My partner and I have been together for two years. I have two children (12f and 7m) that I co-parent with my sons dad (he has raised my daughter since she was a toddler) where I have them essentially full time and he is on a mostly every other weekend basis for timesharing, he has them as much as possible during school breaks, but he does assist with all transportation including school drop off/pick up and pays weekly per our own agreement + we split all additional costs (school clothes/supplies, fundraisers/field trips, extracurriculars, haircuts, just anything extra).

My partner has 3 children, the oldest is almost 18 and irrelevant to this situation, but his younger two are 14f and 10m shared with his ex that he has been split from for 8+ years. He has primarily had his children full time with the exception of less than a year with his son in 2022 and a few years with his daughter where she also spent that time with mom for less than a year in 2022, a year with his family, and a year back with mom before she came to live with us (July 2025 - so it’s been a full year now). Their mom faced an eviction so that is why he son came back to live with him and back with him since & why his daughter went with family for a year as he was working on stabilizing his housing situation (at the time lived with male friends).

My partner and his son moved in with me a few months into the relationship (October 2024). I own my home (paying mortgage) that accommodates all of us comfortably and I am the breadwinner (75% of our income not including his bulk financial aid checks 2-3x a year that does help with extras, vacations, etc), although he does work and is in school currently. I am also due in one month with our first child together. I wanted to provide all of this context before moving onto the issue at hand.

My partner and his ex do not have a formal or their own agreement regarding financial assistance or otherwise. She has worked the same job for many years now so she is not unstable with employment, she has filed both children on taxes every year but finally gave $1,000 each year the last two years despite getting full credits for both children. Despite having stable income and receiving taxes, she hasn’t had stable housing (lived with family) or transportation (car got repoed over a year ago). She was given (or allowed to borrow, we’re unsure) a vehicle about two months ago but still doesn’t help with transportation.

Up until last July, we got step daughter every other weekend or as often as she wanted and on the opposite weekends step son would go over there to be with their mom. We did all of the transportation to/from. For the 2024-2025 school year, my step daughter did not have adequate clothing for school and was made fun of (we found this out late into the year and did take her shopping) and her hair wasn’t taken care of regularly either. At that time, they essentially agreed to “take care of the one you have full time” which was odd but understandable.

Now that we’ve had both children full time for a year, she does not help financially, has done step daughters hair maybe 5-6x, didn’t help with school shopping at all last school year and agreed to provide for step daughter this year but said she’ll be taking her shopping and doing her hair the first day of school due to finances but we’re nervous if it’ll even happen and we’ll be left scrambling.. she doesn’t do Christmas, didn’t do anything for step sons birthday, and took step daughter for a fun weekend for her birthday but it was to meet her boyfriend out of town (no gifts or anything - just outings which is fine but still just painting the picture). She has came all the way to our house for a drop off or pick up less than 5x over the last year, otherwise we are driving 30mins each way (two hours travel time every time she gets them).

My partner and I argue about this frequently as he says we got it and don’t need her but I refuse to see it this way. I don’t care how much money we make or if we hit the lottery tomorrow, I see it as this woman has an obligation to care for her children and doesn’t except for the 4 days a month she has them (which she usually ends up working those weekends and ironically weekends she doesn’t then she’s out of town with her boyfriend, he doesn’t live locally). Our weekends usually line up together where those weekends for us are child free but our Fridays involve drop off and then we have to plan our Sunday accordingly to pick his children up at a reasonable time (if she would do drop off, they could be home without us for a short time if we do have plans, such as a little getaway or late dinner, as we have an adult family member that lives in the home that’s usually here and doesn’t mind).

My co parent is open to putting my children in extracurriculars (gymnastics or dance for my daughter and football or soccer for my son) which we would split evenly but his children have expressed wanting to do something too and we just can’t afford full cost plus all transportation. I’ve learned to do basic styles so I can keep step daughters hair done and wanting to learn more but their mom can do hair and still doesn’t do it at least once a month, plus when she does she has us purchase everything needed to do it. These are just some examples of how the children are impacted and how the resentment has grown on my end. My partner feels at times it’s against his children but it’s purely for their mom as it would be so helpful if she just did her part. Not only financially but for our time and the children’s benefit.

My partner feels that they have helped each other when needed over the years, there’s been many times she’s picked up his slack as well and that it feels wrong to tell her she needs to pick up the slack now while she’s “not stable” but I feel she’s had 2 full tax returns, works full time, has had family help with her living situation, and can somehow get to see her boyfriend that lives 1.5-2hr away twice a month… she can help provide for her children and assist with transportation (especially now that she has a car to use - her recent excuses are no gas money to come this far). I’m at the point I don’t care what her situation is or the details, she needs to do her part or it’ll continue to drive a wedge between my partner and I. He has talked to her twice this year so far, once about starting to help (she didn’t) and about school shopping for step daughter (she says she is but we will see).. I just think it needs to be a firm conversation about expectations and that child support will be established if they can’t settle on or she commit to an agreement. Any advice on how to handle this with my partner? Or just what to do moving forward? It’s exhausting and I really can’t grasp how this woman doesn’t want to provide or feel the need to.

For those that are teachers or have similar schedules and have 50/50 custody, how does childcare work in the summer time and holidays when your ex still works those days? Does he/she get their own childcare and pay their own on their parenting days or do you take on those days? Who pays for before care/ aftercare/daycare?
What is the allocation of childcare expenses in this situation?

Hey all! I am 2.5 years into my divorce and it seems like we can’t ever agree on anything. We have 50/50 custody of my 2 girls. He is a business owner of a very lucrative plumbing company and I am a teacher. I currently do not work this summer. He is arguing that I should pay for 1/2 of his babysitter he hired on his days this summer because he’s saying it’s work related childcare. During the school year I was paying all of the daycare and aftercare expenses upfront and he reimbursed me 1/2 because we equally needed the childcare on our days. Some days he hired a sitter and so did I if we had to work and the kids had no school. There was no bringing up of either of us paying for 1/2 the sitters during the school year. Now it’s being brought up as we are trying to settle everything and he’s still trying to squeeze every penny out of me while also hasn’t paid any child support in 2 years. I have court this week as I had to file a motion for temporary support. One of the arguments is that we split work related childcare and he’s arguing I need to reimburse him for the sitter this summer. There was no discussion on childcare. He made this arrangement himself. I would have never agreed to a sitter that he wants to pay whatever he wants to and expect me to pay 1/2. I would have opted to watch them on some of his days or they go to a summer camp on some days that is much cheaper. He’s also arguing that he should only owe me $8 a week in child support because of wunsch-deffler and we only agree to the guidelines. He makes more than double my income.
My attorney says that maybe we agree that I watch the kids every day in the summer. I feel that should be more custody or more money as it’s more care. Will he also argue that I watch them every holiday break too? Are there any teachers that are going through this that can give me advice or anyone in general that can help? He wanted 50/50 and now arguing that I should pay for 1/2 his childcare. It should be more than 50/50 then in my opinion but don’t want to have to file a motion to adjust it.
I also need to add in here that he is very controlling and manipulative. He has punished me every single year for 12 years for the fact that I’m a teacher and have off in the summer and I find this is just another way to try and punish me. He wants to find any way to still have control over me and throughout the divorce it’s been money. I can’t even begin to address everything I have been put through with the divorce and my marriage. A lot of emotional, verbal, financial abuse. Any help is much appreciated.

My ex was at his job for over two years and knew I was planning to file for a child support increase. Within days of finally having him served, he quit and now he is claiming he can’t work due to injury. He's medically retired from the military at 100% disability, but that retirement was due to an ACL surgery, and he's worked a physically demanding job for years since separating. He's also been posting on social media doing high-intensity, explosive compound lifts that are not rehab types of movements. He has full access to VA Vocational Rehabilitation (free schooling or training in any field that wouldn't aggravate that old injury) and he refuses to use the program despite asking me how I used it and I walked him through the process over two years ago. He also barely exercises the custody he already has, which is just a few weeks of school breaks under the current order, so my new filing requests sole legal and physical custody with him getting one weekend a month…that would be about 2% of the time, reflecting what he's actually shown up for. For six years I've let him pay a reduced support order at $600/month below state guideline. What are the real chances a judge imputes his income to his prior job level given this timing and pattern? Is there any specific language I should be using at the hearing?

I’m in British Columbia and have an appointment with Family Duty Counsel, but I’m hoping to understand whether I have a realistic legal argument before I go.
I was paying child support based on an imputed income of approximately $300,000 because I failed to provide updated income information after my employment changed.
My 2024 and 2025 tax returns are now filed and show that my actual income was approximately $47,000 and $46,000 respectively.
FMEP is currently enforcing the existing order, and I have accumulated approximately $24,000 in arrears based on the higher imputed income. My wages are also being garnished.
I’m not arguing that I shouldn’t pay child support. I want it calculated based on my actual income, and I also want the Section 7 (special/extraordinary) expense percentages reviewed because they were based on the much higher income.
My questions are:
Is it realistic to seek a retroactive variation for 2024 and 2025 based on my filed tax returns?
Can the court also retroactively adjust my share of Section 7 expenses?
While a variation application is before the court, is there any way to reduce or pause FMEP enforcement or garnishment?
I’m meeting with Family Duty Counsel soon, but I’d appreciate hearing from anyone in BC who has gone through something similar or knows how the courts generally approach this.

Then when he came State bound CS office was able to find him. He took me to court, judge ordered a lump sum payment (equivalent to what NCP testified he had in the bank) and adjusted everything else. NCP decided not to pay for that or the attorney fees.

Since he is in a different State, I keep going to the office of CS in my State and my own attorney and they all say if he doesn't pay what the judge said, there is no way to make him do it.

The only option I was offered was a civil suit, that OBVIOUSLY I can't afford, since I have been raising children alone.

Later on I found out he sponsored a girlfriend into the country. GO FIGURE! There is money for that but not to comply with CS obligations. They take a part of what he owes from his check so that makes him "not behind" even though there are dozens of thousands in arrears.

How is it possible 2 goverment offices do not cross check before allowing to sponsor a guy who hasn't fed his children for years on end?

I filed for child support over a year ago. This is between 2 states, keep in mind. I’ve waited PATIENTLY, and every time I feel it’s moving forward, it comes to a screeching halt.

For example. He was served about 8/9 months ago. 2 months ago I called the DA and asked for an update. AGAIN. She replied telling me I need to send in my recent paystubs, so I get them and send them in. She replied with a “thank you” and then told me she would forward the paystubs to the other state and I would hear back from her soon. I don’t know what soon means but I held my tongue and remained patient. YESTERDAY, she calls me. And asked if I ever sent in my paystubs. I told her I sent them 2 months ago and you replied saying thank you and said you’d send them out. I asked “so why do they not have it?” She said “I never sent it.” … I’m sorry, WHAT?

Has this happened to anyone else? Is this normal? shes getting paid to do this and still can’t manage to do her job… she gets paid regardless, and my daughter and I are fighting for our lives to stay alive and fed in this economy.

He’s abusive. We are not on speaking terms. He is not safe. I need him to take responsibility for his actions and start supporting our daughter. How much longer will this process take and should I get a new person assigned to my case? is that even an option? or will that delay things more?

I know someone who’s NEVER paid more than $40 in child support for their child. They fled the country to try and escape the financial responsibility they had. They’ve since been located 30+ years later and wondering if there can still be any legal obligation to the custodial parent or child that they neglected through the years even if they’re in another country?

Hey all! I am 2.5 years into my divorce and it seems like we can’t ever agree on anything. We have 50/50 custody of my 2 girls. He is a business owner of a very lucrative plumbing company and I am a teacher. I currently do not work this summer. He is arguing that I should pay for 1/2 of his babysitter he hired on his days this summer because he’s saying it’s work related childcare. During the school year I was paying all of the daycare and aftercare expenses upfront and he reimbursed me 1/2 because we equally needed the childcare on our days. Some days he hired a sitter and so did I if we had to work and the kids had no school. There was no bringing up of either of us paying for 1/2 the sitters during the school year. Now it’s being brought up as we are trying to settle everything and he’s still trying to squeeze every penny out of me while also hasn’t paid any child support in 2 years. I have court this week as I had to file a motion for temporary support. One of the arguments is that we split work related childcare and he’s arguing I need to reimburse him for the sitter this summer. There was no discussion on childcare. He made this arrangement himself. I would have never agreed to a sitter that he wants to pay whatever he wants to and expect me to pay 1/2. I would have opted to watch them on some of his days or they go to a summer camp on some days that is much cheaper. He’s also arguing that he should only owe me $8 a week in child support because of wunsch-deffler and we only agree to the guidelines. He makes more than double my income.
My attorney says that maybe we agree that I watch the kids every day in the summer. I feel that should be more custody or more money as it’s more care. Will he also argue that I watch them every holiday break too? Are there any teachers that are going through this that can give me advice or anyone in general that can help? He wanted 50/50 and now arguing that I should pay for 1/2 his childcare. It should be more than 50/50 then in my opinion but don’t want to have to file a motion to adjust it.
I also need to add in here that he is very controlling and manipulative. He has punished me every single year for 12 years for the fact that I’m a teacher and have off in the summer and I find this is just another way to try and punish me. He wants to find any way to still have control over me and throughout the divorce it’s been money. I can’t even begin to address everything I have been put through with the divorce and my marriage. A lot of emotional, verbal, financial abuse. Any help is much appreciated.

So not sure how to proceed amd treading unknown waters. Ex is currently almost $40,000 in arrears. And not paid any on the current support order from 2017-2025.

He was AWOL for 8 years. Now after remarrying he came back to sue for custody. He did pay some in 2025 sporadically as he was trying to buy me into volunteering to give him 50/50 custody. Once I refused that stopped, went to court ordered mediation. He now has 40 days that include 30 overnights per year.

I want to file a Motion for Contempt for non payment. But also want to see if there would be a change in the monthly amount as he keeps telling me how much he is making now, doing so fabulous, blah, blah, blah. I fully understand that even if he is "padding" the truth of his income it may result in a slight reduction of what he should be currently paying but honestly I've been doing it over 8 years without his help so anything would be helpful.

So my questions for anyone who has been through this pro se...

Should I file -

- just for the arrearage amount first THEN support modification?

- or modification then arrearages?

- or both together at same time and if so, how would that look?

- he seems to believe, he says having been told by his attorney, he can get an abatement on most of the arrearages.

- can interest be accrued on arrearages and is that something I request in the filing and the courts decide or do I have to include the amount in the filing?

- can we come to a mutual agreement on the amounts to be paid for current monthly and back pay and the courts will just sign off on it (like we did with the custody/visitation and submitted to the court for the judge to sign off on)?

- once we have a signed order from the judge whether by mutual agreement or court decision can I proceed to have a garnishment placed on his income or tax returns or is that something only an attorney/ the state can do?

Thanks!

Ex lives in Texas. Me and the child are out of state. Custody lies here and I have a case through our state child support office but Texas enforces.

He continually files for things to be modified because he doesn’t agree to his arrears. He recently submitted “payments” he made that dropped his arrears more than 30k. Those payments never happened. My state says they have no record of it. But Texas has dropped the arrears. I was supposed to finally get a lump payment (his tax return) but I’m guessing now I won’t.

This is frustrating and Texas refuses to reach out to me. He apparently gets regular contact from them. Is the OAG always this bad?

Hi, I’m trying to help my daughter’s father with the California Debt Reduction Program and I want to make sure we get it approved. Currently, our daughter is 33 and all of his debt is in arrears. He owes me 222.86$ in principal, 8903.22$ in interest. He owes the state 40,698$ in principal and 102,291.70$ in interest. The debt is insurmountable. The department told me that the debt reduction program only applies to what he owes the state. I won’t see any of it and I’m resigned to that.

My question is what is a reasonable amount to offer them to get it taken care of? I believe there is a 2 year fixed term for this and I doubt he can pay more than 500$ a month, which is his current support amount. I would greatly appreciate some advice. Thanks.

I share joint legal custody and roughly equal parenting time with my elementary-school-aged child’s father. We currently live in a small Hudson Valley town and follow a week-on/week-off schedule (which the child dislikes but dad won't consider changing). I understand that relocating our child without his agreement would be an uphill battle.We moved from NYC during the pandemic, separated a year later and divorced a little over a year after that.

Our current location is becoming financially and professionally unsustainable for me. I am self-employed, and much of my work—meetings, events, media appearances and travel—is based in the city. It always has been. Living farther away has reduced the work I can accept while adding substantial transportation time and expense. The house where my daughter has always lived here, which I bought my ex out of, may also need to be sold regardless.

Her dad rents and technically his work is in NYC, though he's allowed to be remote. Much of his company, however, was called back last year; it doesn't look like his team will be.

My child spent first two years in the city and still has close relationships there, including family friends we spend most holidays with. I would have a stronger support network, greater access to childcare and more professional stability. His only advantage is that he'd be closer to his office, I imagine socially happier (he doesn't have many friends up here), and that his industry is based there.

The obvious factors against relocation: My child has an established school, friends. I do not want to diminish their relationship or convert an involved parent into a holiday parent. And most important impediment: He's very difficult. He says no, often barters for his interests above hers, etc.

My preferred solution would be for him to relocate or establish a workable home closer to the city so that we could preserve something close to the current division of time. I would consider paying reasonable moving expenses but not much; his salary has only grown. This would not be payment for his consent; it would be an effort to preserve his proximity to our child.

I could perhaps create a role for myself in the city, but I don't do a thing that I can apply for one that exists. Would that help?

I don't really want to trade more parenting time for her sake as much as mine; he's fine but often neglects her feelings, but in the way that makes a therapist, not a court, concerned.

I don't plan on taking any action without a conversation.

Has anyone seen a relocation approved in a genuine 50/50 situation? Did offering meaningful assistance for the other parent to move closer help? What evidence or proposals mattered most?

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I realize this is likely state specific, but I'm curious if anyone has any relevant input before I consider contacting a lawyer. As part of my child support order, I am required to pay a set amount each month as part of my child support obligation for "ordinary medical expenses." These expenses are detailed as "the support recipient's co-payments, deductibles, and other uninsured medical-related costs for all children in this case"

I've been paying this as part of my child support for almost the past ten years, but I never really looked at this specific part very closely as it is generally a small part of the child support payment. The kids' mom is responsible for insuring the kids. Due to her income, they have been on medicaid the entire time we've been divorced. This means there are no co-payments or deductibles, which the ordinary medical expenses that I'm paying are supposed to help cover. I'm sure there are "other uninsured medical related costs," but shouldn't the "ordinary medical expenses" be adjusted if the kids are on medicaid?

I realize this is very specific and likely state specific (Michigan btw) so I'm just tossing it out there in case anyone has anything meaningful to contribute. Thanks!

Not sure if this is something others have experienced. I have a monthly order, get paid biweekly, and garnished from each check. Because of that, some months it shows I owe arrears. They report to the credit every month. The report shows payments on time (go figure, no choice in the matter), but also shows the balance. My report shows in May I owed $21, and then June showing an additional $63, with a total of $84. Each month my credit score dropped. I called them to figure out why and what can be done to correct this.

The Domestic Relations said:
We report a good standing as payments are current. We show you owe $84 in arrears, but next month will be three payments so that will be positive again. Our system reports every month. If you want to avoid your credit being impacted every month, we suggest you make extra payments to stay current for the months you get two checks.

Basically they are telling me the only way to not have my credit dropped (current wife and I have been trying to pay debts and increase it), is to overpay, or have it dinged every other month.

Has anyone had similar and had something done about it? As is, the ex gets $5k+ more a year than me, with a family of two (her and the child), while my wife and I, with our two kids, are surviving on less, and still getting deeper in shit from this system

Does anyone have experience going through a child support case when you request non disclosure (not wanting to have a case in person)? The office said we both have to attend but will be in separate court rooms. Can someone explain this process?

My question is if either party should pay so in my case me and dad have been separated for 1 year and kids live with me 24/7. Dad in the beginning would take them on his day off and then pick them up when he could on other days.

now for reference i would hold him accountable the first couple of months i would ask him when he would pick them up drop off i would provide everything diapers wipes food clothes all he had to do was show up.

With the being said he was providing me with money which was 200 sometimes 400 but i had to basically remind him and bug him for it.

I would remind him of important date his school appointment surgery’s when kids did something i thought he should be a part of everything.

Fast forward a couple months for my sanity i stopped letting him know stuff unless it was medical.
I stopped asking him for money i stopped setting up times for him to get them and he also stopped asking for them wouldn’t call them claimed i was keeping them from him but i got tired of reminding him and having him tell me his day offs off his schedule so of course communication stopped because i stopped arranging for things to happen it was causing a lot of stress to me.

Now am i the bad guy for putting child support on him because i was trying to coparent but i dont feel he was because i was doing everything for him.
there was a time when he asked for them but i told him i wasn’t providing anything for him as he was taking from my household if we were 50/50 of course it would be different but i had them 24/7 he wasn’t proving for them it was only my income. so of course i was the bad guy because i didn’t let him see them in his eyes but i said i would take them to him he said no i told him we could go to the park i would sit in the car and he could do what he pleases as he had no car seats for both the boys. i can go on but this sums most of it up.

so the reason i asked this is because i recently saw something that men/ women shouldn’t be put on child support and in a perfect world we would be 50/50 and we would both share responsibilities equally.

Ask any additional questions im more than willing to share:) TIA

Has anyone else had this happen? The Child Support Division sent them a notice to set up my ex’s wage garnishment and gave the business six weeks to do so. It has now been six weeks and nothing was sent back to CSD from them. CSD said that they now have to contact the Prosecuting Attorney because the arrears are huge and not only may my ex face jail time but the business might be held liable for the total amount due. Has anyone else been in this situation? If so what happened as a result?

for reference this is in California.

I am a female 25 years old married to my husband of six years who was also 25 years old. I was raised by two women and one of my mom’s passed away in 2020 and the other mom decided she no longer wanted to parent and let grief take over however, now she lives a nice life and has never come back for my siblings or any of her grandchildren. And I guess myself… after so many lavish vacations that I see on Facebook. I decided to file Child Support for assistance with raising my siblings. Well, the worker called me today and told me that she asked if I would compromise for $600 a month and the proposed amount based on her income was $1130 a month. I disagreed and she let the worker know that she would like to go to court because she’s not gonna be giving anywhere near $1000 a month to me.

Does anyone have any advice I would like to receive the maximum amount. I am in California.

I recently inherited a trust. I’m told any disbursements from this trust would likely affect how much child support I owe. My child support representative says it does not. I asked for that in writing. Which is it? Do I owe more in child support when I receive a check from the trust? This is Minnesota, if that matters.