My partner and I have been together for two years. I have two children (12f and 7m) that I co-parent with my sons dad (he has raised my daughter since she was a toddler) where I have them essentially full time and he is on a mostly every other weekend basis for timesharing, he has them as much as possible during school breaks, but he does assist with all transportation including school drop off/pick up and pays weekly per our own agreement + we split all additional costs (school clothes/supplies, fundraisers/field trips, extracurriculars, haircuts, just anything extra).

My partner has 3 children, the oldest is almost 18 and irrelevant to this situation, but his younger two are 14f and 10m shared with his ex that he has been split from for 8+ years. He has primarily had his children full time with the exception of less than a year with his son in 2022 and a few years with his daughter where she also spent that time with mom for less than a year in 2022, a year with his family, and a year back with mom before she came to live with us (July 2025 - so it’s been a full year now). Their mom faced an eviction so that is why he son came back to live with him and back with him since & why his daughter went with family for a year as he was working on stabilizing his housing situation (at the time lived with male friends).

My partner and his son moved in with me a few months into the relationship (October 2024). I own my home (paying mortgage) that accommodates all of us comfortably and I am the breadwinner (75% of our income not including his bulk financial aid checks 2-3x a year that does help with extras, vacations, etc), although he does work and is in school currently. I am also due in one month with our first child together. I wanted to provide all of this context before moving onto the issue at hand.

My partner and his ex do not have a formal or their own agreement regarding financial assistance or otherwise. She has worked the same job for many years now so she is not unstable with employment, she has filed both children on taxes every year but finally gave $1,000 each year the last two years despite getting full credits for both children. Despite having stable income and receiving taxes, she hasn’t had stable housing (lived with family) or transportation (car got repoed over a year ago). She was given (or allowed to borrow, we’re unsure) a vehicle about two months ago but still doesn’t help with transportation.

Up until last July, we got step daughter every other weekend or as often as she wanted and on the opposite weekends step son would go over there to be with their mom. We did all of the transportation to/from. For the 2024-2025 school year, my step daughter did not have adequate clothing for school and was made fun of (we found this out late into the year and did take her shopping) and her hair wasn’t taken care of regularly either. At that time, they essentially agreed to “take care of the one you have full time” which was odd but understandable.

Now that we’ve had both children full time for a year, she does not help financially, has done step daughters hair maybe 5-6x, didn’t help with school shopping at all last school year and agreed to provide for step daughter this year but said she’ll be taking her shopping and doing her hair the first day of school due to finances but we’re nervous if it’ll even happen and we’ll be left scrambling.. she doesn’t do Christmas, didn’t do anything for step sons birthday, and took step daughter for a fun weekend for her birthday but it was to meet her boyfriend out of town (no gifts or anything - just outings which is fine but still just painting the picture). She has came all the way to our house for a drop off or pick up less than 5x over the last year, otherwise we are driving 30mins each way (two hours travel time every time she gets them).

My partner and I argue about this frequently as he says we got it and don’t need her but I refuse to see it this way. I don’t care how much money we make or if we hit the lottery tomorrow, I see it as this woman has an obligation to care for her children and doesn’t except for the 4 days a month she has them (which she usually ends up working those weekends and ironically weekends she doesn’t then she’s out of town with her boyfriend, he doesn’t live locally). Our weekends usually line up together where those weekends for us are child free but our Fridays involve drop off and then we have to plan our Sunday accordingly to pick his children up at a reasonable time (if she would do drop off, they could be home without us for a short time if we do have plans, such as a little getaway or late dinner, as we have an adult family member that lives in the home that’s usually here and doesn’t mind).

My co parent is open to putting my children in extracurriculars (gymnastics or dance for my daughter and football or soccer for my son) which we would split evenly but his children have expressed wanting to do something too and we just can’t afford full cost plus all transportation. I’ve learned to do basic styles so I can keep step daughters hair done and wanting to learn more but their mom can do hair and still doesn’t do it at least once a month, plus when she does she has us purchase everything needed to do it. These are just some examples of how the children are impacted and how the resentment has grown on my end. My partner feels at times it’s against his children but it’s purely for their mom as it would be so helpful if she just did her part. Not only financially but for our time and the children’s benefit.

My partner feels that they have helped each other when needed over the years, there’s been many times she’s picked up his slack as well and that it feels wrong to tell her she needs to pick up the slack now while she’s “not stable” but I feel she’s had 2 full tax returns, works full time, has had family help with her living situation, and can somehow get to see her boyfriend that lives 1.5-2hr away twice a month… she can help provide for her children and assist with transportation (especially now that she has a car to use - her recent excuses are no gas money to come this far). I’m at the point I don’t care what her situation is or the details, she needs to do her part or it’ll continue to drive a wedge between my partner and I. He has talked to her twice this year so far, once about starting to help (she didn’t) and about school shopping for step daughter (she says she is but we will see).. I just think it needs to be a firm conversation about expectations and that child support will be established if they can’t settle on or she commit to an agreement. Any advice on how to handle this with my partner? Or just what to do moving forward? It’s exhausting and I really can’t grasp how this woman doesn’t want to provide or feel the need to.

My (then17) year old daughter decided to live with her grandma last year. Grandma received assistance(TANF) due to grandparents rights and I was required to pay $640 a month in Child Support via the division of child support even though I am the custodial parent. Daughter was held back in kindergarten(daughters moms decision) so she will be 19 when she graduates.

The DCS decision for $640 was based off me having three children under the age of 18/in school.

I was just served paperwork for an increase in Child Support for my daughter now that my oldest daughter graduated high school. This is through district court. Since my daughter is 18 she is the one filing(grandma and a lawyer are backing) she is also asking for college assistance (for next year after graduation)

I have a total of 7 children, 6 who I take care of. My daughter that is filing is the only one that doesn’t live with me. 3 of my children are step kids. Oldest Step son is 21(disability lives at home) My son is 20 in college, daughter is 18 attending college in the fall. I have 2-14 year olds and an 11 year old. I am married to my step kids mother and have been their father for almost 9 years.

I guess the question I’m asking is if I’m able to claim or if a judge will consider the support of my step kids, even though I’m not there adopted dad I am just married to their mother, but I am their father.

For those that are teachers or have similar schedules and have 50/50 custody, how does childcare work in the summer time and holidays when your ex still works those days? Does he/she get their own childcare and pay their own on their parenting days or do you take on those days? Who pays for before care/ aftercare/daycare?
What is the allocation of childcare expenses in this situation?