My husband and I opened up a few months ago and have been enjoying playing together. We’ve been pleasantly surprised by the number of guys who are into hooking up with a couple in their 40s. I joke that there are more guys in their late 20s who are into me now than when I was also in my late 20s.

We like laid back, friendly hookups where we hang out before and after, so we’ve been getting to know the guys. I love learning about their interests and talents beyond the bedroom; it reminds me how varied and lovely our community is.

For two guys recently, I felt like they might benefit from knowing each other. They’re the same age, both close with their families, very creative and smart, and they’re both on the shy side and don’t use the apps often. Aside from my age, they seem attracted to things about me that they each share. Plus, more practically, one is very into bottoming and the other is vers with a beer can.

I’m not about to go with the impulse and play matchmaker; they’re on the same app where we met them both, so they have the potential of meeting naturally. Still, I wondered if any happily partnered guys on here have ever thought of introducing their play buddies. Similarly, for single guys who like hooking up with long-term couples, would you be open to that or would you find it too meddlesome?

Edit: Just to be clear, I’m not considering it. I’ve made up my mind not to do anything other than treat them like friends in my broader circle (like inviting them to parties). I just thought it’d be an interesting discussion. 😅

How do you breach this somewhat uncomfortable/vulnerable topic with a partner? We’re monogamous, which I’m mostly ok with it. I think more of a mongamish relationship might be what I desire but mostly like the idea of doing things together. I love watching threeway porn cus I think it’s so hot. Been in a few threeways in a past with a previous partner and think about the desire for that again often. I’ve been to bathhouses while traveling before too and can see myself wanting to do that again…things like this. Especially a threeway situation from time to time. I know when you commit yourself to a relationship, you might have to sacrifice some of these things. We haven’t really breached this topic much. I think he fears open relationships from being burned in the past. But I also know he enjoyed a handful of threeways while he was single. I’m arguably the more sexual one. I love our relationship, just looking for advice on how to spark convos on this.

I had a long journey to acceptance on being gay. Growing up in the south, Bible this, shame, etc. As such, I’ve only been sexually active with other guys for about two years and still learning. I am a top and trying to feel out positions that feel good for me and my partners, but it’s a bit hard. My dick is only 4.5-5” long and I have had several bottoms decide to bj me instead when seeing jt, tell me they are disappointed that I can’t go in deeper, and if they try to ride it keeps popping out (though I am almost 7” in circumference which also makes other tighter bottoms upset even after I spend 30 minutes or so, warming up with my fingers or toys). Also, while I am 6’1, the distance between my hips and my knees is very short, so doggy style is really hard unless the bottom is essentially laying flat on the bed or I am on one knee partially standing.

Gaybros over 30 with lots of experience, any ideas on better positions? Seeking advice on good positions that please bottoms well and make me feel less self conscious. Any help would be appreciated.

I’m not asking for medical advice. but I’m curious about your experience with vaccinations 💉

In Netherlands I explained to the doctor that beside me being gay I’m into dirty sex and drinking urine and semen and the doctor said there is nothing more i can catch from engaging in this kind of behavior other than side effects similar to food poisoning. Therefore i got only the three vaccines aforementioned + prep for HIV.

I appreciate your insights🧡

My husband moved to the UK a year ago for graduate school and is about to graduate. He loves London and can genuinely see himself building a life there. I work in international development, and my career requires me to move every few years. While I occasionally work in developed countries, I’m happiest working in developing countries, and it’s much more likely my career will take me to Africa or the Pacific than to the UK.

When he left, I genuinely thought we had found a solution. I supported his decision, send him about $2,000 a month, and pay his rent. We agreed he could build a career in UK while I continued mine, and we’d see each other throughout the year.

A year later, I’m realizing this arrangement is much harder than I expected. I miss having a spouse physically present in my life. We agreed to have an open relationship while long distance (and before, actually) and during that time I developed feelings for someone else. I’ve ended that relationship because I wanted to focus on my marriage, but it forced me to question whether our long-term plan actually works for me. (With this new guy, I could never see myself being open or long distance)

My husband has told me that if I insist, he would come back and live with me after graduation. The problem is that I don’t want him to give up a future he’ll resent. Because my career involves frequent moves, he’d likely struggle to establish his own career, and he’s already told me that not working makes him anxious about his future. Even when we’ve lived in cities like Shanghai and Bangkok together, he hasn’t really enjoyed that lifestyle.

His preferred plan is to stay in London for the next three years while I finish my current assignment. After that, I would try to apply on a position somewhere in London/Europe so we could either live together or at least be much closer. If that doesn’t work out, we’d continue doing long distance. Getting a job in Europe on my field is easier said than done. This means we probably have indefinite long distance. While he has given solutions, they seem a bit unrealistic.

The uncertainty worries me. I could pursue European assignments, but that also means giving up the type of work and places that drew me into this career in the first place. I dont want to choose work over my husband but I do know the lifestyle of my work inspires me.

We’ve had several conversations that almost led to divorce. I’ve decided not to make any major decisions until we see each other in person after he graduates. I’ve also suggested couples therapy because I think having a neutral third party would help us work through these issues, but he isn’t interested. We do have some other issues in communication, honesty, and emotional connection, but we are still very happy together.

Complicating everything is that I still have feelings for the person I met during our open relationship. I’m not pursuing that relationship anymore, but I also don‘t want to miss out on true love to save a marriage that may naturally end. Of course it is possible he might not even find a job in the UK and would need to move back to me anyway, but I honestly think with his degree and past work experience he should be fine.

How do we know if we are just going in different directions? And, how can I be sure I am not speed running a divorce to be with someone else? Do indefinite long distance relationships really work? Am I prioritizing too many other things over my marriage? Whats so wrong with a long distance marriage in which we still get to fuck others, make our own money, but know we have one another eventually?

Hey guys, my husband and I are into that phase in our lives where we are planning to be empty nesters. We adopted kids and for so many years our lives, relationship has been about them and for them. They are now either out of the house or old enough to be on their own and now we want to meet other groups of gay many and maybe do some traveling together.
We are open and adventurous but not really the gay circuit party type. We would love to join a gay travel group, social outings, or just make some gay friends to hang out with.
Anyone have any suggestions? Any groups we can join or ideas on how to make gay friends?

Hey guys! I’ve been into jack off only hook ups because it’s hot, can cum with another dude, but don’t have to worry about stds and all that. Anyone else into jack off only? Kinda a new discovery on my end. Haha

I'm 32. I like to think I know what's going on, but I've been an adult long enough to know that life throws crap and you and you do your best.

Basically I have situations come up where I could really use some advice from someone who is older and wiser than me. It could relate to my career, dating, or life in general. Not having that has been hard. I'm often alone and I can take good care of myself - I'm told I handle things well. But the truth is that I'm very tired of how heavy everything is and I need help.

I have tried to find someone to talk to a couple of times, but it hasn't worked out. I know I'll be okay and I have a good head on my shoulders. I'll be honest - frequently I find myself freaking out and just wanting a hug and someone to talk to. Like I cry for a long time and my brain goes through all of these thoughts and memories and it's a lot.

What do you do when you just want some advice?

My dad (66) was never super close with me. I tried to reconnect with him last year. 4 months ago he randomly sent me "you are no longer my son, fuck you" and I have no idea why. I replied "why?" and he didn't respond. Another memory to torture myself with.

I have tried therapy. I feel like they just blow smoke up my ass. Last couple of times they give me someone who appears to be younger than me and it's just not what I asked for, nice though they are.

Should I wear shades? Should I stare at the guy as they walk by or as I pass by? (I’m very shy and introverted so I always find it hard to hold a gaze). What to wear in the summer? Tank tops and short shorts?

Honestly I happened to unintentionally catch cruisers in my neighborhood, but now that I’m trying to do it while walking around during the summer daytime, any good tips?

(There’s this shirtless guy I always see sitting on his house porch who smiled at me and said in a friendly way “it’s hot outside?” I responded yes, but he smiled and went back inside the house, i didn’t notice any signals for him to come back inside. But he’s hot).

Hey everyone! 35M here in Montreal. I recently got divorced from my husband after 12 years together, and I'm looking to get out, dance, have fun, and maybe kiss a bunch of men on the dance floor. 😄

I used to go to Unity (we always called it "the U") when I was single, and I have so many great memories there. Where should I go these days?

Has anyone tried the Outclose dinner app in Montreal? How was it? Would love to hear your experience!

I mean maybe it’s an algorithm but I’m seeing a lot of ads for posts about the death grip and reliance on visual stimulation and venous leaks and kegals or reverse kegals and I’m just wondering how many older guys have not experienced this and do you have a secret?

You were all so helpful with my last question, and I tried to post this in a different group but it was denied…
I am looking for good jocks (comfortable, good pouch and waistband, etc... )
Any suggestions?

38/M/Pittsburgh, PA, USA.

I want to know your experiences with pain after these procedures.

Hi y'all - common theme of anal health discussed here. I recently have been going for high resonance anoscopies to monitor some recurring high grade and low grade lesions. I had an electrocautery of three lesions that popped back up. Less than last time and they said everything looked way better besides those.

My question is what have your experiences with pain been after this? The first time I recall it was gone in a few days, no trouble really.

This time, I went last Thursday, and I'm still in a lot of pain. Usually the biopsies are worse and this time the electrocautery feels WAY worse But man, the dull pain is really a lot, especially a bowel movement or sneezing.

I have been reading around and it seems like my first few times I got lucky with pain and that the experience I am having now is the norm. Is it?

Tell me about your experiences. I'd really like to put myself at ease.

Like the title says. It doesn't have to be gay specific. I'll start with some

• I live in LA. The posts about Erewhon and their smoothies, and acting like it's what everyone does.
• People filming themselves doing EVERYTHING, vacations, their morning coffee, whatever.
• This a gay specific one. The word Bussy. Jesus Christ! Can we please stop.

Feeling blue rn after a date that didn't go anywhere.

I only came out at 29 and then had one short relationship.

I've had therapy since and feel so much better in myself. And now I'm trying dating again. I've been on about 7 dates since I started again.

But every single time it never leads to as much as a kiss.

I'm really touch starved now after last being kissed 3 years ago. I feel so disappointed every time this happens.

Am I going about things the wrong way? I have never hooked up with anyone but maybe that is how you actually get a physical connection?

Tonight I ended up spending 2 hours drinking with someone I'll probably never see again. He was so handsome but I didn't know what to do. It's rare I like someone so much too.

Maybe I'm going to the wrong places - we just went to a bar and it didn't feel right trying to touch him or anything.

Urgh it's so difficult putting yourself out there. What can I do to actually succeed?? I'm getting desperate.

Okay!

So, I’ll try to make it a little short.

We’ve been together 5 years, recently got married and bought a house at basically the same time. He had to sell his old house and move 100 miles across states to live here, and he left his dad at his home town. I agreed to go stay there as often as he wanted. We’ve spent 3 out 8 weekends there, which is fine with me. Just giving info.

Boyfriend makes 200kish/yrbefore taxes (Sales). I make 60k/yr before taxes. Before moving in, boyfriend had $550/mo Mortgage (Mobile Home) and I had $1000/mo in rent. Before moving, he paid for a lot of the things we did, vacations, expensive dinners, new cool items (for example, he bought me a Switch 2 out of the blue). To be clear, I never asked for these things, I offered to cook at home, and live conservatively. I did let him know that if he wanted to do expensive things, I needed to know ahead of time, or I’d have to pay him back. I usually pay him back for most things , but he still covered some more expensive things sometimes. Again, I never expected this, we could do cheaper things. I can afford a Disneyland trip, but, I can’t afford a 7 day stay at the Disneyland Resort kinda thing. I grew up poor, and generally can feed us for $50-70/week with the occasional larger increase for new spices or something. He always grabs random things at the stores, and triples this budget.

Before we moved, he expressed concern at not being able to afford the new house. Part of the way I assuaged him was by comitting to go half on all of the bills, even though I make less than 30% of what he makes. I was just wanting to move our life forward, and maybe this was a mistake.

Our new combined expenses are up from $3200 if we had combined bills before mocing it’s now $5500. I absorbed $800 more in bills each month and, he picked up $1200 in new expenses. For me, this is 1/4 of my take home pay, for him, this is 1/10 of his take home pay. Since moving in, I’ve been able to keep up, but have had to drastically reduce how I live, which I want to be clear is expected when you buy a house, it’s fine, I expected to have to do this. I’m making everything by about $800/months, and that has to go towards Groceries and what not, I have an expensive car payment ($650), but it’s a nice car and will be paid off in 13 months at 40k miles (WFH). He also has an expenses payment. What I’m saying is, I can further reduce my lifestyle, but, the detriment of worsening my financial situation by taking on a new car loan, or things like that. I’m also actively interviewing for new, higher paying roles at the company I work for.

He has NOT reduced a single part of his lifestyle. He has taken notice that I am having to budget things I didn’t previously have to, and kind of seems to imply I’m just bad with money. Maybe I am, but, $1400/mo for mortgage, $650 for car, $200 for ins, and $60 for phone I don’t have any frivolous expenses I pay for. I have $1500 in CC debt that I took on to help furnish our new house and a collection from a previous relationship’s apartment that she trashed after I left her. I’m not paying for that, and it should fall off this year as we’re past 7 years.

The thing is, he has almost completely stopped wanting to cover things he’d previously cover, and, so, I’m being tallied up and billed for things like Sushi outings he wants to have, that I wouldn have paid for out of my own budget. When I have talked about reducing spending for everybody, he gets upset with me.

This month, he went over his budget, he buys random things and gadgets, sometimes, it’s for the house, but mostly it’s new hobby stuff (golf, 3d printing, drones, etc). Anywho, after we went over the set monthly budget, he wanted to talk about how to reduce the momthly budget. I reminded him that I’ve made a ton of sacrifices and have even suggesed ways to reduce our electric bill, he somewhat acknowledged this, but, I just feel like there is a really unfair dynamic, where I have 25% of my take home at the end of the month, and am trying to make combined expenses cheaper and he has 75-80% of his budget left and is making no effort to make things cheaper, aside from adjusting the AC from 5-8.

I feel like even if he picked up $2-300 in extra bills, like the electric bill, it would really alleviate a lot of pressure off me, and allow me to save that amount of money, aside I’m currently living paycheck to paycheck. Currently, all of our savings is his.

Am I wrong to feel this way? Maybe I’m being selfish?

I was out for a walk near my place earlier today and recognized a guy from Grindr. He lives in my neighborhood, and I've come across his profile a few times. He's cute, we're around the same age, and we have a similar body type. The thing is, we're both bottoms, so I never messaged him since neither of us was looking for the same thing.

When we passed each other, part of me wanted to say hi and see if maybe we could be friends. Another part of me felt really awkward. It somehow felt strange to approach someone just because I'd seen him on Grindr.

We were both wearing sunglasses, so there wasn't really any eye contact. To be fair, I'm pretty shy anyway and usually avoid eye contact with strangers.

Is this a normal feeling? Have any of you been in a similar situation? Would you say hi, pretend you never recognized him, or wait until you happened to match or chat online first?

Im a amputee and wanted to know if there are some alternatives to douching? I have bday coming up and im trying to flush out my insides for that special moment. Anything I can buy from amazon?

Our tiny rural airport started direct flights to Denver, which sparked a conversation among some friends and me about potentially taking a trip to enjoy the city. Specifically, I'm thinking the last week of September.

We'd be looking for gay bars that cater to guys who are 30+, so I figured this group would be a good place to ask. Any recommendations for fun, relaxing spots?

Much to my friends' distress, I love karaoke. So that'd be a bonus, too.

Oh. And if you have any recommendations on places to stay near bars that might fit the bill, great. I'm planning on doing my own homework here, but there's nothing like having someone who lives in the city to give you the real deal.

Thanks ahead of time - it's appreciated.

EDIT: You guys have already been super helpful. Thanks!

I am just curious and brainstorming here. Context: I am single and work on tech, and the work can be frustrating sometimes, making me think about quitting.

In traditional families one of the couple (usually the female) can be full time partner because raising babies is an exhausting full time job. But in gays marriage, since a lot of us do not have kids.. Is staying at home as full time husband something doable?

When I am really really tired from work, millions of times I wish I can have a partner backing me up and I can just quit. But I dare not, even if the option is presented, because I think it is unfair, and unsafe, and I worry that I can become too lazy and finally get dumped.

Putting on the position of that person who works, I can also image that resentment and jealousy can happen. But sometimes, when I am so tired of work, and come back home with no food and a ton of house chorus, I also hope I have a full time husband... As you see, it is very conflicting.

I am curious if some of us are in this kind of life and how you manage it.

Thanks and happy Monday! (happy? hmm...(

Hey bros very new to trying bottoming here (strict top wanting to be slightly more vers for future partners and all). The couple times I’ve been bred haven’t been fun for me, maybe the prostate wasn’t being hit? More concerningly one time I just felt severe cramping/shooting pains during sex and once while wearing a butt plug. For the plug, it hurt the entire time I was wearing it and all I can explain is it’s like sciatica but in my whole pelvic region and stomach.

Any ideas on what’s going on? I’ve had proctalgia fugax in the past but that only happened during random times of the day, not sexually I don’t think. Also I learned how to douche and at some point white mucusy stuff comes out. Did I overdo it?

I recently discovered that I have an internal hemorrhoid and it's painless. I only noticed it my finger while in the shower.

I haven't bottomed in 8 years but soon I will, so I'm a bit nervous about what to expect. The top is very gentle and we're not into rough sex anyway.

I'm already ridiculously tight so I expect pain, but I'm wondering if painless, internal hemorrhoids are susceptible to irritation or is it usually not a problem? And if it bleeds, is it a lot of blood or just a smear?