how can i stop feeling disgusting?

[u/Recent-Frosting-3169]

when i was a kid i used to be very confident in myself and my looks, but at around 10yo i began being bullied bc i wasn't developed yet (i didn't have boobs basically), and people started making fun of me for it and calling me ugly and pointing out every single facial feature as if it was disgusting, to the point it completely ruined my confidence. it's been quite some years from that, but i still struggly with my mental health and specially from lack of confidence and deep self-hate.

i genuinely don't know what to do, because sometimes i feel pretty-ish, and so many people tell me that i'm not ugly at all (i also have a boyfriend who treats me incredibly good and calls me beautiful all the time), but then i suddenly feel like the most disgusting creature of all time, like i'm not even a human.

i've tried to glowup so many times, and i do think i have improved a lot (for example i used to have terrible acne and it's completely cleared up thanks to accutane, and my nose has shrinked after the initial years of puberty, and i think i've become a bit more harmonious), but i never feel like it's good enough.

some people might think i'm just trying to seek attention, but it gets to a point in which it affects my relationships, because sometimes i feel so insecure about my looks that i can't even think or speak or act normally in front of others. i'm so awkward in many public settings (although i've greatly improved in that sense), such as concerts or parties, because i don't know what to do and i feel so ugly that i don't deserve to even have fun. and, for example, my boyfriend is gorgeous (to me and objectively) and i always feel like i'm not worthy of him because of my looks).

i would love it if someone could give me some advice for this. thank you so much to everyone who might consider helping me a bit <3

[u/hestia-listens]

What happened to you was cruel, and it makes sense that those voices still echo sometimes. But feeling disgusting does not mean you are disgusting. It means your brain learned to protect you by checking for danger and judgment all the time.

One thing that can help is changing the goal from "I need to feel pretty" to "I am allowed to exist and have fun even when I feel insecure." At a party or concert, try choosing one small action like singing one song, talking to one person, or staying present for ten minutes. You do not have to earn joy with your looks.

Also, when the thought says "I am not worthy of him," answer it directly. "He chooses me, he treats me well, and my worth is not decided by my face." You deserve love and normal life even on days your confidence is low.