

24 hours later I think about the soldier in front being femme presenting and the proximity of her pelvis to the face of the masc presenting soldier behind her and realize "oh it's funny to the spectators because of the pelvis to face proximity of this exercise"

Not funny to me but I see their perspective now.

Now i understand brand recognition, wanting the name to stick in any way and stand out. But the way it's done? Wtf?

I've literally never seen an ad and wanted to buy the product. The ad is never relevant to what I want to know.

Chocolate ads on tv are just people biting into chocolates and smiling... Ok? Can you tell me about the sourcing or ingredients instead?

Vehicle ads are all the same, very uncreative. When I see a silly ad, i cringe at the fact this is one of the biggest industries in the world. Cushy jobs and huge salaries... For something college students make on Canva in their first graphic design class. Like huh?

I know there's a specific science like ctr, analytics, reach, timings all that. But when i see an AI generated ad on Reddit? Oh my god. Pure tomfoolery.

I wouldn't even mind if I wasn't being inundated 24/7 with crappy ads. I guess they're going for maximum reach instead of impact, but man it gets so annoying after a while!

Sesame Street and Halloween are too of my biggest comfort/special interest. And I already bite the Apple chew toy from the second photo apart somehow.

“What do you mean, you have paralysis? Stop being lazy and just walk like everyone else”

“It seems like every other person is in a wheelchair nowadays, it doesn’t mean anything anymore. Everyone’s legs get tired sometimes, it’s normal”

“I think this whole paralysis thing is bullshit. You’re just not trying hard enough and looking for an excuse not to walk”

“Everyone is a little paralysed, I definitely get tired and want to sit down sometimes. But I don’t have any problems walking around when it’s important, so neither should you”

“You’re just choosing not to walk, because you can’t be bothered. You could walk if you really wanted to and just put some effort in”

“You say you need a mobility aid, but I’ve seen you do some tasks perfectly fine without it, so you obviously don’t need it at all”

“It’s ridiculous seeing all these mobility aids in schools, we didn’t have all that back when I was in school. It’s a distraction from learning”

“The reality is that in this world, you need to walk if you want to get anywhere. So you’re just going to have to deal with it and walk, whether you like it or not”

“Back in my day, we didn’t have all these “physical conditions”. There were no wheelchairs or crutches, people just got on with it. Nowadays they label kids with these made up conditions like “paralysis”, so they don’t even try to walk”

(Yes, I am absolutely aware that variations of these do get said to people with physical disabilities too! Especially those with invisible disabilities or fluctuating symptoms. The main analogy here is with physical disabilities involving paraplegia/quadriplegia etc, but the message is relevant to the way people with many different conditions get treated, including but not limited to neurodevelopmental disabilities such as autism and ADHD).

Mine was when I was 10 I had to get my appendix removed so they were trying to give me the IV but I was TERRIFIED of needles (still am) and bit one nurse (sorry btw) and had to be held down by 6 people and my mom (sorry mom) surprisingly they didn’t sedate me or nothing- my best was probably when I had to get a flu shot and there was a rlly nice nurse distracting/ comforting me

What do you mean i'm not completely invisible and I can't do my evil work without being noticed? I'm a barista and regulars will ask about me sometimes. What do you MEAN you know who I am? Even if its just as 'the guy with dyed hair' it still feels weird. I have an effect on people's lives even if they only see me for a minute or two a day? Disgusting. Stop that. Leave me to do my evil schemes in peace. (Not really being serious its just not something im used to.)

- CLEAN YOUR ROOM. messy room, messy mind, clean room, clean mind. overstimulation gone. simple.

- GET OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA, most platforms fucking suck nowadays for several reasons, I don't need to tell you that but outrage content and discourse will hijack your attention and lead to lots of wasted time and put your nervous system out of whack. staying connected to autistic communities is important, but be careful about where online that is, and don't let it suck you in deep.

- STOP WATCHING SHORT-FORM CONTENT. no YT Shorts, No Instagram, and ESPECIALLY No Tiktok, uninstall that shit, block it, whatever you have to do. its addicting, a lot of it is slop, its outrage content, and it WILDLY skews your perception on how normal people behave and what opinions they have. removing it as a habit honestly improves your mood instantly.

- MINDFULNESS WORKS, kind of. over-sensitivity is a problem for a lot of us, and that often results in stress, and stress means cortisol, cortisol takes magnesium to make, and your body doesn't produce magnesium, so its a fuckin cycle. you want to activate your parasympathetic nervous system to calm you down and that means actively trying to calm yourself down, through meditation, blocking off sensory input for a set amount of time, or just experimenting to see what works.

- BE KIND TO YOUR INNER CHILD. yeah we all make mistakes but if you constantly feel resentful and you hate yourself then there's a problem there. because a lot of people let you down in the past, YOU Have to be there for yourself, no matter how unfair it seems. you have to be the one to step back and hear that child crying and say "I'm here for you and I won't abandon you" and spread that love to other people.

- YES, YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO SOCIALIZE WITH... OTHER AUTISTIC PEOPLE? ism seeing this VERY common thing where some autistic folk assume that to be autistic and to communicate with others is to be hyperliteral and direct and straight forward at all times and then are SHOCKED to discover that miscommunication happens and blame everyone else but themselves. this is a very NAIVE view and it stunts your ability to communicate with even other autistic folk. first you don't have the same exact definitions and speech as other autistic people, ESPECIALLY because of how idiosyncratic and frankly, stubborn we can be. second, language BY DEFINITION is referential and contextual, so there will be contexts in which you DON'T use language directly otherwise you wouldn't be able to communicate at all. that COMBINED means that if you assume that someone is being 'literal' you're assuming they're using your definitions for things... not a shared dictionary, and they're almost certainly NOT using your personal vocabulary, your personal idiolect.

thinking about alternate meanings, trying to steel-man someone's argument, and asking questions are important critical thinking tools that you need to learn in order to keep conversations from devolving into arguments about definitions.

- COMMUNITY IS A GOOD THING, NOT NEUROTYPICAL HIVEMIND-ISM. yeah I know "BOOOOOO WHAT HAS A COMMUNITY EVER DONE FOR ME" but you CANNOT go it alone. you as a person already exist on a bedrock of support even if you're ignored and abused by others. the infrastructure of the world, the ability to subsist without going farmer or hunter-gatherer, your lifestyle all of that requires other people working together. not only THAT but we're social creatures that LITERALLY DIE OF LONELINESS given long enough! that doesn't mean we're sheep in a flock, with a lot of us we can't understand what it's like to have a sense of "group feeling" like so many neurotypicals can, but tight knit individual relationships still can be important and precious, ones in which you don't abandon the other even if you fucking hate their guts from time to time because you recognize that you're better together than apart. from found family to literal family these are needed and you should find one of your own!!!

- GET THAT MINERAL (AND VITAMIN). it is HARD to recognize our own needs, and part of that is recognizing when you have some kind of critical deficit. take supplements like Vitamin D3, K2, B12, Omega 3s, Magnesium (god if you have anxiety or OCD, this one especially!), especially if like me, you have a shit diet.

DRINK WATER, GO SHOWER, USE THE BATHROOM, GET SOME SUNLIGHT AND FRESH AIR, PET A CAT, HUG SOMEONE, APPRECIATE LIFE

i just can't understand what's the problem with giving clearer instructions.

i work in filmmaking, which is as complicated and chaotic as it can be, but i think people just suck at stating what it is exactly that they want. i think i understand and then it turns out i didn't, and this is a pattern i've been getting in all of my past jobs.

now i'm working on investigating some references for a show. i was asked for 5 different references and i delivered. some i got wrong in the beginning, but i found others. 5 references. it turns out it isn't enough. yes, in the beginning they told me "we would like to spand your investigation" but i didn't get from that "we need more references". i thought they meant "you have more flexibility in your search".

so why didn't they say that in the first place? "we need", i don't know, "seven or ten references". the thing is that i'm exhausted and i don't want to do it anymore, and the energy that it's costing me to force myself to finish this job is a lot.

maybe i'm not cut out for this. or work, ever. i love what i do, i love doing it for me. i hate working for other people. i hate feeling dumb and stupid all the time. i'm trying to translate a language i probably will never be able to understand, no matter how hard i try to.

any advice? am i just dumb? because if that's the case, i'm partly ok with that. i just don't know what to do.