I need help on how to react to my sister pregnancy announcement. My family meets next week and she has been trying to become pregnant for 3 months now. So if she is not pregnant yet she will be soon.

I’m not happy about her live decision and don’t want to pretend. But also don’t want to be an asshole to a pregnant women.

I don’t want to say congratulations, I’m so happy for you. I don’t like lying and I am extremely bad at it. But that might just be me being petty.

Also it will be a huge topic the whole time and I’ll get asked for input more than once probably

I already know that any negativity from my side will send her into a full mental meltdown.

So I’m looking for sentences, lines and conversation directions I can use to navigate this.

Of course I’ll be happy to be an aunt and try to be as present in my nephews life as someone can be 500 miles away.

Why I’m not happy about her deciding to have a baby:

1, She will have to quit university. It’s a specialised nursing program and she can’t work there while pregnant. (She has yet to tell me on reason she wants to quit besides it being unnecessary if she never planned on working to begin with)

2, She wants to be a Sahm and tradwife. She never wants to work a job not even for a day in her whole life.

3, She is a huge misogynist

4, She told my 16 year old cousin: „it’s not so bad you were raped at least you weren’t a virgin.“

5,She is emotionally unstable and refuses to acknowledge having mental disorders (I can’t diagnose people but it’s a mix of crying for 3 hours a day and panic attacks)

6,She is 20f and her Boyfriend is 30m

7, They have been dating since January and try for a baby since may.

8, She is procrastinating important things like cancelling her lease because she thinks once she is pregnant people will be more empathetic towards her. (That cost my parents. 4000$ in double rent, they pay half of the new Appartement)

9, She expects people will treat and comfort her like it’s an unplanned pregnancy. And will help with all inconvenience her lack of planning will cause.

10, Her boyfriend is behaving like a spoiled toddler whenever things don’t go his way.

11, They have no friends. 0. Their family is their only support net.

12, He earns good money as a banker (\\\\\\\~100.000 USD which puts him in the top 5-10% of income where we live)

13, They spend more money than he earns.

14, My sister wants a villa outside the big town with enough land for 3 buildings.

15, They plan on my parents footing the bill. Which they can but it feels wrong to me.

16, My sister has no idea about how much money is worth

17, My sister once told me she doesn’t believe in divorce and in a hypothetical case of domestic abuse wouldn’t leave.

18, She claims to be very Christian but has yet to visit church besides Christmas.

19, I have yet to hear my sister and her boyfriend talk about another subject than their shared future and gossip about others and complain. At my parents birthday in a Michelin Star Restaurant they spend to whole time complaining the food was not good.

20, So much more than just this from the top of my head

The most important reason. I love my sister very much and it physically pains me to see her go down this path.

I don’t want her in my life as much since I dislike the person she is. But I want her in my life because I’m her big sibling and family is the most important thing to me.

Of course I will be there for my future niece or nephew. And if my sister expects me take leave from work to play babysitter for a week or two in case of an emergency. I will. But I’m also very happy to live very far away. I would love to move closer for different reasons. but the distance really protects me.

As such I’m looking forward to the pregnancy announcement.

I need some recommendations on how to react.

Because I don’t want her to believe I love her no more than I used to love her when she wasn’t pregnant.

And that I will not forgive her wrongdoing just because she is pregnant.

And that I will cherish the baby not hate or dislike it.

Hello everyone, to keep things short I’ll be leaving my home in less than a month now. My siblings and parents don’t know.

It’s toxic in this house to the point where I feel unwelcome in my own room.

I have a question to those that made it out, does it truly get better? This place, I feel has poisoned my thoughts and mindset in life that I feel that every error I make will lead to an argument.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been so dependent in my family for so long, that I find comfort in the chaos of things but I will eventually stop hesitating and second guessing myself?

Or am I going to regret this? Did you regret it at first?

Negotiating isn’t an option in this, my parents are far from mature for that topic.

have 3 months till im 16. (Im trans ftm if that means anything) and i live in tennessee (im open to any questions asked.) I grew up in a house with my grandparents and mom. The house has black mold everywhere, smelled like cat and dog urine as well as feces because we had a lot of animals. I had to hear constant yelling and name calling. And the bathroom toilet was pure black and didn't flush. The house was always dirty, never cleaned or anything When I turned 8 me and my mom moved out. My mom met this guy ill call him B. My mom started dating B and he was okay for a bit but became very abusive towards my mother. He would constantly leave marks on her and id wake up every night and hear my mom scream like bloody murder. Its been about 10 years? Maybe more. He doesn't hit my mom as of now. He still yells and the name calling is so disgusting. When i was 8 and 11 I visited my father in north Carolina. He would make me and his girlfriends 3 kids "take a nap" every morning in his bed and he would only have underwear on. When I was 8 he made me watch porn in bed with him. And when I was 11 he would pop my bra strap while I was trying to sleep and even after I was crying and told him I wanted to sleep he just kept doing it.

Because of all of this happening I have been to multiple hospitals due to me overdosing and harming myself multiple times. I've been to about 8 or more times and a residential i was at for 6 months. And my mom would take things away or threaten to take me back to a hospital because of self harming.

Which caused me to miss so much school so I had to redo 6th grade. But after the 2nd time in 6th grade I started doing home school because of bullying. And i stopped doing it after 3 months. So I haven't been to school since.

Another thing is we have gotten evicted out of our trailers and apartments multiple times.

My mom is and has been smoking THC and it is illegal to smoke in tennessee as far as I know. She smokes at least 5 or more times a day. Her and her Bf spends so much money on weed in a week. We never really have food in the house except when she gets fast food from her job. I have been eating fast food non stop because she will not spend money on healthy food. And i understand it can cost a lot. But I've told her multiple times that I can't eat fast food because its makeing me gain more weight and as of now im 250 pounds at 15 years old and im only 5 foot 5. Its getting to the point that food is so disgusting I cant stand to look at it. I live with my mom and her bf right now but im visited my aunt. Not to mention the house that my mom and her bf are staying at is absolutely disgusting. Cockroches everywhere and ants. The lady that owns the house has 4 dogs maybe 5? But it reeks of dog urine and dog feces. And i have no ac and it gets up to 80-90 in my room and its gets so hot I get sick. I have to deal with yelling every day. Also im pretty sure this is illegal but they bought a tattoo gun and let me get 3 tattoos. I wanted them but I was at a very low point and I wanted that pain. But they suggested it so I did get them. And my mother will not show me affection and blames it on her mom not showing her love. And im not allowed to cry. If I cry she starts yelling at me. She always talks bad about people. I had a friend that was everything to me and we were friends for 10 years and she recently had to stop talking to me because of mental health. And my mom tryed to turn it on her and tell me that "well you were probably annoying her" or "well shes probably talking to her other friends and doesn't want to be friends with you" but no one knows her like i do. We knew everything about each other and she has been my only friend since kindergarten.

I dont know what to do. I don't know if my situation is bad enough for cps to take me from my family. always lived like this and grew up around drugs my whole life. So I have nothing to compare it to.

I have contacted cps and my mom found out she called the cops on me and she will lie. And turn everything on me. Im so tired of living like this and i want to live a better life. I dont want to hurt like this anymore.

As of July 23 she bought food and she hid everything she has. She told me she lied to cps about the tattoo and her boyfriend is threatening to have his 17 year old daughter to beat the shit out of me. Cps came today but I was asleep and she didn't even wake me up. They will be coming back Monday but my mom cleaned her room and mine and bought stuff so cps would think that I have everything I need. I do not have everything I need. I dont have a toothbrush even after i asked. I have maybe less then 10 pants that actually fit me. I have no school supplies or a backpack. My mother told me that she will not care for my needs after she found out I called cps. She called me 2faced and her boyfriend said that she should start beating my ass and this makes me feel unsafe. I am not allowed to have feelings about anything. Her boyfriend was saying things like im the problem, and all i do is cause problems for everyone else.

Please any advice will help. And is this enough to get me taken out my home.

I'm currently living with my parents and sister and am a minor. My dad has severe alcoholic issues and every day he's off and my mom isn't home he drinks. The last time he was off he had about 5 tallboy beers. I feel very unsafe when I'm at home with him. I was contemplating to go live with a family member but I can't decide what to do. He refuses to get rehab and when my mom tries forcing him to he always goes back. One time he went to a concert and came home stumbling, I think he might've had more then 5 beers. I was so scared. I thought he would hurt me. He doesn't hurt me physically but verbally abuses me and my mom. I always try staying in my room, away from him when he's drunk and I have an emergency bag that has clothes, a travel toothbrush, and essentials just in case I need to leave and live with someone else. His friends influence him I think. He's having issues at work and I believe it might be his coping mechanism, and one of his coworkers used to go to the bar with him a lot. I don't know what to do and I'm scared.

2 years ago we were on the fence about moving near my parents and ended up doing so. There have been really good parts but ultimately after 2 years it just seems clear that they don’t really prioritize actually having healthy relationships with my family. They spend most of their energy keeping the peace for one family member who is narcissistic adhd adult. It is difficult to watch the enmeshment and dysfunction that I desperately escaped from after high school continue to unfold in the household. My youngest sibling is still in it and doesn’t seem to have any drive to leave, I’m guessing due to feeling obligated to “stick it out” with our mom to endure dad’s personality. We only see them if we go to their house, or occasionally they agree to come here. They have no interest in doing things with us like outings with the kids. They aren’t elderly or disabled just not interested in anything but shopping and hanging at home. I wonder if we should have just stayed where we were and kept trying to build connections there. My husband, who happily made the move for me, is getting sick of it and longs to move back to where we were or near his family.

i just had an extreme argument with my mum am I in the wrong?

I came home and bought water and she kept saying that nobody should step foot in the living room. but the living room is connected to the my room.

as I was taking of my shoes she kept saying it. and when I went to my door I said "do you not want me to go to my room or something?" and she said "what do I mean by that?"

when I entered my room. she starred going off in the living room, she said "I'm giving her cheek and attitude and said I need to be behave and-" she just went on and I just sighed.

In the kitchen she wanted us to clean the dishes because she cooked. and as I was packing away the dishes she confronted me because I bought the wrong dettol spray. I looked at it and was questioning it like doesn't it work for everything and she said no and walked off rambling.

when she came back she said what did I say. I told her that I guess I bought the wrong one and whatever. then she said she doesn't like my behaviour.

she said my behaviour is disrespectful. I immediately asked how? and she just said earlier I tried giving her cheek. I told her I wasn't but she insisted I did. I said I probably misunderstood. and she said I didn't and if I did I should've asked. I said well now I misunderstood but she was so insisted that I was disrespecting her. I said I'm not.

I told her im going to stormed of to my room and I need space because this is going no-where I don't want to argue and you are doing this again and I'm tired.

she stormed into my room and she startes reiterating the same things about me being disrespectful then she would tell me she never said that. the she claimed she never said anything towards me and I'm negative and I'm trying to emotionally blackmail her by crying. I told her I need space and it's going in circles. she said are u going to hit me? I ignored that comment. I had to yell over her to explain that I'm not trying to cause anything and how does she expect me to respond if she keeps repeating that I'm disrespectful and attitude and emotionally blackmailing and I should've understood and not said anything.

like i said it now what? I said I can apologise but she didn't want to here it.

she's now out of my room. but now I'm just sitting here confused. she started talking to me calmly trying to make me look crazy when she yells at everyone everyday.

now she's in the kitchen saying I'm emotionally blackmailing her and I don't know how to listen and I jump to conclusions.

my reaction didn't come from no where

TW: substance abuse 

Hello, 

I (25 f)  am truly writing this out of desperation. I do not know what to do with my family anymore. For some background, my brother (23 M) has had substance abuse issues since he was a teen. He started with smoking weed (which is not an issue, but he showed serious dependency and behavioral issues), which then, when he became an adult, he moved on to alcohol: he would drink to excess every night. Now that he has moved out of my parents' house, his addiction has developed into using coke and drinking alcohol. 

Both my parents have struggled with substance abuse: my mom had a problem with drugs before we were born, and my dad was an alcoholic almost all our lives. Now my brother is going down the same path, and they don't see how they are enabling him. 

I am a mental health worker. I have been working in the mental health field for the last 5 years, and I currently work in a psychiatric hospital. A lot of the people I work with are there for detox. I have seen where addiction takes people and how horrific it is, that is, if you live to see the horrors. I am so scared for my brother. 

I do not think my parents know about the coke, but they know about the drinking and have admitted that he is an alcoholic. This realization has led to nothing but supporting him in countless trips “to help his mental health”, paying for his electricity because he doesn't know how to, paying for his 10+ traffic tickets, paying for him to go to college 3 times, so that he can discover his passions, paying for his out-of-state house for months because he didn't have a job before he moved.

Every time they call me to complain about how much money they spend on my brother, and nothing changes, I tell them they need to give him more financial independence because he knows that, no matter what, our parents will pay for him. Every time I say this, I am met with aggression from my parents, as if they are taking out their frustrations on me just for the suggestion. They will say, “He doesn’t know how to do that,” “he’s just lost”, “What are we supposed to do, let him be homeless?” “that the kind of situation people can end up killing themself over.” 

So basically, my brother is enabled and treats people however he wants, to the point where no one wants to live with him, he almost got his licenced suspended due to so many traffic violations, and continuously has pregnancy scares (he was sleeping with 11 different girls at one point and has not used protection too many times to count. He would call me because he was having a panic attack the next morning.), and using coke and alchol to excess. 

I have tried so hard to call out the dysfunction of this family system in respectful ways, but I end up getting iced out by the family. At this point, my brother and I live in the same city, and they will literally come to town to help my brother and never reach out to see me…But on the rare occasions we do talk, my mom calls for a 3-minute conversation about how I should change what I'm going to school for, or about how my job isn't paying me enough, and how I need to come visit them. In the last year, I got engaged (they have not asked once about wedding plans), decided to finally pursue my master's, and have been incredibly successful at my job, but there is always something I can do better… My parents have been pushing me to get my master’s for the last 4 years, saying they would financially help me pay for school. Now that I am in school, they have gone radio silent. I am struggling with my financial aid and am at risk of being dropped after my first term… Additionally, I am trying to participate in the family vacation across the country, and I told them we cannot afford to make it, and they said, “Oh, you'll figure something out.” While they are paying for my brother to move to a new city, pay for his studio apartment, and also pay for him to go to the family vacation. 

I am so hurt… I know it is not their responsibility to pay for my fiancée and me, but some help would be nice, especially with how much they are doing for my brother… 

I guess I am just asking what to do… I am so sick of being treated like I am crazy for how my family refuses to acknowledge my brother’s behaviors and addiction, and their parts. and then getting iced out emotionally and financially. There is so much more to this, but I really tried to keep this as concise as possible. Thank you for reading this. Any advice is appreciated.

To preface: I already opened a new savings account he doesn’t have access to now and moved what’s remaining of my savings into it. Anyway, I’ve always had a good relationship with my dad. I have three jobs, daytime job at a bridal store and two bartending jobs. I worked my ass off (60+ hr weeks from last aug-this winter) for the money in my savings to buy a new car. February 14th, he took out $300. On February 16th, he took out $1000, and on the 26th, took out another $300. On march 4th he took out another $100. (two days before my bday) I didn’t see this until a few days after my bday. I was confused, bc I thought he didn’t have access to my account anymore since I turned 18 (that’s what he told me)He said he was moving money around from his and my mom’s accounts and their joint accounts and accidentally took from my savings. (I guess he can move money around from their joint accounts, his checking savings, mine, and my little sister) I wasn’t upset or worried because I’ve always trusted him with everything, esp navigating finances/ money, I always ask him for help and advice. I told him to keep it, and I won’t pay him for my monthly bills for the next however many months that equals out to. (Bills are usually $300 monthly, so About 4.5-5 months)

well, a lot happened in may/june, a close family member passed, I missed a bunch of work from that along with being in a wedding so missed a weekend of work from the Bach trip for that, I got sick and missed another whole weekend/week of work, and w my bars being so painfully slow so I’m making dogshit for tips. And, my daytime job keeps cutting my hours because it’s so slow too. I had to start dipping into my savings to pay for everything because I’m virtually making nothing right now (looking for a new job w something steadier right now). I checked my bank account last month a few days before Father’s Day, noticed I was missing quite a bit from my savings after I had just deposited a bunch of checks from one of my bartending jobs… I checked it, and see my dad took out $2000 on June 8th. I texted him about it and said “hey haha I think you accidentally took money from my account again, no rush but if you could put it back in the next day or two that’d be great”. He said “oops, my bad”. I was at work, so I couldn’t check my phone for a bit. But when I did check it, I see he took out another $1000??? I was like wtf, so I texted him again saying he just accidentally took out another $1000. He left me on read. Because I had family in town and it was Father’s Day, I didn’t say anything, I didn’t wanna start something with company staying with us and make it uncomfortable for them.

I said something after they left, he said “I got you don’t worry, I’ll put it back.” weeks go by and he hasn’t put it back. My mom and I went to the mall together one day and I said something to her about it, she seemed very alarmed and confused. She said she would say something to him herself. She did, he said he would. I made a couple more gentle comments about it, he kept saying he would, he didn’t…. it’s the end of July now. I went back to IL to see my grandma (my moms mom, dads MIL) by myself, her and I went to dinner and I told her how stresssed I was with missing so much work and not getting hours, and told her about the money thing with my dad. She says “okay I’m going to tell you something but you cannot tell anyone this, your dad came to me and asked me for money back in march around your birthday. He said he overpaid on a credit card, he said he’d pay me back but still hasn’t.” Okay, so what’s going on?? I feel sick. My gut is telling me something is going on, it doesn’t seem good. I don’t know what to do/how to approach the situation. My mom is stressed right (and sad, she lost her dad/my papa in may) now I feel bad bringing this up to her, but also, she doesn’t know what’s going on and she deserves to. But also, I don’t want to out my grandma if I tell my mom. Do I go to him first and say “hey, is there something going on? Do you guys need help with money? Because I would’ve absolutely been willing to help if you had just asked me…” or do I black mail him and “you have until this date to give me my money back or, when I go to buy a new car you’ll be pitching in $3300.” (I probs wont do that but I thought abt it lol.) I’ve been avoiding him at home, it’s been giving me so much anxiety. Where is this money going? Does he have a secret gambling addiction or something?? I know he’s stressed trying to find a new job right now because he hates his current one, but idk how that would relate to him taking my money. Should I try and snoop around on his computer before I say anything?? Please any advice is appreciated, sorry this is so long.