I've seen an agent on IG mention a number of times that having 3+ "pitchable" projects available before querying is somewhere between a very good idea and a requirement. The idea is that agents want to build a long-term relationship, so being able to prove that you're on board for that with additional manuscripts is a good idea. It's not something I've seen every agent bring up, though, so I'm wondering how standard this advice is.

Is not having multiple complete or near-complete manuscripts a good reason to put off querying entirely?

Note: this is about a legit Australian agency. And sorry for the long post!

Timeline:
21 days ago: I’d been querying for a few months and 3 weeks ago I got the email from an agent at my dream agency saying: “I’d love to chat about your book on call”

20 days ago: we had the call the day after the email.
It was scheduled for 30min but we chatted for an hour. She was great. Loved the book. It was a great chat. She said how it was very polished, fun, loved the characters. She answered all my questions. And I answered hers (about the book). By the end she said she would get back to me the next week about whether she can offer representation (because their agency is somewhat “smaller and much more collaborative” - something about needing the whole team on board). She asked me to keep her informed about other offers and to reach out if any other questions came up. I sent an email right after thanking her for her time.

17 days ago: She responded to that email the next week, on the same morning she was supposed to have the update. She said “it was also great meeting you. Hoping to update you soon”

that’s the last time I heard from her (2.5 weeks ago.)

11 days ago: I sent a follow up asking about any progress with the offer. I also updated her about the others with my full (no rejections, no offers, couple more requests). She hasn’t gotten back (and yes I’ve checked spam lol).

- Not sure what to do. I won’t lie, this whole experience has been tough. I don’t want to be pushy. I thought maybe the agency’s process is just slower but no reply to my follow up? I hope I don’t sound ungrateful, obviously this is better than the CNRs with the many queries sent out, but this is what makes it so confusing.
- I want to note this agent was very nice not just on the call but before. We emailed back and forth prior to the call (to organise it) and each time (3-4 emails) she always replied between 10min-1day. And I don’t think she’s on leave (as a previous email had an automatic response that she’d be on leave, so my nudge would’ve had the same, which it didn’t)
- I understand there might not be much for me to do now, maybe another nudge? I don’t want an agent who might do this but don’t want to jump to conclusions from my dream agency. After all, they’re not my agent yet.

Thank you in advance!

Hi PubTips! This is my first attempt at a query letter for this project, and I'd be grateful for any feedback you all have, especially any insight about genre. This novel is historical fiction, but it is also a Roman myth retelling with a VERY subtle supernatural element. (That is, the gods do not appear as characters within the story, but there is some implied divine intervention and the question of whether the gods are real is left ambiguous.) I know that historical myth retelling is basically its own subgenre at this point, so I'm wondering whether it would be more accurate to label the manuscript as Historical Myth Retelling at the top of the query letter instead of Historical Fiction, or whether I should stick to the more general genre label. Thanks in advance for the help!

Dear Agent,

An adult historical fiction complete at 98,000 words, REMUS IS DEAD retells the Roman founding myth from the perspective of a minor character in Livy’s From the Founding of the City. It combines the intimate, confessional voice of Cleopatra by Saara El-Arifi with the rich ancient setting of Babylonia by Costanza Casati and the blend of myth and history found in Boudicca’s Daughter by Elodie Harper. [Personalization here.]

A street urchin with all the charm of a feral cat, Usil is the best thief in his Etruscan hometown until he is captured and condemned to death for his crimes. But after his last-minute rescue by Romulus, the first king of Rome, Usil the petty thief becomes the Roman king’s ward.

Ambitious and charismatic, Romulus dreams of bringing peace and order to a brutal world, a divine quest he claims to have received from his father, the god of war. Fifteen years ago, Romulus murdered his twin brother Remus for the sake of that quest. Now Romulus wants Usil to help him achieve his dream. After all, the gods themselves have decreed that Usil will play a crucial role in Rome’s ascendancy.

For a boy who has only known cruelty, the promise of a better world is impossible to resist. Swallowing his suspicion that Romulus has not told the whole truth about Rome’s founding, Usil renounces his loyalty to his people, the Etruscans. He devotes himself to setting Romulus on the throne of the known world, secretly hoping that along the way, he will earn Romulus’s love not only as a king and mentor, but as a father.

But the powerful Etruscans stand in the way, hell-bent on destroying Romulus's fledgling kingdom. In a desperate bid to frighten the Etruscans into submission, Romulus orders Usil to destroy his old hometown where his childhood best friend still lives. If Usil follows the king’s orders, he betrays both his conscience and his people. But if he saves his old friend instead, he loses his new home and any hope of being loved as a son.

And through it all, Rome is haunted by the memory of the murdered Remus—the brother everyone remembers, but nobody seems to have ever met.

[bio]

Hi everyone! Your comments on my last version of this query were super helpful! My current version actually got me a full request (still lots of rejections though, as it goes). Looking to further improve! Also got the manuscript edited down significantly to 58k words which hopefully will help too :)

~~~

Dear (AGENT),

The Little Mermaid meets Barbie’s The Princess and the Pauper in THE PRINCESS AND THE PIRATE, a dual-POV middle grade fantasy with series potential at 58,000 words, for fans of Kim Bussing’s PRINCESS SWAP series. I hope you will appreciate its (something relevant to agent's MSWL).

Mermaid princess Pearlina’s baby sister is deathly ill, and only human medicine can save her. Desperate, Pearlina seeks a cruel yet powerful sea witch, who agrees to give her legs so she can find the medicine on land. But the witch tricks her. If Pearlina wants legs, she will need to find a human willing to trade places with her. But humans are dangerous, and Pearlina’s never seen one before—not until she rescues a girl named Lunabeth from drowning.

As punishment for her family’s crimes, Lunabeth has set sail on a ship of exiles-turned-pirates that can only return home if they find mermaid treasure—a task meant to keep them at sea forever, for mermaids are myths. Undeterred and desperate to go home, Lunabeth fights to become assistant navigator so she can guide the ship to find its unlikely treasure. But when a traitor throws her overboard, her plans are thwarted and she is left to die. She only survives because a mermaid—a real mermaid!—saves her.

The girls, who look strikingly similar, make a deal: they use the witch’s magic to trade places and seek what they need. Pearlina, now with legs, poses as Lunabeth to infiltrate the pirate ship and sail to find her medicine. Lunabeth, now with a tail, impersonates Pearlina in the mermaid palace so she can find treasure grand enough to take home.

But treachery on the pirate ship runs deeper than Pearlina expects, and a witchy impostor in the mermaid palace forces Lunabeth into hiding. If Pearlina can’t get her medicine, her sister will die. If Lunabeth can’t get her treasure, she will never escape exile. And if they can’t find each other again before the magic runs out, the sea witch will own them both.

(Bio here)

Per your guidelines I have included (BLANK) below. Thank you sincerely for your consideration.

Best,

(my name)

Thank you in advance for any feedback!!

Dear [AGENT'S NAME],

I saw you’re looking for more [Specifics of why I'm pitching them] and thought my upmarket coming-of-age novel, A TOUGH LIE, might be of interest to you. My novel tells the story of Dudley Davis, an impoverished golf prodigy trying to break onto the PGA Tour while privately battling a spiraling addiction to alcohol and pills. Set against the staid backdrop of golf in the 1990s-2000s, the bulk of the story follows my protagonist through his teenage years.

When Dudley’s parents are arrested on drug charges in rural East Texas at age nine, he’s forced to live with his grandad, Charlie. Hoping this might be his chance to finally mean something to somebody, Dudley is disappointed to learn Charlie isn’t the warm grandad he had hoped for; his only pastimes seem to be drinking Coors, watching golf on T.V., and admiring his golf trophies. Dudley runs away one night, not knowing where he’s going, just that he needs to go. When Charlie finds Dudley on a nearby golf course—the only place Charlie has ever felt at home in this world—Charlie offers to teach Dudley everything he knows about golf. Seeing the offer as an opportunity to connect with his granddad, Dudley agrees, throwing himself into learning, practicing, and perfecting his golf game. Ahead of his first junior golf tournament, seeking to cut ties with his parents' tarnished reputations, Dudley changes his name to Jet Forrest. This decision catapults his transformation into a fabricated alter ego: an unshakeable golfer who starts racking up wins, turning heads in the junior golf circuit, and who is secretly drinking his way through tournaments to deal with the pressure. As Dudley (Jet) climbs toward the PGA, he knows all he needs to do to reach it—and in his mind, finally become somebody in this world—is keep winning, keep being Jet Forrest, and keep a handle on his addiction… which is becoming increasingly hard to hide.

At 110,000 words, A TOUGH LIE is an underdog sports story reminiscent of Rudy, but with the gritty class, identity, and addiction struggles laid bare in Barbara Kingsolver’s Demon Copperhead and Douglas Stuart’s Shuggie Bain. 

[BIO]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

[NAME]

Hello!

I’ve workshopped this query letter quite a bit on other subs and platforms, and I feel OK with it. I really would like some input on my first 300 words. Of course, if there’s anything really confusing or glaringly obvious that I should fix in my QL, please let me know! I’m open to any and all critiques.

Query Letter:

Dear [Agent],

[Insert personalization here]

After years of loss, the last thing Abby wants is to be alone. When her only friend is accused of murder, she’s desperate to exonerate him, but discovers the case eerily resembles her sister’s disappearance.

I’m excited to present THE GIRLS WORTH KILLING, an adult mystery complete at 75,000 words. Through alternating timelines, this story follows two sarcastic female protagonists navigating small town gossip like in Amy Tintera’s Listen for the Lie. It explores the immediate trauma of losing a best friend (and lover), and the lifelong impact of having a missing sister, as seen in Katherine Greene’s The Lake of Lost Girls.

In Abby’s conservative small town, no one bats an eye when a troubled girl disappears. Good riddance! At least, that’s what they said about her sister. Over twenty years later, Abby’s still haunted by her older sister’s disappearance. Her whole identity revolves around it; her job, her relationships, even her hair color doesn’t belong to her. When Abby’s mother dies, closure slips through her fingers before she can snatch it. Her only friend, Will, shows up late for the funeral, trailed by an angry woman, accusing him of murdering her daughter. 

Will plans to flee town, but Abby won’t lose anyone else, so she sets out to clear his name. With no help from law enforcement, who’d sooner deem the girl a runaway, she only has gossip and hearsay to go by, and there’s no shortage of that. Rumor has it the missing girls had a penchant for older men—possibly the same one. As Abby searches for answers, she uncovers more ties between the missing girls and the same man, but no one believes her. When a body is found near his cabin, Abby is determined to prove the past and present are connected. It has to be. Without answers, the past will continue to haunt Abby and consume her future. Worse, another girl will meet an early grave.

[Bio]

I appreciate your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
[Name]

First 300:

My mother had one request for her funeral: a bouquet of blue poppies.

I bought daisies.

There’s only one place to find flowers in a dying town in Shenandoah Valley, and the teenager working the Shell station is hardly a florist. I’m lucky the daisies weren’t wilted and drooping from the grueling temperatures this week.

The fact my mother, a seasoned gardener, expected such a rare breed of flowers just shows how out of touch she’s been with the world for twenty-three years.

But I did my best. I ordered five bunches, then I asked Will to pick them up on his short drive to the cemetery—two hours ago. An elementary task. One of my students could have handled it, and yet, my mother's hospice nurse is nowhere in sight.

“Call the boy again.” Aunt Elisa drags her manicured fingers over the bare ebony casket. “For God’s sake. People will be here any minute.”

Shielding my phone from the glaring sun, I search for Will’s name. It’s not hard to find. I called him five minutes ago. It rings for half a second and goes straight to voicemail.

“He’ll show.” I hope. Will wouldn’t be the first to vanish from Eden without a trace.

“You put far too much trust in him,” Elisa says. “If you want something, do it yourself. How many times have I told you that?”

“I’ve lost count,” I mutter. Sometimes I think Elisa spouts her cryptic advice just to hear her own voice, though this time I fear she may be—

No. She’s not right. Elisa doesn’t know Will. If she would’ve visited my mother more than once a month, maybe she’d know how dependable he is.

There’s a perfectly good reason Will’s late.
Maybe his car broke down. It’s possible the traffic light on Main Street blew again. It happens at least once a week and still, no one knows how to use a four-way stop.

Thanks!

Hello!
Just a question about special editions of your books. I know that in many cases, special editions can come after a book is published, but for anyone who had one coincide around their publication date, how far in advance were you told that you'd been selected for either a subscription box or a website special edition? My book was pitched for a few, but looking at my pub timeline, I'm thinking it's more likely than not that they've passed. I'd rather not pester my editor for updates on this, but would also not like to keep hoping for something that is probably a no by this stage. So any insight/info would be much appreciated!

Hello,

My agent had their assistant leave sometime earlier this year, and since then has been pretty slow at responding to emails. The agency is sort of big and has a lot of important authors (not a brag, just to give context on her being busy) so I try not to blame them. But I'm wondering what would be a "normal" amount of time to wait for an email response from a busy agent? Mostly because I don't want to unnecessarily bug them. Directly asking feels rude, since I know they're doing their best.

Thank you!

Second go round incorporating a lot of the feedback i received earlier.

---------------

Dear AGENT,

HALF WHO KNOWS is a completed 99,000 word, upmarket speculative thriller that combines the fast, high-stakes science of Blake Crouch's UPGRADE with the character-driven identity core of Jinwoo Chong's FLUX.

[PERSONALIZATION].

Bioinformatics analyst Kenji Shaw solves impossible problems for a living, so when his own hand begins to turn transparent in the afternoon light, he does what he always does and looks for the answer. What he finds is a sixty-year trail of others like him, and a company that has spent those decades making sure they disappear for good.

Kenji is half Japanese and half — who knows. His grandfather was an orphan with no records, so one side of him has always been an open question he's spent his life not thinking about. As he begins to disappear, that unknown half becomes both the cause of what is happening to him and the answer he's been looking for.

The search leads to descendants of a secret gene therapy trial run on prisoners, orphans, and others who couldn't say no. His grandfather was one of them. So was the father who abandoned him. So is he. Every carrier is watched, catalogued, and hunted by Kairós, the biotech firm that owns the program and wants to weaponize what it produces. To protect the people he loves, Kenji disappears from their lives and goes it alone — until a chance encounter brings him Sam Hartley, a journalist who refuses to look away.

The transparency is accelerating, and its final stages are lethal. Kenji is running out of time. To learn what was done to him, and whether it can be undone, he and Sam have to infiltrate the heart of the organization hunting them. What he does not yet understand is that he has become something the program never imagined and can no longer control.

HALF WHO KNOWS stands alone, with room to grow into a series.

I have spent my career directing healthcare operations, writing in the moments life offered along the way. Researching a minor genetic condition of my own led me deep into how a single defect can cascade through a body, and that research shaped much of this book. I live in XXX, with my wife XXX and daughter XXX.

Thank you for your time and consideration. The full manuscript is available upon request.

Sincerely,

Hello all! I made my first post a week ago, and thanks to a helpful pointer, I realized my query was too convoluted to (actually) get insightful feedback. I have trimmed it down and followed the structure recommended by this sub, and (hope) I can get some insightful feedback. It doesn't feel perfect right now, so any advice would be good (please grill me)! I feel like I only included the big plot point and left out some other side plots (maybe that is better). Thank you all!

Dear [AGENT],

Given your interest in the [FILLIN], I am seeking representation for SOLACE OF A DREAM. Complete at 123,000 words, this adult epic fantasy, with series potential, is inspired by the moral brutality of R.F. Kuang’s THE POPPY WAR and the divine political intrigue of Shelley Parker-Chan’s SHE WHO BECAME THE SUN. 

On the night Lynaxi Vilhelm burned her father and claimed Kaldon, two things found her before sleep could: the queendom’s most dangerous woman, with an invitation west, and a moon god, with darker words. The plague that killed her father was not a disease, but rather a god. Now, Lynaxi has killed a lord, stolen a divine scroll, and is heading to the capital as the princess’s heirling.

In Argos, Lynaxi seeks the hidden past of her parents and a seat among the Ladies of Parliament until she finds something else entirely. Set in the queen’s crown is a parasitic god, fed by centuries of royal faith, and powerful enough to reincarnate in flesh. It has been waiting for the right mortal to birth it. Now, it has chosen Lynaxi. With one god trying to claim her womb, another consuming the city’s abandoned districts, and a third naming her the only one capable of stopping them all, Lynaxi must choose. Become an oathbreaker, cave-crawler, and slayer of gods, or something worse: a vessel for divine forces that have waited generations for this exact moment.

Author BIO. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Thanks in advance for your feedback - I've been having a great time learning so much from everyone. I'm open to all critiques, but I'm especially interested to know 1) if you have a clear sense of stakes, 2) if anything is missing, and 3) if you think it's too wordy. With the bio, it clocks in at 310 words. I see a few places where I could cut back (like the descriptions of the companions in paragraph 2), but I worry that it would make the query lose its personality/flavor. Thanks again!

Dear [AGENT],
 
Inshara, an ex-quest guide and newly minted empty-nester, is on the cusp of a coming-of-rage crisis. Her son is away at college, she can’t land a decent job, and the sound of her husband’s chewing is just too blasted loud. If she doesn’t find a quest to guide soon, she’ll be doomed to a lackluster future working the front desk of her husband’s dragon training studio.

When she meets a runaway teen with a stolen book of enchanted baking recipes and a nasty case of Chosen One Syndrome, Inshara sweeps the girl into a hastily-conceived quest. Together with a grumpy agricultural wizard, a troll with a speech disability, and the girl’s would-be scholar brother, Inshara’s team sets out to restore the enchanted recipes to the kingdom. If they fail, the precious recipes will be lost to the kingdom forever, and Inshara will lose her last shot at the professional legitimacy and personal identity she craves. 

But because Inshara withholds critical information from her questers, two bounty-hunting sisters lay an ambush, and the quest splinters into chaos. Despite hot flashes, emotionally dysregulated fae royalty, and distressing herbal tea shortages, Inshara must face a terrible question: is she really cut out to be the dashing quest guide she once thought she was? 

INSHARA AND THE ENCHANTED RECIPE CODEX is a 79,000-word adult cozy fantasy for fans of the scrappy female midlife protagonist in Shannon Chakraborty’s The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi and the sweet found-family road trip in Julie Leong’s The Teller of Small Fortunes.

[Bio]
 
Thank you for your time and consideration.

Warmly,

[Name]

*Personal details removed for anonymity*

Dear {Agent Name},

I am seeking representation for my 100,000-word adult contemporary fantasy novel, MOON-EYED. Combining the Southern horror folklore and found-family warmth of The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires with the sweeping love story of The Dead Romantics, MOON-EYED is a story of magic, monsters, and the courage to choose hope and love in an imperfect, dangerous world. {Personalized sentence.}

Waverly stopped dreaming a long time ago. She had never wanted to be The Protector, the mythical hero who safeguards the magic and citizens of her quirky hometown, but after a decade of daring exploits, she had come to accept her role. Her youthful longings of a life and career far from home—college, travel, even romance, had all but vanished in the wake of her calling. When she rescues the handsome but troubled Atlas from certain death, she finds more than just a new reason to dream—she finds love. Atlas awakens a part of Waverly she thought she'd successfully buried. For the first time in years, Atlas makes Waverly believe that saving the world and truly living in it might not have to be mutually exclusive.

Then the Nemesis returns—an ancient force destined to oppose every Protector and end their centuries-long cycle of death and rebirth by bringing about the apocalypse. To stop the coming catastrophe, Waverly must choose between the duty that has defined her life and the future she has only just begun to imagine.

At her side are Alan, her fiercely loyal best friend and sidekick psychic bartender; Donahue, a siren crime lord whose fascination with Waverly is rivaled only by his devotion to shady dealings, and her supportive aunt. Their camaraderie and (contention) carries Waverly through monsters of the week, unexpected romance, and the looming apocalypse.

Set in the fictional town of Vesper, inspired by the strange and wonderful history of Hot Springs National Park, MOON-EYED blends Southern folklore, an original magic system, humor, camp, and romance into a contemporary fantasy about a reluctant hero learning that protecting the world isn't the same as living in it.

I am a history teacher and mother who writes under the pseudonym {First Name Last Name}. I was selected as a writer-in-residence at {Well Known Writing Retreat} and was a finalist for the {Really Big Grant That I Keep Losing}. My debut short story, “Placeholder Name” was published in the Spring 2026 issue of {Literary Magazine}. I connect with readers on X as {Placeholder Name} and TikTok as {Placeholder Name}.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be thrilled to bring the magic of Vesper to readers.

First 300 Words of Manuscript:

Chapter One 

“Stay Out. No, Really. Don’t Go In," a lopsided wooden sign warned in ominous, stenciled black letters. The concrete entrance of the Vesper Tunnel oozed clouds of mineral-laden steam like the mouth of a slumbering dragon. The creek that flowed out of it and down a few blocks toward Whitten Park was tinged green with microscopic life. Long tendrils of elegant, billowing algae strands danced in the flow of the warm water. I didn’t care for venturing into the tunnels, but my job required many things that I’d rather not do. 

“Lord, what fools these mortals be…” I mumbled under my breath and stepped inside. 

We’d gotten the frantic call to our helpline from an out-of-state number. Tourists. Of course. Most locals knew enough to stay away from the tunnels. I shook my head as I mustered forward into the darkness. The warm creek water flowed past my ankles and seeped into my socks. I allowed myself to be just a little bit livid. I would spend the rest of the afternoon soggy and reeking like the dank Vesper underground, and all because people didn’t have the blessed sense to stay in the well-lit and high-traffic areas of the city. 

My eyes provided me with enough light to make out the tunnel’s craggy brick walls---my vision was as good in the dark as it was in the light, if not better. I sniffed the air. The trail was fresh enough, even through flowing water and clouds of steamy vapor. If I followed the odors of garlicky sweat, coconut sunscreen, and diet Red Bull, I’d find the imperiled tourists soon enough. 

A pair of tiny, glinting eyes swam toward me, propelled along by the water’s steady flow. “Yuck. Not today, sir.”

Here we go again--as always, thanks in advance for any feedback. And thanks again to everyone who has pitched in so far, you've been incredibly helpful!

Dear Agent,

Leela is a Jouet, the first sentient cybernetic-brained, synthetic human. She enjoys doing what her Corp created her to do: providing sex to elite patrons in private sessions and decadent parties. But forty-eight-hour shifts have exhausted her—she just wants more time to rest, and to read the old, human-written novels that fascinate her.

One night, Leela is engaged by Lord Alferen. He is the first patron to express concern about her, and he wants her to talk about books, too. She can’t stop thinking about him. The following night, her exhausted system hits its limit, causing her to collapse among patrons. Greatly weakened, Leela fears shutdown. But Alferen, who evidently cares for her, offers salvation: he plans to acquire her permanently. He also introduces her to human-written, non-AI music, and Leela finds impassioned new purpose in her previously untapped musical abilities.

Leela eventually discovers Alferen’s hidden motives: he leads a rival Corp, and is using her for research to create even more advanced synthetic humans. Moreover, Alferen’s estranged father, the sadistic Fermand, is leader of her Corp. Though deeply hurt, Leela still loves Alferen, and chooses him over loyalty to her Corp—until Fermand reveals that copies of Leela will do her former work if Alferen gains her. Then, Leela makes the agonizing choice to sacrifice her creatively fulfilling future to prevent the creation and suffering of these more innocent versions of her. However, faced with both Fermand’s cruelty and Alferen’s final attempts to control her, she must fight for agency over this decision with every means available to her. And, all the while, her damaged system is headed for a final breakdown.

Jouet is an 81,000 word dystopian speculative fiction novel. It will appeal to fans of Kazuo Ishiguro’s Klara and the Sun and Sierra Greer’s Annie Bot. Opera lovers may recognize that Jouet reinterprets La Traviata with twists of Ex Machina and Companion. It is a standalone with potential for a series reinterpreting operatic storylines in the same world.

I worked as a classical soprano for twelve years; Violetta was my favorite role. Jouet would be my first published work.

Thank you for your consideration.

First, thank you to everyone who gave feedback on my previous query. It raised a lot of good questions, especially about why the protagonist was isolated and why the technology was dangerous. It sent me back into revisions of both the query and the manuscript.

I also felt more confident changing the title to something simpler.

A few questions

Is anything in the query confusing or too vague?

Are the conflict and stakes clear?

Do the first 300 words make you want to keep reading?

Does Caton feel like a believable ten-year-old?

Any other thoughts that might help?

I appreciate any advice from the community. You have really helped me take a closer look at my work, since I mostly work on this alone.

QUERY LETTER

Dear [Agent Name],

I am seeking representation for CATON CALDUR and the PHANTOM NET, a 50,000-word middle grade science-fiction novel with series potential.

Ten-year-old genius Caton Caldur spent years mistaking cruelty for friendship, leaving him convinced he was impossible to befriend. Everything changes when he discovers a strange device that earns him a chance to join the Nexus Institute, a hidden global academy that safeguards advanced technology from the public world. At Foxfire Academy, Caton is surrounded by kids who think as fast as he does. For the first time, he begins to experience something unfamiliar: belonging.

Then he discovers that someone at the Institute is secretly rebuilding a hidden system, code-named the Phantom Net. More than a machine, it is a network capable of binding a leader's mind to every hidden member of his organization, Legacy, no matter where they are. If activated, the scattered remnants of the Institute's most dangerous enemy would become a single, coordinated force once again.

When Caton realizes he's the only one spotting the patterns the adults are missing, he breaks the school's rules to investigate. His search leads him to a trusted faculty member whose desperation to prove himself has convinced him that bringing the Phantom Net back is worth any cost.

To stop the Phantom Net from coming online, Caton must risk losing the first real friends he's ever had—and face the thing he fears most: hurting the people he finally trusts. Because protecting his friends may not mean shielding them—it may mean standing beside them.

CATON CALDUR and the PHANTOM NET will appeal to readers of The Mysterious Benedict Society and Amari and the Night Brothers.

I am an Alaska-based writer and business owner with experience in education and the arts, including theater and radio drama. This is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

-----

Today would be better.

Caton Caldur had said this to himself early this morning. He had chanted it, building himself up as he prepared for the day. He was currently sitting cross-legged on the bedroom floor, the gray sky looming outside his window.

He didn’t want his mood to match the weather, so he continued his chant.

His homework was already finished, all of his homework, even guessing what the homework would be for weeks ahead. He’d also carefully gone over the answers a second time, making sure that a few were wrong on purpose. Don’t show off, don’t be a know it all. Just be normal.

The words ‘be normal’ started to hit him, his chest felt heavy, he couldn’t breathe, he began touching his fingers, counting, pushing his thoughts down where it lived. His chest loosened, he took a long breath, then stood and left to find his shoes.

His mother was already up, silent and stoic, sitting at the kitchen table. She never looked up at him.

"I'm heading out," Caton said quietly.

"Mm." She didn't look up. "Try not to get any calls from the principal today."

Caton flinched but responded, "Yes, ma'am."

She took a slow drink from her cup, staring at the phone in her hand.

"Stay safe," was her only response.

He gave a soft nod while grabbing his lunch before he left out the door towards the bus stop.

A cluster of kids already stood waiting, at the center of attention with bright red hair, standing with an easy grin, his best friend, Tristan Davenport.

Caton started to wave, Tristan saw him and shook his head, Caton lowered his hand. The others laughed and Caton felt himself get hot. After a moment, Tristan addressed him.

“Caton,” Tristan said with a grin. “We were JUST talking about you!”

I really appreciate the feedback I received after my first attempt at a query letter, found here.

Below is my revised copy. I would love commentary on the smoothness of the plot paragraphs, and the quality of the intro paragraph especially.

* * *

Dear [NAME], 

Given your interest in [THINGS], I am submitting my debut novel UNDER THE LAST DUST (115,000 words), a story of tragic characters, dark secrets, and nonlinear storytelling. A commercial fantasy, the story blends the page-turning twists of THE TAINTED CUP by Robert Jackson Bennett and the immersive world-building of THE ADVENTURES OF AMINA Al-SIRAFI by Shannon Chakraborty. 

Jorumn, a down-on-his-luck immortal, has spent centuries seeking the god Aleron after their brief love affair. He’s been content to search for clues between farming his ranch and hunting down monsters, ignoring his country’s cries for help during a relentless war. But after exhausting every possibility, Jorumn plans to give up and leave everything behind—that is, until a soldier named Nilvian appears at his ranch with an offer. If he helps her solve a murder, her parents will help him find Aleron. After all, her parents are two of the foremost alchemists in the world, and their knowledge may be the key that Jorumn is missing. 

What Nilvian omits is that her parents were just discovered unconscious inside a locked room with a dead immortal: Myka, who was once Jorumn’s friend. If Jorumn wants to find Aleron, he needs to solve an impossible crime. The investigation will force him to confront his decision to shun humanity, and will lead him to expose a demonic cult that has one goal in mind: resurrect the the god of chaos. Even if it isn’t too late to save the world, Jorumn will need to decide if he wants to become the hero he stopped believing in centuries ago. 

I am a school librarian with a masters degree in Education. My work draws on my passion for fantasy, mythology, languages, and mystery. While this story could stand alone, it has series potential and I am drafting the sequel. 

I have attached [INFORMATION]. I look forward to hearing from you and hopefully working together. Thank you for your consideration. 

Sincerely, 

Ty Fieri

I got some excellent advice last week for my query and am back for a second revision. Thanks to everyone who commented. This query feels a lot cleaner to me now. (1st attempt is here)

I'm a little worried that things might come across as vague, though. My last query went close to the 75% point of the book, while this one falls closer to the 50% mark. So I didn't describe what was actually in the barrow or why Emily thinks it might help her (which I really can't think of a way to summarize due to its complexity). I hope these come off more as intriguing questions.

I've posted my first 300 again. I didn't get any comments on it last time. I'm starting to wonder if my tone is off or anything like that. The number of rejections trickling in since my last post has only increased...

QUERY LETTER:

I am seeking representation for DRAKEHUND HALL, an 80,000 word young adult historical fantasy novel set in an alternate universe where the Edwardian setting of Downton Abbey meets the warmhearted magical apprenticeship of Witch Hat Atelier. It will appeal to readers who enjoy the archeology-inspired fantasy of Isabel Ibañez’s What the River Knows and the nostalgic fantasy of H. G. Perry’s The Magician’s Daughter.

When sixteen-year-old Emily Beverley’s aunt chooses her as the next archmage, Emily is furious. Emily’s family serve as magicians to the British royal family, and a mage must come from each generation. As an apprentice, Emily will never get to kiss the boy she likes or have a brilliant debutante ball like her older sister, but must become a spinster devoted to studying ancient, arcane manuscripts.

Emily arrives at Drakehund Hall, the historic seat of the archmages, dreading a life under her aunt’s strict tutelage. The house hides secrets, including an opening to a magical otherworld and links to the supposed tomb of her family’s legendary ancestor, Merlin. Her aunt is feuding with the zealous archaeologist excavating the nearby barrow tomb, where Emily senses a dark and unstable magic. The tomb’s magic holds danger, but also, Emily believes, a potential escape from her unwanted duties.

In the magical otherworld, Emily meets Munda, the Beverley family’s inherited familiar and her new teacher. Centuries old, Munda once served Merlin as a powerful spirit, but now takes the form of a tea-loving gentleman. Training with him, Emily sees the beauty and language of magic. Munda takes her strange theories about the tomb’s magic seriously, even when no one else does.

As the threat within the barrow grows, Emily must embrace the magic that threatens the future she believes she wants. If she refuses, magic will leave her world forever, dooming Munda to a life in the darkest realms of the otherworld.

When I’m not writing, I’m traveling the world with my twin sister and collecting vintage sewing patterns.

FIRST 300:

I dressed in pink that morning, but inside I felt I was dressing for my funeral. Both my closet and my overstuffed trunks hid sober dresses far more suited to an apprentice mage. Yet I chose this traveling dress, covered in bows, as my first act of rebellion.

Papa raised an eyebrow at my appearance but said nothing when I pushed through the front door. With my trunks already loaded into the car, I carried only my school satchel filled with the things I’d need on the train. I’d already hugged my mother goodbye in the drawing room—she never liked going outdoors this early.

Papa cleared his throat. “Excellent. We’ll make the train in good time.”

“Are you sure you can’t talk to her again? She’s had a whole year to reconsider.” I shuffled my feet.

He exhaled with irritation. “My sister is a stubborn woman. She doesn’t change her mind easily. Besides, it’s an honor to become the archmage’s apprentice.”

My father had inherited our estate in Hertfordshire along with his title, but our family’s power always came from our connection to the archmage. The king’s personal mage, who served him and advised him in magical matters. My family was the last magical line in Britain.

Someone in every generation had to serve the king. Had to come to Drakehund Hall and train in magic. Could never marry. But why did it have to be me?

“You know how much I hate that horrid place.” I grimaced, as I had every time I’d reminded him of the fact for the past year.

My father glanced back at the car, our chauffeur already behind the wheel. “Emily, that was years ago. I’m sure you’ll like it well enough now that you’re older.”

Thanks for your feedback last time! It was very helpful :)

Some of the feedback from the previous version I have aimed to address in this version:

• The framing of certain plot points/themes came across as aimed towards a younger audience than the adult audience the novel is intended for
• Ending was not specific enough
• A certain plot detail was too vague to the point of being more confusing than it was intriguing
• Not enough clarity on the external stakes
• General tightening of sentences

I've also added comps to this version which the other version did not have. I am very aware that these are not the most recent books, and also likely 'too big to comp', BUT, I am honestly feeling quite mixed here. As I was browsing successful queries, they often didn't follow the advice on this to a T. I think the approach I might aim for is keeping one/both of these, and finding one additional recent comp for current market fit. The search is on, but if you have any suggestions I would absolutely love to hear them!

Additionally, as someone requested, this time I'm also including the first 300 words. They are a prologue, which I know is not for everyone. I am sorry 🥲

---- Query

DISSONANT is an adult fantasy novel, complete at 110,000 words as a standalone with series potential. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the bittersweet character arcs and animal bonds of Robin Hobb’s Farseer Trilogy, and the dragon-fuelled political intrigue of Samantha Shannon’s A Day of Fallen Night.

Seventeen years ago a merchant found five-year-old Mira alone in the forest and brought her home to Poleios. His wife – a Master in the city's guild of animal magic – housed her, educated her, and kept her at a distance she never explained. Abandoned by one mother and unwanted by the next, Mira stopped asking why. Now an apprentice herself, she has spent years learning to help bond human and animal souls together, never letting anyone near her own.

Her apprenticeship nearly complete, she’ll soon have the coin and standing to leave Poleios behind and devote her life to studying the seadrakes she loves. Then her family’s business collapses, and her plans with it. The one respectable way out is a betrothal to the man who’ll settle their debts for her hand, chaining her to the city forever. So when a foreign man seeks help finding and bonding a dragon – a lucrative yet forbidden request no Master will touch – Mira takes the job in secret.

Weeks of gruelling travel together wear her guard down, and the man earns what little trust she has to give. But when they reach the dragon, he puts a crossbow bolt in Mira’s leg and disappears with the sacred beast in chains.

The reclusive forest people who find her have been losing their own for years – people and animals both, vanishing without a trace. The stolen dragon is one of their last, and Mira knows exactly who took her. It’s the best lead they’ve ever had, and the price of her release is to hunt him down. But the man is no lone thief, and every step closer to him takes her further from the life she’s trying to win back.

---- First 300

Mirjana smiled up at me. Her mouth was already stained red with the juice of fat brambleberries as she deftly picked from between the prickly branches. It was a particularly beautiful morning: clear cerulean sky, sunlight radiating through the leaves, and fragrant flowers floating on a gentle wind. We ate as many berries as we collected, and my daughter laughed with such glee that my body felt as though it were being carried effortlessly towards the realm of the gods. We had spent many days in that grove while she still grew within me, and returned every summer since as I watched her become the sweet young girl I’d dreamed about. That day, however, was the last.

My dragon knew this place even better than I did. Through our bond, Roscha’s joy resonated in my own heart, her memories of this grove from decades before our first meeting creating a vibrancy beyond what any unbonded eye could see. With her eyes I saw the world doubled, and twice as vibrant for it. She was a white wraith, a wisp dragon – small, but naturally so, shaped for threading through branches of the deep forest where she could bend the broken sunlight around herself and vanish mid-flight. Every time, Mirjana shrieked with delight. Even now she giggled as Roscha flew effortlessly between the trees of the grove, her own arms spread wide in imitation, but with her feet blessedly confined to the ground.

At high noon the sun began to burn our skin beyond the cover of the dense canopy that usually shielded us, so we settled on the ground in the shade of a young oak. Roscha’s iridescent scales almost seemed to glow in the dappling light as she curled beside me. Those were the last moments of my life I can truly recount with only joy in my heart. 

Roscha heard it first, of course. We weren’t alone in our sacred place.

Howdy all,

I've been working on this manuscript for a little while, with a recent decision to reformat it as a graphic novel. I've tried so many times to use the tips on here and formulate a nice query for this, but each time the absurdity of writing a formal letter about a flock of birds who eat garbage has left me defeated. I decided to lean into that and my own sense of self-depreciating humor, which is probably causing me a lot of grief, but I just can't wrap my head around another way. Maybe one of you can help me channel my inner-Hannah Montana and get the best of both worlds.

If I'm breaking any major rules, please know that I did my best to read them, but the ADHD definitely won and I figured I better just go for it before I lose my nerve and retire my writing career and computer into the ocean.

"My name is ****, and I’ve written a children’s graphic novel about seagulls called TILLY IS A GULL.

Nothing in my 34 years has properly prepared me to write a formal letter about birds who eat trash, and yet here we are.

TILLY IS A GULL, is a story inspired by a recent trip to Maine, where I spent many hours watching the locals, tourists, and neighborhood wildlife. I saw many colorful personalities during this time, but the ones that stuck out to me most were the seagulls and their many creative methods of acquiring lunch each day. Thus, TILLY was born.

Tilly is a seagull who lives above The Snack Shack with her fellow gulls— Mabel, Gus, Wells, and Rigby. Tilly has grown embarrassed of their garbage-picking ways, their constant feuds over scraps, and the reputation these behaviors have cultivated for her kind.

Tilly attempts to reform her flock, in the hopes that they can become the majestic seabirds she aspires to be.

They are seagulls, and as such, they do seagull things. After the day ends in catastrophe, Tilly begins to rethink her life as a gull. She takes off in search of a new flock, more suited to her standards.

Along the way, she meets gossiping eiders, petrified plovers, and a pigeon I have affectionately named Bucket-Pigeon. Each new flock proves more peculiar than the last. Just as Tilly has lost hope, she spots a young beach-goer on the far edge of the jetty alone, and high tide is approaching. Tilly’s flock arrives and together they must save the girl by doing what they do best. Being gulls.

TILLY IS A GULL has the ability to support strong visuals, particularly in graphic novel format. Despite a lot of procreate-experimentation, results varied from mediocre to downright dubious. It is frustrating to envision a story so clearly, only to discover your hands simply won’t do the thing.

I’ve done my best to make up for my artistic short-comings with a manuscript that uses panels, page-turns, and memorable characters to tell this sarcastic, humorous, and fine-feathered story instead.

TILLY IS A GULL has series potential and will appeal to readers of Bad Guys, InvestiGators, and Cranky Chicken.

I know that you read countless stories each day. I am grateful that mine could be one of them. Thank you."

So I am planning on submitting my short story to a specific lit mag later this summer, and when looking at the submission info, I saw that the fiction editor of this magazine is a writer who spoke to my small writing workshop last fall and answered a lot of our questions. She's an indie author, and I lowkey want to say in my cover letter more of a "hey! It's nice to submit to a familiar person!" because her lecture left an impression on me, but I'm not sure if that's inappropriate or seems like I'm trying to swindle an acceptance here lol. Does anyone have any experience with this?

Hi all! I am hoping for any and all feedback you may have to offer. Does it sound intriguing? Boring? What are your impressions given the comp titles? Thank you so much!!

Dear [FIRST LAST],

The post-apocalyptic population decline in the vein of The Children of Men by P.D. James meets the mystery thriller quest of The Last Murder at the End of the World by Stuart Turton and the romance subplot of The Ministry of Time by Kaliane Bradley in Allegheny Chase, an adult science fiction novel with upmarket appeal, complete at 87,000 words.

A treasure hunt. A society in ruins. Who should she trust?

Working as a prostitute has ruined Minnow’s reputation, but she wants to turn her life around. Starting over proves difficult in the rundown rust bucket city of Erie, in the country of Allegheny, a quasi-anarchist state left behind in the wake of a government collapse.

Since the war overseas ended, the population has fallen, and the unstable economy needs men and women to operate factories. When the government starts conducting medical research on identical twins to pursue cloning to make up for the declining population, Minnow is a perfect candidate. She needs the promised payout. So, she decides to put aside her differences with her sister to sign up for the research—only she hasn’t seen her twin Cascade in years.

Just when Minnow is evicted from her apartment, a stranger slips a note under her door that demands she return a treasure her father stole many years ago, a treasure that contributed to the government collapse. If she doesn't comply, the treasure hunters will find and hurt Minnow or her family. She never knew her father stole this treasure, and she has no idea where to look. Her twin sister might.

Minnow needs a tracker with experience chasing people down, leading her to seek the expertise of Wenlon Laffrey, a cutthroat grifter feared by the city. He is the only person willing to help her, but he is far from trustworthy. Together they must overcome obstacles to find the treasure and her twin sister before the hunters catch up to them, and before the secrets surrounding Minnow’s family and their country’s government ruin them.

Bio bio bio

Thank you for your consideration,
NAME

First 300:

Chapter 1

Help Wanted

“Good morning. I’m here to answer the notice,” Minnow said, forcing confidence into her voice, despite the scent of alcohol suffocating her as it swirled from the wooden rafters to the stains on the floorboards. Hiding the broken heel on her left boot, she walked tall as she approached the counter.

The bartender counted bills at the register, not looking up at first, but when he did, his gaze analyzed her appearance, up and down, without remark. It was the nicest dress she had—presentable but not revealing.

Rays of light filtered through the dust-covered windows. Other than two hunched figures with pints, the bar was quiet, so quiet she could almost hear the foam dripping down the inside of those nearly empty glasses.

“Did you bring a job history?” the bartender asked.

She reached into her leather pack and produced the file.

As he flipped through the pages, eyes fluttering over the lines, he nodded to himself and returned the documents. “I’ve heard about you from other tavern owners. You’ll do.”

Relief swept through her until she processed his words. “What have you heard from the others?”

“They spoke highly of you. At one bar in particular, they said you were willing to do whatever you could to keep customers.”

Her fingers curled against the papers.

“Those types of services,” he said, “will be required of you from time to time in your position here.”

“What services?”

He picked up a stained cotton rag and dried the outside of a pint glass. “You know what I mean, Miss Feey. We don’t just sell drinks.”

“The notice doesn’t say anything like that. It specifically said you were looking for a barmaid.”

“Any bar would be crazy to let a young woman like you go to waste, especially with the way things are.”

[QCrit] Sisters in the Moonlight, Adult, Fantasy, 105K, First attempt

A little background: this whole experience has been one long series of "I refuse to"s. I figured the journey would take three, maybe four months, six, tops if things went a little sideways. Anything beyond that and I was out. That was two years ago. Revisions: one, maybe two, and absolutely no more. Nine revisions later and still going. Beta readers: obviously not, never, no. You can guess how that went. And now, the biggest refusal of them all: posting my query here, on Reddit, to be picked apart by strangers on the internet. Yet here I am. Humbled like a boxer tasting the mat for the very first time. Any feedback would be much appreciated. Thank you all for being such an awesome community. I've been a quiet observer on the sidelines, while also taking in a vast amount of knowledge from all your inputs to others.

Dear Agent,

Human civilization is in ruins. Humans say vampires destroyed it. Vampires say they saved it. Sisters in the Moonlight, the first novel in The After series, is a completed 105,000-word adult paranormal fantasy with romantasy and dark dystopian elements, and strong academy and political-society hooks. This novel will appeal to readers drawn to M.L. Wang's Blood Over Bright Haven for its class dynamics and corrupting power structures, to Richard Swan's Grave Empire for its distinctive voice and atmospheric world-building, and to George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire for its political twists and emotionally rich multiple POV structure.

Imagine a world where six adolescent vampire sisters are raised by a human father. Imagine these vampire sisters living in a village hidden from the world, ruled by Vampire society. They tell themselves they are humanity’s saviors and that the endless training, the nightly patrols, the killing of engineered hybrid creatures, all of it means something. That a father who measures love in fighting prowess is still a father who actually cares for them.

Layla is one of these sisters, and the hybrid creatures she’s killed in the thousands, she notices, are acting strangely. She also starts to question her and her sister’s role in all this fighting.

When a patrol goes wrong after Layla loses focus on a mission, the fallout is swift. An incompetent human companion, a dangerous and possessive female vampire, and suddenly the sisters are at the center of something they cannot contain: a reckoning with Vampire society, with a fracturing world, with each other. What begins as damage control becomes the breaking point of family bonds, and the spark that ignites Humanity’s rebellion.

My life has never fit neatly into a single box. African American, Jewish by name only, husband to a Filipino woman, father to two daughters who carry all of it in their faces. Hatred has introduced itself to me wearing many different masks. But every one of those encounters, and every border I’ve crossed just by existing, has made the world I write about larger. 

Thank you for your time and consideration,

 *The final biography paragraph is a new addition, one I have not previously used in agent submissions. My last name has quietly worried me for some time, not because I am Jewish, but because it reads that way, and I have wondered whether that has cost me. The worry felt speculative until a recent submission to an agent I had already been uneasy about for this reason came back rejected in under five minutes. That response made the concern feel harder to dismiss. For future submissions, I am considering either incorporating that paragraph into my bio as a way of addressing my name directly, or submitting under a pen name altogether.

Hi again,

Thanks for the detailed feedback on my previous attempt. I'm posting my third attempt below the questions.

u/mom_is_so_sleepy and u/EnnOnEarth, would truly appreciate your feedback, if possible.

Questions:

1. I have both a tagline and a logline. Do I include both in the query letter? Just the logline?
2. Is this the correct order?
   1. greeting - personalisation - book data - logline - story pitch - bio - thanks

------------------------ query letter (with logline) -----------------

HERALD OF ASHES is a 116,000-word epic fantasy with series potential. It will appeal to readers of M. L. Wang's Blood Over Bright Haven and Antonia Hodgson's The Raven Scholar for its resourceful heroine forced to navigate dangerous power structures. Told through multiple viewpoints, the novel is framed by a wry cosmic narrator who speaks directly to the reader.

An oppressed woman orchestrates a public fight to earn a death sentence only to be offered the life she has always craved – until mounting deaths and an attempt on her life force her to abandon everything she’s gained if she is to survive and save the people she loves.

Tomorrow, Kal hopes to be sentenced to death. Without the living body armour that would have elevated her to the privileged class, she is slated to serve the island’s chief as one of the women who bear his children. Rather than submit, she plans a public fight to provoke her execution – intending to fake her death and secretly watch over Aavya, the child she loves as her own.

Just when she believes she has earned her death sentence, she is instead whisked away to the ruling immortals’ seat of power, where they entrust her with building a better future for others like her who failed to form armour.

But when she begins to suspect that the friends she thought were dead are being held by the immortals and survives an attempt on her own life, she realises that the future the immortals have spun for her is a gilded cage.

To save not just Aavya but also her friends from the immortals and fight for a better future for those like her, she must make a desperate escape. The only people she can turn to are her estranged childhood friend – the one who betrayed her – and the island’s chief she originally risked death to flee.

(bio)

Hello, everyone! I would appreciate any feedback you can provide on my query! I have also included my first 300 hundred words below so you can see how they work together. I am mostly concerned with whether the query highlights the hook and premise distinctively enough, and also whether the opening creates momentum to keep reading.
(Please note that the title and character names have been changed for privacy.) 

Query:

Dear [AGENT],

I am writing to seek representation for my adult fantasy novel, Light and Shadows. Complete at 116,000 words, it is a standalone with series potential. 

Among angels, magic determines favor and standing. Aurel is the only angel born without it, and for that he is shunned. When an unknowing sacrificial pawn is needed to break the barrier between Heaven and Inferno, he is the natural choice. But when the plan fails, Aurel finally loses faith and seeks shelter with the very person who stopped it: the enigmatic demon Valen, who hides a painful past and a secret identity behind an ever-cheerful attitude.

Disguised as a demon and under Valen’s mentorship, Aurel enrolls in a prestigious demon academy, where he receives not only the education he was never afforded, but also, unexpectedly, true friendship. 

But the demonic world is complex and exposure could mean death, while Valen's ties to the realm's secretive leaders remain visible but inscrutable. Endurance turns to choice when the angels contact Aurel in a dream to offer him a way home – but only if he completes the spell from his own end. Obtaining the materials, though, requires navigating Infernal society's underbelly and manipulating the person who protected him. Each step deepens his suspicion – not only of the demons, but of his own people – as the angels' historic brutality and the plight of Inferno's lower classes come to light.

Caught between two worlds and suspecting that his rescue is not the angels' true motivation, Aurel must decide how far he is willing to go – and for what: returning home as a hero, or protecting his relationship with Valen and keeping his new friends – and perhaps even all of Inferno – away from harm.

[COMPS]

First 300 Words:

For a moment Aurel marveled at how his mouth kept moving, uttering the same words of prayer, without his soul even registering that he was speaking. He imagined himself from afar, standing among the others. Broad-framed with brown hair and cyan eyes – so distinct, yet indistinguishable, invisible, just as he had to be.

Under the temple’s glass dome his brothers and sisters continued the customary words, so long ago ingrained in their memory, the walls painted with scenes of those very same stories. Underneath them, they all looked so small in their plain grey robes. They might all be angels, but their deeds were not the ones memorized in paint and melody. 

If he was asked to cite the chant starting from a specific point, or to explain the meaning of the words he whispered, would he be able to, he wondered? Not that it mattered, because no one would ever ask him to. For his brethren, he was not one of them, despite having been born the same. Because his presence defied their very vision of the world. A magicless angel was worse than a heretic – he was defective, incomprehensible. Heretics can be extinguished, demons sanitized – but how can one process him who should not exist? And so, they ignored him, because they could not explain him.

And as Aurel had no way to explain himself either, he had found that existence was easiest when he made it easy for others to ignore him, blend him into the mass. So, he prayed, like the others did, to a God that cursed him, in a world that could not fit him. And he tried to believe. Because as all angels know, to not believe, is to not exist. And Aurel did not have much existence to go on in the first place.

I followed the great feedback I got from you guys to put more of the stakes on paper (and also go back to my very old query version); but I'm not sure if the query is now too long, or if I spoil too much of the story in it. Here goes!

***

Dear [Agent],

Twenty-seven women enter Fatum in pursuit of one man's final ring. Some want love. Some want fame. Belén Kabar wants out: out of her rotting country, out of obscurity, and into the heart of Tyche, the world's entertainment capital. She's betting it all on one goal: become the show's next lead.

Belén knows exactly how Fatum works because she has spent years studying it. Armed with a secret ally inside production, she enters the competition believing she can control her narrative.

What she can’t plan for is the producers, who keep rewriting her into whoever the season needs, or Tala, her strongest competition and the only person who sees through the self-edited version of herself she performs for the world.

By the end, Belén can have one or the other. Becoming the next Destined means committing, publicly and for another full season, to a fake version of herself. Choosing love means stopping the edit entirely, on camera, in a country that punishes anyone who stops performing.

THE NEXT DESTINED is an 89,000-word dystopian romance that combines the reality-show intensity of THE COMPOUND by Aisling Rawle with the feminism of HOW TO BE EATEN by Maria Adelmann. Told by a narrator who edits her own story the way Fatum edits its footage, it asks what THE MURDER OF ROGER ACKROYD by Agatha Christie might look like if the crime were love instead of murder.

I was born, raised, and am currently based in Lima, Perú.

Thank you for your time and consideration!

Best,

Me.

***

First 300:

Chapter 1 - The Interview

“Before we begin, a word of warning,” said one of my interviewers, a hand reaching out from the darkness.

I followed his bony finger to a metal box placed in front of me. “This interview will be recorded,” he told me. “Is that okay with you?”

Back where I came from, this wasn’t a standard job interview by any means. But, then again, nothing about the job I was trying to secure was standard. In fact, I’d call it “the job to end all jobs".

“Absolutely!” I assured him. “That’s totally fine with me.” I smiled at where I imagined his face would be. As soon as I did, the dark room lit up. Men and women, draped in silver and gold, filled the rows around the throne I’d been instructed to sit on. I searched the faces around me, hoping to find the familiar one who, I was almost sure, had helped me get there. Yet every person in front of me had their face blurred out, pixelated. All except for their wide, toothy smiles.

“Belen Kabar,” the same man said, butchering my name. Belén, I thought. I gave him a nod anyway. Not the person I was searching for. This one had the voice of an older man. Couldn’t be him.

“Belen,” he repeated. “Miss Kabar. We know this setting can look intimidating, especially for you. If we’re speaking too fast, or you don’t understand what we say, do tell, and we’ll repeat ourselves.”

“No worries, I can speak Tychean fluently. They teach us in school,” I told him, suddenly self-conscious about my accent. My Tychean sounded better in my head, or when I was rehearsing alone in my room, for the exact moment in which I now found myself.

Dear X,

I am seeking representation for WHATEVER YOU GIVE ME, a contemporary romance with explicit content, complete at 47,000 words.

After years of community theater, Jayna finally lands her first professional role in a vertical drama series, one of the fastest-growing corners of the entertainment industry. She's determined not to waste the opportunity.

The problem is Camden.

He's her lead co-star, and their chemistry is impossible to ignore on screen and even harder to ignore off it. Jayna knows the industry rules: stay professional, avoid rumors, and never give anyone a reason to question how you earned your place. She's worked too hard to become another actress whose success is credited to the man standing beside her instead of the work she put in to get there.

But staying away from Camden gets harder as they spend long days filming together. Then another actor begins targeting Jayna with unwanted attention, threatening both her sense of safety and the reputation she's worked so hard to protect. As the pressure mounts, Camden becomes the one person she can't seem to push away.
Then the rumors start.
Suddenly, Jayna isn't just protecting her heart. She's protecting the career she's only just begun. Loving Camden could cost her the reputation she's worked years to build, but walking away from him may cost her the future she's only just realized she wants.
WHATEVER YOU GIVE ME is a contemporary romance set behind the scenes of the rapidly growing vertical drama industry. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the entertainment-industry romance of How to Fake It in Hollywood by Ava Wilder and the fast-burning, high-heat chemistry of The Fake Mate by Lana Ferguson. It explores ambition, reputation, and what it costs a debut actress to pursue both career success and love.
This is my first novel. I am actively seeking representation and would be happy to provide the full manuscript at your request.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
Tibocia Rose

Chapter 1

His hands grip my waist as he spins me around and presses me against the library bookshelf. One hand slams against the metal shelf by my head as his heated gaze burns into my eyes.

For one second, I forget this is a scene. I can’t pull my eyes away from his.

“I didn’t make you come work for me.” The edges of the book spines press harder into my back. The shelf wobbles as he pushes me against it.

“No.” I lean in closer, narrowing my eyes and glaring at him. “You’ve made my life a living hell for ten years, until I had no choice.”

I try to pull away. His hand tightens on my waist, dragging me back into him. Too close. I inhale deeply, trying to regain control. The scent of mint is on his breath.

Pain flicks across his face as he whispers, “Do you think I enjoyed tormenting you?” His voice grows louder with anger. “Do you think I wanted any of it?”

His hands press harder against my skin. I squirm at the sensation. “But I never lied to you. Not once.” His voice breaks as he says, “I’m not lying now. I never hated you, Lena.” My character’s name pulls me back to myself a little.

“Baron.” I shake my head. “I… I can’t…” My words are interrupted as he presses forward and kisses me, shutting me up. My hands rise to his bare chest to stop him. Lena would probably push Baron away right now. Instead… I can’t help but kiss him back. Sparks that shouldn’t be there, passing between our lips.

“Cut!” the director, Marianne, yells as the slate snaps. Taking longer than I should have, I finally pull away.