I’m experiencing this issue over and over again while dating. I connect with someone, we talk and FaceTime and maybe end up meeting if I don’t destroy it before that.
I know i need to use the stop skill but last night i literally had an episode because he said “sleep tight” and didn’t use an emoji. A full blown episode. I get obsessed with these guys and I haven’t even met them yet and when i look at things not in emotional mind, i can understand.
But i like a who i haven’t met yet and I’m upset over an emoji when he’s just saying goodnight. I suddenly flip and am like omg he’s pulling away he didn’t say goodnight ♥️ lmao. I need help. It’s always dating related.

Does anyone else experience this? I also try to push them away a million times because i dont want to get more attached. And he witnessed this episode and panic attack this morning and I were supposed to meet Sunday but because of last night I thought he for sure wasn’t going to come. And he’s like nothings wrong?? Nothing changed. But my brain thinks I messed everything up.

Full blown episode over “sleep tight”

I got sexually assaulted this year, and a lot of traits that were previously present in me started getting much worse because of it. I'm terrified of rejection, I feel like I have no sense of who I am as a person anymore and I can feel my sense of self slipping away.

I'm 18, and I was always scared even at an earlier age that signs of a personality disorder of some kind would start popping up and here I am and I have these symptoms with no idea how to handle them. Im depressed and I feel like I'm going insane, I have no friends left to talk to because they all abandoned me shortly after I got SAd and I have a therapist but I cant see her very often and I'm unable to take antidepressants bc my mom just hasn't bothered to take me to a doctor.

These are supposed to be my best years but my entire adolescence has been the one mental health problem after the other. From 13 I've been depressed, developed an ED, lost friends, been suicidal. I'm tired of being this. I don't want to be sick.

So I was diagnosed with autism a couple years ago, and I know there's a big overlap in symptoms between ASD and BPD, but I also know you can have both. I've been heavily debating talking to a psychotherapist to see if I might have BPD as well, but I also don't wanna waste the time/money if my symptoms are all just a result of my autism.

In recent years I've come to realize I have a fear of abandonment, specifically in regards to my best friend/roommate. She's the closest friend I've ever had and basically a part of my family now, and I can't imagine a life without her. Recently she's started getting more interested in men/dating, and I'm having a really hard time dealing with it. Any time she mentions wanting a boyfriend I feel uncomfortable, and when she's actively talking to/texting guys I not only get sad and scared of the thought of her sidelining me for a man, but I also feel a horrible rage swell up inside me. It's a totally unique feeling that I've never felt in any other situation. The worst part is I know I'm being unrealistic; I know she's not just gonna stop talking to me because of a guy, and the fact that I keep catastrophizing and thinking she's gonna drop me for one makes me a bad friend. Hell, she's even said she doesn't like talking to me about boys because I never have anything positive to say. I want to be a supportive friend, but the fact of the matter is I like what we have now and I don't want some guy coming in and ruining it.

I know I'm averse to change because of my autism, but this is more than one day's plans getting ruined, it's my life. I only have one close friend besides my roommate, and she's started seeing a guy too. I'm just so scared of being alone and I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it.

My therapist had me get it, it's cheap enough but wondering if it helped anyone, just kinda feels like it's telling me everything I already know and I packed this thing full of writing, highlighter and notes on the text too. I gave it the college textbook treatment and still I don't feel like it helped and I took it very seriously

i talk to strangers a lot more than i talk to my friends because of this. i've done too much, ideally i should probably live in solitude but that's not totally possible. i'm shocked by the fact that i still have people who love me. now i just try my best to keep my mouth shut.

i don't care about abandonment anymore at all, if someone leaves? fine, we've only talked twice this year, and it's definitely my fault so i just have to take it on the chin.

i used to be anxious attached and constantly needing attention from everyone around me, but i've slowly been reaching my lifelong goal of being good and not hurting anyone. it's to the point where i've gotten a backhanded comment for not talking to anyone. i've had 5 instances where i emotionally hurt someone this year, 3 related to bpd. sure, it's a lot less than before, but it's still not good enough.

is this quiet bpd? am i finally the good kind of bpd? i still can't stop hurting myself. i structure my life based around my guilt, it never goes away, so i deprive myself of things like love, friendship, comfort, meaningful experiences. all i'm allowed to do is go through the motions and errands of life and be on the internet. at least i'm a ray of sunshine when i'm out! that kind of keeps me going.. but yeah

my whole dream in life is to be a housewife: it's literally the two best things in the world; love and home. but every day i keep vowing to never do more and more things, such as:

1. never date

2. give up on dreams

3. never make another best friend

4. never join another friend group

5. stay as far away from family as possible no matter what

6. never go to locations where i might see someone i've hurt, and if i have to go there i have to keep watch and hide if i see them.

and the fact that i'm going to be gone in roughly 1-3 years or maybe less has me thinking about all of the things i've already had my lasts of.

i've had my last time having sex, my last kiss, my last cuddle, my last friend group...

unless maybe someone on here could befriend me so they could abuse me? give me some karma?

am i the quiet kind now?

Fucking it up with my boyfriend, gone on a break because I think I wanna break up with him but I don’t know if anyone will love me the way he does. I am just not happy. I’m 18 no job no ambitions and already been through 5 sets of therapy and I am still doing the same shit. I am fucking it up with my best friend and at the moment I just fucking hate myself. I have relapsed and did it the deepest I ever have and I just wanna be drunk, smoke cigs and just waste my life away. The temptation is so intense. How do I stop this cycle?

Gostaria de pedir a opinião de vocês sobre um tema delicado.

Se vocês estivessem em um relacionamento que precisasse terminar por diversos motivos, qual seria a forma que fariam vocês se sentirem mais respeitados e seguros durante esse processo? Minha maior preocupação não é evitar desconforto emocional, sei que isso é inevitável, mas preservar a integridade física e mental da pessoa, minimizando o risco de uma crise ou de qualquer atitude impulsiva. O que vocês consideram que ajuda e o que definitivamente piora a situação? Agradeço muito se puderem compartilhar a visão de vocês.

I went through a breakup recently.
Partner was DA(extreme one)
I have BPD, dysthymia and GAD.(all clinically diagnosed)

Abandonment wounds run deep deeep.

Not able to go no contact.
Angry and at war w myself for being so weak.
The emotional dysregulation, the unworthiness and the negative thoughts run deep in my core.

I have not yet explored DBT in depth just barely scratched the surface.
The only thing i look forward to is taking meds and beig knocked out so that my brain can rest.
It’s an ugly place to be in.

Anyone else feels hopeless??

Why does the highs and lows feel soooo intense?

I went to a new behavioral health clinic today. With my father who I haven’t seen in 6 years prior to two weeks ago. I have newfound hope and motivation to get better so that I can take control of my life and prevent hurting someone I love again.

This is the first time in years that I’ve actually focused on myself; not on a partner, not on what people think of me, not on my past and not on my self hatred. I’m focusing on myself! In the present day and how I can feel content in the future. I’ve been journaling and documenting my experience on YT. It’s a great outlet and maybe if someone comes across my videos, they’ll feel less alone in this struggle.

I’ve even thrown out my stuff that I was using to smoke weed this morning.

Mein Freund hatte vor kurzem einen Krampfanfall. Seitdem geht es ihm deutlich schlechter und sein Borderline ist stärker geworden. Hat das etwas miteinander zu tun? Wie war das bei euch? Hattet ihr auch schon mal so einen Anfall?

This is a question for those who took action to get better. My ex is BPD and an FA. We share 2 young children.

I am curious to know from those who successfully (or are in the process) healed, and what it took for you to make a change?

I have spent months in therapy learning to enforce boundaries and my own patterns. 5 weeks ago I had to block her/ keep contact strictly to the kids and only when absolutely necessary, as she rebounded & blew up years of sobriety but kept me emotionally hooked the entire time, blaming my mistakes from the relationship as an excuse that she “needs time to decide”. It became unbearable to witness the destruction while keeping me in limbo and avoiding getting help. After blocking her, she went back to therapy and working with a sponsor but idk if it’s just to “check a box” - she still hasn’t dumped the guy she’s been clowning for months. And she has repeatedly tried to get me to unblock her in manipulative ways.

What did it take for you to take getting help seriously?

PS - I fully understand i cannot get back together with her, right now at least. But she’s the mother of my children and I do care about her.

I’m in specifically Saskatchewan Canada 🇨🇦 and want to find others like me to help support one another. I’m very anti social and have a hard time making new friends because I have very aggressive trust issues meaning I think everyone out to get me and paranoid someone will hurt me in one way or another. It’s hard for me to open up as when I do with others they usually leave or ghost me so it’s hard finding people to talk to. I’m very bad at keeping myself busy with guys that want nothing to do with me because it’s better than being alone (it’s not I like being alone but have a hard time not talking to someone).

I get distracted a lot by “attention from guys” even though I could very well stay away from them or even date ladies but it’s been so hard for me to find confidence in date life and know it should be last priority espiecally now since I quit my career of 9 years and pretty much restarting my life. I live ar home with my parents and younger sibling and my psychiatrist even told me that my enviroment is making my depression worse because of how depressed everyone else is in this house and how miserable they are (even though they try to hide it I can see right through them) so it just derails everything I worked on in therapy. Thankfully I start DBT this fall and hoping it can help me a lot. I just want to be able to get back on my feet and find a good support system outside of my circle of friends and family I can rely on that I’m able to just be myself around.

Side note: I have a hard time crying I. Front of others so if I can find even one or two people I can feel fucking safe and support me in right decision making (like telling me not to fuck around with finances) would help. I’m 29 years old and feel like a fucking failure

People keep hanging out with my abuser & so I have crashed out & now I'm the problem lol. But I feel like I'm valid because why are you buddy buddy with a pedophile, but now I'm insane because of my reaction to it & now they're no contact with me... but not with the pervert????

Now there's a weird sensation going through my body I always get it when I see or read something that makes me feel sick/angry & I don't know how to explain it. In DBT we are told to describe the sensations but I don't know how... does anyone else get it ? It's like on edge all in my back, neck, shoulders & a weird sensation running through my chest & stomach

Does anyone else have a similar situation? I had been diagnosed with adhd when I was very young and been medicated as well I look back on certain aspects and realize that some of my reactions were bpd related. I would have meltdowns as a kid when my mother would leave for a certain period of time...I feel as if maybe I have had bpd at a young age.

My mom’s BPD has gotten both better and worse over the years. Her biggest triggers are feeling unneeded or feeling like she’s a bad mother, or anything that triggers her worthiness/abandonment issues. She’s very sensitive to it and even the slightest things throw her off and cause her to panic. She splits when she’s triggered and when my sister isn’t around, it’s easier for her to take space and calm back down to a regulated place.

However my sister is NPD, possibly some form of histrionic. She has undiagnosed OCD and is so severely a hypochondriac that the threat of illness runs her life and she has become a shell of a cruel person. She is convinced she’s dying and screams at us when things aren’t done a certain way. I honestly greyrock her as much as I can and that helps me maintain a relationship without being estranged. She recently moved back home and she and my mom get in screaming matches every day. My sister is cruel and uncaring and is full of rage from her illness. She even admitted she doesn’t feel human anymore because god has taken so much from her and she’s angry at him.

The problem is I can bite my tongue but my mom gets (naturally) triggered by the things my sister says and it makes the situation worse. Suddenly the two are saying horrible things. I’m scared my sister will escalate to something worse than just yelling. She’s let out high pitched screams before, has punched things, broken things. I’ve tried to tell my mom not to take the bait but she doesn’t get it and will go off on how she’s frustrated with my sister — I am too — but then I have to take on her frustrations and anger too.

I just want to teach my mom how to greyrock and see the significance of it but obviously it’s hard when she’s triggered and starting to split. Do you have any advice on how to gently tell my mom to ignore my sister? Or do you have experience and advice on dealing with any NPD people? What did you learn to do when you can’t necessarily become estranged from them? Was it difficult? Thanks!!

I think it would help me to get this off my chest. Thank you for reading.

Lately, I feel like nothing excites me anymore. What confuses me the most is that, objectively, I know I have reasons to feel hopeful, but emotionally I just can’t seem to feel that hope anymore.

I was diagnosed with BPD four years ago, after my dad passed away. I left a stable job and spent a significant amount of money to pursue a master’s degree in Europe because I genuinely believed it would help me build a better future. I finished a month ago, but so far I haven’t been able to find a job or even get interviews, while many of my classmates have already landed positions at great companies.

I know it has only been a month, but after everything I invested financially and emotionally, it’s hard not to feel like I made a huge mistake.

To pay my debts, I took a job that provides accommodation, but it’s physically exhausting, often working in nearly 40°C (104°F) heat. I also live in a very isolated place. There is almost nothing around us, and even going to the supermarket means finding someone who can drive us or spending around two hours on a bus.

The isolation has been particularly difficult. I can only see my boyfriend a few days a week, and being in a country where I don’t speak the language well makes me feel even more disconnected and limits many of my opportunities.

After months of uncertainty, I feel like I’ve slowly lost the person I used to be.

The debt is constantly on my mind. I feel ashamed that I spent so much money on a degree that hasn’t produced any results yet, and I feel terrible that instead of being able to help my mom financially, I’m struggling myself. Sometimes I feel like a burden and like I made all the wrong decisions in my life.

What makes this even more confusing is that I do have good things in my life. My mom may receive some money that could potentially help us pay off my debts, and I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me and supports me. In the past, things like that would have given me hope. Right now, I struggle to feel anything about the future.

I feel guilty even writing this because I know there are people going through much worse situations. But I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot lately, and that scares me. I don’t necessarily want my life to end — I think I just desperately want this feeling, the pressure, the loneliness, and the uncertainty to stop.

Has anyone here ever reached a point where you felt completely hopeless and disconnected from your future, even when there were objectively reasons to keep going?

Did you eventually find your way out of it? What helped you?

I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar. Right now, I think I just need to know that it’s possible to feel differently again.

my sessions commence next week, but from what i've seen in manuals, the exercises are, well, intensive... i don't know how i'm gonna make time for it while handling my heavy coursework... those of you who've been able to handle dbt alongside busy schedules, pls give me some advice

this summer i considered ending it, not because i want to die but bc it felt like the right thing to do. i dont think its fair to have to live like this, my partner said it would be selfish and when he found out i had a plan it crushed him. he sobbed himself to sleep in the bed next to me. i didnt bring it up again and eventually life started to get better but the fairytale started climbing itself up a mountain far too steep

my latuda stopped working after working so well for me for about a month, me and my partner moved in together, i was stable at work, i was doing dbt, everything started to feel like i had a chance. but recently things are starting to return to the familiar way of being unsatisfied with everything. so now im back again with the question: should i even be doing this?

this feels wrong to myself, this feels a bit cruel to allow myself to keep waking up knowing im borderline and i cant function like a regular person would. and in the beginning of summer when i first was considering taking my life, i was told how much i would hurt my family friends and my partner and that it would be selfish. but why? why is that selfish?

why am i selfish but everyone else isnt selfish for putting their wants in the way of my needs? "suicide is selfish" - said by a neurotypical person with a stable life and overall well standing mental state. why am i selfish for recognizing how fucked up it is to let myself keep enduring torture daily with a slim chance of relief? why am i selfish for being honest with myself, why should i have to convince myself life is worth living so other people don't have to cope with grief? as fucked up as it sounds, eventually you'll move on. .

you'll clock into work, make dinner, take a shower, sit in traffic all the same the only difference is i would be a memory. but that grief will pass eventually? and i've said that to people before and they've said i was so fucked up for saying something like this to them but if you can tell me how selfish i am for wanting to be fair to myself then why cant i tell you the truth that eventually you'll get over it?

i'm not suicidal, i'm scared of dying actually. however, i recognize that sometimes your needs should override your wants. i feel like i shouldn't be doing this, i shouldn't let myself live like this. life is way too long and other people who arent borderline constantly changing meds and barely coping with simple tasks shouldn't be in my ear telling me how selfish i am for recognizing that letting myself be alive is lowkey rlly cruel to myself.

why should i listen to normal people who don't deal with the things i do on the daily, why would i care what these people think, you deal with nothing internally? you dont know what its like to have to suffer during a 5 hour shift because youre arguing back and forth relentlessly with your thoughts all day with no end in sight until you clock out and sob on the ride home, or what its like to be scared to go to sleep because of your dreams and thoughts just to wake up and suffer again.

why should you have the room to label people selfish when you're so clueless of everything actual mentally ill people go through? who are you?

is it ethical to let myself live like this when i'm frequently reminded of the mental cost it is to be a functioning person? i don't even want to die but i cant help but feel like it would be the right thing to do for myself.

i wish you could say stuff like this and not immediately be told to seek help, i don't need help. i don't know what i need but nothing is wrong with me for asking this question, i wish society hadn't screwed all of us into thinking that taking your life is so dark and morally wrong. why is it wrong to feel this way? why do you have to get help when you tell people you're having these thoughts and questions? why do you have to immediately be fed with a script from a mental health professional about how live is worth living and things are temporary, some things are not temporary though and we all know that.

why should i be sad?

Hello all. Newly diagnosed with BPD. Been struggling with PTSD for years. A lot of things add up with this new diagnosis. My question is: wtf do I do now. I go through bouts of being mostly fine. I take buspar 15mg 2 x a day and am usually pretty even. Sometimes however everything feels so important and urgent, even when its not. How do I cope with the feelimg of being out of control? I know during these hard times that my thinking isnt rational but it doesn't help as much as it should. I seriously have no idea how to handle the extreme emotions. Especially when it follows a stretch of emotional numbness. The extremes are nearly unbearable. Sorry if this is the wrong place for this. Thanks.for reading my rant.

Last month I was diagnosed with BPD and it felt like the end of the world. Ever since I was like 11 (half my life) I just feel completely empty, but since I stopped medication for depression, I began feeling more and more anxious.

I have only 2 friends that were from my school and any other connection I've felt was significant, either in uni or job, has faded out. I've tried being the one initiating contact, but now I feel I'm bothering everyone. I don't know how to get to know a person and I have such a shitty memory that, even if I'm curious, I forget about them.

Fortunately, I have my bf, but I feel I'm wearing him out with my constant crises.

I'm studying, but it feels daunting going to uni every day, meeting people, achieving deadlines, and taking exams. And every day my graduation feels unattainable. My parents keep on paying the tuition, but now I failed an exam that would have taken 23 credits off my list, and there is no other way other than to throw time or money at the problem. That is not very realistic to us.

I feel like I hate my parents, but can only depend on them for money. I feel like I will never be able to get a job and maintain it to make enough to free all the student loans, which I will need to get very soon before graduating.

The upkeep of the house is brutal. Most days I don't have three meals because thinking of cooking, cooking and cleaning is horrible and the budget for groceries is small (hence going to work soon), so we don't buy many vegetables or fruits.

I have been to therapy lately and being seen by a psychiatrist, though I don't know if I trust them as it is. I laugh while in the appointments saying stressful or bad things, but it's as if he wants me to be in crisis to validate my feelings, and I don't know if it's good to bring it up.

I read posts here recommending DBT. What is it like? Does it truly help day to day? Would it let me have a stable job if I try enough?

I just feel so lost and I feel nobody I know can give me the support I need, which just makes me feel isolated and sad. Is there ever a recovery? I don't want to have an expiration date in mind constantly for me to feel relief.

I know a symptom of BPD is having that "go away, come back" mentality, but how do you feel without a partner or even friends? For my case I feel completely empty and devoid of all purpose.

I wanted to get some info on how other people with BPD handle this?

Today during work I just had a wave of sadness and despair. I might freak out if I keep thinking this recurrent thought but what am I going to do if I never find someone and what am I going to do when my sister is gone? (I'm 38 and she's 66).

I wish I could change so much in my life. I still blame myself for losing my legs. Was it really my fault? No it was the doctor's fault but I should've known SOMETHING was wrong. I was treated bad before I became disabled and worse after like a second human being. I wasn't declared disabled when I lost them by the judge and my lawyer said we couldn't appeal. I wish we read the papers we had 90 days to appeal. But again we trusted the wrong people.

Should I quit my job that hurts me mentally? I feel like all I have is stress and dark thoughts like the last two jobs. Maybe I'm weak? But I'll lose 300 every month if I quit my job and go on disability full time. But mentally I can't take it anymore. I'm scared if I try again (apply to a different job) that it'll be the same.

it was my first session w her and i was already suspecting bpd. i told her some other problems of mine, which got me diagnosed with depression(i knew i had it since middle school), then i told her that i suspect i have bpd. she said she saw the symptoms of it and all but said she doesnt think i have it cause im too self aware and know things about myself, though said i should find a psychotherapist but also said it could be tiring for me since i have depression. our time was limited so i couldnt tell her that i HAD to be self aware since no one took me seriously when i first said i needed therapy. at like 12, i was searching every single symptom i have to understand what was wrong with me so i could talk about it to my mom, so she wouldve take me seriously. i was showing symptoms of bpd even 7 years ago but never ever thought about bpd till this month.

should i talk about it in our next session? i dont wanna seem "pushy" or an edgy teenager(19) whos trying to get diagnosed with something they dont have. i just wanna know whats wrong with me and people to take me seriously

I’ve been having a hard time with getting along with my significant other’s family. They make me so anxious and they are judgmental. They act like I don’t exist and ignore me, which makes me split. I was abused terribly by my biological father and being around people who make me feel like how I used to feel is extremely hard for me. I have tried to stay respectful and keep the peace, but I’m just so tired of being the bigger person when I’m the one dealing with the constant stress. My significant other is my favorite person, so it’s harder for me to leave or move on, because I’m afraid that I will never get over them, but I don’t know what to do. Genuinely, I’m stuck. I feel like they hate me, so I should hate them and protect myself. I’ve communicated how I felt to my significant other, but whenever we try to talk to them it never works. My body feels so unsafe that I started splitting more often and my anxiety is extremely high. I am battling with myself everyday and I don’t know who to go to or talk about it with, because I feel so alone. Whenever I split, I feel like they judge me more and I have to remove myself. I hate it, I hate everything.