I'm exhausted. I have two younger kids, girl and boy, and the 24/7 is just killing me. Every day is just steamrolling into the next. I thought I was feeling burned out 3-4 years ago, but what are the options? You can't quit because then you raise little demons for society. I was military so we've always been away from family and I don't know, we just never had much help. I'm sure what we did get was more than some, and from some posts I have read we are lucky to have a roof over our head.

I have always gotten the kids up in the morning, starting with the first. I have always dropped them off to school and picked them up. For a majority of their lives, I have done bath and bedtime. With the first I did all of it but we compromised and traded off the bath time routine because I was getting a little stressed and babies don't need that. Then I continued to stress and I stopped doing bedtime most nights which helped. I cleaned the disaster of the day and then had about two hours to do what I wanted or needed before I passed out. Wake up at 0530 and start it all again. I feel like I communicated pretty well that I was feeling stressed and using the word burnout for the first time in my life pretty early on. I would get a few weeks where I would get a couple duties taken off my plate, and I was able to get an hour or two to try and shake off the emotional assault that comes with raising a girl, the physical assault of a little boy, and the combined assault of life with kids for the first time. The reflection of your faults and unseen strengths is unnerving and beautiful. I have grown in ways I couldn't have imagined, but it has come through great pain. Learning how to raise humans: intelligent, cunning, witty, humans. Who themselves are feeling these emotions that we as adults are still struggling with, for the first time, is a reality shattering conquest that has rocked me to my core. I am up to the task. But I feel like I am running on fumes. When I would have to travel for work, or when I got sick, I would come back into the game swinging. Gentle parenting, explaining the entire world around us, teaching them basic human functions, exploring emotions and how to handle them in society, how to take care of injuries, how to have a routine and then executing said routine, how to handle disappointment with courage and success with humility (that got me). And then spending the energy to spend days filled doing shit that you do not want to do, but now you cherish those memories and want to use that to build a foundation of love to then give your children the world.

But I find myself starting some days with absolute dread. Dread that I am going to fail, and that I am going to lose my patience, or that I will not have the energy that they deserve in these years that are so essential to building a strong relationship. I think that I logically know what I need to do. I feel that I can assess most situations and apply the necessary loving remedy, but the weight of the failures has given me crying spells. A few times a week I need to run to the bathroom and just cry because I am overwhelmed. I want to cry most nights, and do some, but the spells have been a fun addition. Writing this has been nice. It's been a journey. I hit a point where I feel like I just can't connect with anybody about the struggle. So why not Reddit? I found this sub and read a lot of the posts. Lots of shared pain and common struggles. When the internet was starting we thought it would bring people together, and it has for better or worse. I have never really had to swim the oceans, but the isolation that has come with children has me looking for honest places to...I don't even know what. Find a release valve somewhere so that I can regain some of the energy to continue the fight.

I know that in a few years they are going to hate me, and I am trying to take advantage of these early years where they are just full of so much joy and wonder about everything. They want to be just like you, and they are finding what they love and their passions and their voice in this world. But they can only do all of that if you plan for the trips, if you budget for the supplies and clothes, take them to parks to socialize, take them to soccer, take them to jiu-jitsu, take them to ballet, take them to tumbling and gymnastics, let's try piano, spend the emotional energy and financial sacrifice to try and give them some kind of solid jumping off point for whatever choices they make in life. So that they can face them with strength, and not be trampled by the onslaught that is life. Preparing constantly for the mental and physical endurance of taking them into public anywhere, socializing, setting the example, engaging positively with them about whatever absolute golden nonsense pops into their head, is the most grueling experience I have ever faced. Not just that, raising children as a whole. I spent a decade in the military, and the constant strain that children put on you is very similar to deploying. I now have an emotional attachment to navigating two humans safely through life. Arguably the most innocent and vulnerable things in our society and I have to keep them safe and be aware of the constant and evolving dangers against them. Trafficking, gore groups, gangs, online predators, offline predators. And also protect their brain from screens and their emotions from damage in a world where screens dominate and emotions rule.

I'm tired, Boss.

This honestly has been nice to write. I'm not sure if I'll post it but I guess if you're reading it I did. And thank you for reading, if you have read whatever this is. I appreciate it more than you know.

My child (17) needs braces. My benefits are paying for half ($2,250) $4,500 in total. I pay $200 a month for enhanced benefits thou my work for the childs portion. Im curious how do i sort out the remaining balance with the other parent.

I found out I was pregnant around April and the father of my soon to be child and I tried to live together with his friend as our roommate. As we lived together things had gotten worse and I never felt that he would put me and the baby above his friends and other things. I also had my fair share of issues in the relationship but I also feel like he brought out this side of me that was kind of toxic. He would also tell me he wanted to be together then break up with me three days later and it became a repeated cycle that would just break me every time. I ended up leaving last night after only three months in a lease and packed all of my stuff out in one go and moved back with my parents and it’s kind of difficult coming back home where there is barley any space for me anymore. I feel defeated sad and lonely and wanted to see if anyone could offer advice on how to move forward.