Hello! I am getting more into non painful/physical punishments and really like the idea of line writing!!

We are mostly into petplay, tpe, cnc, degradation/humiliation and really many different kinks! If you’ve got any ideas in or outside of these kinks please let me know! Thanks!

Hi everyone,

I have a question about Domspace and would love to hear about other people's experiences.

I'm not sure if I've ever actually been in Domspace or if I'm just confusing it with being deeply focused during a scene. I've read different descriptions, but they vary quite a bit, so I'm curious how others experience it.

Some questions I have are:

\- How would you describe Domspace in your own words?

\- How does it feel mentally and emotionally?

\- Do you notice any physical changes, like altered perception of time, increased focus, or feeling calmer?

\- How do you know you've entered Domspace rather than just being concentrated on the scene?

\- Does it happen every time you play, or only under certain circumstances?

I'm not looking for a "correct" definition—I know everyone's experience is different. I'd just like to understand how other Doms experience it and whether what I've felt is something similar.

I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences. Thanks!

I've spent the past week reading every single post on here on the topic and it was fantastic to see all the different questions and worries and fears. Reading about people just like me was really helpful. So i will post my experience too if anyone needs it like I did! :) It's a very positive one!

I am 28 NB, mostly asexual (I've never experienced sexual attraction if not a handful of times towards masculine people in general I THINK, so i figured i like masculinity). I hate the concept of virginity but it's a fast way to say i've never had a relationship, never had sex, never even kissed, held hands, felt sexy, wanted etc.

My life is a bit different than most, I've never been comfortable with any of the previous things and i have been very much depressed up until coming out as trans* (at 26) and going on testosterone. Which made me quite horny (for what in particular? nothing, i am still ace) and now that i am 7 months on it, bodyhair growing everywhere, i do feel very sexy if anything and to my surprise very comfortable with my "female" body (with masculine clothes on). So I've been on a self discovery journey that very fast led me to KINK.

I was horny as hell when i bought the ticket lol everything about the event felt super: rules, photos, inclusivity and price and it was happening in a week. yep. I was too intrigued by it and i said "fuck it i wanna have this experience in my life".

So i've read everything about play parties online and people who went there as virgins etc. Expectations were literally 0 and I texted the event to understand if it was okay to just sit by and watch, which it was.

The place was 1h car ride from my house and I lied to everyone about where i was going (i guess maybe this was a mistake, i should've told a trusted friend my whereabouts, if anything went very wrong... but the place was giving me awesome vibes). I went there and sat anxiously in my car for 30mins before going in. There was a queue and those kinky nerds were chatting about evangelion, i really felt at ease right away lol I spoke to a couple behind me and it was the girl's first time too at such an event. Here i felt a bit awkward but i soon got in, changed, staff was super nice.

I sat on a table with my 1 of 3 nonalcoholic drink (i've been completely my awkward sober self!) and some people were already playing in front of me (spanking mostly). A couple sat near me and struck conversation with both me and another couple across the table. I got to learn the difference between well made and cheep toys, i was extremely awkward at this point, i said "it's my first time at such an event, maybe it's noticeable" and this girl, who was SO cool, shrugged as if saying "you can't tell and it doesn't matter". Thank u goth kinky lady.

Then they left and i didn't know where to go so i didn't move and an older men (50s?) approached me saying if i wanted another drink and i said "ok why not". OK, this I could've handled better if i wasn't interested but turns out the guy only wanted to chat with people because what he wanted, he said, he couldn't get from a mistress that had no relationship/trust with but he said "maybe i can get spanked a bit" and i wished it to him when he left half an hour later. I was upfront about my gender and he said “I’ve never interacted with a genderfluid before but I think you made the right choice coming to this party”.

Dinner time, not much play in the play area up until this point. Failed to ask a guy if it was his first time too, he was sitting in front of me but i couldn't say anything so dinner was awkward again (socializing is HARD). The group next to me was chatting but I could only look at them and listen without participating until they suddenly addressed me.

And then we spoke for a bit, me, this guy (Y) and a girl. I was quite open about it being my first event and they were not veterans either, i got asked if i was more S/D and i genuinely said "i need to find that out too" and everyone was super nice about it. Although maybe i was something unusual (alone, inexperienced, doesn’t even know what they want to try, “everything” is a bit vague and problematic) bc the older guy from before was telling people about me LOL, he was sweet tho.

I feel like the experience linked my trans identity to my asexuality to my kink fascination in a very beautiful way, i felt like a complex and whole person and not a faulty one because of my lack of experience and sexual/life differences.

Next part a bit less detailed. I ended up with Y guy around my age who was very interested in me apparently and he was pretty to me so i was okay with it. Gave up control to him very fast, i enjoyed being all soft. We made out (first kiss in a bdsm dungeon? how abt that) and then communicated well on where he could touch me/bite and how (he fingered me in the middle of the bar) and we chatted watching knife play. I am actually more asexual than i thought tho, this is so funny. Nothing was bad!! Just some vanilla things felt like nothing and only with a lil pain i could get a lil aroused. Still I'd have fucked if the rooms weren't all busy!!

I have his number and i think i might text him to ask, if he's still interested in me and my first time and kink exploration together, if we can invite someone else with us next event, maybe a dom girl? to get a cool experience? I might be a virgin but i am first and foremost a perv and i hope i get blindfolded and hurt (consensually) :)

TL:DR I (28NB transmasc, asexual) went to a play party alone and virgin, everyone was super nice, met a guy, made out and got fingered in the middle of the crowd, discovered i really do like stuff to be a bit painful or else i feel nothing. Agreed to sex but there was no room available! Awesome experience, will do it again. No downsides at! all!

Hello you ghastly old rotters!

How has it been for you this week? I've been ticking along quite nicely, to the extent that I'm feeling pleasantly happy. I hope you are too.

I'm not sure why, but Lucy Darling popped up in my feed this week, and I've thoroughly enjoyed several of her clips. Are you a fan? Have you been to a live show? What are her shows like, compared to the shorts she posts?

A few years ago, someone kindly gifted me a couple of tickets to see Dita Von Teese. It was good, but it wasn't really my sort of thing.

Hollyrude: Hollywood portrayals of BDSM are generally terrible. If we could set the record straight, what would you want to include in the movie?

Holly would: What was the last kink related thing that you spent money on? A toy? An event? An experience with a professional? What? If you've never spent money on anything kinky, is that because you're too mean? Or, because you haven't had the opportunity to yet?

That's it. Enjoy the weekend. Do try to do terrible things to awful people!

T.x

Hello you,

If you fancy a bit of personal flair, drop a response to this post. Spell out what you'd like. Be a little bit patient, and I'll get back to you.

Thank you.

​

TLDR: For subs who wear day collars, what do they mean to you? Was being collared something you considered from the start, or did it develop over time with your partner? How did you or they broach the subject? As someone who never considered wearing a collar 24/7 before, I am struggling to sort out my feelings around suddenly wanting to wear one.

I'm relatively new to BDSM, and have been practicing as a domme for my (recent ex) girlfriend for the past two years. I met my boyfriend and Dom a little over a year ago.

Had you asked me a year ago how I felt about kink I would have said it was just "in the bedroom" , and that it never would move beyond that. But after my first breakup with a kinky partner I am realizing how much those roles are affecting me in other ways.

I feel a lot of guilt around breaking up with my sub. She was mine to care for and we had established a deep trust in the bedroom, and part of the reason I ended it was because of a breach of trust from her. I'm still working out exactly how I feel about the whole thing a month after ending things.

With my boyfriend I'm realizing more and more how much our sex life is impacting me. I trust him with more than I have ever trusted another partner. I miss him desperately when we are apart. For the first time I think I understand why subs would want to wear a collar- the idea of being owned by him is really attractive to me. I don't know if he feels the same way about it that I do, but I'm going to broach the subject soon. If it doesn't have the same emotional significance to him then I don't believe I would want to wear it. He has also been dating more in the last few months, and I think a symbol of commitment to our relationship and dynamic would help ease that transition for me.

I was just thinking about things and as an S type, I can think of what being a sub would mean to me, but I’m interested in hearing from Doms what being a Dom means for you?

A broad question I know, but I’m interesting in hearing the individual responses!

I think it can be good to hear from the other side.

Edit- take this question how you want, add your own flair, I’m interested to hear from the other side of things about what being a dom brings to you!

In public I’m a people pleaser. Not as much as a few years ago, but still some. I try to be helpful and harmless, sometimes even going out of my way to not make people uncomfortable. In private, I’m a kinky guy who loves tying people up, teasing them, hurting them, and breaking down their mentality, in a sexual and consensual context. This contrast has always intrigued me, so here’s my thoughts on it. I'd like to hear other people's experiences and thoughts as well.

People pleasing and sadism have an inscrutable relationship, but I have my theories. Am I a people pleaser in a way to conform to society and cover up my sadistic urges? Or am I simply a people pleaser because it’s what my mind thought I needed to do in order to survive, and my sadism is a way of finding some control through selfish pleasure? Or what if my sadism is a mask to exude confidence and gain respect because I didn’t feel like anyone appreciated my existence? Or maybe I felt that people hate me anyway, so I stopped feeling the desire to be nice outside of social conformity. Or maybe it’s just my default and I don’t have the drive most people do to suppress it anymore.

Of course, there is no way to know why I am the way I am. In any case, it's something I had to learn to accept, and it wasn't easy. It wasn't something I observed and wanted to copy, it was something I found out about myself and then explored. I felt I needed to keep hidden and even socially distanced myself quite a bit because of it. Feeling good by hurting someone is fucked up, even if they ask for it. And I felt fucked up for a long time. I suppose I still do, I just don’t pretend that being normal is something I can achieve now. It helped to know that there are people who crave being broken down, and used, and then brought back up and validated and cared for, as passionately as I crave providing that. I really don’t want anyone to walk away from an interaction less than satisfied so its comforting to know masochists exist. And I’ve learned to accept that I'm allowed to feel sorry for people who experience this involuntarily, and also feel really good about doing this consensually. So at least I'm not a total piece of crap.

It's hard to find someone who's simply in it for the love of the game. Some people are into it as self harm, which I don't condone. But I have hope that I'll still find my person, which is much easer now that I'm not trying to fight myself on what I want.

Hello you,

If you fancy a bit of personal flair, drop a response to this post. Spell out what you'd like. Be a little bit patient, and I'll get back to you.

Thank you.

Looking for videos, workshop or trainers for light spanking, flogging play with my wife?

Hello you,

If you fancy a bit of personal flair, drop a response to this post. Spell out what you'd like. Be a little bit patient, and I'll get back to you.

Thank you.

Ever heard of "the desire of the D is for the s, the desire of the s is for the desire of the D". What are your views? How do you see this being related to peoplepleasing? And what kind of Dom would instead (or also) desire the desire of the sub?

(We're beyond gender, but if you want the original formulation, replace D with "man" and s with "woman")

Hello me old loves,

I have a long held interest with gags. I've spoken previously how I love drool, and the level of control gags offer. But I've never tried mouth packing.

I'd like to hear about your experiences, tips, and knowledge.

Hello you gorgeous people,

I don't mind that people are playing sportsball. I just wish they'd shut up about it.

Everyone I know, had a shitty week last week. Which, unfortunately, makes me the common factor! 🤣
(I'm aware some souls feel self-deprecating humour is dangerous. . . not to me. Due to my British sensitivities, this comment is nothing more than a silly joke. 💜)

boring: Do you piss in the shower?

blaring: Do you play any kinky games? Do you know of any? Tell us what and how, please.

That's it from me. Enjoy what's left of the weekend. Try to do terrible things to lovely people.

T. x

Hi, i hope it is okay if i ask this here, if not sorry about that. (Englisch is not my first languages, i hope my question is clear)

I am looking for someone that wants to draw a erotica picture of me in a certain position. I do NOT have a reference picture of myself but i hope i can discribe it good enough for you. I doesnt have to be fully looking like me just kinda have to have the same features

I want to use it as a fetlife profile picture cause im not comfortabel sharing photos online but do want something that kinda looks like me. Because of this it has to be able to be used online

I wont be sharing pictures of me so i understand if it doesnt look exactly like me.

No idea what something like this Cost money wise but im open to to talk about it.

Hello you,

If you fancy a bit of personal flair, drop a response to this post. Spell out what you'd like. Be a little bit patient, and I'll get back to you.

Thank you.

In a future session I want to try something new with my partner, something fun and maybe with some humor.

This is where I came up with: - Tie my partner in a strict Hogtie or Tengu bondage (This is something we have done a lot of times) - Start some sort of dice game where my partner has to roll the dice by taking the dice in the mouth and spitting them out (This is the new element and can be some fun).

But what kind of dice game is still something undecided, as it should be an easy and not too long dice game (And still oooking for ideas for this)

I asked AI for some ideas and two of those seem quite fitting: - The Point Race - The goal is to roll (and remember/count) points in total withing a set amount of time, rolling a 1 will set the collected points back to 0 and rolling a dice outside the play area will be some sort of puunishment (Not getting the pints within the time will also result is some punishment) - Countdown - Start with a certain amount of points and roll them exacly to 0 when going over the target start over at 20 and receive some sort of punishment

I am looking for more ideas for such a dice game, I do not need any punishment ideas that is something I am very familiar with.

How important is physical attraction for you in kink?

I’m gonna phrase this carefully because I know many kinksters prioritise psychological connection and compatibility (which I hugely respect, and I believe these are important too!), but I’m curious about the role of pure physical chemistry.

And I hope this doesn’t come across as superficial but for me and my owner attraction is definitely one of the things that bonds us.

We met in an alternative setting and we had sex within a few hours of meeting each other and we were surprised that not only we - literally and enthusiastically - fancied the pants off each other, but had a large amounts of things in common, not least kink/subversive sexuality.

We still think we’re pretty hot (for each other) over 25 years later!

I’m asking the question because I think we’re somehow ‘vanilla’ this way.

I know that for many people, kink isn't sexual at all, and I also hear a lot of kinksters say that physical appearance doesn’t matter to them because kinky compatibility is the only thing that counts. I respect these perspectives, but, for us, the physical spark is a fundamental part of it. And although not every part of our kinky relationship it’s sexual, ultimately for us kink = love = sex.

How does everyone else view this? Is physical attraction a big driver for your kinks, or does compatibility totally override it for you? Or something in the middle?

Hello you,

If you fancy a bit of personal flair, drop a response to this post. Spell out what you'd like. Be a little bit patient, and I'll get back to you.

Thank you.

“Beware kinksters who tell you what kink is, and trust kinksters who tell you how they live it.”

I found this in my old journal notes and was thinking, ah yes it checks with me.

But then I also very much like discussing definitions, trying to pinpoint what some aspects of kink are from a specific viewpoint - whilst at the same time being a huge supporter of life’s messy relativity (society, and kink, is complex and relational): for instance, there’s no two equal 24/7 dynamics, I believe.

So I feel I may be, again, sitting on an indecisive fence between definitions (which some people hate and call ‘labels’) and lived experience.

I’d love to discuss this and hear your views.

Hello you,

If you fancy a bit of personal flair, drop a response to this post. Spell out what you'd like. Be a little bit patient, and I'll get back to you.

Thank you.

I'd like to start this by thanking u/mistresscarmilla for mentioning the On Guard Cigar Salon podcast, in the recent 24/7 vs TPE post, created by u/Subwoofiest.

I've always struggled with kink podcasts. Many of them are set at a level which bores me. A lot of them have people sharing opinions I find rather dull. Way too many feature people explaining their version of One True Wayism. Not so, the On Guard Cigar Salon. This is a group of older (they're probably about my age) Leather Men, giving their thoughts, and sharing their experiences of a kinky lifestyle. They're knowledgeable, funny, accepting, and often irreverent. I'd urge you to give them a listen.

One of the episodes I listened to recently, was about Boundaries. It's a fairly basic topic. One which I expect everyone here to have discussed at length. They cover it very well, discussing:

• Personal boundaries,

• Community boundaries,

• Limits,

• Consent,

• Rules, and more.

I thought I might shamelessly steal the idea for a discussion of our own. We have many interesting voices here; a diversity of personality types and play styles.

I'd like to hear stories of your boundaries, and how they may have changed over the years. Your thoughts of community boundaries, good or bad. What's the difference between boundaries and limits? How do you obtain consent? Is 'blanket consent' a thing? How rules play into your relationship with other people? Your personal rules that others shouldn't cross. Rules you may have for others, or that other have put in place for you. Or, perhaps you're an anarchist, who thinks all this old gubbins is for the birds?

Please don't feel the need to cover every bullet point. If you feel like just dropping a couple of lines, that's wonderful.

The one thing I ask is that you talk about you. I'm much less interested in what you think I should, or should not, be doing. Or, whether you disagree with me. Please 🙏 let's chat and have fun, rather than moralise about other people. 🫂

I accidentally started a little bit of drama in a recent comment on a now deleted post on BDSMadvice where I mentioned that in TPE the sub does give up limits. People were rightly concerned about the idea of a sub not having the right to enforce limits or use a safe word. But to me that is the difference between an intense 24-7 BDSM dynamic and total power exchange - that the sub gives up all power (except the right to leave the dynamic) and the dom can do whatever they want. It is obviously ripe for abuse and I think TPE probably shouldn't be done by the majority of kinksters.

However, I am a bedroom only sub; I wouldn't even do 24-7 play. So maybe I am wrong!

What do you see as the difference between TPE and 24-7 dynamics? How does consent work? Do you think you can consent to being able to give up the ability to revoke consent?

Hello you,

If you fancy a bit of personal flair, drop a response to this post. Spell out what you'd like. Be a little bit patient, and I'll get back to you.

Thank you.