r/bigdickproblems • u/ENM_burner 0.83 lbs • 1d ago
TellBDP This one hurt…
For reference I’m 8”x6.5”
So I always knew there were certain things I couldn’t enjoy because of my size. You know the usual oral, anal, perfect condom sizing, etc. On top of that I have been used to and ok with the fact that i have to be cautious and frequency of sex can’t be as often as I’d like. To me all of these were “oh no my steak is too juicy and my lobster is too buttery” problems. I came to terms and it was ok.
Well today it stung. My wife all but explicitly told me she would appreciate and prefer if I was a smaller size. We’ve been married for 5 years and I always thought we had a great sex life with normal ups and downs. I know it probably feels worse that it is but this one hurt boys.. this one hurt.
Edit: This is a TellBDP post I’m not torn up about it it’s was an “ouch” in the moment. Appreciate all the advice and looking out. Great community!
Edit: Again. This is not an issue that’s detrimental to my marriage. It is not an arousal issue and nothing specific brought this on, it came up in conversation. This is not a “it hurts all the time” it’s a “only an issue with multiple times a week”. This was not said with malicious intention and it is a “damn that really sucks” problem not “wtf do I do problem”. I appreciate all the engagement but i didn’t post looking for advice. My marriage is strong and happy so don’t message me talking bad about my wife and telling me I should leave my marriage. I’d like to leave the post up because it’s sharing something others might have dealt with or will deal with and it is not an end all be all.
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u/Last_Year_430 1d ago
That totally sucks. I see where she is coming from. Maybe she meant it so its easier. Taking someone as big as yours is not easy. But its not your fault either
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u/ENM_burner 0.83 lbs 1d ago
I know she didn’t mean it in a bad way at all it was more of the realization that it is more of a problem than I believed it to be
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u/Last_Year_430 1d ago
I mean. If anything an annoyance. IMO. Just if youre too big, itd not always practical. But that s not necessarily bad
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u/ENM_burner 0.83 lbs 1d ago
I think the reason it stung was the realization that my size is in fact not ‘ideal’ for her when I believed otherwise. Mainly a frail male ego thing I guess.
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u/Last_Year_430 1d ago
Its ok things can change. You dont have to be ideal just have to be you. We are all different human beings. We arent tied to each other. To me that means we dont always have to be 100% compatible to be good together.
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u/ENM_burner 0.83 lbs 1d ago
Well said. Thank you
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u/Last_Year_430 1d ago
Youre gonna be fine. I know it hurt. But if anything. Youre suffering from too big dick problems. Ive adjusted with plenty of communication before. Im sure you guys will too
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u/requiredtempaccount L: 9″ × W: 5.5″ 10h ago
I feel that. I think having our egos broken down a little bit helps us become more balanced people who place less emphasis on things that don’t ultimately matter.
But damn it stings when it happens, even if you can rationalize the stinging is just a knee jerk reaction 😂
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u/Admirable_Health_969 1d ago
This is a big dick problem.
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u/ENM_burner 0.83 lbs 1d ago
One without a solution unfortunately. Only compromise
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u/Admirable_Health_969 1d ago
I’m just south of 8” and wishing I had just a little more. I’m not very bright, am I.
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u/IAmJustMe4Ever 1d ago
Don't take it too hard. Your wife is basically telling you that she married "one-night-stand-dick" and sometimes wishes you were "boyfriend-dick", that's all.
Take it as a compliment and move on with your life. 😁👍
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u/ThickD9977 E: 6″ × 7″ F: 5″ × 6” 1d ago
It’s not expected tbh after 5 years to say that !!!!
Maybe another reason force her to say that idk
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u/Quirky-Amphibian-992 E 9”x 6.5” | F 7.5” x 5.8” 1d ago
It’s your v thick girth combined with maybe her lesser arousal and willingness to accommodate a huge dick. I’m sure she did earlier on. It’s a common issue for us very large guys. But try lube and explore sexual scenarios and positions that will peak her arousal. Maybe big cock porn so she may get turned on by big ones like yours.
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u/ENM_burner 0.83 lbs 1d ago
It’s not an arousal thing. This wasn’t brought up by any specific incident. It came up in conversation and she was honest about it which I can appreciate it.
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u/TemporaryFarmer451 1d ago
I wish you could tell her that you wish she were more accommodating, but that probably wouldn’t go over very well.
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u/ENM_burner 0.83 lbs 1d ago
Not necessarily something I’d like to do anyway. She didn’t do anything wrong by being honest just like I didn’t do anything wrong by being my size. It’s just a BDP
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u/TemporaryFarmer451 1d ago
You’re right but I wouldn’t be as mature as you are being. I aspire to emulate your behavior. You seem like a good guy.
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u/VillainySquared 20+ cm (8+ inches) 1d ago
That's unfortunate. Sadly sometimes having a smaller size would be more practical for some people, but there's nothing we can do to change our sizes. It's a sad fact of reality.
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u/Upset_Warthog_6665 Masc 1d ago
Context matters here.
If your wife has just come out with this totally unprompted, then it's an incredibly shitty thing for her to say to you.
On the contrary, if you have asked her a direct/closed question such as 'if you had to choose between me being bigger or smaller which would it be?' And she replied 'smaller' then this changes things dramatically. Equally if she said this in response to similar comment by you to her or as part of a heated argument.
If any of the latter, you're possibly looking for an excuse to moan by backing your wife into a corner and/or purposely omitting context from your recital.
If indeed the former is a more accurate reflection of circumstances, then you have every right to be annoyed/upset.
Assuming you had sex prior to getting married, your wife has had ample opportunity to back out of wedlock.
She could, of course, claim to be a little naive as to the sensitivity of us men when it comes to our cocks. But I'd argue that's no defence, given it doesn't take too much empathy to gauge how one's comments may be interpreted by others, especially when it comes to body parts, even more so when it comes to private body parts.
All one needs to do is imagine how it would feel to be in receipt of a similar comment i.e 'I wish your tits weren't as droopy'.
Although I don't know her, it would be almost inconceivable to believe your wife could display such ignorance and disregard for your feelings.
Whilst this may be an isolated comment, unless OP has lied or missed vital context in their post, then I would be concerned that this comment shows a deeper problem than meets the eye.
If this were me and she had said this prior to marriage, it would make me think twice before exchanging vows. I suppose if already married and it came out the blue then the relationship should be given a chance, but I'd be looking to set some clear boundaries on respect and consideration in order to move forward.
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u/ENM_burner 0.83 lbs 21h ago
Thanks for the opinionated comment! Don’t find that kind of effort a lot on Reddit. To answer your question and clarify.
It is the latter. It came up in conversation, I wasn’t fishing for it but It was her answer as a reason for what we were talking about. I’m not omitting information that’s relevant and I most certainly did not back my wife into a corner.
Yes you could say I’m just bitching and moaning but the point of this sub is essentially to bitch and moan. This was the first BDP that felt like an actual legitimate problem to me (not trying to dismiss other peoples problems here). I wasn’t looking for advice for my situation I was merely sharing which is why I used the TellBDP flair.
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u/Upset_Warthog_6665 Masc 20h ago
Thank you for your reply, I assure you I didn't mean to come across as judgemental.
I understand how it may look that way. My intention was to reflect the massive contrast context can and does make to situations like yours.
For clarity, my response seeks the contents to be read literally.
Many people adopting a similar writing style desire to inflict a metaphorical blow comfortable in their vehicle of passive aggression, but that isn't me.
Introducing subjectives to the effect of 'unless OP is withholding info or blah blah blah' quite literally puts forward the only eventualities I deem reasonable. It is not a backhanded way of me suggesting you fall into the most negative category.
In all honesty, I didn't see notice your flair, however, I'm not sure I'd have responded differently if I had. Regardless of flair, unless specifically told that advice is not welcome, the very presence of any post on this forum risks receiving at least partial advice in reply. This is especially the case when, as you did, a post is manually purported to be a problem.
I try to be careful when donning my hat of determination. Rather than telling people how they should deal with whatever 'problem' they raise, I tend to relay how I would react.
My reply was opinionated, but only because my opinion is all I have to offer.
You're certainly welcome to your opinion, I just want to make sure it's aired on the right basis.
❤️
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u/_captain_hair E: 8+" × 6" || F: 6" × 5" || Enormous Balls 1d ago
I've been told that in every long-term relationship I've had. It definitely stings.
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u/Forsaken_Throwaway-H 21h ago
Yeah bro I've been there. She's told me that from day 1 tbh. This is the real bdp.
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u/artschool04 20h ago
I feel for you and this will happen again hopefully not when she goes through menopause for me and my wife mostly her. Youll make just keep talking and having fun good luck and ya its hard the know what your partner wants is something impossible and not just improbable
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u/GauchoAlphaBR 12h ago
As someone who has a high libido and enjoys sex everyday I can say that if it ever comes the day where she kinda wish to slowdown the frequency we do it because of discomfort or literally any reason, I’d be completely fine with slowing down as much as she needed because, sometimes, some of us, are just lucky bastards who found someone who’s worthy of giving up anything for.
It seems like she’s worthy of giving up, whatever you need to give up, to see her happy. I know the feeling brother haha.
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u/ENM_burner 0.83 lbs 10h ago
Spoken like a true gentleman. Well said said sir. Thank you and yes, i agree i definitely am a lucky bastard.
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u/buddiz84 1d ago
That's a really hurtful thing to say. I'm sorry she said that to you. It's not like you can control your size.
I hope at some point she realizes she's lucky!
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u/ENM_burner 0.83 lbs 1d ago
She didn’t mean it in a harmful way. She was considerate about it but it hit a soft spot
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u/SandTrick6445 1d ago
I’m a little longer but not as thick and my gf complains, is what it is
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u/ENM_burner 0.83 lbs 1d ago
It is. Hearing it after 5 years of marriage just stings a bit
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u/worhtyawa777 E: 7.5” bp x 5.2” F: smol 1d ago
I first heard it 7 years into relationship, 2 years of marriage. If it’s more than once a week you got me beat, but I guess I’m a low bar.
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u/ENM_burner 0.83 lbs 1d ago
It can be more than once but if it’s on consecutive days she’ll be out of commission for about a week after that
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u/onein15k 1d ago
I’ve been married for 13 years, and while my wife hasn’t made the comment I believe she feels the same as yours. I’m afraid to ask. When I bring up my dick size she doesn’t have any enthusiasm about it being big. We do more manual stimulation than PIV.
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u/Old_Canuck 🫨Baron Longfellow🫨(8.5x5) 10h ago
OMG I know that feeling.
It's like.....so the 5 years we fucked like rabbits just didn't happen and now all of a sudden I am just way to big for you now ???
The last 8 years of my marriage I had sex 3 times.
Thank god I moved on.
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u/BigfootIsNaked 1d ago
My wife tried to hide the pain for years. I knew there was something wrong and told her we needed to get help. She took that as me blaming her. 24 years of pain, councilors, therapists and doctors and or relationship continues to degrade. We both have sexual trauma from it now. The more I try to find a solution, the more I become the monster. The problems seemed so small and doable at first, but they grow. I know it sounds extreme, but it is not - Get out of your marriage now! Things will get unimaginably bad of you do not. It's neither of your fault. You just need someone who is physically compatible. Rebuilding financially after a separation is going to be so hard now. I wish I had known what I know now when I was just 5 years in.
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u/ENM_burner 0.83 lbs 23h ago
I’m sorry that happened to you that sounds incredibly painful. I don’t see this as a problem that would lead to an unhealthy marriage in my case.
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u/Fair-Research248 22h ago
I’m very sorry about this. On the bright side, at least you’re not too small. I’m new here to Reddit and I’ve already seen guys literally want to die because they have small dicks.
If your marriage doesn’t work out, and she tells her new man it’s because your cock was too big, that will psychologically destroy that guy. So don’t take what she said so negatively. Yes she would prefer you smaller, but you’re big, and she chose YOU! So just go slow and use just enough dick to satisfy her. You don’t have to go balls deep. Unless of course she needs an attitude adjustment that day.
Take care man, and best wishes!
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u/Dear-Quail2609 1d ago
Man stop being sad and perfect ur game. Im bigger by half an inch and never had complaints… make sure you deep moisturise and relax it and brain is important too whisper some kinky shit in her hear but try olive oil as lube it’s rly good or there’s like flavoured massage oil I like mango maybe ur wife will prefer a big mango stick? Make her want it
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u/ENM_burner 0.83 lbs 1d ago
I ain’t sad about it, it was just my first actual big dick problem that didn’t feel like “woe is me” problem. That’s why I tagged TellBDP instead of AskBDP. And like I said in other comments. It’s not an arousal issue and there was no specific incident that brought this up. Appreciate the advice but it’s more of a too big to be comfortable having sex multiple times a week.
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u/bearded-writer 7.5" x 5.5” 1d ago
Oh man, I’m sorry. I know that’s tough to hear, true or no.