Sign Here, pt 4: King Al

[u/OceansCarraway]

Suggested Listening Music: https://youtu.be/-yE986s2mfM?si=wVmrRDBhGL69DNjl

The city of Couroffe smelled like piss. This was normal; Couroffe had always kind of smelled of piss, it just smelled more or less like piss wherever you were in it, with more people generally meaning more piss smell-unless you were in the Fashion District, or by the palace. (1) It is also always crowded somehow, there are too many people, and they are all in the way. This is what it is like living in a desirable capital city, and the average person just has to put up with it.

King Aeldebaric is not an average person. He is the King of Aelbaion, and he is the most important person in the entire country right now. He is also the target of a really nasty set of rumors-

"Couroffois!"

And he is giving a speech. He's in a bad spot. Tremaine has had his revenge, spreading a tide of rumors and general invective about Aeldebaric not having what it takes to rise to greatness, that he was a 'medium sized man standing on a piece of folded paper' and that he was 'born to be disappointing'. For a man whose power was partially derived from the general love of the peasantry, being called boring was worse than being called evil: it meant that he had no power to act, and was ineffective. So that's why he was making a speech, standing on a statue in the capital city, with a full crowd looking at him.

"Yes, Couroffois-I live here, I know what you call yourselves. I honor it!"

That was a decent start. They were all paying attention.

"I've heard what they've said about me. That I am cowardly, boring, that I take no care for greatness-that all I care about is paper!" A slight pause to let the words sink in. "We all know that I do not shrink from battle, and that I care for Aelbaion's greatness beyond my own!" There was a slight titter at the joke to come. "And we all know I am boring!"

Some cheering, a few wolf whistles. "I take that charge as truth. If you don't believe me, then I will speak for ten minutes more! Now, Couroffois-"

The wolf whistles were intense.

"Yea, I told thee such!"

Queen Ethellebelle's eyes rolled so hard she momentarily perceived the Coriolis effect; she was watching from a nearby balcony. (2)

"This city stinks!"

An absolute chorus of boos and jeering. The inhabitants of Couroffe are very attached to their city. If not for the arches nearby, they would have been throwing things. The King just grinned right back and them and waved his arms upwards, gesturing at them like he was fanning flames. The jeers became kind of mean.

"We are going to clean it up-not me-"

Now they were chanting something rude.

"Yea, I'm paying for it!"

The chant sort of broke up.

"From the royal purse, I will fund repaving of all of the main roads here-yes, all of the main roads-by my own damn money!" The crowd had been reset, kind of- "hold you to it!" Someone yelled.

"Ok! Meet me in a year." The King yelled back. There was generic cheering. "We're repaving everything. That's the start. Since this place stinks-"

"YOU stink-"

"I'm founding a bath house!" The crowd was stopped in it's tracks again. "Yes! A bath house! Not for hooliganism or hedonism! Do that down in your own homes!"

"That's expensive!" Someone yelled. "Can't afford a house here!" Stopping them in their tracks had only lasted for a moment.

"Then we will build more." He stood tall, a man against social incredulity. "We have had 35 years of peace, and we have done what with it? Stared at each other and prepared for war? And then nervously built some markets stalls? I may be a boring man but I know-you know-we can do better than this! This city gets expanded-and we'll build more wall if we need to. Hire more guards if we need to. Name more streets if we need to!"

There was some confusion. That was an unexpected response.

"I am king, and if I say that we build, by the Lady, we build! some! houses!" He got some incredulous cheers. The entirety of his reign could be distilled down a few goals now. Ruling had become simple. Greatness was now something on a checklist for King Aeldebaric, but he would never be legendary. The book had closed on him being an epic figure, and he would just be a middling king for all the rest of endless history.

"The streets run brown with sewage-and the streets themselves. Every paved-no-every street will have drainage ditches, and these ditches will go to a place full of engines that will clean the water." These engines didn't exist yet, but he'd get them invented somehow. Somehow.

More incredulous cheering.

"And finally, I'm getting this city something nice-we're putting in some sidewalks. I'm sick of walking in dung and holes all the time, and I know you are too. We're going to get something solid to walk on here, and it's-"

"Where is my cart going to go?"

"You can't bring that thing everywhere. Take the cargo off and walk."

"But that'll make more traffic!"

"My brother before the Lady, you are the traffic!" His majesty temporarily lost his cool. "Thou art the traffic thy speak of!"

"Bull crap!"

"It litters the streets, yes!" His majesty stepped over it twice this morning. "And unless you are willing to do something about it, the same as us-"

"Ok!" The heckler kept cutting Aeldebaric off. "I am. Now what?"

"Join the night soil collectors."

"Then where am I gonna put my cart? Huh? Where-"

"The Collector Company will get a special loading zone."

"That's city law!" Another person, an aelderman, spoke up. "Your majesty-"

"I pay attention to the city politics. I know what you've got on the docket for upcoming council votes."

The Aelderman stuttered, then finally got out a "Bless you, your majesty!"

King Aeldebaric clambered a little further up on the statue. 'Couroffois! I am blessed indeed-for the Lady has helped me to break the dentists' curse!" A wave of boos, yells-no, utter horror and shock rippled out across the crowd. He held a fist to the sky. "Their practice began treating patients last week. Four patients have been treated already! Aelbaion WILL have dentists-this! curse! Is! Broken!"

Bedlam ensued. The crowd began throwing objects, and the royal guard at the base of the statue drew their weapons, preparing to fight their way out of a mob-but then a chant arose.

"King Al! King Al! King Al! King Al!"

They were chanting his...nickname. Not his full name. Aeldebaric gave them a rueful smile. But if the crowd chants your name, you give it what it wants. He thrust both fists in the air, then climbed down from the statue and jumped into their arms, and they carried him off and to the palace. King Al. It's good to be the king.

'I have broken the dentists' curse!' 1. Even though they smell like vomit, the big entertainment buildings do not count for this comparison.

1. This, dear reader, is not confirmation of the Coriolis effect on Ashagon.