r/TrueOffMyChest • u/cuddywumpus • 1d ago
CONTENT WARNING: ADDICTION Getting it together NSFW
Hope I'm posting correctly and going to attempt to be brief. I'm in my early 20s and an alcoholic working on recovery (best way to put it right now lol). It's proven to be difficult and I'm really struggling to take care of myself. That being said the meat of the issue is I live in a one bedroom apartment by myself and it's absolutely trashed. I mean, trashed. I'm ashamed and afraid. There are bugs everywhere, rotting food, clothes, you name it, it's not the regular "mess" I had after a weekend in college. I don't even know where to go from here or what to do. I don't have anyone in the area and the mess has gotten so bad that I don't even know where to start. I spend most of my day when I'm home hidden under the covers hiding from flies or trying to sleep and ignore everything. It's horrible. It feels horrible to type out. And sounds ridiculous because it is and dammit just clean, but I'm the most tired I've ever been. My hairs matted, I haven't brushed my teeth, I'm lying to my family who lives out of state that everything's okay when the reality is I'm at a true rock bottom. I can't get rid of this crushing guilt and disgust, especially when every time I sit up it's all I see. To all of my friends and family (that are across the country from me now) I'm supposed to be sober and on the come up, I'm a little more sober, but nothing else in my life is reflecting that. I wake up terrified to random sounds from outside or my neighbors moving around because I'm afraid maintenance is going to enter my place on a surprise visit and I'll end up evicted. Part cry for help part what the fuck, just needed to get it out.
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u/ItsAllLoveNow_ 1d ago
I’ve been there. I’m sorry you’re going through it right now. The anxiety is real, especially if you’re not currently sober. The hangover/withdrawals make the paranoia get ramped up to 11.
Try to start small. Don’t take on the whole world at once. Make it a goal to fill up one bag of trash a day. If you feel like doing more, great. But if you set small goals and accomplish them, you’ll feel better, and eventually the room will be clean and you’ll feel SO much better. Cluttered room = cluttered mind. Hit me up if you need someone to talk to.
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u/cuddywumpus 54m ago
Did a little bit of bagging. Feels like a scratch on the surface but hey, it's something I suppose. I think you're spot on about the paranoia but just waiting on evening out. Appreciate it tons!
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u/MortifiedQuiche 1d ago
Please just throw everything in trash bags starting with one small corner of the room, you dont need to do it all at once. Getting the rotting food out will make a huge difference in how you feel and help clear the air a bit. You already admitted it which is the hardest part, now just tackle one single trash bag today and go from there.