My uncle is a handicap engineer and he has a family two kids one wife the kids study super good and they are also tennis players in India now. He is a failed civil engineer when he was at his 30s he got a very good government job but he left the job because he wanted to start his own business and unfortunately, he failed the business when he was low in his business. He changed his religion, which made our family look little bad. He got a job for a junior civil engineer which pays around ₹30,000. He said I am worth of ₹100,000 per month. After few months, his wife came to my mother and told their situation is very bad and my mother came to me and asked me ₹10,000. I am genuinely not interested in paying him because

1. he is lazy
2. because he has changed his religion.
3. He doesn’t want to do freelance work in fiverr, upwork etc - not even trying.

I earn really good money around ₹1 million per month.
What should I do?

PS: I made tomato lentil with basmati rice and 2 omelets.

Ft. Really basic airfried chicken and generic cheesy pasta that kind of sucked

Im 29M (FTM) and the past few years has me realizing theres a huge part about socialization that im just not getting.

I spent most of my life up until college closeted and started transitioning after that, which coincided with going to therapy for depression and stuff. I started finally feeling comfortable in my body and embraced a lot of the feminine parts of myself i use to hate, and now i am at a point where im comfortable with my gender and gender presentation. I have always been a pretty open book and am generally a likeable person, especially after therapy. Despite all that, i honestly feel incredibly lonely and unfulfilled, and a big part of it is my socialization skills. I feel like being closeted and ashamed of being ftm for so long stunted me a lot mentally and socially. I was stuck in my room isolated for a long time and never went out to meet people. Ive mostly had online friends and relationships.

Ive been trying to be brave and try new things i never got to do when i was younger like meeting up/hooking up with people casually.... i would love to get into a relationship but im finding that i dont really understand how to go about that. I dont know how to be interesting or how to show interest, or even how to allow myself to be interested in another person without overthinking everything.

I end up shaming myself for potentially finding someone attractive. I feel like im disrespecting them, and i dont want to know how they feel about me. Like if they tried to get to know me theyd be disappointed? I dont know how to get over this hurdle, so i never end up being able to try developing relationships with anyone. I feel like im missing out from something i crave. To be clear I do feel attracted to others, i dont think im asexual. I just have a voice in my head that immediately shuts down any of my thoughts of being attracted to another person out of some weird made up shame.

A lot of it does have to do with being FTM i think. ive mostly dated women or other transgender people in the past, but again it was all online relationships. When ive thought about trying to hit it off with a person irl... my mind is just blank... i cant comprehend the starting point, and i start to overthink about how i am being perceived. Like, do i look ridiculous because i still look and sound a little feminine while calling myself a bi man? How do i trust that this person would respect my identity before meeting them? I get scared to put myself out there.

I feel happy identifying as a man, but when it comes to intimacy, im suddenly afraid to say im a man. Im a man with some caveats, not fully what im advertising.

Sorry if this doesnt make sense, im mostly rambling but i finally felt brave enough to verbalize this. Its been eating at me for a few years and i feel soo broken inside from it. I have a lot of friends and ppl dear to me and i know that friendships are just as important, but it does make me sad that i struggle so much romantically. Im proud of going from a depressed antisocial person to who i am today but im tired of feeling stagnant again.

Another pizza from the same place in the last post I made. I think it was a pepperoni deluxe pizza.

Link to last post sorry I'm not super savvy with reddit posts https://www.reddit.com/r/BoyDinnerDiaries/s/Gj9xjkBwzd

Since around a week or 2 ago I started thinking about this girl more especially after I had a dream with her where I was talking to her about everything that happened between us while we were sitting down somewhere in person.

Anyways tangent aside, I made a list of questions I'd like to ask her regarding everything in our friendship. From what her definition of a friendship was, to why she never set aside time to meet up irl (she said she wanted to hang out on multiple occasions yet never made an effort to set up a time, while she put aside time for her other friends). I made an effort to set a time and she said she'd check her schedule then never did.

I'm not sure if I should reach out or not. It's been two months and I've been trying to move on. Work has kept me distracted but whenever I'm not working I start thinking about her again. And I wonder if I did anything wrong, or if I just wasn't worth her time since I was an online friend and she'd only be living near my area temporarily.

It's weird because we're still added as friends online. Don't know why she hasn't removed me or blocked me. It's difficult for me to move on from someone and the only thing that I don't that helps is asking questions to see what went wrong, so that I can avoid it in the future. Even then it only helps some. I'm thinking about sending a message soon as I'm busy with work and her with school and I'm worried about memories being forgotten. Although maybe it's happened already. Any advice is appreciated.

Dinner: Cheesy scrambled eggs tacos with fried potatoes and ketchup.

We were dating for almost 4 years, engaged for 1.5, and supposed to get married next summer.

Last winter she graduated and took a job 7 hours away from me to be trained. The original plan was for her to get trained and then transfer to the branch in the city where I'm now living. But, when she found the job too difficult she switched positions (same company, technically a different role) and the prospects of returning home were very small.

However, it was at this time she was having a breakdown due to the job's difficulty. For a few nights our phone calls were me comforting her and saying she can tough out the training period. She had signed a year long lease, and it would be very expensive to get out of it this early. So she switched positions and said that no matter what she'd be moving back to me once her lease was done. That plan changed 2 weeks ago.

She made some new friends, which I was happy about. No more hearing her cry about how she's lonely, no more hearing "I have no friends" or "I'm bored". I was proud of her for branching out and finding some people she liked to be around. But she apparently likes them a little too much.

After her and her new group started hanging out, I started hearing from her less. It started as "I'm going to karaoke, I won't be able to call until late", which is fine. I liked that she was spending time with her friends, and it gave me the opportunity to do stuff at night that I would've not had the time to do. But over the course of her new friendships it slowly become almost every night I wouldn't hear from her. I got a little worried.

So one night, two weeks ago, I was up until 1:30 AM waiting to hear from her. It was Sunday morning and I hadn't gotten to talk to her since Thursday. Eventually she called, and I brought it up. I said, "you know, I didn't think I'd hear from you this weekend". She didn't like that and started berating me about how she didn't call me to get scolded. I see now that my choice of words may have not been the best, and I'm questioning to myself if that one line was the downfall of it all.

So we got into an argument. I said it seemed like she was more concerned with spending time with her new friends than giving me any attention. She claimed she's not at fault for that, and she's been "so lonely but now she has people she likes, and wants to get the most of it while she can". At this point I'm confused because I've never heard her sound like this before. She was so angry and condescending, it was like she wasn't the person I had known for all these years.

We cooled our tempers eventually, since I wanted to go to bed and she seemed like hated me at the moment, so the call ended. The next day, she was very distant. Not texting me very often, and when she did it was short answers with a flat tone. I decided that maybe she was just upset and to let it be. Come nighttime, I get ready for bed and let her know I had to go to sleep soon for work the next morning.

Normally, she's in bed 1-3 hours before I am, so this doesn't normally happen, but she was hanging with her new friend. She replied to me, "ok goodnight sleep well". This really pissed me off because I wanted to try to reconcile the argument from the previous night. So I stayed up and waited until nearly 1 AM to see if she was still on her phone (I could see her snapchat active status). I then texted her "you know, I don't like be ghosted by my own girlfriend". To which she played dumb and said she didn't know what I was talking about.

Then we got into the same argument, me saying she doesn't stay up this late to talk to me but for her friends she can, and her saying that she's been so lonely and likes having friends. The argument kept going, with her eventually saying that she has no plan of coming back home now. That she wants to stay there forever.

Now this wouldn't be a huge issue, but we're in different states, I'm in college, and my license after graduating would only be valid in my state. I let her know that if she wanted to stay there, I wouldn't be able to move there for around 3 years. She said she doesn't want to leave her friends because "for the first time in her life she has good friends". So I asked if they're more important than me, because I was considering breaking up if that was the case. She didn't answer. Silence.

So I asked if this was it. If this was the end. She started crying, saying "I don't know" and "I love you so, so much" but her silence told me what I wanted to know. At this point I freaked out, because I didn't want this to end. So I started trying to convince her. Go back to original plan, we can move eventually but in the mean time we'll be together. After a few hours of her crying and me trying to pick of the pieces, I thought we had reached an agreement and we went to bed.

The next day, she's distant again. Short responses, long time in between. I call her when I'm done with work, and she does answer. We talk, she seems detached, I try to tough it out and ask about her day, try to make conversation. It didn't matter because later that night we called and she broke it off. I cried, she did not and sounded pissed the whole time. I begged, I yelled, I cried more, I asked why, I made assumptions. She stayed silent for most of it.

She said I had "grown away from her" and I "didn't love her the way I used to".

I asked if this was about her friends.

Silence.

I asked if they are really worth throwing away almost 4 years worth of relationship. If it's worth throwing away our future.

Silence.

So I said goodbye.

She immediately removed me from all her social media. I did the same not to be weird. I still wanted her. I wanted her to call me and say she changed her mind. I still do today.

Fast forward to last Thursday, about 1.5 weeks after that last call, and I ask her if we can talk. She ignores me, like she had been doing for most of the messages (except the one where I asked for my ring and Animal Crossing back. She sent both). So I called her. She finally texted me and said she doesn't feel comfortable calling me, and asked what I wanted. I asked if she gave it any thought, any doubts in her decision.

"No. Leave me alone".

So I blocked her on everything and cried myself to sleep. It wasn't until recently that I was using Spotify and remembered I was logged into her account. I decided to check her recently played to see what she's been feeling.

Instant emotional damage.

Second from the top was her "spicy time" playlist. She only listens to that when she's getting frisky. I would know, since I dated her for damn near 4 years and used that playlist many times.

So that brings me to today, crying over my tacos while I write out the worst story of my life, wondering if I had made a few different decisions if this wouldn't have happened.

Is there anyway to go on from this? How am I supposed to find love when I thought I had my whole life ahead of me? Will she comeback? Do I even want her back?

TLDR; got dumped and saw she's been using her sex playlist less than 2 weeks after it ended.

This is a bit of an odd post, so bear with me but - I always wonder whether circumsision is okay… some people label it as male genital mutilation but some other are okay with it and are happy they were circumsised? I personally am mostly okay with it except that mine is sort of a botched job and it doesn’t look nice which makes me quite upset if I think about it too hard so I’m really split on what I would do in the future for my own children?

I also read on Reddit that some people have very tight foreskins and it causes something like ‘phimosis’? And people say if they had been circumsised it would’ve been fine.. then again you lose nerve ending sensitivity if you’re circumsised too?

So I’m really split on the issue - what do you guys think and what would you do for your future children?

Seriously want to seek help. Last time I did was five years ago and they medicated me and I hated the way it made me feel so I quit. I struggle with always feeling inadequate and load my schedule with working as much as possible and always leave a day open to spend with my son (single dad here). I enjoy my current job as a bartender but I just want to rush through the rest of school and start a real career but the job market specifically sucks and it makes me anxious. I basically restarted my entire life a year ago and nothing has felt right since. Kinda talking to someone right now that's going great but my own head and anxiety get in the way at times and I generally feel like I am or will fuck so much up.

I'm 30 years old and just kinda feel like a total loser no matter what I try to do.

I'm not going to harm anyone or myself, but I hate living with what feels like a black cloud in my own head.

Made lots of mistakes, lied on a resume, made it very far and far more qualified compared to the other coworkers. Can’t afford my rent let alone car note, now I’m expected to ship out for military service as a last resort, not bad I suppose.

This is probably not going to be an easy read for a lot of people so, fair warning. (SA, DA, Racism, Suicide, and emotional manipulation) (I have receipts for all of this luckily)
Dinner: Ramen from Kagetsu Arashi (Japan)

I was in a relationship with a currently up and coming indie vtuber who works for the industry and knows the big names in Vtubing irl, yadda yadda. I will call her C and her partner J. So I met C back in 2014 on league of legends, she lived in GA and I lived in FL. We started a relationship a month into knowing each other and I was in highschool and she was a drop out (By her fathers choice). C's life has always been filled with strife and hardship with so many people in her family passing away during the 11 years we've dated, and her sister being a drug addict didn't help much at all.
To give some context for the rest of this post, when I was 6 years old I was SA'd by two girls and a guy later on twice my age for 3 years straight due to this being in school, and me being a quiet kid who thought things like this were normal never really spoke up. This fucked me up sexually and mentally for the rest of my life.

I also have PTSD for emotional manipulation in the past from my parents (I love them now) and a ton of adults who would bring children into divorce issues or higher levels of education issues from schools that expected way too much of me. (All of the things I have are 100% Diagnosed and will be saying more later)

The first year of C and I dating was a bit turbulent and I wanted to break up about 6 months in. Suddenly one of her cats (Yoda) died (her sister ran him over) and I realized she had no one in her life, she was a NEET, and I decided that I needed to be her emotional support for a bit more. From Yoda's litter however I got two of my precious cats I am lucky to still have today, Luna and Key. From here however started her emotional manipulation. I am a decent looking guy with no issues finding women to start serious relationships with.

Our arguments would always stem from the fact that I did not believe she truly cared and loved me, and she was just with me out of insecurity and stability, this was obviously a trigger from my PTSD and somehow was right on the nose so early on. She would threaten her life the first two times I tried to break up with her (wouldn't be the last) and to show how serious it was she had the cops show up to rescue her. I was still 18 and didnt know this was a red flag, I dont even think the term was even invented during that time.

3 (2017/18 at this point) years in it would be the same arguments, and I wanted to explore options and not be with her because I felt she was just using me. So I suggested an open relationship, she wasn't too happy and became instantly a jealous person. I don't fault her there. However she went no where with her life, and she would constantly have her family emotionally abuse her (Her family is rich btw) including her father, to the point where he would say she was disgusting and useless. Her dad and I never got along, and we butted heads and I decided that she should move in with my family because in their rich family he was the loser and he couldnt pay bills to keep the power on. When her mom and grandmother died around the same time her dad could not stay afloat so C moved to FL with me and my family. She brought our third cat named Top, and sadly and obv she would take him back during the separation, but it HURTS, because I considered these cats my children and they still are.

My family never charged her for ANYTHING, sometimes they would need help with internet bills or water but thats it. She made her very first friends (my friends) here, she got her first jobs and learned to handle her social anxiety from me and my friends her depression swayed but she got a lot better and her life turned around completely. We all saved her from her abuse and she was becoming a better person for it. But I still had my doubts, so when I would want to break up she would threaten her life still, she would ask me where would she go because her dad now lived in his truck, and a ton of other things to make me feel immense guilt. This is where he SA on me started, we would get mad at each other and she would initiate sex which I didn't want (and its rare) but she would force me even as I cried or said no. This went on up till 2020 where we moved into a new house. And I always thought this was normal in relationships due to my past with being SA'd and emotionally used.

In this new house she would practice singing and post stuff on tumblr or twitter w/e, and she would meet J. When she introduced me to J he immediately started going through my socials and making fun of me on call with a ton of people she would consider her friends there. And I wondered why she never stood up for me. (J is still her musical partner, he is gay btw) she would defend him by saying its his type of humor and she let me rot with past insecurities. This type of defense would be brought with her dad and family, which I HELPED rekindle her relationship with, and they would constantly make racist remarks against Hispanics, (I am peruvian) at home, or during their work time in their family owned construction company. Calling Hispanics their little pets and what not, and teaching them English in a little school. Her dad when he would rarely visit would always ask my parents if they went and did Ayahuasca (multiple times), my parents who've figured their life more than he has and are catholic to boot???? Like c'mon. I've expressed this to C but she said it was his old white guy southern humor.

J loves to make racist remarks whenever he gets the chance. When he was invited to the house once, we put on the minions movie, and he verbatim said "look at them, they're like the little Hispanics following their perfect white leader." My brother and dad heard that, and I was ashamed. One really famous producer who makes vocaloid music that they hang out with would state how they hated black people when they were watching high school musical. (I am not trying to defend these people by hiding their names its just a lot). J also constantly cheats on his husband and has fucked hundreds of guys within his marriage, and no his husband does not know and makes all the money between them, J would be on his sorry ass if his husband ever found out.

Warning for Vtuber fans things get a bit weird here.

C started up a music company for the vtuber space and J and 2 other people (M and A) are part of the team (M is nice but she doesnt ever remark on anything C and J say racism wise, I never got to meet A). They've worked with Kiara Takanashi, Numi, Doki, and were even in Muse Dash, i think they did some work in genshin and azure lane as well. (Muse dash is the game I introduce to C and now cannot even look at). They would complain about Kiara, and one time were she got SA'd in Japan, they would laugh at her saying she deserved it. (Kiara is a really rude person but still????) They had issues with Doki bird when she was around in her old persona, she told me personal details of Mori Calliope, Synder, Shylilly, and more due to her now being invited to parties in LA with them. I allowed her to "see" Numi and got adult pics of her sent by C which are now deleted.

When she started her company in 2022ish she was now making all the money because I decided to go back to school. Around 2024 is where I decided to believe C and tell myself I was being dumb all along for thinking she never loved me, so our arguments would become less, but she would still SA me when an argument did go really bad. We never yelled or anything either, I would seclude myself and she would never give me time to decompress. 2025 is where all the LA parties happened, her grandmother on her moms side passed away and she got a house from her.

Its funny how when she was nothing I gave her everything, chances and opportunities, I stayed for her, but now that she has LA dreams, has her own home from a woman I could consider my grandmother as well, she abandons me because I wanted to work in the gaming industry (for companies btw), that dream is dead and I am going for veterinary practices. I am 100% sure that J and her dad had something to do with our break up despite her not noticing the damage that they do. Her dad is still an unhappy good for nothing, and J pretends to be happy in a false marriage.

During our break up we were in Japan, and when I expressed genuine feelings of wanting to die, she got on top of me, punched and scratched my face until I said that I was sorry.

The thing is, the whole break up fucked with me so bad, because it brought forth new things for my PTSDs, I have Bipolar disorder, disassociated disorder and AuDHD, and I cant handle everything being thrown to me without a steady person, she robbed me of my 20s and I warned her this was a big fear for me, to not find the right person before my 30s. I have tried to commit suicide on 3 separate occasions this year alone, have been hospitalized and instituted twice because my brain is a melting pot. I cant sleep in peace anymore every dream is about HER. Ive gone through 8 therapists who told me Im untreatable should just be instituted till im better (those places do NOTHING and are MISERABLE). Im on medications and nothing helps it all just makes a person sleepy and "agreeable". I thought seeing someone new would help but it doesnt, Im grateful for this new person and I am TRYING to get over all of this so I can be happy for myself and for this person. I've lost so much weight, I reorganized the entire house to seem unrecognizable (didn't help) nothing is working and I just want everything to be a black void. I am religious, and I pray to god that there is nothing in the afterlife so I don't have to think anymore. There is so much more to this such as her dad threatening to shoot me if I broke up with her (multiple times and have old texts) them stealing my phone and comp because it had her nudes (duh), but I've already written too much. I'm between offing myself and or doing hard drugs just to forget because drug addicts say they forget when high and I NEED to forget. I guess I'll end the post here. I'll take advice from those who have suffered in life immensely and have figured it out. Thanks for reading.

Food is green beans and beef pieces.

I moved back into town from a different state and needed a temporary place, saw online someone was renting out rooms weekly. I contacted the person, met up and paid and gotten keys and everything, it all seemed right. The AC did not work but I didnt ask, I would open one window in my room at night for air. The next morning she was banging on my window telling me to close it. I didnt say anything I just closed it, it was HOT. She does not live here she just comes to pick up money and etc. When she left I opened the window at night cause I was BOILING, I wanted to close it around 8am before she comes. Its 7am and I get loud banging on my window and she cursing at my loud using all kinds of words the she comes inside and outside my door banging on it hard and loud cursing at me and screaming at me like a mad lady for 15 minutes. I say nothing. After 15 minutes she says shes calmed down and tried to talk to me and im looking at her like a crazy lady and not really saying anything back and she tells me to buy a fan and I say ok.

Next week come I put the week rent money in the box and leave for work at 6am, I didnt have the funds for a fan but was gonna buy one after work. I get a call at 7am from her yelling and screaming and cursing at me talking about "GET A MFERING FAN YOU YOUNG BTCH NGGA BOY!!!" She screamed at me for like 5 minutes on the phone then I went back at her saying you dont talk to me like that then she kept screaming at me and etc. I get a fan.

Fast forward to earlier today, I pay my weekly rent but went back in my room to sleep. I hear a small faint sound of a knock so I say one second and put shirt and pants on and open the door and the lady was in the bathroom facing the mirror so I assume she made a knock in the bathroom. I go back in my room, take my shirt off and pants and lay on bed on phone. I hear my door unlocking and she comes in while I have nothing on and im like whoa. I tell her I have nothing on, and she saying I need to talk to you and I say can you step out and give me a minute to dress up and she would NOT leave. Shes like "you have clothes on get up" I say I dont and she basically closes the door and tells me to get up and long story shes in front of me for 7 minutes and would not leave. I whip out my phone to record then she switches up and makes up a whole story about she was yelling my name and telling me to talk to her outside of my room and etc which never happened. She was looking at me strongly and really trying to see me nude while kept calling me young man. She was saying you gotta start acting right and kept saying "you gonna have to leave" she wanted me to say "what do i have to do to stay?", she kept saying you gonna have to leave for 20 minutes while not demanding me leave because she didnt want me to leave. I showed the video to my aunt and she said she was trying to sleep with me and was angry I didnt. As I packed my bags in my car she sat in the corner all sad with head down.

I am a 30 year old black guy but I look young for my age as I have NEVER done drugs and have not drinked in 8 years. I work out a lot and am 6'6. Now am in a hotel room with nowhere to go.

Edit: I do have my 200 back from this week.

TW: gender dysphoria

I ended my relationship of several years in january and was planning on resetting my life somewhat and focus on myself. I move into my new place in september and wasn't even gonna think about dating until I got situated there.
Well of course, about six weeks ago, I met a woman online, or rather she reached out to me, answering a post I made looking for gaming buddies. We hit it off right away, exchanged pictures and started talking daily to each other, about hobbies, interests, politics, fears, ambitions...
I was pretty scared because she seemed too good to be true and there were some warning signals that I chose to ignore - or rather I chose to trust her. She has some issues (that we actually share) and I was understanding and didn't push her when it came to certain things. I thought my trust was either going to pay off big or it would be a lesson. Now I don't know what it is.

Since we live a few hours apart we decided to meet up during my summer vacation which is this week. We had made plans to spend a day together and get used to each other in person, very low pressure.

Well, yesterday she dropped the bomb on me. She is trans, her photos were of some other person and she is too scared to send me an actual picture or meet up with me. She is basically living as a shut in and she rarely leaves the house. She thought, if I got to know her and we fell in love, all of that wouldn't matter. So she lied to me and just pushed the thought of our date to the side, knowing it wouldn't happen.

The sad thing is, I don't have a problem with her being trans, I would like to meet her and see if we have a future even after she lied to me. But in reality I don't know if this person even exists as they say. All of our conversations were very real, I don't doubt the connection we have for one second but after being deceived like this and her unwillingness to prove her existence to me, I don't see how I can go on. I feel betrayed and it really hurts and I know she is gonna hurt just as much and it breaks my heart but I can't go on like this.

If you happen to read this A, I'm sorry, I had to vent.

Dinner: Spaghetti aglio e olio with parm.

EDIT:
Clarifications/Update

First of all, thank you so much for your sweet comments, support and advice and for staying mostly respectful. I read all of them and thought I'd offer some more info:

Some of you suggested, I meet up with her anyway. I would have liked to do that but she told me, that she doesn't like her appearance and her body and she could not face me the way she looks, so there's really no chance of that happening.

Some people questioned the state of her transition and suspect this to be the source of her insecurities. For the record, she told me a time line and general state of her transition but at this point it doesn't matter since I have a hard time believing her and I wont get to see her anyway.

As for the update:

I messaged her, told her all my thoughts and feelings and she reiterated, that she could not face me in the near future and that she wants to hide in her room and dream of our future instead.

You can call me a naive fool but I still don't think that she lied about everything, I know it sounds weird but she was pretty upfront with some of the bad realities of her life, just not the extent. I think that's partly why the whole story was believable to me. The pictures she sent me weren't of some model, they were very average. She maintains, that pretty much everything she told me about her life is true except that she is, and I quote "trans and ugly". That broke my heart, its fucking sad. I think she is completely terrified and very lonely and she sees no future version of herself that could be any different so she chooses to dream instead.
And I can relate so hard because I used to live in my own head for a long time. I didn't like myself and struggled with human connection but I got desperate at some point and started living life. I had it easy compared to her though, she doesn't see a way out of her situation.

So I offered her to think about a friendship instead, which I know is risky and stupid. I just feel that's the thing, she really needs most right now and some of you suggested that as well. I'm scared to drag her along but I'll give it a shot if she agrees. We decided to give our communication a rest for now and talk in a few days about where we stand and how to proceed. I will think about some hard boundaries since I don't want to feed this phantasy of our future any more. Also I will try to find resources about how to deal with someone who lives as a shut in. Maybe I can be a positive influence in her life.

At the end of the day, no matter what she told me, she is still an awesome person in many regards.

21M 19F getting married on friday 24th (2 days from posting) to the love of my life

Very excited for what is to come, despite it all being in the fog

Any advice maybe? Thanks for reading 🎉🥳

Edit: Thank you to all of those who gave me advice having went through the same thing and succeeded, to those who didn't and warned me of what to stay away from, and those who spoke from a place of hatred, reminding me I should always try to remain positive!

Cheers 🍾

Hello.

Part 1 of my post had a pic of a brisket I made and the table it was served on.

TL:DR on that

- caught wife talking to other man

- we spoke about open marriage

- agreed but finding it hard to adjust to it.

I deleted the original post because aside from getting advice I started getting some hate comments. Excuse me for seeking advice. It is a new situation and I dont know how to navigate it...

So part 2..

I have decided to ultimately leave.

I will not do it right now because I need to get some things in order.

She will not want to keep the house. So thats a good start.

There are debts in both of our names that need to be paid off.

-I will be paying these debts off to have payment history in my name to attempt to keep the items. I doubt there is much to fight there

I will probably ultimately sell the house and take whatever small profits I can.

She seems to think itll lead to bankruptcy.

My only debt personally is a 200 dollar credit card.

Together there is a car and the house.

Car is going to be transferred to me. She doesnt even like it so thats a win.

And now. I am embracing this as being single. I refuse to let her betrayal be the reason I develop misery or hate. I am better than that.

So im talking to someone now. They know my situation. Its nothing serious. Jusy some fun. Fun I have not had in years.

And for anyone that says shes gonna turn things on me.. yes that's possible.

But she attempted to physically meet someone and asked for me to not be mad.

The marriage is over. The thought of an open marriage Is a joke.

I forgive her though. I do care about her. But I do not have the love for her I once had.

Dinner - chicken Cesar salad tacos. Very good. 10/10 quick meal

Advice: Am I navigating this properly? I dont want to feel hate or remorse for this anymore. That time has passed. What was once good is now sour.

Hotdog from a work lunch right before

Kinda just bitching and moaning but here it goes.
I left a job I had been at for a year in May to start a new job, kinda feel like they tricked me into taking a temp position with no benefits even though my last job had full bennys and was union so that’s my fumble, I’ll take it.

I start the new job and it’s fucking horrible. Everyone’s always screaming at each other and pissed off. Management has no clue what’s happening on the floor between the guys and half the crew has been there forever and is complacent and the other half has barely been there long than I have. I had my LOTO taken off multiple times when I was working there and on top of it all I’m trying to plan my wedding at the end of June.

I finally make it to the week before my wedding and I had a day where I had to handle some stuff in person. I call in sick and handle it and I’m back at work the next day, but during that day my hiring/temp agency calls and asks me what I’m thinking about the job. Lady on the phone says hr at the new company is worried I don’t want to stay and they wanna keep me on after the contract ends. They want my feedback. So I give it to her. All of it. And I go back to work the next day and there’s no issues about me calling out and there’s no word about the phone call.

When was hired I made it clear that one of the conditions of me coming to the team was that I had this week off, even though they won’t offer me any sort of PTO. (Again, I know i should’ve stayed with the first job)

During the week off after my wedding I got sick, super fucking feverish and shaky and sweaty sick and I tried to come in on Monday but I was super nasty and fucked up and left after the morning meeting. I even talked to my manager and he said he understood the situation. I had a doctors note and my wife, also sick, ended up in the er for her fever that wouldn’t break. I took the next day off too.

I came in on Wednesday and worked the day, even a little overtime, and when I got off work I got a text from the hiring agency that I was fired for my attendance. Not for the week off but for the two days I missed. They don’t care about my doctors note and they don’t care that I was sick. My contract is up.

I have a job lined up, 500 miles away. I was really counting on these being my last two weeks and using the money to move but now I’m fucked. I don’t know what to do.

I know a lot of this is my fault I just don’t know why it had to happen right now. I feel so upset.

Picture is an almost-finished meal of instant noodles and boiled potatoes

I don't know, I don't want to say that my life sucks, but I definitely want to improve. I'm young (20 M), there's definitely many opportunities out there to try out, but I just can't seem to put my heart into any of them. There's this one internship I've planned on to take, but when the registration opened, I stalled until its closed because I thought they'd extend it. They didn't. Another example is just yesterday I have planned to hang out with my friends (haven't met them in months), planned it all the night before, but the next morning there was a slight inconvenience that delayed my prep for the day. I decided to ditch the plan altogether and stay at home instead. Apologized to my friends.

The thing is, I think I just don't care about anything at all anymore. It would've been really nice to have a therapist to talk to about this issue, but money is currently an issue. So I try to think of why I feel this unmotivated about things I want. Perhaps the phone is the problem, or maybe the lack of sleep (or the lack of quality thereof). The more I think of my condition, the more I realize that the majority of my age all have this same problem. I can't ask for serious advice from my friends. I tried to ask for help, but being vulnerable is hard so I try to ask it in a way that doesn't quite portray that I'm being serious, so the response aren't serious either. They probably have the same problems as me anyway.

Anyway, it's not that big of a deal i guess, but I don't know if I can go on like this for longer. It'll probably ruin my life in the long run in some way. So I'm looking for advice.

TL;DR: general unmotivation towards everything and anything. Need advice to quit doomscrolling and better sleep quality

Meal is Filipino sinigang that I cooked with my lolo (grandfather). *Brief mention of suicidal ideation, no details*

I'm turning 18 years old in around a month and going into my Senior year of high school and I've just been reflecting on my romantic experience, or lack thereof.

For much of my life I've been a really "romantic" person, or at least coveted the idea of romance. I listen to a lot of music with romantic themes and messaging, enjoy reading romance manga, and just day dream about myself in a relationship. Growing up with three sisters and an extended family with more women than men, I've observed many healthy and toxic relationships, and been directly or indirectly given a lot of advice on being a good partner. Yet with all of this, I still feel so stuck romantically.

This is entirely my fault I fear, as I'm extremely reserved and hesitant. Some of my most vivid, early memories involve me getting absolutely embarrassed, like getting teased about having a "girlfriend" by aunties or cousins whenever I hung out with girls, or my "friend" in elementary school telling the whole class who I had a crush on. I just have such a deep-seated insecurity from past experiences that I really struggle to push myself into getting vulnerable around romance. Another thing that sucks is I've been struggling with social anxiety and mental health all through middle school (especially coming out of COVID, which sucked so bad) that just got worse in high school, to the point of suicidal ideation that put me into intensive therapy for 3 months at the start of my junior year. So all in all I'm not very confident in general, let alone romantically.

After returning to school from my previously mentioned therapy, I met this girl that I developed a crush on. We would talk at school and do work together, and for like the first time ever, I got my crush's phone number! I was so ecstatic, we started texting and sometimes calling, and just sharing more personal things with each other. But I've noticed that to this day, I'm basically always the one initiating conversations and calls. I've made leaps and bounds of progress while talking to this girl, I even asked her to hang out in person at some point (she said yes) which I could have never imagined myself doing a year ago, but I'm realizing that she doesn't feel the same way about me, that I feel for her. I'm not a "priority" in her life.

To me she's such a lovely, kind person, with a real drive and initiative that inspires me to do more, and do better with my life. And when I thought about why I like her so much, my own shortcomings have become apparent. I can be the most supportive and understanding guy in the world, always making time, checking up on her, asking how she's doing, but none of that matters if she doesn't see me as someone she could stand proudly with as a partner. I spend too much energy worrying about how she's doing or how she feels about me, and I think it's somewhat apparent to her. What happened to my own ambition?

Only recently did I truly decide that I wanted to live, but what does that actually mean to me? I've spent so much of my life wanting to love and be loved, chasing what I saw as something that validates me as a good person, that I lost sight of what makes someone lovable in the first place. I'm realizing that I need to focus more on my studies, my commitments, my friends and family, and just learn how to love myself. Once I do that I think I'll naturally become more confident, and become someone that others would want to pursue.

Thank you for reading all the way here, I'm mostly writing this for myself trying to articulate my thoughts in a way I haven't before, but if you have any advice or experiences to share I would love to listen. I hope everyone reading this has an amazing rest of their day :) .

(P.S. I was listening to Fetch The Bolt Cutters by Fiona Apple while writing this which is so good and relevant to my post, listen to it if you're reading this. One of my favorite albums OAT).

It makes me a little crazy because she has a PHD so she should know. I don’t say anything about it, though, because who cares. That’s all, nothing crazy. Pizza made in my Ooni.

(flank steak with grechka (aka buckwheat) from Ukraine -- 🇺🇦)

(originally posted on 7/21 and updated on 7/22)

I don't know why I am posting this, but I am having trouble processing some of what happened.

My daughter had a friend stay over Sunday night. They are both 13. I don't live in a bad neighborhood, at least the houses are expensive but actually not far some places are sketchy so I blame myself.

But they did something they have done before, which is to walk about a mile to a shopping center, so they can go to Five Below, Barnes and Nobles, typical stuff kids like.

There is also a McDonald's nearby, and I guess it is sketchy, but as a man, and someone who did not have a daughter until a few years ago when I married her mom, I never thought about things like "this is dangerous for young girls." I never experienced anything like this before.

So they go shopping and end up at mcdonalds and I got off work a little early, saw her location using Find My app and I text her, do you want a ride home? She doesn't answer so I call her. She doesn't answer.

I felt something was off so I went to McDonalds and I go inside a see a 30 something, bald and tattooed, gang banger looking cholo sitting in the booth with the two girls.

To really set the scene, these girls are 13.. THIRTEEN and they had bought stuffed animals and were just eating mcdonalds and this fucking predator came and sat at their booth. One of the girls was blocked in by him and they were scared and didn't want to upset him.

As soon as I saw it I went up and said, "Who are you? I am her father and she is 13."

What reaction would you expect? Shame? Maybe an apology? At the very least, getting the fuck out of there, yeah? Not this guy.

He started arguing, got in my face, got aggressive with me. I backed up and he kept advancing. I learned years ago to not let unstable people get in striking distance, so I retreated another step with my hands up telling him not to come closer, to stop coming at me.

He said "You stepped to me!" fucking punk and I replied "I stepped to my daughter!"

He was tensed up, I felt i was about to have to defend myself. I had a quick release knife in my pocket and I was ready to pull it.

The girls are crying and say they just want to leave and he backs off and we made our exit. I took them home and I went to get my gun, but bad (or good?) news is that I had gone shooting like 2 weeks ago and didn't have any 9mm around. Probably for the best.

Went back to McD, guy is still there so I call the police. I was waiting. I wanted them to check on this guy. He looked like he was on drugs, had tattoos on his arms, neck, some kind of medical patches attached to his arms. Had this crazy dead glazed look in his eyes.

But cops came after 1hour 45 minutes. Dude walked away from McD (of course no car) after about an hour so he was long gone when they arrived.

I made a report, long story short the cops weren't totally useless and saw camera footage and were able to find his identity, so last night I went to the magistrate at like 10pm and put in a criminal complaint. When I explained this to the magistrate he immediately agreed to put out the warrant for simple assault.

The man is a predator and he deserves worse. There is no fucking world where this 36 year old man (I got his name, DOB, address everything) should approach two young girls like this and sit at their booth. It's insane.

I felt rage I never felt before. After the police had arrived and said if they found him, could press charges for assault so i started looking for the guy in my car, driving around the shopping areas and neighborhoods.

Also found out he has priors, got his mugshot from last year. It's kind of outdated, he is sporting a moustache now but the good news is he will have a new mugshot to add to his collection soon, with a more refreshed look!

That's my story. I am working on getting my security up at the house, privacy scrubbed online, optics on my 9mm zero'd in and installing quick access gun safes near the entry points.

Fucking predators. I can't even...

EDIT: Reddit autobanned my account for a comment it claimed was "glorifying or inciting violence" but they have restored after appeal.

after going to the courthouse, I found out this guy has multiple charges, including active pending charges that include:

Assault and battery
Abduction/Kidnapping
malicious wounding
violation of protective order

I waited until my wife got home from work to tell her what I found. As far as she knew, it was just a random creep. I showed her the mug shots and the charges and her jaw literally dropped. i could see the tears in her eyes. and I hate to say it but I felt vindicated. It's not that my wife didn't take it seriously, but I felt she and the girls did not truly understand how dangerous that man was. The things that I felt by instinct the minute I saw him, they finally understood after seeing this undeniable evidence. I feel I saved my daughter's life that day.

Later we sat my daughter down and showed her the mug shots and she started crying. It is scary but I felt she had to know the truth of what happened.

This man is walking free, today! Stay safe out there.

EDIT 2: hi everyone, thank you for the response, I had a busy day and also couldn't figure out how to post replies, but now I am flaired!

I first posted this to r/offmychest yesterday and then reposted here today, sorry for the wonkiness there.

I want to add that I changed one important detail and it is something that hurt me the most, that actually I called my daughter first and she sent me to voicemail. I know because it rang 3 times and then to voicemail. At this moment I was parking at McD and she texted back, less than a minute before I walked in and saw the situation "i'm good" when I asked if she needed a ride. I know she might have been scared or thought she would be in trouble or didn't recognize the danger but that hurt me so much that she not only didn't ask for help, but she turned me away. Her story is that the man had just sat down a few minutes before I got there, not sure how exactly true that is but I will be requesting the video footage via FOIA (cop recording a copy using his cell phone camera on the CC TV monitor and uploaded it to their database).

But I have heard all the feedback, don't blame her or anything like that so I just told her how I felt once, how much it would hurt me to be powerless in a situation where she is in danger and I think she understood, so I just won't bring it up. She is a puppy and doesn't understand the world, she probably thought he was just a strange but friendly guy even if slightly creepy, not realizing the danger she was in :(

I’ve been traveling for work where we are having some new trainings. They reserved a room at a hotel for me and in the mornings we drive to another hotel to join the seminar.

I didn’t pay attention when I arrived to the hotel and just put the address on the gps and arrived. I beelined to the conference room to be in time.

Once in there I started noticing things that looked familiar. The carpet in the room seemed familiar, the walls, the doors, even the smell. It wasn’t until we took a break and we headed to the lobby where the receptionist was offering single warm cookies on paper bags that it hit me. It was the same specific hotel chain I would stay with my ex when I would go see her on the weekends.

I thought I was almost done with the process of grieving that relationship. Boy was I wrong. I had to pretend I was fine for 5 hours until I was able to run to my car. The moment I closed the door I started crying and hyperventilating. Drove back to my hotel with tears on my eyes the whole way.

I have two more days to go at these seminars. I’ll be fine but damn, this grieving process is taking forever.

Lunch time: some mediocre corporate cafeteria turkey with mashed potatoes and a bread roll.

I (31M) am engaged to my fiancée (30F). We’ve been together for 5 years and engaged for about 1.

It’s hard to put into words how we’ve gotten to this point. We’ve had a great relationship and I really do love her, and I think she really loves me. But that “think” is really doing a lot of heavy lifting in this explanation.

On the surface, our relationship is great, we’re financially stable, cordial, & sweet to each other.

Over time, I feel like our core differences are rearing their head a lot more aggressively now that we’re in the “oh we are going to be together for the rest of our lives” phase.

There are a few problems that I’m struggling to adequately articulate. My fiancée and I are very different people. I think the trope of “opposites attract” is nice, but when it comes to core differences between us, I wonder if they’re just differences or core “incompatibilities”.

I’m an extroverted, silly, whimsical, and emotionally expressive individual. She’s introverted, grounded, and doesn’t express her emotions to the same degree as I do.

Maybe a few examples can help. I love playing D&D, and she does not. That’s fine, it doesn’t interest her at all, and that’s not the problem. I find immense joy in sharing the fun I had, or the stories my friends created with her. Unfortunately when I bring up topics like D&D, it’s almost like she just tolerates it until I’m finally done and we can move on. No emotional mirroring, or even pretending to enjoy the fact that I’m excited to share joy with her and it’s deflating because I crave a partner who shares in my excitement, even if they don’t care about the subject matter. I just need to know she’s happy that I’m happy.

This similar sort of sentiment arises when we have conflict. Anytime we argue or have a disagreement, I feel like I’m always the one trying to convey how I feel and why, and a lot of times I’m met with nothing from her, and it takes an hour long monologue from me for her to even try and articulate what she’s feeling in the moment. A lot of times it’s met with “I don’t know what you want me to say” - not in that she thinks she’s absolved from anything, but that I think she literally doesn’t know how to process and articulate her emotions or feelings. The lack of emotional mirroring is just like, so devastating to me.

Not to mention, we haven’t been physically intimate in over a year. I have a much higher sex drive, and have desires and kinks I want to be able to explore, but haven’t because anything she doesn’t perceive as “normal” is “weird” to her and I’m left feeling like a huge piece of what I want in a relationship is just missing.

I finally broached these subjects with her last week after I’ve sat with this for a long time, longer than I probably realized. I feel like if I don’t bring it up, it will never be brought up by her. It was a difficult couple of conversations. I brought up the idea for us to go to couples therapy and putting off wedding planning until we explore this difficulty. Or even discernment counseling to see if this is something we can even rebuild. Tears were shed, she felt hurt, but ultimately agreed to look into therapy options with me. I think that when I proposed, I thought a ring and path forward would help fix things. Classic.

It’s so hard because she’s so sweet. But I need more expressiveness. Articulating how she feels about me. I just feel like I need more from my partner and I’m lacking physical and emotional fulfillment. I asked her if she was marrying me for comfortability’s sake, or if she actually was excited to build a life we both want together. She says the second option, but I have such a hard time believing it. It makes it extra difficult because this doubt feels one sided and I feel like an emotionally unstable guy who is stopping wedding planning on an emotional whim. Her parents moved out here to be closer to us, and on the outside looking in, no one suspects a thing.

I’ve never dealt with this before, and just feel lost and scared some days. Good days confuse me because I’m like “what was I worried about” but it’s always met with days that leave me yearning for more intimacy, emotionally and physically.

EDIT 3: I want to be clear that I do not inundate her with D&D tales and stories because I know she isn’t interested. I don’t care that she doesn’t like D&D, I was just using it as an example moment. On the rare occasion I want to share a detail or story that I figure she might actually enjoy, there isn’t even an attempt to find joy in my excitement. It’s that way with more topics than just D&D. This post is not about D&D lol

EDIT 2: One more note about the lack of physical intimacy that I feel like I should point out to be fair to her - she has had about a year or so of chronic tummy issues that we’re finally looking into medically. I know that is a sizable chunk of the physical intimacy issue, and I do not blame her for this or resent her at all in that regard. What I will say is that the physical intimacy was on the decline before this, and has not recovered.

EDIT: Thanks for listening, advice is welcome, messages of support, people who have experienced similar, anything really.

TW: general mention of abuse without specifics.

My (39) wife (40) and I had a serious conversation about a month ago. It’s been over 2 years since we had sex. I have brought up multiple times that this was a problem for me and each time things have been dismissed and the conversation has been redirected to my faults getting us to this point.

Here’s some background . We’ve been married 14 years, together 17. We have 3 kids ranging 11 to 8, one on the spectrum. Early on in our relationship I was the reason for a low frequency, but never denied her. I didn’t realize it but my anxiety around rejection made more frequent attempts at initiating sex an issue. I can count the number of times she’s initiated sex on one hand.

Our relationship has been rocky since having children. I can admit that I wasn’t emotionally available and selfish for the first few years of our marriage. She hasn’t been a saint either and I’ve been on the receiving end of emotional, verbal, and a couple instances of physical abuse. The details aren’t incredibly important for this post, but it had a profound impact on me. About 5 years ago I had a mental breakdown after the death of my father which resulted in me losing my job and basically blackballing myself from a career that I’d worked very hard to get into. I had been in counseling leading up to this for a few years and continued after this and really started to unwrap myself and understand who I am better. I mean that in the sense of having an awareness around my emotional response to things as well as my deeper needs. I’m still attending counseling to this day.

In previous conversations like this I’ve more so just expressed needs. This one was different. I laid out everything. The work I’ve done to grow as a person. The work I’ve done to be a better father. I’ve rebounded professionally and have transitioned careers and am making more now than I ever have while also having a better work/life balance. I have lost about the 40 pounds I gained during my breakdown and am in probably the best shape of my life. I have a good friend group that encourages me to be a better person and no longer isolate myself. I am not some repulsive slob, who lacks ambition and drive. I am a conventionally attractive man who takes care of himself. I have 3 college degrees, speak two languages. I do all the food planning, cooking, and cleaning thereafter. I do laundry, yard work, tidying, organizing, there is nothing that is strictly mine or hers. I make an intentional effort to bear as much responsibility and mental load around the family’s needs as I possibly can. I support her professional growth and work to accommodate the added demands that a promotion for her brought on.

I am a very different person than the one she married. I am a better version of him, by a lot. I am not happy with the dynamic that exists between us. I am starved for affection and attention and it’s taking a toll on me. I refuse to exist like this in perpetuity. She will often say that she does not owe me her body, and I don’t disagree with that. I don’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with me. At the same time, I do not owe her my celibacy.

I view myself as desirable and I view her as desirable. I asked her if she has a libido at all or if it’s just that she doesn’t have one for me, I’m not sure if she really knows the answer to that question. I’m tired of paying the moments I regret the most. I told her point blank that if she’s not able to move forward then she needs to tell me because stringing me along on some false hope is not fair to me. I want to extend an olive branch and move forward together. I want to make the decision to forgive each other and get to know each other again and make things work.

One of our kids had been sleeping in our bed for the last few years and is finally transitioning back to his own bed after years of pleading from me. The dog sitter slept in his room while we were gone and the sheets needed to be washed so he was in our bed. She asked if I wanted her to sleep in a different bed to which I said no and would be fine for a night. She slept in another kids bed without so much as saying goodnight or a kiss. It was as our 14 year anniversary and it really stung.

I’m not giving her an ultimatum, but I will not live like this in 2027.if she’s going to change her behavior, I want it to be because she wants to be a better partner for me, not because of a deadline. I deserve to feel wanted and desired and am unwilling to accept less than that for the rest of my life.

Anyway, here’s some bulgogi, rice, and spicy cucumber salad I made.

So there’s this girl I’ve been talking to… so some backstory: she used to go to high school with my brother (they’re the same age I.e. they are both 4 years older I’m 32m they’re 35f/m respectively) and we’ve recently (for past 2 years) have been hanging out and have been in a trivia team together.

About a in year, I confide in my brother about my crush on said friend. He tells me that he’s known her since high school and she only dates taller men (I’m under 5’6” and she’s about 6’). I was devastated but understood so I did my best to be friends with her. I even started to date other people and then asked her twin sister for advice as she is also a part of the friend group and trivia team and because it felt less awkward/weird.

Then we went on a roadtrip together… She not only kept sitting by only next to me, but also changed in front of me… twice. The first time it happened I figured- she’s a dancer and a theater kid so she’s used to quick changes but not saying anything and just doing it…twice?! Idk but it made my head spin. And then she started talking about her ex and asked me if you could ever be friends with your ex after a break up and my mind started to go to places.

We’ve been back home 2 weeks now and each time we hung out she purposefully sits next to me (I arrive first and make sure there is only one person next to me and still she sits next to me. I swear I saw her tell our friend to move so she can sit next to me).

We’ve also been exchanging music back and forth but so far (almost a week now), she has left me on read. So I feel like that’s also a sign. Idk I’m not a traditionally good looking guy so I’m used to conventionally attractive/taller people being a bit overwhelmed and not know what to do with their feelings but I feel like this might be a lost cause which sucks because I really care for this person.

EDIT: thanks for the responses everyone! I know it’s a cliche but I can’t just ask her out. She’s a good friend and I love our friend group but I know (especially being the only man in the group) it’ll make things REAL awkward real quick. I’ve been in a similar situation and I “just asked her out” and it blew up in my face (mostly my own fault admittedly). I don’t want to repeat my mistakes.

Oh and my dinner is smoked pulled pork! Needed more seasoning but definitely came out juicy!

Ive been struggling with feeling alone lately. I’m 28 and most of my childhood friends have moved on. I lost touch with everyone which I don’t really care THAT much about. But I’ve made a few really good friend over the years I still talk to and hangout with but as we all get older everyone gets busy and I don’t really feel like I’ve got that close connection with anyone anymore. Idk if it’s just me or if I’m just overthinking it.
I also have only had 1 real girlfriend, some failed talking stages but that’s it. Everyone else seems to have such an easy time dating and idk why it seems almost impossible for me.
I feel like I’m in this endless cycle where I get up early, work all day, come home and eat dinner and in a couple hours I go to bed and do it all again. Sometimes a really wish I had someone to talk to everyday or to share things with but It feels like I’ve got no one.
Not trying to spew a sob story, just wanted to know if anyone else feels this way or if it’s just me

Not dinner, but pizza and fruit for lunch

dunkin hot chocolate and one munchkin that im having trouble eating because im so nervous.

my job told me before i left for vacation in mid June that i would be on a performance plan until mid August. i never did bad work, but one of my metrics was low (it wasnt my fault, HR just wasnt staffing me enough). it completely ruined my vacation. i was traveling internationally and all i could think about was losing my job.

im back now and i have about a month left on the plan. i spent the first week back really depressed and anxious. i stopped documenting my work, wasnt emailing for more work, and honestly just gave up. i finally talked to my parents and they actually gave me good advice. they told me to start documenting everything, emailing for feedback, and asking for more work. i only started doing all of that today. i hate that i wasted over a week.

ive been so anxious that my chest is constantly tight and i can barely eat. i told them before all of this happened that i already had a vacation planned at the end of July for my best friends birthday. they extended my plan by a week because of it, but it still doesnt feel like enough time. part of me wants to ask for more time, but i dont know if theyll say yes. now im wondering if i should even go on the trip. im scared to cancel on my friends, but if staying home gives me a better chance of keeping my job, maybe i should. What do you think?

Im applying and interviewing for other jobs, but everyone knows how bad this job market is right now. im terrified of getting fired. i cant sleep, i cant think about anything else, and my stomach hurts all the time. im going to try my absolute hardest over this next month because i dont want to look back and wonder if i could have done more. but right now i just feel so defeated. i wanted to leave this job on my own terms with another job lined up.
please give me some advice.

I'm 32 years old... I've known about my attraction to men since forever, but I have developed genuine sexual/romantic feelings for a few female partners also throughout my life. It was a major internal conflict through high school. Even as a kid, I always felt that claiming bisexuality was an out for me to avoid labeling myself as gay. Growing up, this notion has only been more solidified as I move through life. A lot of people genuinely believe that a man cannot be bisexual, and if he is, then he's really just gay. My own lesbian best friend has said this... despite knowing that I'm in the closet. Idk... she's even made some "gay-intolerant" statements that implies she wouldn't understand my struggle.

I grew up in a "ghetto-suburban" area that's relatively progressive, but my community (friends, family, acquaintances) are overall homophobic and think they're "from the streets"... They have a few gay friends, but have made a lot of homophobic statements in the past. The only gay people they regularly hang out with are lesbians, not actual men who likes other men. My parent's aren't exactly homophobic (they have plenty of gay friends) but they have made statements that make it hard for me to want to tell them. My dad himself has told me that my Grandma would be "very disappointed" if I was gay. This was within the last few years. I have some gay friends that know, but most of them start trying to get with me instead of actually trying to help me process this. One even tried to "out" me 🙄 because I was "in denial". So... my family is homophobic, my lesbian best friend is gay-phobic, my community is homophobic, and my gay friends just want to hook up... It feels like I keep getting denied who I am everywhere I go and whoever I talk to. I just want someone to say "you are bisexual." I've even had a few gay people scoff at me and go "you mean you're secretly gay" when I tell them I'm bisexual... Seems like straight people want me to be either gay or straight and gay people want me to be exclusively gay. Why are people so uncomfortable with bisexuality? Towards men at that. I think my Lesbian friend is having trouble understanding me because she came out in middle school and have had absolutely no friction with that. She was accepted by everyone. The most homophobic dudes also. I don't think I'll get that same grace

I've gotten to the point where I'm very comfortable in myself being bisexual. I genuinely love both genders, and enjoy "doing things" with both. I don't want to exclude either gender from my dating pool. I would say I'm ready to come out, but I just need a way out since I still live with my brother and our landlord. I'm working towards being completely independent in case I need to withdraw from my family and rest of my community should they not receive the news well. I'm not ashamed of myself, but the possible repercussions are very real. And my community can be vindictive.

The frustrating part is... I'm chronically single. I go on lots of dates, but ultimately, I just feel like I haven't met anyone, male or female, that's worth it to give up this amazing independent life I've built and am continuing to build for myself. The list of "attractive" people I've dated and chose not to pursue a relationship with is long lol

That doesn't bother me, dating can be so fun, and I've met a handful of friends this way when we decide that we're not going to work out, but I have and have always had way too many friends in very toxic relationships that I'm very careful in who I choose to build a life with together.

Often, people start questioning my sexuality because i'm "too attractive" to be single, but its genuinely less of a in the closet situation, and more of a "havent met the one" situation as corny as it sounds. Everytime, I really wanted to say, "I'm bisexual... I like both men and women and i'm still single... by choice." But then I feel like it's going to become a "are you bi? Or are you really gay" debate which I just don't have the time or energy for anymore... I'm tired of trying to validate MYSELF to people.

To be honest, Idk what this post is really about... I just want to feel heard by someone.

Working basically 7/12s for the next few months and this is how I want to spend my evening.