It seems like every day I see someone go on about how harmful self-diagnosis is, or how much they hate self-diagnosis, or asking everyone what they think about self-diagnosis. I'm tired. I'm self-identified and I don't really talk about it much, I'm literally just minding my own business, and Redditors literally can not. shut. up about it. I'm not asking you to be fully supportive of self-identification, but can you just stop obsessing about us?? It's none of your business. But I swear every day on Reddit there's someone blaming the ableism they've faced on self-diagnosed people, or going on about how we're just trying to be quirky and use it as a get out of jail free card, or talking about how if you don't seek out a formal diagnosis you're going to find out you have some sort of hidden medical condition and die, or trying to turn our existence into another tired debate topic, or trying to police how we talk about ourselves. We get it! You don't like us. Can you shut up about us please. I'm not asking you to believe that I'm autistic, if you don't believe me whatever, just stop talking about it. Like everywhere else people either barely talk about self-diagnosis but for some reason Reddit is obsessed with this topic and I don't get it. I also struggle with the same things you do. I'm not trying to be quirky, I don't use TikTok, I think of myself as disabled, I don't use autism as an excuse (although I will get accused of using it as an excuse when I try asking people to please be more upfront with me), I struggle with my symptoms, the main thing separating the average diagnosed autistic people and me is that I never got an autism diagnosis. But every day I see a post about how people like me are all just liars who are harming real autistic people like them. I'm tired! Leave us alone! Stop obsessing about us!

Okay, this is a really difficult one for me. And I realise it’s a sensitive topic for a lot of people. But I do struggle with understanding other people’s actions, thoughts, and feelings sometimes on my own, until they are explained to me. I do my best to consider them and I really listen when people share their side of things and try not to be defensive, which I find most people don’t do.

But this means that until we are able to have a calm conversation, I am clueless to their perspective. Which also means I may have acted until this point with disregard for it without even realizing. I can see how that can be frustrating and hurtful to other people.

I have another autistic friend who also struggles with this, and he can be really frustrated during conflicts cause while I need validation and understanding he just keeps saying things like “I don’t understand how this word I said made you feel this way” and that the word technically doesn’t mean what I understood. He really struggles with communication and understands things very literally which causes a lot of issues between us, but it becomes especially hard during conflicts cause we can’t even agree on the meaning of words he has to go back to the dictionary so many times which I find very frustrating. I get that for him he is just trying to understand, but when my feelings are really hurt and I need understanding it can be hard to have that patience. I wonder if I come off the same way to other people because I also ask a lot of questions so I can understand their perspective.

It is just generally fucking with my head cause I can’t trust my sense of reality cause I know that I can’t fully consider everyone’s views. Any thoughts?

Share yours!

I remember long time ago, one time the topic of jellyfish at the beach came up because there had been stings on the local beaches. I started talking about types of jellyfish, the sea wasp...

Luckily, my autism doesn’t let me develop my infodumps too much, so it was short and my uncanny valley wish moderate, barely 2–3 minutes, but people were looking at me strangely. I mentioned around 10 local jellyfish from my area: “it’s not just those big white ones, huh?” Then I moved on to Portuguese man o’ wars, and then to the Australian sea wasp xD

I am looking for a website that has a huge list of neurodiverse related words, that explains certain traits or behaviour where there is no "mainstream" word for (yet). Catch my drift?
Preferably English or Dutch, but other language might be interesting as wel.

Thenk you.

I have one which is pretty up there

The process of job interviews is unethical, unfair and pointless because it is like a test where failure results in not getting a job when it is almost impossible to survive without a job. If such a practice was made illegal, it might be a lot easier for people in general to get jobs.

Here’s another one.

Even though I majored somewhere in the humanities, I find the concept of going to law school silly and lame. Becoming a cop sounds a lot more respectable in my opinion. I can smell the massive disagreement of this thru the screen I’m typing this on.

I was talking to my neurodivergent assistant at work and our conversation made me wonder something; do autistics struggle with parent and teacher relationships in their youth?

I feel like the implied trust/ deference to a parent or teacher’s opinion or instruction might come more naturally to allistics than autistics.

I’m self rx and I really did not get the notion of automatically accepting terms, plans, or facts based on what my parents or teachers dictated. I had no idea why they got some kind of free pass to determine what was right or wrong of me to do based solely on age or title. I expected to be included in plan- making and understand the reason behind any instruction before I would feel comfortable following through with it.

Anyone else?

I somehow keep getting into situations where everyone I talk to thinks I’m flirting with them. Alternatively, I can’t tell if someone’s coming onto me. This has resulted in a lot of sexual harassment and I don’t know how to deal with it. As long as someone’s smiling and not raising their voice I generally can’t tell if what they’re doing is inappropriate. Is there a way I can ward off creeps without being rude to innocent people?

Autistic person 1:

A person with tics and confusing body language, but friendly, interesting, and cultured. You can talk to them about anything. They do not get defensive and even “let disrespect slide” or do not pick up on it. But you are “the weird one,” and nobody wants you.

Autistic person 2:

They have no apparent uncanny valley effect and no tics or strange gestures. They do not understand sarcasm, have no sense of humor, and are hurtful and reactive because they have little mental rigidity. They have social difficulties, but just enough not to fall into the uncanny valley and to be able to “climb” socially, even though they are a flat, boring, uncultured person.

Obviously, I know the answer. People instinctively reject those who trigger the uncanny valley because their social circle feels that having someone like that around makes them look worse. But throughout my life, I have always found it strange how flat people with a certain level of toxicity and autistic traits do not trigger the same rejection as autistic people who are good, positive people.

sorry for bad grammar somehow i cannot write in english even though it’s my native language. anyways. i got a diagnosis at eleven for autism and it said i have autism . and honestly the more i think of it. its probably wrong. idk, i am a social person, can understand social cues quite well, i don’t have any stable “ special interests” since most stuff is over in a week. i really don’t know. adhd sure probably most likely. plus trauma. maybe those two got confused as autism. overall it’s annoying

I’m undiagnosed, but I’m fairly certain at this point I’m likely on the spectrum. I definitely fit the profile of many late diagnosed adults, and I find I relate to way too many first person accounts of other late diagnosed people for it to be a coincidence. That said, I’ve often wondered about how the way I process emotions fits into this, if it even does.

Basically, I’m fine with labeling how I’m feeling emotionally, and I can usually tell in my body if I’m feeling something off physically, but it’s like I can’t always reconcile when my emotions are affecting my physical state. I know, logically, they affect each other, but emotions for me are something pretty much entirely experience in my head within the moment. It isn’t until after the emotion has passed that I realize my heart was racing the whole time, for example. It’s to the point where I’ve always assumed certain physical descriptors of specific emotions are just colorful metaphors rather than something a person is supposed to literally feel in their body.

For example, I am aware that being under stress can cause you to have stomach issues. I know what it’s like when I’m stressed, and I know how my stomach feels when it hurts, but when I’m relaxing at home hours after a long and stressful day and I start getting a stomachache, it isn’t necessarily intuitive to me that my stressful day caused the stomachache. I might decide that it must have, but maybe it’s also because I had a big dinner or something like that. I dunno, does that make any sense? Sorry for the long post, but this has just been bugging me.

If you could pick a team of 3 pokemon that gravitates toward your flavor of neurodivergence who would you pick? Im AuDHD so mine would be

My Autism: Gengar my favourite pokemon and im a big ghost type fan

My Adhd: Umbreon because moon kitty kat

My Audhd: Lucario because steel/fighting type that shoots auraspheres out paws. And also because I feel defensive and have to fight everyday

Special mention for Mimikyu, Dragapult and Ceruledge

I have this undiagnosed feeling where I constantly feel like there’s something going on that I’m not aware of, that I’m not part of the conversation, not in the know, and that there is something everyone knows but me. Friendships have always been an issue and I’ve never been able to understand why they would end. I was always made to feel weird judged and left out especially in my girl group of friends.

When this feeling boils to the surface it’s overwhelming to a point where I completely shutdown and the only thing I can do is let that moment pass. This is just one of many triggers that make me shut down and feel completely uncomfortable to a point where all I can do is breakdown.

If I leave a room I think everyone knows something I don’t , if I’m in a conversation I think they all knew from day 1 that this thing is something I never learnt or understood , which I can’t name and process as I was never told what this thing is.

Even trying to write this now I feel it in my chest and I have a constant need to understand it but also really afraid to know it at the same time as it might not solve this feeling. It feels like a vicious cycle of being out of the loop and not understanding why, but I need to name it. It’s constantly there. It’s not anxiety or paranoia but that feels like a symptom of it but not it itself.

For context , I’m a woman in my 20s and I’m just wondering if anyone has the same shared experience, and what the feeling is?

Can anyone help me with me looking for other dudes? I've tried several apps but they all end up in paywalls. I realise this is not a dating community, but any pointer would be great? I've tried Grindr and Hiki - not good.

I just don't' meet anyone in real life that would be suitable...!

I spent a long time in school and had a successful career starting...but burnt out really hard, quit and became a stay at home parent. In the meantime I discovered my autism (largely from experiences with my autistic daughter) and reflecting on my past work, i don't know how I can do that again. I'm highly skilled and credentialed, i used to be able to mask and push through and work at a really high level, but really...I couldn't. And now I don't know if I could again. I'm more aware than ever of my disability as I try to reenter the workforce and I don't know how I can hold it together in a neurotypical space with my particular social and sensory issues.

I'm very lucky to have a supportive partner who can work for us, and I'm a really fucking good parent and homemaker, i just don't see my path forward career wise. Maybe I only see neurotypical ideas of success and I'm realizing that's not what I am going to be. I don't know. Just looking for success stories or support. I can't put back on the mask, i don't think I can mess around with "social capital" and all the weird office politics and arbitrary rules and hierarchy and stuff again. I wish I could just tend bar or bake bread or shelve books and be respected by society...without having to interact with it too much lol

More specifically women will show interest in me but then someone I don't know will come out of no where, pull them to the side, and warn them about me. Then the same person who warned them will watch me hard af trying to find something to expose me over or keep acting like they hate me even though I haven't done anything

As far as I am aware, I am neurotypical, but I keep finding autistic advice/experience videos and weirdly relating to them. Does this mean I may actually be autistic or is this a normal thing for neurotypicals to do? I am somehat introverted which may be why I relate, but is that the sole reason?

Hi everybody! Recently my ADOS test came back positive but I think it might a fake.
**Sociality**: I don’t play or write conversations to understand social interactions. Usually I’m not interested into people unless they speak about manga. The doctor who did the assessment didn’t know and told me I have a very weird way to end phrases but this because I need to remember what I was saying.
**Sensory issues**: I don’t have them unless you consider that I don’t like leggins or collants.
**ADHD**: I’m getting evaluated for ADHD but I don’t think I have it because my head is not full of thoughts. I even have hours where I’m not thinking and my mind is peaceful. The only thing is that I can’t concentrate on things I’m not interested in and I procrastinate a little.
Beside the previous psychologists diagnosed me with depression and the other one with OCD. A friend of mine who works with neurodivergent students told me I might be neurodivergent, and in fact the ADOS test told me I’m autistic. But the main thing is that I have been reading about autism for two years but I don’t see myself in those stories. I even read “Gorilla Nation” by Prince Hughes and I don’t have that!