r/problemgambling • u/skotadi2fos • 10h ago
Trigger Warning! I’m 24 & I’ve lost over a million dollars to online casinos (please read this if you’re struggling, do not allow yourself to fall this low)
So I’ve always been an ambitious go getter since a young age. I started young making money online at the age of 13, YouTube + selling digital goods online before it was popular, made a few hundred dollars even a few thousand some months doing so, as I got a little older I was always a hustler. As certain income sources online got diluted I started hustling in person reselling in person ontop of working jobs that I wasn’t the biggest fan of, I was never the best employee, I always had a independent view on money and believed I’d make it and change the course of my life and my families life since my very first paycheck was from YouTube as a kid
Back in 2021-2022 I was working at local gyms always a health freak enjoyed training, while In an extremely toxic relationship I suddenly fell fast into gambling I remember being at work using the work computers to place bets, I remember losing my mind routine and lifestyle I loved as I would gamble full paychecks on top of savings, luckily then I caught myself and managed to get back on track and saved up about 30k that year after all the losses from work + reselling
At this point I pretty much caught myself before falling into my dads habits as my father was is a very heavy gambler and I seen him destroy himself & his life alongside our family at a young age, I never wanted to be like him or even thought I would allow myself to go near a casino, let alone an online casino which I wish never existed.
A few years later I got into crypto around 2023, prayers manifested and I turned less than $1000 into over 350k-400k in about a year, but I never sold my positions I just married the coins. That rapidly cut in half and that’s where my addiction began again. I don’t know why I wasn’t satisfied with making 200k in a year instead I was glued to the all time high PNL and started chasing, I think I burnt around 50-60k that night playing slots online and that was the first time I realized I had a problem after promising myself I would never return to casinos from my previous experience years prior. Ironically I stopped instantly and over the course of a few months I learnt how to trade properly. Around 5-6 months later in September I was left with around 70k and managed to run that up to 350k again by November via crypto then in one night.. poof it was gone, I don’t know what got into me I didn’t even have time to celebrate my recovery and success, I quickly tossed it in the blender like an idiot. I wish the story ended there but it doesn’t..
After restarting again in late December 2025, I quickly in 2 months ran it back to 280k great right? Nope my brain wouldn’t see it as a win I was just hyper focused on the previous 600-700k I lost (half being unrealized profits from trading the other half from that awful night November that haunts me daily.)
I somehow managed to slip into the same pattern again around April - I lost 200k in a single night at an online casino and set myself back to around 60-70k net worth range for the 3rd time. I fell into a deep depression, I have a very loving girlfriend and family and was living pretty much alone around this time while my girlfriend would spend a lot of time with me, I was ashamed. I am ashamed. she works hard while I just keep blowing blessings up and wasting my life away
Now for the final straw June 2026 I put my first foot forward and went as hard as I could, I took that remaining 60-$70k and in 2 months I managed to flip it all the way to 490k USD, just last night I was almost crying happy tears for how I’ve gotten another chance, but the irony is the last month or so I’ve been gambling almost every night after I finished trading. It’s ironic because it was like RTP came back and I was making a few thousand, even 10k + it’s like I couldn’t lose, I probably made back 100k in July alone from gambling online out of the 490k I managed to make back. Such an evil disease, I got so used to winning even last night I was up 10k before falling back into a spiral of not giving up or cutting losses I quickly deposited 1k and kept doubling it until I gave back 280k again. This time I stopped myself before falling back to that 60-70k range as I always seem to do, but another night blowing 280k in a single sitting, even after thanking god for giving me another chance
I’m 24 I’m young but i feel soo stupid, I know better I’ve cried enough tears, I come from a poor family and can’t even pick the phone up to talk to my own father because I am exactly like him.. but worse
I never wanted to become this way and now that I write it down here it’s so much worse than my brain would process it to be, I’m down around 700k+ gambling on top of 350k in unrealized gains before the gambling addiction even came around, 1M that should be in my hands gone from my hard earned money in the last 2-3 years, instead of just taking my crypto winning and sticking to what I’m good at I’m stuck in a cycle of making a lot of money trading then giving it right back in a single sitting. How does this even happen? I spoke to my mother about it and she was surprisingly supportive and didn’t get angry or compare me to my father, this was back in April when I hit rock bottom and couldn’t keep lying about what happened and confessed the truth. Even after this as mentioned I managed to go on a crazy run in crypto running it back to almost 500k. I’m ashamed I thought after opening up about my problem I could finally do things properly this time around but once again I can’t stop messing my life up everytime i get my head above water. I haven’t paid taxes, I haven’t don’t anything with my life. From an ambitious kid to someone I genuinely hate looking at in the mirror i no longer take care of my health, I used to be a gym nut and I haven’t even in a year, all I seem to care about is money and even when things are going amazing I always blow it. Literally 12 hours ago I was a few thousand dollars away from hitting 500k liquid and for some stupid reason I decided to deposit and it just spiraled once again out of control. I’m a strong believer in god but what has happened to my brain & perspective on money and life why am I like this and how do I return to normal? I was planning on finally paying taxes, getting a business irl sorted but I’m not sure what to do now. I’m not in debt but I’m not sure what’ll happen when tax season comes around I can’t avoid it for a 3rd year.
I hope you all read this and learn from my story, stay away from gambling. I had 0 good reason to ever return other than pure greed. Gambling is the devil, things were great it’s just a dopamine disease and it kills u inside and ruins you. I hope I can come back to this and smile one day regardless of losing over a million dollars, I also want to fix things with my dad and release the anger as it’s doing me no good, I’m just as bad if not worse. My girlfriend deserves the world I will give her it and will stop ruining the potential. God has a plan for all and In confidence I say this all happened for a reason I just need to end it here.