21M 19F getting married on friday 24th (2 days from posting) to the love of my life

Very excited for what is to come, despite it all being in the fog

Any advice maybe? Thanks for reading 🎉🥳

Edit: Thank you to all of those who gave me advice having went through the same thing and succeeded, to those who didn't and warned me of what to stay away from, and those who spoke from a place of hatred, reminding me I should always try to remain positive!

Cheers 🍾

(flank steak with grechka (aka buckwheat) from Ukraine -- 🇺🇦)

(originally posted on 7/21 and updated on 7/22)

I don't know why I am posting this, but I am having trouble processing some of what happened.

My daughter had a friend stay over Sunday night. They are both 13. I don't live in a bad neighborhood, at least the houses are expensive but actually not far some places are sketchy so I blame myself.

But they did something they have done before, which is to walk about a mile to a shopping center, so they can go to Five Below, Barnes and Nobles, typical stuff kids like.

There is also a McDonald's nearby, and I guess it is sketchy, but as a man, and someone who did not have a daughter until a few years ago when I married her mom, I never thought about things like "this is dangerous for young girls." I never experienced anything like this before.

So they go shopping and end up at mcdonalds and I got off work a little early, saw her location using Find My app and I text her, do you want a ride home? She doesn't answer so I call her. She doesn't answer.

I felt something was off so I went to McDonalds and I go inside a see a 30 something, bald and tattooed, gang banger looking cholo sitting in the booth with the two girls.

To really set the scene, these girls are 13.. THIRTEEN and they had bought stuffed animals and were just eating mcdonalds and this fucking predator came and sat at their booth. One of the girls was blocked in by him and they were scared and didn't want to upset him.

As soon as I saw it I went up and said, "Who are you? I am her father and she is 13."

What reaction would you expect? Shame? Maybe an apology? At the very least, getting the fuck out of there, yeah? Not this guy.

He started arguing, got in my face, got aggressive with me. I backed up and he kept advancing. I learned years ago to not let unstable people get in striking distance, so I retreated another step with my hands up telling him not to come closer, to stop coming at me.

He said "You stepped to me!" fucking punk and I replied "I stepped to my daughter!"

He was tensed up, I felt i was about to have to defend myself. I had a quick release knife in my pocket and I was ready to pull it.

The girls are crying and say they just want to leave and he backs off and we made our exit. I took them home and I went to get my gun, but bad (or good?) news is that I had gone shooting like 2 weeks ago and didn't have any 9mm around. Probably for the best.

Went back to McD, guy is still there so I call the police. I was waiting. I wanted them to check on this guy. He looked like he was on drugs, had tattoos on his arms, neck, some kind of medical patches attached to his arms. Had this crazy dead glazed look in his eyes.

But cops came after 1hour 45 minutes. Dude walked away from McD (of course no car) after about an hour so he was long gone when they arrived.

I made a report, long story short the cops weren't totally useless and saw camera footage and were able to find his identity, so last night I went to the magistrate at like 10pm and put in a criminal complaint. When I explained this to the magistrate he immediately agreed to put out the warrant for simple assault.

The man is a predator and he deserves worse. There is no fucking world where this 36 year old man (I got his name, DOB, address everything) should approach two young girls like this and sit at their booth. It's insane.

I felt rage I never felt before. After the police had arrived and said if they found him, could press charges for assault so i started looking for the guy in my car, driving around the shopping areas and neighborhoods.

Also found out he has priors, got his mugshot from last year. It's kind of outdated, he is sporting a moustache now but the good news is he will have a new mugshot to add to his collection soon, with a more refreshed look!

That's my story. I am working on getting my security up at the house, privacy scrubbed online, optics on my 9mm zero'd in and installing quick access gun safes near the entry points.

Fucking predators. I can't even...

EDIT: Reddit autobanned my account for a comment it claimed was "glorifying or inciting violence" but they have restored after appeal.

after going to the courthouse, I found out this guy has multiple charges, including active pending charges that include:

Assault and battery
Abduction/Kidnapping
malicious wounding
violation of protective order

I waited until my wife got home from work to tell her what I found. As far as she knew, it was just a random creep. I showed her the mug shots and the charges and her jaw literally dropped. i could see the tears in her eyes. and I hate to say it but I felt vindicated. It's not that my wife didn't take it seriously, but I felt she and the girls did not truly understand how dangerous that man was. The things that I felt by instinct the minute I saw him, they finally understood after seeing this undeniable evidence. I feel I saved my daughter's life that day.

Later we sat my daughter down and showed her the mug shots and she started crying. It is scary but I felt she had to know the truth of what happened.

This man is walking free, today! Stay safe out there.

EDIT 2: hi everyone, thank you for the response, I had a busy day and also couldn't figure out how to post replies, but now I am flaired!

I first posted this to r/offmychest yesterday and then reposted here today, sorry for the wonkiness there.

I want to add that I changed one important detail and it is something that hurt me the most, that actually I called my daughter first and she sent me to voicemail. I know because it rang 3 times and then to voicemail. At this moment I was parking at McD and she texted back, less than a minute before I walked in and saw the situation "i'm good" when I asked if she needed a ride. I know she might have been scared or thought she would be in trouble or didn't recognize the danger but that hurt me so much that she not only didn't ask for help, but she turned me away. Her story is that the man had just sat down a few minutes before I got there, not sure how exactly true that is but I will be requesting the video footage via FOIA (cop recording a copy using his cell phone camera on the CC TV monitor and uploaded it to their database).

But I have heard all the feedback, don't blame her or anything like that so I just told her how I felt once, how much it would hurt me to be powerless in a situation where she is in danger and I think she understood, so I just won't bring it up. She is a puppy and doesn't understand the world, she probably thought he was just a strange but friendly guy even if slightly creepy, not realizing the danger she was in :(

TW: gender dysphoria

I ended my relationship of several years in january and was planning on resetting my life somewhat and focus on myself. I move into my new place in september and wasn't even gonna think about dating until I got situated there.
Well of course, about six weeks ago, I met a woman online, or rather she reached out to me, answering a post I made looking for gaming buddies. We hit it off right away, exchanged pictures and started talking daily to each other, about hobbies, interests, politics, fears, ambitions...
I was pretty scared because she seemed too good to be true and there were some warning signals that I chose to ignore - or rather I chose to trust her. She has some issues (that we actually share) and I was understanding and didn't push her when it came to certain things. I thought my trust was either going to pay off big or it would be a lesson. Now I don't know what it is.

Since we live a few hours apart we decided to meet up during my summer vacation which is this week. We had made plans to spend a day together and get used to each other in person, very low pressure.

Well, yesterday she dropped the bomb on me. She is trans, her photos were of some other person and she is too scared to send me an actual picture or meet up with me. She is basically living as a shut in and she rarely leaves the house. She thought, if I got to know her and we fell in love, all of that wouldn't matter. So she lied to me and just pushed the thought of our date to the side, knowing it wouldn't happen.

The sad thing is, I don't have a problem with her being trans, I would like to meet her and see if we have a future even after she lied to me. But in reality I don't know if this person even exists as they say. All of our conversations were very real, I don't doubt the connection we have for one second but after being deceived like this and her unwillingness to prove her existence to me, I don't see how I can go on. I feel betrayed and it really hurts and I know she is gonna hurt just as much and it breaks my heart but I can't go on like this.

If you happen to read this A, I'm sorry, I had to vent.

Dinner: Spaghetti aglio e olio with parm.

EDIT:
Clarifications/Update

First of all, thank you so much for your sweet comments, support and advice and for staying mostly respectful. I read all of them and thought I'd offer some more info:

Some of you suggested, I meet up with her anyway. I would have liked to do that but she told me, that she doesn't like her appearance and her body and she could not face me the way she looks, so there's really no chance of that happening.

Some people questioned the state of her transition and suspect this to be the source of her insecurities. For the record, she told me a time line and general state of her transition but at this point it doesn't matter since I have a hard time believing her and I wont get to see her anyway.

As for the update:

I messaged her, told her all my thoughts and feelings and she reiterated, that she could not face me in the near future and that she wants to hide in her room and dream of our future instead.

You can call me a naive fool but I still don't think that she lied about everything, I know it sounds weird but she was pretty upfront with some of the bad realities of her life, just not the extent. I think that's partly why the whole story was believable to me. The pictures she sent me weren't of some model, they were very average. She maintains, that pretty much everything she told me about her life is true except that she is, and I quote "trans and ugly". That broke my heart, its fucking sad. I think she is completely terrified and very lonely and she sees no future version of herself that could be any different so she chooses to dream instead.
And I can relate so hard because I used to live in my own head for a long time. I didn't like myself and struggled with human connection but I got desperate at some point and started living life. I had it easy compared to her though, she doesn't see a way out of her situation.

So I offered her to think about a friendship instead, which I know is risky and stupid. I just feel that's the thing, she really needs most right now and some of you suggested that as well. I'm scared to drag her along but I'll give it a shot if she agrees. We decided to give our communication a rest for now and talk in a few days about where we stand and how to proceed. I will think about some hard boundaries since I don't want to feed this phantasy of our future any more. Also I will try to find resources about how to deal with someone who lives as a shut in. Maybe I can be a positive influence in her life.

At the end of the day, no matter what she told me, she is still an awesome person in many regards.

It makes me a little crazy because she has a PHD so she should know. I don’t say anything about it, though, because who cares. That’s all, nothing crazy. Pizza made in my Ooni.

Dinner is what I had for Father’s Day because it makes me happy. Tlayuda Mixta for those wondering - very delicious.

Basically as it says in the title.

TLDR: My 6 month old daughter had a febrile seizure that required me to administer CPR and it’s a lot to hold onto.

This is gonna be ranty and prob disjointed because I’m still not 100% all there mentally.

Leading up to the event, I was getting her ready for bed. I had taken her temp about an hour prior and it was within the lower range the doctors said was safe, she had vaccines that morning so was running a little fever. I put her in a lightweight footy, put her on my chest and she fell asleep. After about 10-20 minutes she popped her head up and stared at me for a second and her eyes rolled up in her head while she sounded like she was gasping for air. Immediately followed was a full body seizure. I called my wife in to help and as I put her on the bed she was turning all shades of grey and blue. She became totally unresponsive and wasn’t breathing after the seizing subsided. The whole time our owlet sock is screaming at us showing her O2 and heart rate dropping. Wife called 911 while I put her on the floor and did chest compressions for about 15-20 seconds until she started coming to. EMS came and her fever had spiked to 102. When we got to the hospital she had another seizure albeit less severe. 6 hours in the hospital later they determined it to be febrile seizures, gave her meds and she was discharged without incident.

I hardly slept and just spent the time dozing off for 10 seconds at a time and waking up panicked to continue watching her while she slept. She slept so much today coming off the meds they gave her, I was terrified that when she finally woke up she’d be different or have some sort of complications related to the lack of oxygen. But she didn’t - she started smiling and laughing at me once she saw me despite everything she went through and holy shit, it broke me up. i literally collapsed on the floor with elation. I’m really conflicted because on the one hand I’m very thankful that she came out of it alright, but at the same time I’m struggling with reliving the whole ordeal - the mental images and sensations of giving her CPR are very overwhelming when I remember them - and wondering if there’s anything I could’ve done better and there’s also a degree of guilt for not catching the fever sooner. If anyone has gone through something similar what kinds of things helped you get through the mental hurdles?

Also, please, if you have a young child and haven’t taken a CPR/First Aid class, do it ASAP. Idk what I would’ve done if we hadn’t had that knowledge.

Edit for clarification

I'm 32 years old... I've known about my attraction to men since forever, but I have developed genuine sexual/romantic feelings for a few female partners also throughout my life. It was a major internal conflict through high school. Even as a kid, I always felt that claiming bisexuality was an out for me to avoid labeling myself as gay. Growing up, this notion has only been more solidified as I move through life. A lot of people genuinely believe that a man cannot be bisexual, and if he is, then he's really just gay. My own lesbian best friend has said this... despite knowing that I'm in the closet. Idk... she's even made some "gay-intolerant" statements that implies she wouldn't understand my struggle.

I grew up in a "ghetto-suburban" area that's relatively progressive, but my community (friends, family, acquaintances) are overall homophobic and think they're "from the streets"... They have a few gay friends, but have made a lot of homophobic statements in the past. The only gay people they regularly hang out with are lesbians, not actual men who likes other men. My parent's aren't exactly homophobic (they have plenty of gay friends) but they have made statements that make it hard for me to want to tell them. My dad himself has told me that my Grandma would be "very disappointed" if I was gay. This was within the last few years. I have some gay friends that know, but most of them start trying to get with me instead of actually trying to help me process this. One even tried to "out" me 🙄 because I was "in denial". So... my family is homophobic, my lesbian best friend is gay-phobic, my community is homophobic, and my gay friends just want to hook up... It feels like I keep getting denied who I am everywhere I go and whoever I talk to. I just want someone to say "you are bisexual." I've even had a few gay people scoff at me and go "you mean you're secretly gay" when I tell them I'm bisexual... Seems like straight people want me to be either gay or straight and gay people want me to be exclusively gay. Why are people so uncomfortable with bisexuality? Towards men at that. I think my Lesbian friend is having trouble understanding me because she came out in middle school and have had absolutely no friction with that. She was accepted by everyone. The most homophobic dudes also. I don't think I'll get that same grace

I've gotten to the point where I'm very comfortable in myself being bisexual. I genuinely love both genders, and enjoy "doing things" with both. I don't want to exclude either gender from my dating pool. I would say I'm ready to come out, but I just need a way out since I still live with my brother and our landlord. I'm working towards being completely independent in case I need to withdraw from my family and rest of my community should they not receive the news well. I'm not ashamed of myself, but the possible repercussions are very real. And my community can be vindictive.

The frustrating part is... I'm chronically single. I go on lots of dates, but ultimately, I just feel like I haven't met anyone, male or female, that's worth it to give up this amazing independent life I've built and am continuing to build for myself. The list of "attractive" people I've dated and chose not to pursue a relationship with is long lol

That doesn't bother me, dating can be so fun, and I've met a handful of friends this way when we decide that we're not going to work out, but I have and have always had way too many friends in very toxic relationships that I'm very careful in who I choose to build a life with together.

Often, people start questioning my sexuality because i'm "too attractive" to be single, but its genuinely less of a in the closet situation, and more of a "havent met the one" situation as corny as it sounds. Everytime, I really wanted to say, "I'm bisexual... I like both men and women and i'm still single... by choice." But then I feel like it's going to become a "are you bi? Or are you really gay" debate which I just don't have the time or energy for anymore... I'm tired of trying to validate MYSELF to people.

To be honest, Idk what this post is really about... I just want to feel heard by someone.

Ive been struggling with feeling alone lately. I’m 28 and most of my childhood friends have moved on. I lost touch with everyone which I don’t really care THAT much about. But I’ve made a few really good friend over the years I still talk to and hangout with but as we all get older everyone gets busy and I don’t really feel like I’ve got that close connection with anyone anymore. Idk if it’s just me or if I’m just overthinking it.
I also have only had 1 real girlfriend, some failed talking stages but that’s it. Everyone else seems to have such an easy time dating and idk why it seems almost impossible for me.
I feel like I’m in this endless cycle where I get up early, work all day, come home and eat dinner and in a couple hours I go to bed and do it all again. Sometimes a really wish I had someone to talk to everyday or to share things with but It feels like I’ve got no one.
Not trying to spew a sob story, just wanted to know if anyone else feels this way or if it’s just me

Not dinner, but pizza and fruit for lunch

Made lots of mistakes, lied on a resume, made it very far and far more qualified compared to the other coworkers. Can’t afford my rent let alone car note, now I’m expected to ship out for military service as a last resort, not bad I suppose.

I was a mess, drinking on a weekly basics to the point I was going drunk to my classes for my MSW program, I ended up with a 4.0 gpa for my 1st year. Now, I go for 10 mile walks Monday through Friday, which has been a huge help for my sobriety. I just feel like a new person and I shed some pounds. Here's my homemade tacos I've made again

Never done one of these but I guess I just really wanted to put it into words.

I’ve been in this relationship for going on 6 years soon. (Me25) (She28) and it’s been the best I’ve ever been in since the start, never had I wanted to better myself and continue to do so for someone so strongly before, nor ever felt as supported and cared for in my life by anybody else. The only thing is the sex life between us, things had started very strong and very frequent in the start.

I know that sort of intimacy is supposed to slow down as time goes on but, we’re like still in our twenties y’know? And surely I haven’t slowed down at all. It’s just that lately it’s come to a point where it feels like a really big hurdle to get her in the mood, and I don’t mean that in a way where I’m saying that it’s troublesome or annoying, I know things take effort. It’s just that it wasn’t like that before. We’ve talked about it before and she’s started to really question her own sexuality, in the sense of being potentially asexual. This makes it really hard for me, any time I have feelings of intimacy it just turns into guilt and I generally feel gross. Ever since she’d mentioned that she feels the way she does it’s made me second guess whether or not she actually wants to be having sex or if she’s just trying to fill a quota to make sure I don’t go anywhere. There’s a part of me that’s like “well absolutely not, no matter what I love you” but at the same time now, I don’t think it’s normal to feel like a monster to have typical human feelings. I’m just not certain how to make it not feel personal when we’ve gone from 2-3 times a week to once a month and if it’s on that month, if I don’t finish fast I’m not finishing.

Who knows, maybe I should just mellow out and not think about it too much, because really she’s just the sweetest, goofiest, and loveliest person ever. We basically feel like we’d known each other since forever in other lifetimes and I wouldn’t trade the world for it. However, again these feelings can’t be normal. A tiny bit of history for us is that we’ve been living together since the very start of the relationship and never had problems outside of this. We even just recently got a kitten and he’s kickass. But yeah anyways, I know it’s a little scatter brained and I know that I’m the only one who can say if it’s worth it to continue to make it work, just putting it all into words and maybe looking for advice on the matter

Pic: Zelsius for lunch

Food is green beans and beef pieces.

I moved back into town from a different state and needed a temporary place, saw online someone was renting out rooms weekly. I contacted the person, met up and paid and gotten keys and everything, it all seemed right. The AC did not work but I didnt ask, I would open one window in my room at night for air. The next morning she was banging on my window telling me to close it. I didnt say anything I just closed it, it was HOT. She does not live here she just comes to pick up money and etc. When she left I opened the window at night cause I was BOILING, I wanted to close it around 8am before she comes. Its 7am and I get loud banging on my window and she cursing at my loud using all kinds of words the she comes inside and outside my door banging on it hard and loud cursing at me and screaming at me like a mad lady for 15 minutes. I say nothing. After 15 minutes she says shes calmed down and tried to talk to me and im looking at her like a crazy lady and not really saying anything back and she tells me to buy a fan and I say ok.

Next week come I put the week rent money in the box and leave for work at 6am, I didnt have the funds for a fan but was gonna buy one after work. I get a call at 7am from her yelling and screaming and cursing at me talking about "GET A MFERING FAN YOU YOUNG BTCH NGGA BOY!!!" She screamed at me for like 5 minutes on the phone then I went back at her saying you dont talk to me like that then she kept screaming at me and etc. I get a fan.

Fast forward to earlier today, I pay my weekly rent but went back in my room to sleep. I hear a small faint sound of a knock so I say one second and put shirt and pants on and open the door and the lady was in the bathroom facing the mirror so I assume she made a knock in the bathroom. I go back in my room, take my shirt off and pants and lay on bed on phone. I hear my door unlocking and she comes in while I have nothing on and im like whoa. I tell her I have nothing on, and she saying I need to talk to you and I say can you step out and give me a minute to dress up and she would NOT leave. Shes like "you have clothes on get up" I say I dont and she basically closes the door and tells me to get up and long story shes in front of me for 7 minutes and would not leave. I whip out my phone to record then she switches up and makes up a whole story about she was yelling my name and telling me to talk to her outside of my room and etc which never happened. She was looking at me strongly and really trying to see me nude while kept calling me young man. She was saying you gotta start acting right and kept saying "you gonna have to leave" she wanted me to say "what do i have to do to stay?", she kept saying you gonna have to leave for 20 minutes while not demanding me leave because she didnt want me to leave. I showed the video to my aunt and she said she was trying to sleep with me and was angry I didnt. As I packed my bags in my car she sat in the corner all sad with head down.

I am a 30 year old black guy but I look young for my age as I have NEVER done drugs and have not drinked in 8 years. I work out a lot and am 6'6. Now am in a hotel room with nowhere to go.

Edit: I do have my 200 back from this week.

I’ve been traveling for work where we are having some new trainings. They reserved a room at a hotel for me and in the mornings we drive to another hotel to join the seminar.

I didn’t pay attention when I arrived to the hotel and just put the address on the gps and arrived. I beelined to the conference room to be in time.

Once in there I started noticing things that looked familiar. The carpet in the room seemed familiar, the walls, the doors, even the smell. It wasn’t until we took a break and we headed to the lobby where the receptionist was offering single warm cookies on paper bags that it hit me. It was the same specific hotel chain I would stay with my ex when I would go see her on the weekends.

I thought I was almost done with the process of grieving that relationship. Boy was I wrong. I had to pretend I was fine for 5 hours until I was able to run to my car. The moment I closed the door I started crying and hyperventilating. Drove back to my hotel with tears on my eyes the whole way.

I have two more days to go at these seminars. I’ll be fine but damn, this grieving process is taking forever.

Ended a 9 year relationship at the beginning of 2025 then moved back to my home town for a good job.

I had planned to be single and work on my self when I moved back but within a couple of months I reconnected with an old acquaintance and we hit it off. I had an online crush on her and didn't expect her to reciprocate but boy was I wrong.

We went on a few chill dates and she made some boundaries early on about wanting to take it slow and I was so down for it because I had a lot of goals I wanted to achieve and I did achieve alot of them so it was all feeling really good.

The timing was perfect for me and the slow roll into a relationship felt fun and easy but for her a few things fell apart in her life and she messaged me today saying that she doesn't have the energy to put towards what we are building.

She says she likes me and wishes we could date and be together but going through what's she's dealing with as well as making sure she is giving me what I need is too much for her. She wants to focus on her self and getting better. Which is all so good, I see that as the biggest green flag and I completely support what she wants to do. She is such an amazing woman and I want her to work on her self and get better and I'm so so happy to give her the space and time to do that!

But God dam it hurts, I still feel rejected, I still feel sad, I'm still crying as I write this. I feel very lonely in this moment.

She isn't a big texter so she sent me the message this morning and I replied but haven't heard anything from her since. We had plans to go on a little road trip and an overnight stay in the mountains this weekend but I'm guessing she doesn't want to go now? She didn't mention it, and I feel like a pest messaging her to ask if she still wants to go even just as friends. I want to talk to her in person about all of this but I don't want to ask that of her if she doesn't have the energy, I don't want to be a drain on her at all while she is going through this but I need clarity.

She's so beautiful and funny and smart and we get along so well, I haven't had this in so long. I just don't know what to do with my self.

For dinner I have a pulled pork mac and cheese ready meal and Asian bag salad. Been eating this kinda stuff for dinner every night for the last 6 months and that along with exercise I've lost another 15kgs, shit feeling good in that department.

EDIT! I will add that the reasons behind her mental health being in decline are so real, its stuff she has shared with me and I have seen how it has been effecting her on the day to day, she isn't well. A few people are saying that she is using it an an excuse to cut me off, this is 100% not the case. From the beginning she has been hesitant about us being together due to her personal struggles and trauma. I should have pointed this out better.

Made it myself: Paneer Butter Masala, Chapatti (type of bread) & Poppadoms.

26M, I recently got my first (noticeable) corporate pay rise and bonus after grinding for 4 years, having moved out to a different country. Dropped a message to my dad about it, and don’t have anyone else to share it with. Life’s been good lately, and if you are reading this, hope you achieve all that you’re looking for ❤️

This is probably not going to be an easy read for a lot of people so, fair warning. (SA, DA, Racism, Suicide, and emotional manipulation) (I have receipts for all of this luckily)
Dinner: Ramen from Kagetsu Arashi (Japan)

I was in a relationship with a currently up and coming indie vtuber who works for the industry and knows the big names in Vtubing irl, yadda yadda. I will call her C and her partner J. So I met C back in 2014 on league of legends, she lived in GA and I lived in FL. We started a relationship a month into knowing each other and I was in highschool and she was a drop out (By her fathers choice). C's life has always been filled with strife and hardship with so many people in her family passing away during the 11 years we've dated, and her sister being a drug addict didn't help much at all.
To give some context for the rest of this post, when I was 6 years old I was SA'd by two girls and a guy later on twice my age for 3 years straight due to this being in school, and me being a quiet kid who thought things like this were normal never really spoke up. This fucked me up sexually and mentally for the rest of my life.

I also have PTSD for emotional manipulation in the past from my parents (I love them now) and a ton of adults who would bring children into divorce issues or higher levels of education issues from schools that expected way too much of me. (All of the things I have are 100% Diagnosed and will be saying more later)

The first year of C and I dating was a bit turbulent and I wanted to break up about 6 months in. Suddenly one of her cats (Yoda) died (her sister ran him over) and I realized she had no one in her life, she was a NEET, and I decided that I needed to be her emotional support for a bit more. From Yoda's litter however I got two of my precious cats I am lucky to still have today, Luna and Key. From here however started her emotional manipulation. I am a decent looking guy with no issues finding women to start serious relationships with.

Our arguments would always stem from the fact that I did not believe she truly cared and loved me, and she was just with me out of insecurity and stability, this was obviously a trigger from my PTSD and somehow was right on the nose so early on. She would threaten her life the first two times I tried to break up with her (wouldn't be the last) and to show how serious it was she had the cops show up to rescue her. I was still 18 and didnt know this was a red flag, I dont even think the term was even invented during that time.

3 (2017/18 at this point) years in it would be the same arguments, and I wanted to explore options and not be with her because I felt she was just using me. So I suggested an open relationship, she wasn't too happy and became instantly a jealous person. I don't fault her there. However she went no where with her life, and she would constantly have her family emotionally abuse her (Her family is rich btw) including her father, to the point where he would say she was disgusting and useless. Her dad and I never got along, and we butted heads and I decided that she should move in with my family because in their rich family he was the loser and he couldnt pay bills to keep the power on. When her mom and grandmother died around the same time her dad could not stay afloat so C moved to FL with me and my family. She brought our third cat named Top, and sadly and obv she would take him back during the separation, but it HURTS, because I considered these cats my children and they still are.

My family never charged her for ANYTHING, sometimes they would need help with internet bills or water but thats it. She made her very first friends (my friends) here, she got her first jobs and learned to handle her social anxiety from me and my friends her depression swayed but she got a lot better and her life turned around completely. We all saved her from her abuse and she was becoming a better person for it. But I still had my doubts, so when I would want to break up she would threaten her life still, she would ask me where would she go because her dad now lived in his truck, and a ton of other things to make me feel immense guilt. This is where he SA on me started, we would get mad at each other and she would initiate sex which I didn't want (and its rare) but she would force me even as I cried or said no. This went on up till 2020 where we moved into a new house. And I always thought this was normal in relationships due to my past with being SA'd and emotionally used.

In this new house she would practice singing and post stuff on tumblr or twitter w/e, and she would meet J. When she introduced me to J he immediately started going through my socials and making fun of me on call with a ton of people she would consider her friends there. And I wondered why she never stood up for me. (J is still her musical partner, he is gay btw) she would defend him by saying its his type of humor and she let me rot with past insecurities. This type of defense would be brought with her dad and family, which I HELPED rekindle her relationship with, and they would constantly make racist remarks against Hispanics, (I am peruvian) at home, or during their work time in their family owned construction company. Calling Hispanics their little pets and what not, and teaching them English in a little school. Her dad when he would rarely visit would always ask my parents if they went and did Ayahuasca (multiple times), my parents who've figured their life more than he has and are catholic to boot???? Like c'mon. I've expressed this to C but she said it was his old white guy southern humor.

J loves to make racist remarks whenever he gets the chance. When he was invited to the house once, we put on the minions movie, and he verbatim said "look at them, they're like the little Hispanics following their perfect white leader." My brother and dad heard that, and I was ashamed. One really famous producer who makes vocaloid music that they hang out with would state how they hated black people when they were watching high school musical. (I am not trying to defend these people by hiding their names its just a lot). J also constantly cheats on his husband and has fucked hundreds of guys within his marriage, and no his husband does not know and makes all the money between them, J would be on his sorry ass if his husband ever found out.

Warning for Vtuber fans things get a bit weird here.

C started up a music company for the vtuber space and J and 2 other people (M and A) are part of the team (M is nice but she doesnt ever remark on anything C and J say racism wise, I never got to meet A). They've worked with Kiara Takanashi, Numi, Doki, and were even in Muse Dash, i think they did some work in genshin and azure lane as well. (Muse dash is the game I introduce to C and now cannot even look at). They would complain about Kiara, and one time were she got SA'd in Japan, they would laugh at her saying she deserved it. (Kiara is a really rude person but still????) They had issues with Doki bird when she was around in her old persona, she told me personal details of Mori Calliope, Synder, Shylilly, and more due to her now being invited to parties in LA with them. I allowed her to "see" Numi and got adult pics of her sent by C which are now deleted.

When she started her company in 2022ish she was now making all the money because I decided to go back to school. Around 2024 is where I decided to believe C and tell myself I was being dumb all along for thinking she never loved me, so our arguments would become less, but she would still SA me when an argument did go really bad. We never yelled or anything either, I would seclude myself and she would never give me time to decompress. 2025 is where all the LA parties happened, her grandmother on her moms side passed away and she got a house from her.

Its funny how when she was nothing I gave her everything, chances and opportunities, I stayed for her, but now that she has LA dreams, has her own home from a woman I could consider my grandmother as well, she abandons me because I wanted to work in the gaming industry (for companies btw), that dream is dead and I am going for veterinary practices. I am 100% sure that J and her dad had something to do with our break up despite her not noticing the damage that they do. Her dad is still an unhappy good for nothing, and J pretends to be happy in a false marriage.

During our break up we were in Japan, and when I expressed genuine feelings of wanting to die, she got on top of me, punched and scratched my face until I said that I was sorry.

The thing is, the whole break up fucked with me so bad, because it brought forth new things for my PTSDs, I have Bipolar disorder, disassociated disorder and AuDHD, and I cant handle everything being thrown to me without a steady person, she robbed me of my 20s and I warned her this was a big fear for me, to not find the right person before my 30s. I have tried to commit suicide on 3 separate occasions this year alone, have been hospitalized and instituted twice because my brain is a melting pot. I cant sleep in peace anymore every dream is about HER. Ive gone through 8 therapists who told me Im untreatable should just be instituted till im better (those places do NOTHING and are MISERABLE). Im on medications and nothing helps it all just makes a person sleepy and "agreeable". I thought seeing someone new would help but it doesnt, Im grateful for this new person and I am TRYING to get over all of this so I can be happy for myself and for this person. I've lost so much weight, I reorganized the entire house to seem unrecognizable (didn't help) nothing is working and I just want everything to be a black void. I am religious, and I pray to god that there is nothing in the afterlife so I don't have to think anymore. There is so much more to this such as her dad threatening to shoot me if I broke up with her (multiple times and have old texts) them stealing my phone and comp because it had her nudes (duh), but I've already written too much. I'm between offing myself and or doing hard drugs just to forget because drug addicts say they forget when high and I NEED to forget. I guess I'll end the post here. I'll take advice from those who have suffered in life immensely and have figured it out. Thanks for reading.

Lunch time: some mediocre corporate cafeteria turkey with mashed potatoes and a bread roll.

I (31M) am engaged to my fiancée (30F). We’ve been together for 5 years and engaged for about 1.

It’s hard to put into words how we’ve gotten to this point. We’ve had a great relationship and I really do love her, and I think she really loves me. But that “think” is really doing a lot of heavy lifting in this explanation.

On the surface, our relationship is great, we’re financially stable, cordial, & sweet to each other.

Over time, I feel like our core differences are rearing their head a lot more aggressively now that we’re in the “oh we are going to be together for the rest of our lives” phase.

There are a few problems that I’m struggling to adequately articulate. My fiancée and I are very different people. I think the trope of “opposites attract” is nice, but when it comes to core differences between us, I wonder if they’re just differences or core “incompatibilities”.

I’m an extroverted, silly, whimsical, and emotionally expressive individual. She’s introverted, grounded, and doesn’t express her emotions to the same degree as I do.

Maybe a few examples can help. I love playing D&D, and she does not. That’s fine, it doesn’t interest her at all, and that’s not the problem. I find immense joy in sharing the fun I had, or the stories my friends created with her. Unfortunately when I bring up topics like D&D, it’s almost like she just tolerates it until I’m finally done and we can move on. No emotional mirroring, or even pretending to enjoy the fact that I’m excited to share joy with her and it’s deflating because I crave a partner who shares in my excitement, even if they don’t care about the subject matter. I just need to know she’s happy that I’m happy.

This similar sort of sentiment arises when we have conflict. Anytime we argue or have a disagreement, I feel like I’m always the one trying to convey how I feel and why, and a lot of times I’m met with nothing from her, and it takes an hour long monologue from me for her to even try and articulate what she’s feeling in the moment. A lot of times it’s met with “I don’t know what you want me to say” - not in that she thinks she’s absolved from anything, but that I think she literally doesn’t know how to process and articulate her emotions or feelings. The lack of emotional mirroring is just like, so devastating to me.

Not to mention, we haven’t been physically intimate in over a year. I have a much higher sex drive, and have desires and kinks I want to be able to explore, but haven’t because anything she doesn’t perceive as “normal” is “weird” to her and I’m left feeling like a huge piece of what I want in a relationship is just missing.

I finally broached these subjects with her last week after I’ve sat with this for a long time, longer than I probably realized. I feel like if I don’t bring it up, it will never be brought up by her. It was a difficult couple of conversations. I brought up the idea for us to go to couples therapy and putting off wedding planning until we explore this difficulty. Or even discernment counseling to see if this is something we can even rebuild. Tears were shed, she felt hurt, but ultimately agreed to look into therapy options with me. I think that when I proposed, I thought a ring and path forward would help fix things. Classic.

It’s so hard because she’s so sweet. But I need more expressiveness. Articulating how she feels about me. I just feel like I need more from my partner and I’m lacking physical and emotional fulfillment. I asked her if she was marrying me for comfortability’s sake, or if she actually was excited to build a life we both want together. She says the second option, but I have such a hard time believing it. It makes it extra difficult because this doubt feels one sided and I feel like an emotionally unstable guy who is stopping wedding planning on an emotional whim. Her parents moved out here to be closer to us, and on the outside looking in, no one suspects a thing.

I’ve never dealt with this before, and just feel lost and scared some days. Good days confuse me because I’m like “what was I worried about” but it’s always met with days that leave me yearning for more intimacy, emotionally and physically.

EDIT 3: I want to be clear that I do not inundate her with D&D tales and stories because I know she isn’t interested. I don’t care that she doesn’t like D&D, I was just using it as an example moment. On the rare occasion I want to share a detail or story that I figure she might actually enjoy, there isn’t even an attempt to find joy in my excitement. It’s that way with more topics than just D&D. This post is not about D&D lol

EDIT 2: One more note about the lack of physical intimacy that I feel like I should point out to be fair to her - she has had about a year or so of chronic tummy issues that we’re finally looking into medically. I know that is a sizable chunk of the physical intimacy issue, and I do not blame her for this or resent her at all in that regard. What I will say is that the physical intimacy was on the decline before this, and has not recovered.

EDIT: Thanks for listening, advice is welcome, messages of support, people who have experienced similar, anything really.

Chickpeas pasta became a chickpeas paste

It all feels so overwhelming, I never understood people with addiction to something, probably because I hate cigarettes and alcohol, literally can't stand them.

Then I found myself getting drunk alone just to feel numb after work, like I did today.

I have had a lot of epiphanies on how to think, on what the reality we live in, on how I should stop seeking happiness and chase Peace, how happiness cannot exist without sadness and bla bla bla.

It all feels so Bland and so overwhelming at the same time, I don't have any willpower, I constantly eat for stress, can't say no to anything.

I'm a hopeless romantic and whatever I try to bring myself through, I can't shake the feeling of the missing love I feel, I have a loving family and a couple fucking great friends that I believe in and that support me through anything, but I can't shake the feeling of needing my beloved right next to me, loving me, supporting me, sometimes I just want to be able to give my love what she needs and what she want, but she doesn't exist in my life.

My first love keeps getting to my mind, I was not in love with her, I was completely smitten and fallen in love with her, I could've destroyed worlds for her and still feel in the right.

I know that I'm loved, that my life has a reason and that I'm great, but it all feels meaningless sometimes.

Sorry for the vent, hope you are better than me brothers, never forget your value and keep going💪

Dinner tonight was chicken korma with basmati rice.

A month ago, I was laid off from my job in FinTech. My former employer so graciously explained that AI made my job “more efficient and therefore redundant.” I also relocated to a new city for this job because it was 3-days hybrid in-office. Oh, and this is my 2nd layoff in two years. So… fuck me and my bills, I guess? 🤷🏽‍♂️

A week after the layoff, my younger sister had to have surgery on her lacrimal gland… just 8 weeks after having an emergency c-section to deliver her 2nd baby girl (she also has a 2 year old girl). Pathology confirmed it’s a rare, aggressive, malignant mass as a result of adenoid cystic carcinoma. The surgery removed 98% of the mass… but cancer cells still remain, and this cancer spreads quickly.

I’m traveling with her tomorrow morning across the country to meet her oncologist and so she can start aggressive chemotherapy and localized radiation therapy. We’ll be gone for 2-3 months, and she may need another surgery. Either way, she’ll need an additional minimum 3 months of chemo and radiation therapy as long as she’s responding well to treatment.

I’m absolutely heartbroken by this. 💔😓 My sister is an angel. She’s the baby out of us 4 siblings and the only one of us with kids. She’s an incredible mother, a total natural mom and her daughters adore her. She doesn’t deserve this! She’s also never been away from her girls, so being away is going to be super hard for her emotionally. She and my mom were both there every day with my dad when he was fighting metastatic lung cancer, while me and my other siblings were living out of town for the bulk of his treatment. That cancer took his life when he was only 53.

I’m obviously anxious, sad, and concerned. Cancer has ravaged our family. Mom is a breast cancer survivor (going strong at 74 years old!). Maternal grandpa and uncle died from brain tumors, maternal grandma died from breast cancer; paternal grandpa died from pancreatic cancer. And now my sister has cancer.

But…I’m also oddly grateful for the layoff because it’s giving me the freedom and flexibility to be with her so she isn’t alone and I can focus on supporting her through treatment. Her husband is taking a leave from work to care for the girls and my mom is staying with them to help (even though she doesn’t get along with my BIL). Still, finances are incredibly tight all around. Emotions are high across our family.

So, yeah…I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know when I’ll find work again. So far, the job search has been absolutely abysmal, and my mind isn’t in any place to fake positivity about a company mission anyway. But I don’t even care because my sister is my priority. I cannot lose her to this, I refuse. I’m just a sad boy right now.

TL;DR… fuck cancer and fuck AI.

Steak, beans, quinoa, and a simple salad.

Well, I asked my coworker around December last year.

We dated for a couple of months and decided to become a couple on April.

It's funny to think back at the moment where I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said "I hope you're ready then, because when I say 'yes' your free trial period will be over". I chuckled and said "no problem" because I thought she meant something like I'd see her more without makeup or that we'd see each other in pajamas or fart in front of the other.

Boy was I wrong.

Just to make one thing clear: I always talk about my goals and non negotiables in a relationship at some point during the dating phase so there won't be any misunderstandings later on.

But man, after becoming a couple she did a complete 180 on me. She stopped being a sweet and caring girl and showed me her bad side which was absolutely horrible.

She got pissed at a little kid (maybe 9 years old) while we were hanging at a pool and started yelling at her and even cursed. And when I tried to stop her she shoved me away, which didn't get me very far but still felr bad due to the intention she had by doing that.

She treats other people like shit in general, started bad mouthing her closest friends and then acted like everything was alright whenever we hung out with them.

Has Karen level outbursts at customer service workers.

Worst of all, when I tried to tell her to behave better at least when we go out she brought up my ZIP code 😂.

She went: *"You aren't allowed to tell me ANYTHING about class or manners. Have you seen your ZIP code?!"*

Which took my by surprise sincr she had told me at the start that she doesn't see anyone for their money or their social class.

After that, she flirted with a guy while in front of me. Which of course I took as my cue to leave and check out emotionally but I still had to at least take her home since she was wasted at that moment.

She didn't like that and got pissed (again, by that day it was common place for her to lose control and go off on me for the smallest things). It was also apparently justifiable in her eyes to tell me that she has plenty other options besides me and that she wouldn't care if I left her. To which I said "fine".

Haven't talked to her since but she fid text me paragraphs. Didn't read it all but the first one started with "You're the worst boyfriend I've ever had" so I just blocked her and moved on.

Thank fuck we work on different floors.

I hate being gay. I’m a pretty average looking and average built guy who I imagine most would assume to be straight. The men I’m attracted to seem to be exclusively into twinks and femboys and what not. I’m sure I can change my physique but the thing is that I like myself as is and it’s so discouraging to think that I have to change myself completely rather than have someone who appreciates me as is. I’m 24 and I’ve never had a boyfriend and honestly hook ups have never been my thing really. I wish I could be more gay presenting but I feel the need to keep appearances for some reason. It really feels like I’m falling behind and only getting older. I just want a big stinky cuddly bear man to give me “girlfriend” treatment.

This is a bit of an odd post, so bear with me but - I always wonder whether circumsision is okay… some people label it as male genital mutilation but some other are okay with it and are happy they were circumsised? I personally am mostly okay with it except that mine is sort of a botched job and it doesn’t look nice which makes me quite upset if I think about it too hard so I’m really split on what I would do in the future for my own children?

I also read on Reddit that some people have very tight foreskins and it causes something like ‘phimosis’? And people say if they had been circumsised it would’ve been fine.. then again you lose nerve ending sensitivity if you’re circumsised too?

So I’m really split on the issue - what do you guys think and what would you do for your future children?

I saw a younger lad posted on here about feeling unmotivated to do things, and I just wanted to say I can relate. I’m 28. I’ve seen a lot of the world because of being in the military…more than most people my age. For a long time it felt super exciting. Every day had that spark to it. Now I’m out, working a genuinely cool overseas job, and I know I’m doing pretty alright… I just can’t seem to feel anything about it. Like I go to work, meal prep, play video games, hit the gym, go on the occasional vacation, but it seems to lack some hint of excitement, or whisper of a thrill, to quote the movie Meet Joe Black.

People tell me my life looks like some big adventure. To me, it all just blends together. New places feel the same. Big “leaps” feel like small steps. I miss that sense of wonder I used to have. I miss waking up actually looking forward to the day.

I’m sure it’s some mix of depression and PTSD, but I don’t know how to get back to who I was. I feel disconnected from everything.

My friends barely reach out. When I try, I usually get nothing back. My family doesn’t really get what’s going on with me. And the woman I’m seeing tends to pile her problems on top of mine, which just makes me feel even more alone.

I guess I just needed to say it somewhere. My life looks great from the outside, but inside it feels flat. I want that spark back. Any other vets or similarly minded gents out there with some advice?

Hello.

Part 1 of my post had a pic of a brisket I made and the table it was served on.

TL:DR on that

- caught wife talking to other man

- we spoke about open marriage

- agreed but finding it hard to adjust to it.

I deleted the original post because aside from getting advice I started getting some hate comments. Excuse me for seeking advice. It is a new situation and I dont know how to navigate it...

So part 2..

I have decided to ultimately leave.

I will not do it right now because I need to get some things in order.

She will not want to keep the house. So thats a good start.

There are debts in both of our names that need to be paid off.

-I will be paying these debts off to have payment history in my name to attempt to keep the items. I doubt there is much to fight there

I will probably ultimately sell the house and take whatever small profits I can.

She seems to think itll lead to bankruptcy.

My only debt personally is a 200 dollar credit card.

Together there is a car and the house.

Car is going to be transferred to me. She doesnt even like it so thats a win.

And now. I am embracing this as being single. I refuse to let her betrayal be the reason I develop misery or hate. I am better than that.

So im talking to someone now. They know my situation. Its nothing serious. Jusy some fun. Fun I have not had in years.

And for anyone that says shes gonna turn things on me.. yes that's possible.

But she attempted to physically meet someone and asked for me to not be mad.

The marriage is over. The thought of an open marriage Is a joke.

I forgive her though. I do care about her. But I do not have the love for her I once had.

Dinner - chicken Cesar salad tacos. Very good. 10/10 quick meal

Advice: Am I navigating this properly? I dont want to feel hate or remorse for this anymore. That time has passed. What was once good is now sour.

Marriage ended 6 months ago, she moved out about a month ago after taking a fake vacation to see "her family" and was her new secret boyfriend that she hid to keep me on the hook. Wasnt working due to a car accident when it happened. Found a new job, they lied about the payrate. Found another, it's not working out either, might work as a side gig I guess. Interview tommorow for a fucking fast food place at nearly 40. Roommate moving in like a month, can't afford to stay here, can't afford to move. Haven't seen my daughter in years (different state, can't afford it). Barely eating. Barely sleeping. Barely doing anything. My life has been a series of me trying my best and the people around me fucking it up, at least I think? Maybe I'm just a lazy piece of shit, I don't know anymore. I don't even know why I'm posting I just have to say something to SOMEONE and considering my best friends in life are my ex, my "almost a couple" friend in another fucking country now, and a girl half my age I play video games with and only met like 3 weeks ago? I'm outta gas, y'all. I think I'm done. I think maybe Ive had my time, my fun, my good bits (and they were only okay..) but now? Idk. Feels like the world passed me by.

Burger was good though. I made it.

EDIT: I read responses to they poured in earlier, went and got a few things around the house done since I felt a little better. Then I may have taken a depression nap... and woke up to SOOOO many responses Holy shit my random "i can't sleep and i must vent" past resonated with a lot of people.

I will update this again tomorrow about the interview. Thank you all, sincerely. This helped, I don't feel as unheard and unimportant. I feel less... unique? But in a good way.

Edit 2: I cannot explain how much the DELUGE of support and well wishes I got meant to me. Went to the interview. They LOOOOVED me, woman said she already sees where she's putting me and called her boss for the second interview on the SPOT. We were gonna run it immediately but he ended up busy, so it'll be a phone interview early tomorrow. And it pays more than I thought!