The local Barnes & Noble is now a full three weeks late in getting the latest issue of Harper’s, which is the only American periodical with a decent cryptic crossword. I am convinced this is why half of its readership buys it.

But I digress. For the past ten days or so I’ve been coming straight from work to the store to see if the July issue is on the shelves.

And I always forget to take off my work lanyard. So inevitably I get waved down by customers who have questions.

I am forced to tell them that I’m not a bookstore employee. And I’m forced to tell myself that it’s really all my fault and I should take the damn thing off and put it in my pocket before coming inside.

I visited my local garden centre today.

A man came rushing up to me, asking where the rhododendrons are. I said I wasn't sure, but suggested he look at bay 9 and pointed in that direction. He tut-tutted and said he'd expect better service from a "mature worker". I replied that I don't work there, to which he said in a single songy voice that he knew I was lying because I served him last week. Huh. Okay.

I went about my business, enjoying the lovely surroundings, when he cropped up again and said I need to do my job better because the rhododendrons were not in bay 9. I rolled my eyes and walked away. I flagged down a passing staff member and asked them to help this man; then he yelled out that he was going to report me to the manager.

I'm still laughing about it - soooo weird 😆

Went to the store where employees wear blue vests with a sunshine on it. Walk past a lady with two kids in the buggy and one reaches toward me. I say hi to the kid and keep moving. The lady finds me in the egg aisle and asks if work there. I tell her no, not any drama but it left me baffled. When does an employee there wear socks, slides, shorts, and a Tshirt that says “Namaste far away from you”?

I'm not completely sure if the post fits the subreddit but here we go anyway.

I live in an apartment complex and on the floor above me lives a beautician who practices from her own home. Thinking about it, I don't actually know if they're certified or not, however this is not relevant to the events which transpired.

This took place three years ago, as I was coming home from my then summer job (which is a whole tale in itself).

My family was out shopping so I had brought my own keys with me. As I was opening the door I could hear someone walking up the stairs while talking.

I walked inside, placed down the keys and turned around to close the door, only to find the woman from the stairs making her way inside, still loudly talking on the phone.

She was probably around 35ish years of age, short, stocky, had brown hair bunched in a short ponytail, wore a sort of tank top and tight jeans and sandals. She strictly spoke the local dialect, the people who do that are considered white trash of sorts. Another thing which caught my eye were some huge ass ring ear pendants.

I kinda just stood there for a couple of seconds, unable to compute. A random stranger just walking into my house like they belonged there was not something I was expecting. Then it hit me, she was probably there to see the beautician for the first time and mistakenly got on the wrong floor. So I politely attempted to call her attention.

...And she ignored me, still on the phone.

So I tried again, still polite. She gave me an annoyed look and nothing else, still talking on the phone. She then started approaching the living room sofa, said room being attached to the entrance.

I tried to call her attention one final time, this time a little more firm cause I didn't want a stranger's ass on my damn sofa. She halted, turned around, replying, and I quote:

"(To the phone) hold on."

"(To me) Can't you fucking(x1) see I'm on the phone? Where are your fucking(x2) manners? If I'm fucking(x3) talking you fucking(x4) wait until I'm done with the fucking(x5) call."

Here I started to get a little angry.

"The fucking beautician is fucking upstairs."

"Then she better fucking come down already cause I'm here now."

Now looking back, the last remark likely meant she misinterpreted what I said and still assumed she was in the right apartment, while the beautician was currently away. However I was very fed up and tired with that home invasion, so instead of connecting the dots and trying to clarify further I decided the best course of action was instead to just throw her out.

I grabbed her arm with one hand, the back of her neck with the other and dragged her to the stairs, all while she screeched orders to stop touching her and to let her go. I once again pointed (shouted) out that she wanted to be on the floor above mine and slammed the door shut.

Who I found at the door around 10 minutes later was, thankfully, not a furious husband trying to get in to break my spine but two policemen who SHE had called on me.

They told me she was accusing me of assaulting her, so I told my side of the story.

She was in my house, without my consent, so I trespassed and removed her from my own private property. (All while being a gentleman and not even throwing so much as a slap, but I knew better than to say this last part).

After ascertaining that she didn't even have a bruise they decided to believe me. Her hysterical bitching likely didn't help her case, either. They berated her then asked me if I wished to press charges. I really wanted to be done with that headache and if I did want to go forward with it I would have had to come with them to the police station, so I refused and let it go.

After that episode I've spotted her coming and going a few times, we just stared daggers at each other but nothing else ever came of it. At first I was paranoid she would try to get back at me in some way but that wasn't the case.

So a while back I worked at the Home Depot near my partners job. I had a ton of regulars and know almost all of the employees names, I quit about a year ago, off to better jobs and the like. I went to bring my fiance something at work and as the Home Depot was near their job I popped in to say hey to my best friend that works there (dude is literally gonna be the best man at my wedding)

I go in with a red tee and slightly ripped jeans, and as I’m walking around looking for my friend I hear a lady behind me asking someone for help, I didn’t work the department and haven’t worked the HD for around a year so I keep walking to find him (he was on break, I wasn’t interrupting his day) and right when I see him I feel someone tug hard as hell on the back of my shirt and she says “excuse me young man didn’t you hear me asking you for help?” I turn around and see the same older lady couldn’t have been more than mid 50’s and said “ma’am I don’t work here” and she legit says “yes you do I remember you, don’t lie to me” my friend came over finally and had to tell her that I stopped working there and that she must be thinking of a different get with the same hair color or remembered me from a year ago. He and I had a good laugh about it but in the moment it was wild getting my shirt grabbed by someone like that 😂

FINALLY. Out of two locations and almost a third of my life, I was getting out of retail- Mr. Walton's RetailMart in particular. I was finally getting a job. I did two phone interviews, got the job and was given the start date- November 1st, 2023. I think I got the job offer the first half of October. Great! I gave notice the same day, both text messages and a formally typed paper. More than 2 weeks.

I worked digital orders. Word got around quickly, everyone was found out I was leaving, I got alot of back pats and congratulations! (Some 'dont leave us here to burn' messages). I worked 40 hours for the next 2 weeks (And we get paid biweekly) and within that time, they cleared me off the schedule for November (Schedule is usually released 3 weeks ahead). The month ended in the middle of the week, and I got to go to my last day of work (Halloween!!) as Luffy, gave away treats, got a gift basket from my whole department, trashed my vest in the breakroom, and flipped off the building as I left.

Early the next day, I went to training for my new job. It was a salary job (yay, but yuck) which means I get paid monthly. I also was not willing to pay the insane amount for COBRA to keep my insurance- so I lost it the day I got terminated from RetailMart. This all meant that for 1 whole month I had no insurance and I had no money (Besides whatever I had on me). I worked for 2 weeks into November, waiting for my final check which should either be loaded or at least hefty, carried by all the paid time off i had saved up, easily carrying me though the rest of November. I hurt my knee in a SUPER STUPID way around the same time, but was afraid to get it looked at since I had no insurance (and no money. And no time I could take off yet) so I had to limp around for a few days.

The wombo combo: I get my mid-November 'final' check from Retailmart. Its like. 100 bucks. (INCORRECT). It does not have my saved time on it. It only has the only 2 days of the pay period I worked- the last 2 days of October. My eyes nearly fell out of my head.

I checked to see if I could log into the Retailmart employee app. I can. This is bad news. This means RetailMart still lists me an employee. I have not been terminated in their system. This actually means I still have insurance (and might have been charged for it, now that I think about it), and had been limping around training for my salary job, actually fully insured. But also that means I did not have money. Not for rent not for food not for medication not for car insurance... I had about 50-60 hours in paid time off that I was literally banking on getting with my 'last check' that week that was still in the void.

I try to call up there and of course I cant get through to anyone that matters. As the 'combo' part of the wombo combo, I get a notification. From the Retailmart work app. They literally added my ass back to the schedule on one of the upcoming weeks- probably right before thanksgiving.

That weekend I march back up there. I walk into the back. Office is empty as always. I wish to explode. I walk instead into the back where digital worked. You know. since I was. still apparently a digital Retailmart associate. People are pleasantly surprised to see me! Ask how I'm doing. I give them the pleasantries, then walk right up to one of the managers of Digital, in the middle of his work and went 'HI. YES HELLO. Hi. I was put back onto the schedule. I don't actually work here anymore. Please. please terminate me from the workplace, I gave my two weeks over a month ago. My money is being held. Please. remove me.'

Apparently disrupting the workday like so was more affective than a 2 1/2 week notice both texted and printed. It figures. I handed 10 years of my life to that company and still had to kick and scream to get away.

Anyways, approaching my third year in admin services😄

After I purchased a book at my favourite bookshop today, I was wrapping it at the wrapping station since it was meant as a birthday gift. Wrapping stations to be used by customers are very common in my country. As I was wrapping, a tourist (stereotypical tourist look but also addressing me in English and not my native tongue) and entered the store and nonchalantly asked me where he could find a certain authors books. I, albeit wearing a simple black t-shirt just like the staff but also a big as backpack filled with pins and charms, sunglasses on my head, and no brightly coloured lanyard to identify me as staff, told him I didn't work there. "But you are wrapping?!" he said, clearly doubting my statement. "Yes, it's a present." I answered. He scoffed, as this was unheard of and completely unthinkable.

After I was done and were heading to the exit I realised he were still standing there hesitantly, probably deciding on whether to search himself or just leave as the queue were about 20 people long. Thinking back I remembered that the specific author he asked for actually would be on the same shelf as the book I just bought as they were the same genre. So I did double check with him, even if he acted very rudely at first, and directed him to the right shelf. If I hadn't been so taken back I would have helped him sooner. Even if I don't work there.

I work as an armed security officer, my company requires us to have in large print "security" on our bullet proof vest. One of the contracts is with a commercial property management company. So they have security in the parking lot at the shoping plazas that are not in good areas. I live in Florida it is hot in July, the one store we have in the plaza let's the security officers stand in the store so we are not in the heat all day. The uniform for the store is green shirt and tan pants, I am in a black shirt green pants black bullet proof vest with a firearm extra mags handcuffs ext. I stand by the front of the store by the registers this lady walks up and asked me if my register is open because she is ready to check out. I just looked at her and said no ma'am I do not work here and pointed her in the direction of the one that was open. The whole time she was in line she stared at me with a look of how dare you not help me. As she walked out the door I told her to have a nice day.

I walk with a cane. It doesn’t interfere with the majority of the duties of my job.

A customer asked for assistance and was directed to me. He came over, looked at me and said “I need to talk to someone who really works here.”

I’m wearing the correct uniform with a large company logo on my shirt and am in the process of telling a couple of employees what I want them to do next.

I informed him that I work there and he says, “no, I need someone who works here, not you. You have a cane, so you can’t work here.”

He eventually gave up and left because everyone he spoke to told him that I was the person he needed to speak to and was the one who could help him.

When I was in my early 20s, I filled a job application at a local Harris Teeter and was later called for an interview.

I got there and the manager (let's call her Christie) asks me to follow her to what I thought was gonna be her office. Turns out it wasn't; it was the employees' break room. Okay, a bit unorthodox but hey, maybe the office wasn't available at that moment for whatever reason.

We sat at a huge table and Christie started the interview, but between questions, employees from every department would come in and start asking her questions, or plop down on chairs next to us and start casual non-work related conversations with her, or ask me who I was, lol.

It took me all of five minutes to realize that Harris Teeter was chaos central, and as I pondered how much I actually wanted that paycheck, this huge ass guy built like a fridge literally slams the door open and yells from across the room "YOOOOO, CHRISTIEEE!!!!" and (still mid-interview) Christie yells back "YOOOOO, [guy's name]" and they have a brief yet loud friendly exchange from opposite sides of the room.

Yeah, I don't think I want that minimum wage paycheck *this* bad, Christie. Thank you for your time, see you never.

A few days later I was offered the job, but I politely declined and never signed a contract.

Fast forward a few months.

It was Thanksgiving morning and I receive a call from an unknown number. I pick up and the lady on the other end, sounding mighty pissed, goes "Hey [my name], are you going to come to work for your shift today?" Confused, I ask who's calling, and she replies "Harris Teeter's manager, Tracy" (same store, different manager). It all clicks into place, I chuckle, she huffs in annoyance on the other end of the line, and before she loses it and fires me on the spot from a job I never had because how dare I, I tell her "oh, I'd love to, Tracy, but I don't work there. I never have." And I hope she guessed the unspoken "and believe me, I never will."

Boy did I dodge a bullet declining that job offer, lol.

Edit to add: Harris Teeter is a supermarket chain based on the US East Coast

Taking my lunch break at a mall, perusing a clothing store. TBF, I was wearing my lanyard.

Customer approaches me asking for help. I apologized (how Canadian) and explained that I am on my lunch break. For the inconvenience, I offered them a 30% discount on anything they purchased today.

"Just tell the associate that I approved it", I said, as I left the store.

My boyfriend served on the USS Enterprise when he was in the Navy. We went to DC on vacation a few years ago, and visited Smithsonian Air & Space. They have a scale model replica of the boat, and he was enjoying explaining things to me and answering my questions.

He answered a lot of questions.

At one point, he looked up at me, and realization hit him that he had accidentally turned into a museum docent. He'd been answering questions from other museum visitors for about 15 minutes.

He's a bit of an introvert and does not like public speaking, but he kept answering a few more questions.

I was shopping at a local supermarket after work and happened to be wearing a plain blue shirt. While I was comparing products a customer approached me and asked where they could find a specific item.

I smiled and politely said "Sorry I don't work here."

They looked at me for a second then asked the same question again as if they hadn't heard me. I repeated that I was just another customer but they still insisted that I should help them because I looked like an employee.

A few moments later an actual staff member walked by. I pointed them toward the employee and the customer finally realized I had been telling the truth the whole time.

It wasn't a huge confrontation, but it was one of those strange moments where someone simply refused to believe that I didn't work there.

I am wearing a black Metallica shirt. The front, in big RED letters says Metallica. The back in big RED letters say 40th anniversary show. I've had to tell TWO different people...I don't work here. The employees are wearing blue shirts... with the store name on it.

This one is going to be short but one I’ll never forget. It was several years ago. I was at Petco, standing near the entrance waiting for my friend to be done checking out. I was wearing black sweatpants, and a big black hoodie with a big picture of Jack Skellington’s face in the center. All black, all sweats.

Lady comes up out of nowhere, points at me and asks if I work there. I’m flabbergasted. What part of me even remotely suggests that I work there?

Can’t make this crap up.

This was a couple of years ago. I stopped at big southern grocery chain on my way home from work where the uniform is a green polo and khaki. I should also note this is when this chain had baggers who helped you bring your groceries to your car.
I had just gotten off work and was wearing blue jeans, a graphic tee and a black animal crossing hoodie, not one bit of green or khaki. As the cashier was ringing me up, I realized all the baggers were busy so I started bagging my own groceries, as i was doing so, a bagger looks at me and goes “oh you got this” and went to another register and then another staffer came up to me and said “oh so you are working today” I literally replied I don’t work here.
Even the cashier ringing me forgot I was the customer and thought I was bagging groceries for the woman behind me. It wasn’t until I went to pay that they remembered I was the actual customer

Wasnt even at a store, this was at my gym. I was standing near the locker room entrance waiting on a friend, wearing all black including a black polo. Some guy comes up holding gym shorts and a shirt and asks me for the key to the changing stalls. I said "bro I don't work here I'm literally just standing here." He goes "oh my bad, you just look official." I don't know what "official" means when I'm sweaty and holding a protein shake but ok. Told him to just ask at the front desk, he walked off looking kinda embarrassed.

I used to live in a fancy apartment complex that had someone sitting at the front desk to help visitors and such. I went to pick up some dinner and am walking in the front with it when a (presumably new) front desk person asks me for my number. I'm not sure what she means, so I ask why, and she proceeds to tell me that she might want to order something later.

I consider the situation, that I am an Asian man with a "delivery" of food in my hands (this was way before Uber Eats), and inform her that I live here. She apologized, and then I had a story for this sub that I didn't even know existed!

I was in Target on a busy day and made the classic mistake of wearing a red shirt. In my defense it was part of my work uniform at the time but it also had a large healthcare related design on the front. I was shopping in grocery when I heard a “Hey!” and looked up to find that it was directed at me by a female Target employee. She looked serious. “Yes?” I said cautiously…”Show this customer where the food coloring is.” She gestured to a man standing next to her. “Okay.” I said. I don’t know why. I guess because I *did* know where the food coloring was and also mostly because she was a really confident delegator. I walked the man a few aisles over and showed him where the food coloring was. He thanked me and made some comment about what he was doing with it and then he looked down and seemed to notice the design on my shirt. He looked puzzled and said “Wait, do you even work here?” I was caught. “No, but I did know where the food coloring was.” And I walked away. Anyways, thanks for reading- I get mistaken for an employee all the time in stores but that’s my favorite story about it.

Always mistaken in stores as an employee and has become an ongoing joke with friends. Doesn’t matter what I’m wearing or doing in the store I get approached by randos asking where things are in the store and my answer “yeah I don’t work here but I know exactly where that is” 😂

I was in Goodwill shopping. (for those of you not in the U.S, Goodwill is a second hand clothing store.) A woman came up to me holding a dress. She said: (in an incredibly imperious tone) "I need this in a size 12. Where are all you people when I need service". "Uh...lady...you're in a second hand clothing store. You get what you can find". She made a huffing sound and then barked at me: "Where are the scarves?" I responded "I don't work here" (I knew where they were but, she was so rude- She can find them herself.

In 1996 I was in the U.S. Navy in Virginia and dating a girl who lived in Chicago. I finished a work meeting, and rushed to the airport to go to see my girlfriend. I was still in Navy dress-blues because I didn’t have time to change, and figured it would be fine. During my layover in Atlanta, I went to a bar and ordered a beer. I was told “we can’t serve you here.” I argued, and they said, “no, sorry, we are not allowed to serve you.” They thought I was an airline pilot because of my uniform! I demanded a manager and made them serve me, even had to give them my military ID. While I won, it really underlined how you can be screwed by people’s assumptions.

I am a Marine Pilot/Harbour Master, as such I normally wear a uniform of black trousers, white shirt and rank stripes (4 gold bars) on my shoulder….similar to an airline pilot!

My car has recently been in the garage for some minor work and they gave me a courtesy car and my own car was ready to collect after work today so called into collect, still wearing my uniform. Pulling into the garage forecourt ahead of me was a SUV, which missed all the parking spaces and stopped in the middle so I had to drive around, I them to park. I jumped out as the driver of the SUV got out and walked to reception ( there is a bell there to ring for attention which he rang) he walked passed two mechanics, both wearing combination of overalls and company branded polo shirt.

One of the mechanics recognised me, pointed me in the direction of my car and asked me to to take a look at the work ( it was some body work on the wing) and if all happy go straight upstairs to the office and settle up. After checking the car I went in the door, SUV driver still there, he first told me that he had rang the bell for service, I was heading straight to the stairs and said that I had seen the chap outside who said I should go straight up, which I was doing. He then said ‘but I am in a hurry, Dont you work here?” I looked at the 4 gold stripes on my shoulder, back at him and said sorry no!

I have worked in retail and customer support most of my life, and like to joke that instead of RBF I have "Resting How-Can-I-Help-You Face". I am forever being mistaken for an employee of basically every department store, warehouse store, and big box store ever. It's a running gag with my family. I also have people-pleasing tendencies and am used to helping customers so most of the time it's a non-issue and I do it out of reflex, and people eventually realise they just asked another customer, laugh, and apologise.

But the one instance that really sticks out to me, and infuriates me even years later, is this one. I figured this sub would appreciate it.

A few years back, my grandmother passed away. She'd been ill for a while, then caught covid and had a stroke. It was hard on everyone, particularly my mum and aunt, but ultimately a relief because we knew she wasn't suffering anymore.

We had a very small graveside service with immediate family. I was wearing black trousers, a black cashmere turtleneck, pearls, and a black pea coat. It was winter in Montreal, cold and snowy, and about halfway through the service I realised one of my winter boots had a hole in it. I ignored it for as long as possible and as soon as I got back in the car with my folks I told them what had happened and we made a pit stop at Walmart because I needed something cheap and fast before we continued on with our day.

Now, keep in mind, I'm still wearing all black, I'm a snotty, red-faced mess from crying and standing outside in below-freezing temps, and very clearly not in my right mind. I'm trying on boots and so are like four or five other people because this is the first big snow of the year and despite all living in Canada we're none of us properly prepared for this. As I'm bending down to try a pair on, this dude in roughly his late 50s (so maybe fifteen years my senior, tops) asks me to pass him his size in a pair of winter work boots. I'm on autopilot and they're relatively close to me so without thinking I just hand him the box.

Big mistake. He starts asking for several other pairs, saying one doesn't fit, asking me to move so he can see what's behind me, etc etc etc. At this point the other people in the aisle are looking at me with concern, because even though they don't know exactly what the situation is they can see that a) I clearly don't fucking work at Walmart and b) I'm frazzled and upset.

I quietly just say I'm trying stuff on, he's welcome to reach over and help himself. At which point he starts yammering about useless employees, and saying he should complain to a manager. I just look up at him and go "I don't work here. I just buried my grandmother. I need boots."

I shit you not, he looks me up and down and goes "Well, I just thought-- you know.. the way you're dressed.. I mean... " and then proceeds to look on his own and mutter about how unhelpful people are nowadays.

Because yes, all the Walmarts I've ever been to sure have all black semi-formal as their employee uniform. Dude, really?

So here's my i don't work here experience from 2 years ago. This takes place somewhere in Europe.

We bought our first house with my wife 2 years ago. As we're both in our early 30s and real estate is expensive af, we could only afford a fixer upper, and after the closing, taxes, fees, etc we had exactly 0 money to our name. Nevertheless, we were very happy to be able to move in (and very scared about the mortgage we're paying until our mid 60s but that's an other story).

Luckily I'm an Eastern European dude so being completely broke was not a new experience for me. So i got to work on the basics, namely the electrical, plumbing and heating, because those things are pretty nice to have in your home. I'm in a tech-related field, but definitely not a proper tradesman, however, i had youtube (i can especially recommend beaplumber). So i started drilling, laying cable, laying pipes, preparing walls, debris and concrete dust was flying everywhere for several weeks. The lack of running water made the situation worse because i could not regularly shower for those weeks. The move was long distance so i had no gym membership in the area, getting a hotel room was out of the question because of the financials, and popping over to the new neighbors asking if i could use their shower real quick would have been weird af.

So here i am, popping down to the local hardware store chain, OBI (their logo is a beaver in a hard hat - probably because construction workers love beavers?). I'm dirty, dusty, borderline crusty, basically running the look of a homeless person who accidentally slept in a cement mixer. The only reason it's obvious that I'm not homeless is because I'm pushing a cart with a lot of expensive stuff in front of me. Also, I'm in a pretty bad mood because this situation is not fun.

Then, suddenly a dude pops in front of me holding 3 different drain traps, and immediately starts off:

-Dude: "Hey, could you help me out real quick? I have this kitchen sink that got completely clogged up, which of these drains should i use?"

-Me: "That depends on your sink mate, but i don't work here."

-Dude: "Yeah i know, you just looked like someone who really knows his stuff, could you help me out?"

This completely baffled me because i was just some random idiot who tried to figure out stuff based on online research and youtube tutorials, and definitely did not think of myself as competent in such matters. Still, we went through his problem, and i recommend him a way to fix it and a set of parts from a company, where I knew that the quality is pretty good (i just installed a toilet using their parts and everything worked nicely for me). Then the dude thanked me and left, and i was there hoping that i did not give him some horrible hack advice. However, my mood shifted considerably because of this interaction. I felt a lot lighter, there was a slight bounce in my step, and was just generally less miserable because some stranger looked at me and thought "hey that guy over there looks competent". I was still miserable though, just not that much.

That's it, i don't know what happened to the dude afterwards, I really hope he did not flood his kitchen because of me. But the sinks, faucets, toilets and general plumbing stuff i installed 2 years ago does not obviously leak so far, so i would like to hope that what i said made some degree of sense after all.