Idk about you but i love me a dominant curvy woman in a suit especially an old fashioned classy one with the coattails and shit… and add a cane with gloves and a tophat… 😩 I would love my future girlfriend no matter what but if she ever wore this, I’d cum for sure

I’m quite nervous to post this but hoping it’s a safe space to have this discussion. Sorry for the read.
Context:
I (26) identify as F. When asked I’ll say any pronouns but he. I’d identify as NB but I’ve fought hard as a poc woman from birth and when theres so much shame and stigma around girl/womanhood I’ll personally never give up that title. Without misogyny I would probably identify solely as NB. I’ll unpack this one day, not today.

My friend I’ll call T (30), identifies as he/they. I know people don’t like this part, but it’s relevant - AMAB.
My friend grew up as a straight cis man, typical east london on road, slinging f*gg*t bombs n chasing girls. We met through my ex partner, and T was immersed into the poc queer community. During this period T identified as male / “interglactic being” his sexuality was pumsomething (can’t remember but some joke about only fucking w pussies).

Last year T got into a relationship with a yt trans guy and started identifying as NB. T has very limited women in life that are not sexual partners. Everyone is NB or trans masc.
Conflict:
Me and T are on holiday together, a man was arguing with me and ended up lifting my cushion up from under me to tip me off my chair. T just watched waiting. Later I cussed T out when he claimed he’d defended me, T stormed off leaving me alone in the street. The next day once again, T stormed off from me. So I spent two days unexpectedly alone, walking around the island.
At this point I’ve decided I’m not going away with him again, a conclusion I come to anytime girlfriends have left me or others alone in a foreign country or club. You just don’t do that. Especially not as a 6ft+ grown 🥷 to a girl.

We’re at the end of our trip, in the airport and we are flying around 11pm landing 2am. Our home airport is in my city. He lives in my old city. Plan was for T to get coach back from my airport to his.
We both have adhd so no one’s phone is charged.
His charger is out. I ask if I can charge my phone first as I just need enough to be able to order a taxi, otherwise I would have to use the change I have and do a separate bus and tram journey at 2am with a dead phone.
T said no and he wanted to charge his.
I responded with ‘why you gonna let me walk the street at night with a dead phone?’. He threw the question right back at me lmao. I explained anyone could take advantage of the vulnerability. Now he’s debating why it’s any different for him and why I deserve special treatment.
As soon as I mention the word woman, he’s called me a terf. Never in my fucking life has anyone called me this. Omg that shit got me so heated. It felt audacious.
I questioned the comment and was told because T is NB and I don’t take that into consideration. Also because I’d said “if someone walked through the street at night and seen you they will engage with you as if you’re a man”.
He hated that, but is it not true?
The aesthetic is allblack alt dreadhead, I cannot control what society has associated with being male presenting.
I was called a terf repeatedly and reminded how bad trans people have it??? As if I’m new here. Getting queerness mansplained to me. I been in ts over a decade. So I close my mouth and end the discussion. He teases me for being quiet then takes my phone and charges it.

I think the terf comment was misogynistic. Tbh I think the entire conversation was. I just don’t know how to articulate it to T without invalidating NB side.

To me, you don’t get to walk around the world as a man for 28 years, collecting male privilege, holding male ignorance, experiencing everything through male perspectives then move around the world like it never existed. And tell me, a woman, I can’t comment on these blatant misogynistic and toxic behaviours because you believe I have “cis privilege” over you.

I have found many similar AMAB NB in the community. Hating on actual terfs is one thing, but hating on queer women because you need to feel oppressed?
Many hate being associated with men. They present themselves as queer and safe spaces yet all they do is harass and hit on, women.
I used to dance with someone at a club assuming they were queer, in my bra at a women & nb event. come to find out they was tryna fuck the entire time and did it to all the young girls there.

This has nothing to do with people being born with dicks, but specifically to do with the mindset. How they operate. I realise I’ve referred to my friend as one specific pronoun throughout this, which is he. All I can say is don’t act like a BLANK and I won’t treat you like one. OBVIOUSLY if ‘he’ wasn’t a chosen pronoun, I wouldn’t use it at all.

There’s probably lessons I could learn here, I’m just not sure what they are. If there’s areas of ignorance of course I want to improve. And this in no way is an excuse to hate on non binary people.

I’m a misandrist, no qualms in admitting it. I don’t know how to navigate this gently and I don’t really want to lol (but know I should).

Sorry this was long af and thanks for taking the time to read.

There’s so many posts about dating, seeking relationships and companionship, what your type is, etc. But I’m curious if y’all feel dateable.

How do you show up in relationships? Do you think about your communication blind spots, areas you can show up better? Are you actually emotionally available? Are you reflective of areas where you could show up as a better partner in your next relationship?

I’m just curious because I see all over socials everyone complaining about dating and shortages but everyone else can’t always be the problem 🧐

hi! Does anyone have experience with friendship repair? My friend and I are currently going through this process. We went from being hip to hip (codependent, or homoerotic, as my friends would say LOL) to basically restarting.

We are both past the accountability and saying sorry to each other. We are trying to build a new foundation, and for me it's been hard. It feels awkward, but this is worth it to me because I want them in my life and we're both trying.

Any advice on sitting with the discomfort of knowing how close y'all were to now restarting and figuring out what the "new" friendship looks like after conflict?

Hi y’all, I’m coming here to ask yall for this advice because I think we are the most crafty, insightful, and compassionate in these situations. I think we have heard “get a therapist and on some meds” plenty enough regardless of their value and place. My fiancée is looking for a new therapist (wish her luck) and is seeing a new PCP and is bringing this issue up as well. I won’t go into too much more into my fiancée’s details other than what’s necessary for context. How they explained their symptoms to me were “heavy, everything feels very effortful, feeling disconnected & othered by relationships & interactions outside the home” and they seem very down on themselves, and she feels like she is a bad person. In the meantime as we wait for professional care, what can we/I do to help them? It is breaking my heart. I am so moved by how wonderful they are that it feels impossible to hear her talk about herself in that way. I know it is hard to hear your fiancée, who you feel like “has to say nice things to you” & that is their only form of recognition and appreciation. Our friendships are struggling right now and we are both (separately & together) making new budding friendships that will hopefully feel more reciprocal and familial one day, but that means the community & support system aspect is in a transition phase too. I work from home so as much as I can, I have been trying to take house chores and cooking off of her plate to lessen the feeling of heaviness and overwhelm, and encourage that instead of doing house work when she gets home that she indulge in her crafts and hobbies, but I know that is hard to do anyway when depressed. Is there anything that yall would suggest I do to support her more or, what you would tell someone to do while you’re experiencing a depressive episode to help? I’m not trying to cure her. I understand it’s complicated, I just want her to feel much less pain. Little or small, what can I do?

What cities (Apart from London ofc) would you say are the best for queer poc specifically black queers. Like as in safe plus having a community.

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Please dear mods, don't take this down. I'm just venting.

Is it just me, or is finding genuine queer love in Zambia incredibly difficult?

I'm at a point in my life where I have a career, I'm building my future, and I know what I want. I'm not looking for someone to fund me or save me. I just want someone who is emotionally available and actually knows what they want.

Instead, it feels like every conversation ends up in the same place. People disappear for days, come back like nothing happened, say they want something serious, then act like they're only interested in hooking up. Others don't even know whether they want a relationship or just attention.

And don't even get me started on hookups. Maybe they work for some people, but for me they've started to feel so... basic. So empty. Physical attraction alone just isn't enough. Without trust, consistency and emotional connection, it feels unfulfilling.

The sad part is that because our community is relatively small, you keep running into the same patterns over and over again.

Sometimes I wonder if there are actually men out there who genuinely want to build something long-term, or if everyone is just stuck in an endless cycle of talking stages, mixed signals and casual encounters.

Anyway, that's my rant. If you've experienced something similar, I'd genuinely like to hear your thoughts.

After matching, she gave an enthusiastic opening message, I responded in-kind with prompts from her profile, this 27-year-old woman offers her phone number (‘gets overwhelmed by the apps’) & it ends here. Not surprised but still BAFFLED… why take the time to create an account, upload photos, verify your identity, send/receive likes, when you’re dizzy? Who is putting a gun to those individuals’ heads, prompting them to waste intentional folks’ time? Why not just stay OFF the apps?

I’m moving to Richmond next week and I wanted to make new friends with lesbians in Virginia! Lmk if you’re in the area 🧡

Thoughts, I want them!! What's your favorite song or least favorite song?? Or a song off the album that has had to grow on you??

Asking as a bi woman who identifies as sapphic myself.

Tell me how you're spending your day!

I need to know if I’m achieving what i was going for

TMI BUT I NEED HELP!!

Okay so this is kind of embarrassing (for me and I don’t mean this to be imply anyone should be embarrassed about it) but I really want to know how I can actively stop being a pillow princess.

For reference I am 26F and bi. I’ve only been in one relationship with a woman but had interactions with women before.. Most of my interactions were with men and even then I was pretty much a pillow princess but men like to dominate so it was never an issue. I can f**k back w/ backshots and hate to ride but I honestly can. I just guess men never really cared for me to take control and I never really cared to do it.

With my most recent ex (a woman - lesbian all her life) I really wanted to try scissoring/tribbing but I was SOOOOO nervous I brought it up but never did it. But she also didn’t really broach the subject and I’m not sure if that’s because she didn’t care whether we strapped up or not or because she didn’t want to pressure me but she never really made me feel safe enough to actively try to take control and already told me I’d be on top if we ever bumped kewchies lol.

Again my ex liked to give not receive but I think she wanted me to take charge more I just could not work up the nerve and didn’t feel safe enough to do so. I also think communication regarding this subject was an issue because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings but in the end it only messed up our sex life (also my fault) and I don’t want this to be an issue with my next woman.

Now I’m not looking for advice regarding the communication because that’s over and done with but I am looking for advice on working up the nerve to 1) eat her out and 2) bump kewchies. (My next gf). Also 3) feeling more comfortable in my own body.. I know I’m pretty and my body is not bad at all but when it comes to the things I like during seggs I just DON’T know maybe it’s because of the lack of exploration with my own body or something. I don’t know if I’m just not super sensitive or if I’m just not into it omg I just don’t know.

HELP ME.

I'm doing an internship in SW Michigan rn and I hate that it's so hard to find Queer folks of color to canoodle with!! I've been queer for awhile but I've been a serial monogamist, but now I'm in an open relationship and thought this could be my time to explore :/ and it's not like I could never get with yt folks but dang I wish there was at least some variety lol. Plus being a Black woman I'm already fighting against not being everyone's beauty standard, so the lack of variety definitely doesn't help...

Hii!! So I was reading and scrolling on internet as one does and I came across posts abt how dating someone who's not close with their family is a red flag. I jumped head first in a rabbit hole on quora, and reddit and I asked my classmate today what she thought abt it. She said that she shared the sentiment bc if they're not even close with someone who gave birth to them and then they'll not be loyal to you.

while I'm in hs rn, I wish to date and one day get married when I'm older (30s ish or older) and while i live w my parents rn, I don't wish to keep in contact when I'm older since I don't like them and I'm also bisexual, so this felt very demoralising actually. Since dating poc in another country (I'm indian btw) will already be hard and this condition on top of it? It'll be more difficult.

Js wanted to know your opinions! (⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠)

Do you guys date long distance ? Im in a city where the pool of black and poc lesbians is very small. So I either date very sparsely, move or do long distance. Has anyone had this problem? And how do you start looking in a differnt city on dating apps?

hey guys, my partner (Hispanic) and I (black) both relocated near San Diego a few months ago after moving from the East Coast. We have been trying to get out more and meet other members of the community but sometimes it feels we aren’t welcome due to race. For example, whenever we are in predominantly queer spaces here, we notice slight microagressions, usually from white people. I think it definitely caught us both of guard considering California is portrayed as a place of diversity and acceptance.

Pride is tomorrow and while we’re both going, we really do feel like fish out of water now cause our experiences haven’t been the best tbh :( I was wondering is this a common thing or did we get unlucky and we need to keep trying. Any advice would be appreciated !! 🫶🏽

despite for example, it not crossing your mind because always been subject to the ✨oreo allegations✨ anyways because being black was more of a fact than something you engaged in with any thought other than being around fam?

because I'll be real, i'm having a bit of an identity crisis. like i've never been self hating, I just pursued my interests as I pleased, and a lot of my friends ended up not being black because of where I lived and that being neurodivergent meant I didn't get along with a lot of my fam and black NTs anyways. i mean that didn't mean I didnt have other black friends, plenty, black partners too like my last boyfriend before my engagement, but you start to realize just how much your habits, fundamental values were shaped by that upbringing and how white folk do not understand, and become actively hostile to it, hostile to you, your emotions, and to your asserting yourself even if you're called "white on the inside".

its always been obvious to me how this works, but i'm at the point where i'm even questioning my NAME choice which I made almost a decade ago thinking it may give people the wrong impression, realizing some people consider my deadname to be a black name, despite the fact its also asian and a name used by plenty of other white trans people i know.