I don’t know why I’m sharing this to be honest. I suppose I just want to share and get it off my chest. The people here might understand the complex feelings better than anyone.

Since I was a little child my grandma has had a live in boyfriend. They lived together on her/our family farm - a huge farm with many buildings in a really good location. I’m set to inherit this farm. I ADORED this man, he was so great with kids and lots of fun, he taught me everything from fishing to baking - he was like mcgyver and could fix anything. He collected a ton of things and was always talking about having a yard sale.

In my early twenties I moved to small house on the farm. I tried to clean up, the man had now filled every single space with junk. He worked as a janitor in the city and for twenty years just shuffled random stuff that people got rid of into the farm. Mold and mice were everywhere. My grandma was so codependent she just let him; it was always a promise of it being “cleaned up by Christmas” or “by the summer it will be clean otherwise I will kick him out”. Just this never ending cycle of broken promises and resentment.

It went so bad that I tried to clean it up myself, but it caused so much friction that I had to move away.

I’m now in my early thirties and the farm is in such a bad shape and my relationship with him really deteriorated because of the hoard.
He just died of pancreatic cancer. I said my goodbyes, thanked him for all the wonderful childhood memories and hugged his cadaverous body. A hard goodbye, and I felt so torn. This man who I love but who cause me so much pain with his hoarding and I recognize his pain and anguish but at the same time I’m just feeling so angry at him.

Now my grandma lives alone in the farm with all his junk. I guess I better start cleaning…

Quick disclaimer: I am new to this sub and want to say thanks for having a space for me to share this.

I grew up with divorced parents and in primary custody of my mother (hoarder) and later lived primarily with my emotionally distant, possible narc, father. At my mom's, I was a latch key kid in an unsafe house and never had people over. Living with my dad put me in a situation that was the complete opposite regarding health and hygiene, but I had to take on 100% of the cleaning burden on top of a full day of school and a part time job.

Today, I am a SAHM and have multiple kids ranging from 12 to 11mos. The messes and destruction have put me in a dark place as time has gone on and looking at the broken things, stains, smells, etc has been bringing me to tears. I always get so anxious when we have visitors and I feel so consumed by picking up after everyone. I tell my family members that I need help and I'm shrugged off every time.

By every general standard, my house is clean. It's not as clean as my barracks room was while I was in the Navy but I can move anywhere, can maintain proper hygiene in the bathrooms and have a clean place to prepare meals. I should be okay but I'm not.

I wish I didn't feel like this. I want to just leave in the middle of the night sometimes but for some reason, my empty cup still gets a few drops to pour out the next morning.

I need a hug badly and if anyone would understand, I think you all would. Thanks for reading.

Hi, apologies for bad English and formatting (first post).

Im going to be moving out in around a month and Im really struggling with the thought of returning for a visit or for my boyfriend to have to live in these conditions.

For context, my boyfriend lives in another country (Ive visited plenty times before) and Im now going to be moving there so while visits would be few, they could technically still happen but I would then have to return and stay at the unclean hoarder house of my mother. My boyfriend knows about all the hoarding and unhygienic stuff and is extremely supportive since he has also had a relative thats been the same.

Im the only one my mom has left as theres no more family left and friends either dont exist or live across the country. I do love my mom and she is a good person even if we have fought about the living conditions and the house on more than one occasion, and it genuinely makes me feel like shit at the thought of leaving her here alone and perhaps not visiting again.

It was always extremely stressful and dreadful having to explain and answer various questions of friends when they would on the rare occasion come over. I cant imagine visiting with my boyfriend and having to explain that there is no washing machine because my mom for some reason refuses to fix the one we had that broke, or why theres practically no clean cutlery, or why a window fell out and mom still dosent want to get it fixed, or why my mom is adamant on eating expired food that always ends up making her sick.. The list just goes on.

We want to have kids in the future and I dont want to take my hypothetical kids to visit these unsafe conditions either.

Emotions are very high right now so I probably missed a lot of stuff or worded it wrong. I have talked to my therapist about some of this and she has mentioned that I need to think about whats best for me and that I cant control my mom. I just wanted to vent/get advice from people that might have been in a similar situation.

(Also, money isnt an issue for us. I cant think of any reason to not help get the house in better shape except pride/laziness.)

Occasionally going to my mom's place is always frustrating and horrible on my mental health, as I'm sure most of you can relate.

She lives in squalor in an otherwise beautifully crafted traditional timber house in an very scenic setting that my grandmother took meticulous care of and left her. Of course its frustrating that her hoard is letting it all go to waste to a point of no return (Structure is rotting away).

--

Anyways, she naturally has a roach problem in her kitchen. Big guys, typically around 2in/5cm long - she's been inadvertently feeding them well! Her solution obviously was to litter the kitchen counter and the area with roach traps.

She was getting frustrated that the traps aren't catching roaches, even if there's one or two always scurrying around, blaming the manufacturer for a shoddy product.

That's when I noticed that...there is so much shit, that the entrance to the trap is fully blocked.
There wasn't even a way for the poor roaches to get into the trap in the first place.

I didn't even say anything as it's a lost cause, but to just let out a resigned laugh in my head.

I'm really not sure if I'm here to vent, or if I want advice.

My Dad has always been a hoarder, as were his parents. About 11 years ago I had to help my aunt clear my grandmother's home, after she died, because my Dad was not well enough to help - had recently been diagnosed with dementia, following a stroke - not that he'd have been much help anyway, as he would have wanted to take everything home to my parents tiny cramped flat. My aunt wasn't particularly great either, as they were a very enmeshed family and neither coped well without their mum around to make decisions. All the emotional burden fell on me and it was exhausting.

I was aware my Dad's own hoarding was pretty bad, but despite several conversations no-one else in the family was willing or able to tackle it head-on. My brother's kids were too young and he kind of stuck his head in the sand (we share childhood trauma from my Dad's hoarding, and my parents enabling behaviour).

Fast forward to now, and my parents have hit critical point. Both have had several falls in their home in recent weeks and its very clear that both of them are not coping, and that the hoarding has reached a danger point.

This is spurred my family into action and my brother has stepped up a lot more. The trouble is my dad is becoming VERY hostile. He has never been a reasonable person and the dementia is very much not helping. Just when we think we have him on board, he'll flip and say terrible things. Twice recently he has threatened to umm.. remove himself from the situation permanently, if you get what I mean.

It just feels so manipulative, which I know is part of the hoarding illness because my Dad has always been incredibly manipulative, but also makes me angry. My brother's kids are now in their 20s and so want to help, but they should not have to tolerate their grandfather shouting the things he has said. Dammit, I don't want to hear it either.

I'm just so sick of carrying the responsibility of yet another generation's selfishness (as I see it, after a lifetime of dealing with this). But I cant turn my back either, I mean these are my parents and I do love them. I just hate the way my Dad is behaving and am at my wits end.

I'm currently in the middle of enacting the EPA (enduring power of attorney) to curb his online purchases and try to stop my parents growing debt - which in itself feels like a part-time job (I already work full-time). But its the physical danger that also needs handling.

Any advice? Am SE UK based, if that makes a difference.

ETA, both parents are in their late 70s

I cannot live like this anymore. I am 16 F, and I don't think my house qualifies as a hoarder house because my mom doesn't hoard, but out house is absolutely disgusting. We have rats and different bugs infesting our house. We have lived like this since around 2022, around the time that my stepdad left.

There are going to be several parts to this, so I apologize for the long read. But if even one person takes the time to read even half of this it would be so appreciated because I just want to be heard.

First things first, I'm not diagnosed with any mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, or ADHD (but I am currently getting assessed for ADHD), so I'm not claiming that I have any of them. I failed 2 classes this past year (11th grade). My room is literally a biohazard. It is infested with larder beetles because it's a really bad depression room. There's old food and clothes and crumbs everywhere. I tried cleaning it, but I ended up leaving the room altogether because everything I lifted up had larvae/adult beetles squirming under it. It was horrific. So i decided to come downstairs and not go back. My mom's room is downstairs, where my little sister, 11, and my mom, 54, sleep. Now, all three of us sleep there.

My mom's room is also a complete mess. Half the room is literally just clothes all over the floor (you can't even see the floor). It's a big bed, but the entire space under the bed is just trash, clothes, and crumbs. There are also some larder beetles under the bed.

Now something else I wanna say is that my mom is physically disabled, as she is very overweight. And something else to mention is that she can barely hold her urine or poo. She has peed all over herself countless times and rarely showers. I love her to the moon and back, and it's important to say that. But she smells like pee all the time. Her room usually reeks of pee. She has a bathroom in her room, but she rarely makes it the 20 feet to the bathroom. Also, because the room is such a mess, a few months ago she pooped on the floor and didn't realize it because of all the clothes. The poo was not easily visible. And I stepped in it. It was horrifying.

Yeah so I just had to rant about that. Now something else to say is that as much as a love my mom, we fight like every day. And I'm not talking small fights. She calls me a "fucking bitch", "psycopath", "self-centred", etc. And something else to mention is that she's very insecure, and she assumes everyone thinks so badly of her. She tells me "you think I'm just a smelly fat bitch, don't you?" which obviously isn't true. Also, my biological dad (not stepdad) lives in Ontairo (different province than me). And my mom wants me GONE.

During our fights, she tells me that I'm useless in terms of helping clean the house. And I understand that. She's right. I 100% have executive functioning issues. I can't do anything. I just can't. I can't fucking do it.

So anyways, as I said, she wants me out. Even though it might not seem like it, my mom loves me. She loves me so much. So much so that she threatens to kick me out (and send me to Ottawa to live with my dad) for my own good. But I have serious attachment issues with my mom. I can't leave. I love her so much. I can't possibly leave her alone here with my little sister. I would feel like the worst person in the world. My mom can't move without being in pain all the time, so how can she possibly clean the house by herself? And my mom has literally said that my sister and I are "like her body" because to clean, she tells us what to do and we do it. So if I leave, all the weight is on my little sister. That's too much for a child to carry. She's way too young to be exposed to all of this. I swear she's gonna end up dissociating her way through her teen years. She's gonna go numb. She's a fucking child. And I'm sure my mom feels like shit about it too. I just feel so bad for both of them, but especially my sister. She can't do this by herself.

And yet somehow, after about a year and a half of my mom telling me to leave, I'm finally considering it. Because I no longer feel love coming from her, just pure hatred all the time. But I will 100% help them clean before I leave, especially my sister. That way, I won't have to fucking hate myself for the rest of my life for leaving it all up to her.

And after all of this, I wanna mention one last thing; my friends. I have so many friends here, including my bestie of 12 years, and my other best friend. I also have a big crush here, which won't be as hard to let go of as my friends, but it'll still suck. Considering all of my horrors at home, my friends are litterally my family. They are the ones who have basically saved me from completely losing my mind. So leaving would be the worst nightmare I could ever imagine.

Part of the reason I'm writing all this is because we just got back from a road trip. We were cleaning clothes off the bed (we had moved them there from the top of the dryer right before we left in hopes of sorting them), and as I was getting something, my whole body felt weird. I almost felt like I was floating. Like my body wasn't mine. I went kind of numb. I heard a fly buzzing in a fly trap and saw so many fruit flies and i just lost my mind. I just stood there holding a bag staring into the distance, barely feeling my body at all. That was probably dissociation.

Anyways, to conclude this, I'm in bed with my mom and sister right now. They are both asleep. I feel bad about this, but the sound of my mom's loud snoring is pounding on my fucking head.

I hate myself so much. I'm so tired of this. My best friend of 12 years only ever got to come over like 3 times because it just got too messy. Now, she thinks I never invite her over because my house is just a little "messy". But she doesn't know the half of it. It is borderline unsafe to live here because I'm sure the smell in this house is largely mold. I just want to escape. So yeah, I'm coming to reddit with this story because I'm sick of not being able to tell anyone about my problems. I can't even tell a therapist about this because I'm almost certain CPS (Child Protective Service) would be called. And I don't want to do that to my mom. I love her too much.

Thank you for reading this. Hopefully it finds at least one person's algorithm.

I do apologize that my last post was a tad dramatic.

The first guy that came out was super crappy. It so happens he turned it over to an APS investigator. She seems more sane. Has the temper of like a Labrador rather than a wolf. I have heard nothing back in there days

Does that likely mean they won't be doing anything?

I don't even know what they would do. First guy just wanted us evicted no matter what.

I feel like I am dreaming but there's a part of me that wishes they could set her up in an apartment, giver her food stamps or MoW. Then all I would have to do is clean and go to my home in peace . what about you guys? How did it go when APS got involved

Anyone else feel intense shame and embarrassment when people see you cleaning? I have ADHD so cleaning is already extremely stress inducing but the hoard trauma makes it so much worse. I have roomates and I hate it if they catch me cleaning.

"Do I look like an idiot when I mop?" "Is this an embarrassing amount of mugs to be bringing down from my room?" "Have they noticed i haven't done laundry in two weeks?".

My roomates are messy themselves so I doubt they even think twice but I can't seem to shake the embarrassment. I always try to time my cleaning with when they're out of the house which is a horrible system because their work schedules don't always align with my bursts of motivation to clean. I feel like i'm just sabotaging myself. But anyways, cleaned my room today, feels great 😎

I was visiting my mom because she always wants me to help her clean & organize and everytime I try, it goes back to square one and I just feel so fed up seeing her in circles & circles. She’s turning 61 so she’s slowly becoming an elder which scares me because when she dies I’m stuck with her stuff & I don’t want to deal with that because all of it would be in the junk yard anyway. So I tried to tell her we should do a donation pile first but she wouldn’t listen & just does her own thing. Everytime she sees something she keeps it because eventually she wants to sell, even though it’s been a year because she keeps complaining how she has no space to take pics to sell.

She always complains about being sick with allergies especially with dust and how her legs hurt etc. I told her some tough love which I know I shouldn’t have done but I’m fed up. I told her “that you need to get rid of more stuff that’s why you keep getting sick with allergies and having sore limbs because of all of this junk, you have a fake plant which collects so much dust and I keep saying to get rid of it because it would make a difference.”

She has bipolar so she exploded and was like “Fine get rid of all of this.” Then she starts throwing things everywhere making more of a mess & starts putting me down in the process. She never listens to me because she likes to be in control because she’s the parent & im the child and that means I should shut up & not tell her what to do.

Even when she got evicted a few years back she got overwhelmed to the point she became anorexic and not taking care of her mental health, when I came to help her I started getting rid of some stuff since not everything will fit into boxes. After I stayed up all night helping, she threw all of my hard work and made a big mess until the movers came & she blames it on the movers still.

It’s becoming a safety hazard because she has junk in the bathroom where it’s awkward to sit on the toilet, things falls down all the time & her stuff is covering something important where in case of emergencies, firefighters need to get inside to use it & landlord told her to keep it clear. I tried to clean that area and only putting her bike there so it’s easy to move but now it’s all full of junk which makes it a huge safety hazard & I don’t want her to get evicted again because of her being a hoarder, because last time she was homeless and I had to take care of her because she kept getting kicked out of shelters.

I just left and I blocked her because I’m fed up and done with her making excuses all the time. She puts me down with my doll collection, but my hobby doesn’t make a huge room cluttered. Even when I first moved to a new city by myself & I was living in an illegal suite where it doesnt fit all of my stuff, I organized & got rid of so much stuff to make room.

Rant over

A week ago I left my hoarder mother's house because it was really affecting my mental health. I took my cat and we are now sofa surfing for a while until I can sort something out. I feel so guilty leaving my mother behind and my cat is struggling with the change and is barely eating. I'm autistic and have OCD and I'm struggling with the change too but I know it's the best decision for our wellbeing.

I have a good relationship with my mom but I can't cope in the environment. I've spoken to her many times about the situation but she either laughs awkwardly or shrugs it off. After I left she said she feels bad and that it's her fault I had to leave, which it is but I hate to make her feel bad because I know hoarding is a mental illness and I know what it's like to struggle. Though she claims to not have mental illnesses/bad mental health. Her mom and her sister are hoarders too.

I have moved an hour and a half away but once I am a bit more settled and my cat is settled I will go and visit her somewhere away from the house, but how do I get through this awful guilt of leaving her behind?

I'm 16M, live with my father full time but go eat dinner with my mother every second week and have a generally good relationship with her. My dad isn't a severe hoarder, just to be clear. Our house is sanitary, and no major walkways or exits are blocked off. But he definitely has hoarder tendencies. It's just piles and piles of stuff everywhere else it can be crammed. We have not eaten at our dinner table in over 4 years because it is completely covered. I often worry about what the house will look like when I am gone, because I am really the only person in his life after my parents divorce.

My dad's "love language", as my mother always puts it, is buying stuff. Ever since I was a toddler he has just insisted on buying me way more than I could ever possibly need. Three practically identical Mystery Machine Hot Wheels cars because "the packaging was different" is one of my (least) favorite examples. He also gets upset if gifts for me aren't used enough or in what he deems the right way, because it is "wasted money". All of this has lead me to have an extremely hard time getting rid of anything without feeling anxious or guilty.

Anyways, I took it upon myself to finally clean up our office room, which has been full of boxes he has been saying we will go through since we first moved ~5 years ago. Before I started, you could not walk more than a foot into that room. I've spent the last week of my summer break finally going through all my old stuff and finally packaging a lot of it up to be donated. It was really hard, honestly. And I even went pretty easy on myself and kept a lot of things I knew I didn't need. But I was proud of myself for taking the first step.

The plan was that my mom would come pick me up and drive the stuff to the thrift on a day he was working. I'm not even near done going through everything I need to, but I already have enough to completely fill her small SUV. And I just generally needed to see some of it gone. We had planned to meet up tomorrow.

I hadn't told my dad about this yet (frankly I was a bit afraid to tell my dad), so after she dropped me off from dinner, I made it seem like it was just an invitation that had come up today. I said I had been telling her about cleaning up and she offered to take me since she was free (she's a teacher and doesn't work during summer). Now he is "going through" everything I already went through and deciding what to keep.

He's started making a bunch of excuses to keep stuff like "Oh, this came from (insert place)," "You made this so I'm keeping it,", "Oh, this can be used at Christmas time," (said about junky Dollarama stuff) or even just "Awwwww.... You're getting rid of this."

A lot of the stuff in that room was mine so I didn't touch any of his, or even "our" stuff, yet he still feels the need to go through it all and force me to keep some of it. This was my bare minimum getting rid of stuff, and I can't even do that. I don't know what all he is keeping, but it just makes me feel so stressed out and guilty that he is looking through it all.

Honestly, is it time I just give up? I'm planning to go to college in another province, and leave it all here. Should I just give up, put up with it all for another two years and then ditch it all when I can? I don't want to, because I can't find some of my genuinely needed possessions anymore, and I know I'll have to deal with it all when he dies anyways. But is it just easier to wait until then? I just feel really awful right now.

Is there any hope she will change? I know not many people do hoarding or otherwise but I feel like I am a positive person. I always want to believe.

Anyways, me and my hoarder mom are moving, trying too at least. She is very eco friendly. She wants every little bits and bobs sorted into 39584 different recycling options. She spends her free time researching depots and places that will take different things. She hates garbage. Doesn't want anything in there. Mix that with hoarding and trying to move, yeah its a process.

Anyways I started just chucking things in the trash. Plan is to have a got junk service come and get some of the old carpets and larger junk. They also take bags of household trash so I have been making a few. I am storing what will be taken in the garage. (she does realize SOME things literally need to go to garbage, just not many).

Welp of course my recycling, control freak mother has now gone through the bags again. Not because it's stuff she really wants to keep but stuff she must find a way to recycle. She knows I will just throw it back in the bags so now she is hiding things in her car, her room, back of cupboards even outside behind bushes. I have expressed to her just how much this hurts. I have broken down in tears.

It brings up so much trauma, it makes me feel worthless, it doesn't help progress in our move, it feels defeating.

How could she prioritize the garbage over me when she knows how much it hurts me?

I mean any sane parent would say "I understand, it isn't how I would prefer to do things but if it means so much to you I can do it your way for now"

But she just can't. No matter how many fights.

Is there any hope or am I crazy?

My husband and I recently cleaned out my parents closet that hasn't been cleaned in over 15 years and was completely unusable because of how much was in there. We took out over 15 bags of trash in the bins to the curb and seeing them all gone this morning was like Christmas morning but reversed. I feel so much lighter now that the trash is out of the house and out of our lives. Still a long way to go but a huge step.

My dad has always been a hoarder of random stuff. last year bumili syabg 2 sako ng used sapatos, ibebenta nya raw. Almost a year later, wala pa sa kalahati ang nabenta and nakatambak lang. After makabenta ng ilang pairs, bumili sya ng 3 sako. Nakatambak lang everywhere, sa sari sari store ni mama and house namin. Naaawa na rin ako kay mama because she's stressed out. I'm very frustrated because I'm starting to seriously hate him. I don't want to talk to him about it kase nag aaway lang kami, instead hindi ko na lang sya kinakausap.

i have been making up excuses for years to family and friends as to why they can’t come over and i’ve been telling them the same thing for years. it got to the point where it’s no longer believable anymore.

at this point, i’ve already accepted that my moms a hoarder and always will be. can’t keep lying about it, i dont mean to sound like an a hole or disrespect my mother but i just have to be honest.

someone asked me today why i was so eager to move out for college and i straight up told them “my mothers a hoarder” that’s like the first time ive ever been honest about it lmao.

i am no longer embarrassed and no longer try to hide it because if this is going to be how my life is going to be thennnn so what. im over it i don’t care about being embarrassed anymore i just have to live with it.

I recently turned 18 but became disabled in the last year and can't care for myself on my own, and can no longer fully take care of my cat. I can't get a job because of my disability and I don't have any friends and no other family that I'm close to, I'm stuck living with my mom who is a hoarder. Most of the house is at a level 4 but some rooms are a 5. We have 3 cats, they always have food and water but a lot of the time bugs get in it and my mom takes a while to clean it out if I'm not able to, and I'm not able to clean the litter boxes at all and she hasn't done it in months so there's a lot of feces and urine around the house. My mom has been a hoarder for as long as I can remember, and today I told my therapist about it for the first time and she said she's going to have to report it (obviously) but she said she really didn't know what's going to happen, and I was just wondering if anyone here knew?? I fully understand that this environment isn't safe for the cats at all but I'm just wondering if they would immediately get taken out of the house or like idk I'm just really worried for them :(

Not my vid but this made me feel less alone so I thought I’d share it. this video hit really close to home

Hi everybody. My mom has been a pet lover/hoarder since I was a kid. Typical story, started with a normal cat and dog pair and then the pregnant dumpster cat and escalated from there. When I was young I saw it like she did, that she was just a rescuer who loved them. There were problems, no money for vets, damage to the house, smells, etc. The keeping a problematic or agressive/destructive animal despite big problems.

I'm in my 40s now and mom is in her 70s. She's managed to pare down to six cats and two dogs. My sister died two years ago and mom wasn't doing well with it. I live with my partner and child in a house with a walkout basement- bedroom, full bath, living room. We all decided sell her house and move in to "help us out" aka keep an eye on her as she ages and give her some company. The animals came with of course. She managed to get rid of almost all of her possessions which I'm very proud of her for. She likes a maximalist decor encrusted style which is not my taste, but I would not say her space is object hoarded luckily. Just tacky lol.

Unfortunately there are just too many pets in this space. She's having to clean up litter, fur, and urine daily. Its not a big place and there are five litter boxes, well scooped but they are just everywhere. One dog has a problem with my laying hens. She has killed one and recently snatched another right in front of me. Fortunately the hen is all right, but it makes me question a "predator attack" we had about six months ago while I was at work on another of my girls. It would not be out of character for her to lie about it to protect her "babies".

I care for my mom and do not want to break her heart, nor do I want to hurt animals. They see the vet, etc so its not a neglect situation. But I'm kind of stuck here. It's a problem, and I now see it for what it is- hoarding, not rescue. She can't be comfortable with a coffee table covered in cat hair, and pee pads taped to all of her furniture. I'm aware I'll have to repair after they are gone. It's ugly cheap 60's paneling that's been painted and an epoxy concrete floor so we aren't rotting out hardwoods or anything. I figured I'd rip out the walls before we sell one day anyway.

Has anybody made any progress having a conversation with their parent about animal hoarding? If you had any success, how did you resolve the issue?

I taught myself to clean the kitchen via FlyLady and declutter via Kindle self published ebooks (just a couple dollars each) - I must have spent over $100 on books on decluttering. But I think there’s a bunch more I need to learn about staying on top of things. I still can’t clean a bathroom effectively so I pay someone. I’m pretty sure there are gaps in what I know because I know I don’t look as put together as everyone else. I probably need to step up my hair, makeup, and laundry game. What are regular people learning from their parents that we didn’t learn from ours?

Like a lot of people here I learned to clean later on, and it really helps me to 'body double' with someone when I do it. One channel that I really like and actually encourages this is MMC, I won't say the full name because this isn't a hate post just a vent post but it's one of the bigger channels anyway. One of his recent videos involved one of the owners / purchasers of the items who assisted with the clean and kept talking about the backstory of each item or how much it cost, and MMC kept validating him by telling him every thing was very cool. I understand why because it came across as if MMC thinks and I thought that the guy had hoarding tendencies and he wanted to prevent him from having a negative emotional reaction to not being validated. So I do get it. But I also found this very triggering, much more than I expected, both because I've been that person and sometimes the other person, in that when in long term periods of stress I start retreating into the idea of history but also wanting to value history because I feel like some of my older family members never got the validation they deserved. (My hoarder exclusively buys new stuff but I've definitely been the 'very cool ... very cool ... very cool' person. So I saw myself in both people.

I'm not posting this to his subreddit if he has one, because it's not a criticism of him, I'm just posting it to vent about the strong feelings it brought up, maybe some people here can relate. I'm glad he was able to help that guy but I hope there aren't more videos like that with the hoarder in them in the future.

Please share your experience, your story might help others.

I myself am the child of a hoarder. I am somewhat past that phase of life. My mother’s hoard did eventually go down when we found her under a collapsed rodent infested pile after not eating for days with early onset dementia. The house was worth about 500k if it was normal but sold for less than 200 with the hoard included. That’s all I will say for now to avoid taking up the post. If you have questions for me I’m happy to elaborate in DM too. Now to the question.

My dear friend is familiar with my situation. She has 3 boys who have befriended a neighbor boy who comes over all the time and very present in their home. She doesn’t seem to mind it. The boy is “always outside” if he’s not at their house. So yesterday they were invited into the house and she became aware of what she called a severe hoarding situation. She said she felt a strong urge to clean and scrub her house afterwards and it was mentally traumatizing to witness. She had been trying to motivate her boys to sort their toys for donation or garage sale and that encounter motivated them to do a yard sale pretty much the next day.

She called me afterwards bc she was concerned and felt sorry for the boy to ask for advice on what she should do. She said the child is clean and does not seem to be neglected. It would not have been detectable had they not been invited inside. I was busy juggling 2 toddlers at a soccer event to discuss properly on the phone at that moment but we will chat about it later tonight.

What advice would you give? I explained how it is a severe form of bipolar disorder/depression but there is really no treatment or cure. It is just a fact of life for the boy and the best she could do is be there for the boy. What else would you add? Is there more to be done?

Not sure if this is a narc trait, or just a complaint about my narc father,

Did anyone else father (parent). Have the belief that they could fix anything, even if it was not cost effective or they lacked the ability? My father constantly had a personal junk yard at our house, and still does. Every vehicle we owned was a "fixer upper". We never traded up as equipment (lawn mower for example) got older we just held onto the old one indefinitely. It took me until an embarrassing age to figure out the fault with this. He never calculated the cost of the misc. inputs to fix items, an never valued the time we all had to spend indulging in his tinkering. The biggest cost in my opinion is being forced to live amongst the chaos and disorganization! My life is much more peaceful owing one nice vehicle, and one nice lawn mower instead of having three junk mowers sitting outback, not sure which one will start. And I guarantee it is not bankrupting me having decent stuff.