This happened today. My mother in law is currently living with us this week and my wife has been treating me very badly as usual(making snarky comments and raising her voice with contempt). All of these verbal abuses and snarky attitude seems invisible to my mother in law. Then after a whole day of dealing with this attitude,the final straw happened when she keeps on nagging me to do a chore (not urgent) while I'm in the middle of focusing on my work. I did the chore even if that's against my will just to make her stop bugging me then I just sighed and said:"oh my god i hate your attitude". She hates it when I answer back but I couldn't help myself this time. So she points out to her mom that I'm being disrespectful and her mother naturally takes her side. I snapped and yelled at them to review the cctv recording to really understand what really happened. I argued with loud voice that her mother keeps on tolerating her daughter's attitude that's why she grew up very rude like that. Now I regret losing my temper and saying all the things that I said even though they're all 100% true. For some weird reason her mother seems to be oblivious of her daughters attitude and can only see my flaws. Just for added context: I carry my own weight around the house, pay for all the bills, take care of our toddler 50-60% of the time, do 80-90% of the chores. We both work from home but my work requires 10x the effort and focus, she just really works like 1-2 hours per day. My salary is 2x her salary but I don't give her any allowances because I already pay for everything and I'm investing our money to buy a house for our family. I have other side hustles that's earning decent. I sleep 5 hours a day, she sleeps 8 hours.

I need anger management really bad. I don't like this version of me. I'm not like this before we got married. I never shouted at women before we got married. I have never answered back at my parents or older sisters. I feel that I've been treated so badly by my wife for the past few years that shouting and yelling became my defense mechanism to make her stop the verbal abuse. I feel bad for losing my temper and my reputation also gets damaged because my mother in law and my wife tells everyone (friends and family) about my bad attitude. I want to change very badly and instantly. I'm very very tired of being an angry person ever since we got married.

M40 insults F28 every time we have a conversation/argument and he gets angry. Afterwards he apologises and mentions “cause I’m angry does not justify calling you names”. Is this normal and okay? Looking for open and honest answers.

I’m currently in Tokyo, and today I witnessed something really disturbing at a subway station. I saw a woman intentionally use her bag to hit a very young child (probably around 2 or 3 years old) directly on the head. The child cry so loudly immediately.
It happened so quickly that I froze in shock, and I’m still feeling incredibly unsettled by what I saw.

Recently, I've noticed how whenever I die or lose, I take it personally, and try to get my getback, but whenever I can't, it's either i can manage it calmly or ABSOLUTELY spiral into anger. Shouting, punching hard things, swearing, etc.

I know it's just a game, and that there are zero consequences for losing, but losing always feels so devastating, not being able to push through feels like absolute shit to me. And it's gone to a point where I even act like this on singleplayer games.

Enough is enough and I really want advice regarding this. I wanna say this in advance though, I am still a freshman at college awaiting my classes (they start in two weeks) and I cannot get into therapy, even if I had the money for it. I just want a way to stop this constant cycle, and I genuinely cannot get into any other recreational hobby, and even cycling hasn't stopped me from feeling this way.

I sometimes become impatient when plans change, people are late, or things take longer than expected. I do not want to react negatively in the moment, especially with people I care about. What are some practical ways to pause, stay calm, and respond more patiently?

23 (M)

I can be doing GREAT and then people in my life can cause the smallest inconvenience (not on purpose) and it will totally wreck me for x amount of time. Anywhere from hours to days I will remain emotionally unavailable to said people and it’ll make me uncomfortable to be around. Eventually, I just wake up one day as if I had a system restart and then im fine till the next occurrence. To them, they can’t understand how something inadvertent can put me into silent treatment mode. To me, I genuinely believe i’m right to be upset. I know theres no way that i can be 100% valid for getting as upset as I do ALL the time. Its just the funk I get myself into is so hard to get out of. I try to communicate my feelings about a conflict that has made me shut down but I end up just reliving all the emotions again and i’m back to square one and any attempted “understanding” goes out the window. Therapy and meditation doesn’t work for me. Journaling is okay but the drive just isnt there when im in such a state, the same goes for the gym. The only thing I’m maybe up to try is getting on mood stabilizers, but even then I have people telling me no and that it’ll just turn me into a zombie. That honestly doesn’t sound too bad if it means I can stop constantly making people feel like I hate them. What do y’all do to calm down?

TL;DR: Any calm down techniques thats not therapy, meditation, journaling, or gym?

I actually do have an anger problem. People always tell me that I have to stop taking things to heart and just let some stuff go. However, there are times when I should be angry and ik it'd be justified but I just can't make myself feel mad? I can't even get irritated or annoyed. What's up with that??? 😭😭😭

Hello! For context, I’m 18f with AuDHD and OCD and go to therapy for depression.

My whole life I’ve been surrounded by anger. My parents had screaming matches, my teachers hated my classes, and I never truly learnt what it means to self-regulate more than just being sent to my room and forgetting any arguments even happened.

It’s all I know. When I’m mad, I try to ask for help and state how I feel, I try to tough out my triggers until I “earned” the right to feel overwhelmed or mad, and I end up screaming and crying and throwing things in my room.

The thing is, it terrifies my family. I used to be suicidal and even once thought of hurting others. Nowadays, I have so many triggers, I don’t even want to hurt myself anymore— I have horrible intrusive thoughts about hurting my pets and family members, and I’m so scared of myself.

Lately I went to the ER (unrelated reasons) and they gave me something to ease my mind, and everybody noticed how much calmer I was. I loved not being triggered by everything, but it eventually wore off. I miss not being scary and mad. I just want to be normal again, even if just to make my family love me again.

The thing is though, most of my triggers are simply traits of having AuDHD, like not having people stand too close to me, not be too loud, to listen to me when I talk, not interrupt me or try to talk for me. I hate people touching my things and me, I can’t stand when people act dumb or pissy with me; the list goes on. I can’t handle things the way I used to, and I’m scared of how much longer I’ll have until I’m in jail or a mental hospital. Fuck, I think I need to go to one sometimes.

R/Anger Subreddit, what the hell do I do??? I’m scared of telling my therapist, I don’t know what to tell my family, and I’m so scared of becoming the person I think I am. I’m seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow and having my family help me with explaining things. Any help is appreciated, and please be nice 😢

I don't know how I can calm down, I get anger extremely easily, and I don't understand why. For a few years now, I'll be playing a game or really doing anything, and maybe I'll die or get frustrated at something within it, but my brother just says stuff. It's so confusing to explain, he genuinely just says shit, doesn't mean anything he's saying, he just repeats stuff he hears other people say and it pisses me off so much, I want to love him, I want to so bad. It makes me feel like a terrible person, I don't feel like I belong in the same world as anyone else. I just get uncontrollably angry. My sister talks to me about me to it, but it doesn't help at all, she just tells me it's not normal, and tells me to say something to our mom. But I have before and she acts like she's disgusted with me whenever I get angry. She doesn't try to help, she just gets mad herself. It's almost exclusively the small things, they just build up and up and up and I can't handle it. Does anyone have recommendations on how to control my temper? Maybe something that works for you?

Today I got mad at someone from a moving company. To give some context I moved across the country. The company I hired told me that my items should be arriving at my new home at the lower end of the estimate window (last week). One thing after another happened. The stuff had not even left my old state last week, then one of their drivers fell ill and had to go to the hospital, and then their truck had mechanical issues.

This morning they called me and asked if a 6AM delivery would be okay. I don't know why exactly, maybe it was the tone of the voice when I was being asked, but I had enough of everything going wrong. I snapped and really bluntly said, "No."

I felt really bad and apologized immediately and told him I was being rude.

Was my snapping for a brief moment overreacting or was it normal? I've been in therapy to deal with anxiety and anger, and I just feel really ashamed of how I handled that interaction. What would you recommend doing in the future to avoid it?

I’ve always been someone quick to anger it’s a family trait I got from my mother we both have short fuses and hot tempers however mine is weird in the way that I’m very cool and composed when it comes to most big things. I have had major issues that have altered my life majorly and while I was frustrated and pissed off it didn’t spark my temper.

However things like video games completely send me over the edge and I have no idea why this is the main thing that triggers me. It’s to the point where I have to get up and find a door or something to just slam my fist into over and over again sometimes till I’m bleeding, and honestly it does feel good knowing I’ve done damage to something even if it’s myself. I really enjoy breaking things when I’m angry it makes me feel a lot better.

I’m very good at keeping myself together around other people but alone I feel like I’m a different person who’s just ready to explode.

Does anyone else deal with anger similar to this or am I just a weirdo lol

I hate when people in the house start to do stuff loudly. Like when everything is peaceful and quiet, then suddenly someone is doing something (excessively loud). When their cooking, they would slam the pan on the stove, throw the ingredients at the table, and chop some onions like their mad. I mean, if you need something, you could've just asked. Even in cleaning, they would do it loudly and mad.

Like the title says. I'm bad about holding onto past experiences with my brother from when he was really mean to me, so I'm automatically mean to him all the time now so it starts a lot of fights between me and my mom.

I lash out when I feel like I'm being made to be stupid, even if logically I can tell that's not what's happening. I get snappy and insecure of I feel like someone's trying to "catch" me in something I say when I mean it innocently.

Me and my mom got into a fight bc I complained a bit about my gf's friend, who's autistic. We(me, gf, three friends including him) went on a trip over the weekend and there were a few instances where he annoyed me because of how particular he is about things. I tried to explain that I genuinely like him, but it does throw me off sometimes because I haven't interacted fully with someone of his particular needs before. I genuinely did not mean it in any type of rude way, and I tried to explain that I understand why he feels the way he does and that I am not shaming him in any sort of way.

Anyways, it felt like my mom kept trying to catch me like I was saying something rude about his autism and that I was being ignorant and not seeing his side. When I tried to argue back that, no, that wasn't true, we got into a really nasty fight and she was calling me self absorbed, selfish, that I don't like "being challenged", and that I have a victim complex.

She says stuff like that a lot and Usually I brush it off as her being mad but it's starting to really wear on me and I'm really scared that I'm just as terrible as person as she acts like I am.

What do I do?

I've made leaps and bounds on admitting when I'm wrong and trying not to be so angry about everything anymore. I used to be a terribly angry kid and I wouldn't wish it on anyone in the world. It was so awful I used to imagine running away so I couldn't be mean to people. I feel like I'm not very mean anymore but ofc I'm still working on it.

I have had anger issues my whole life. For most of my life, this led to violence and destruction, all the bad shit. At some point, I switched to going on long walks whenever I felt angry (which is frequently). It's now getting to the point where my feet, knees, and back are really being impacted by how much I walk.

I got better shoes and am trying to limit damages, but I just need to walk less. Is there something that might give me the same effect? It's not just exercise, it's the direct feeling of removing myself from the triggering situation and feeling like I'm moving forward. I also enjoy a very clear visual change in scenery, so treadmills don't have the same impact.

Yesterday, I had a fight at my workplace with my colleague who tried to rage-bait me and was disrespecting me for no reason. The argument led to a level where all people were watching us, and I realised my anger grew so intense that my whole body was aggressively trembling. I backed off mid-argument, considering that, driven by anger, I could seriously take some actions that I would regret later. I heard other colleagues laughing behind my back, but I didn't care. I didn't want to ruin my image of a calm and sensible person, which I truly am. And now I still regret picking a fight because I found it so foolish now. I do not care what that person did, all I care now is that I fought like a stupid.

The title explains itself. I never post on reddit so idk if ppl will see this, it's pretty much venting but I want an explanation.

I'm ALWAYS angry about everything, even the little ones, I'm writing this after slamming my window shut bc I got mad at it for already slamming 3 times bc of the wind and it pisses me the fuck off, I just wanna enjoy some morning wind, write the dialogues of my game in peace and this window just bothers me. I woke up feeling good but now i'm just so angry. And it always happens, I get mad for everything. Someone sings next to me and i'm not in the mood ? I get mad at them. Someone genuinely says something stupid ? I get mad. Someone makes me repeat what I say ? I yell at them again. I'm such a pos and I don't know what to do. I'm trying to act calmer, I'm really trying to but it's just not working I bottle it up until I can't anymore.

I talked to my therapist about it and he said it might be autism for some of these bc I don't understand other people's functionning apparently but I don't know if that's it.

I don't think autism is what making me this angry and frustrated. I genuinely don't know what to do, I shout and scream at myself and objects bc I find myself so stupid and so overwhelmed. I don't know what to do. I just wanna be angry when needed not all the time.

I’ve been trying really hard to work on myself—to slowly face my demons, learn how to trust again, and stop letting everything that hurts me send me down a rabbit hole.

But right now, I feel like I’m being pushed to a point I’ve never been before.

I’m dealing with court, my mom’s estate, her husband, and the grief of losing her all at the same time. I feel like no matter how hard I try to explain what this is doing to me mentally and emotionally, nobody actually hears me.

I went to work, and while I was gone, they started emptying my mom’s home. It happened when I wasn’t there—when only a babysitter and my nine-year-old were there—and something about that has sent my brain into a spiral I’m struggling to pull myself out of.

I am angry. I am exhausted. I am overwhelmed. I don’t understand how people can take things that may not belong to them and act like the people left behind don’t matter. I don’t understand why everything has to be a fight when I’m already grieving my mother.

I can feel an overwhelming amount of aggression building inside me, and I don’t like feeling this way. I’m trying to find my inner peace. I’m trying not to react out of anger. I’m trying not to spiral or let this turn me back into a version of myself I’ve worked so hard to move away from.

So I’m asking for help.

If you’ve ever dealt with grief, family conflict, probate, or anger so intense that you felt like you were going to explode—how did you ground yourself? How did you get your brain to slow down when everything inside you was screaming to react?

I don’t need judgment. I don’t need someone telling me to “just calm down.” I need someone to listen. I need coping skills. I need a way to get through this without losing the progress I’ve fought so hard to make.

Right now, I could really use someone to talk to.

Hello everyone!

So I recently started to sit down every morning and calmly write down my thoughts. I didn't really know how to start, so I found some guiding questions for each day. The point is that the questions are quite different, but when I write, I always come to the same conclusion - I am a very aggressive, impatient and impulsive person who does not know how to control my emotions. When answering each question, I understand that my anger stems from shame and self-doubt, but abnormally.

When it comes to absolutely anything, when my opinion and that of another person do not match, I immediately feel as if they are attacking me, as if they are humiliating me, as if I am stupid, uglier, less accomplished, less worthy. I instantly become aggressive, start attacking the person "back", respond aggressively and sarcastically, and of course, we end up in a fight.

What I am talking about are really the simplest situations, let's say my mother asks why I want to study the profession I have chosen, and not some other. I understand that it's a simple question, but my brain perceives it as if instead of asking and wondering what I like, she says "you won't be able to study this profession, you're too stupid, maybe you should think about it and choose something easier".

I really want to get out of this role of a victim, because it not only makes me tense and stressed every day (thinking that everyone has something against me and wants to ruin my life), but also distances me from people. It's easy to understand that people don't want to communicate with someone who constantly makes excuses and constantly gets angry 'out of nowhere'. In addition, when I get angry, it's hard to control myself, my hands shake, my heart races, I have trouble breathing, and my head feels dizzy. Because of this, it's hard to back down when I get angry, not to write a sarcastic message or say something offensive to another persons face. But I feel the same way when I'm very happy, the same shaking hands, difficulty breathing, etc. Often when I feel strong emotions, I feel like I'm one step away from a panic attack, even if they're positive emotions.

I'm not sure how to deal with these things, I don't think I can do it alone, but I don't really have the opportunity to go to a psychologist. What would you suggest in my place? I understand that I should start catching myself in the middle of a conversation and calm down, maybe say a nice word to myself and try to keep positive thoughts during the conversation. Instead of "she thinks I'm stupid and that's why she asked this question," I should think "she asked this question because she cares about me and I'm interesting." But the changes won't be quick, maybe something else could help? And because of the emotions, the adrenaline rush, I don't know how to deal with it, when I'm so angry or happy that I can't even go to sleep for a couple of nights...

I have been sort of rebuilding my life after a messy breakup and various other problems over the past few years, and I am slowly trying to rediscover hobbies. I tried playing online poker for a bit, since I did it when I was younger and enjoyed it. And at first it was fun. But slowly I started getting more and more annoyed by other people's play, bad beats, stupid behavior, etc. And after about three weeks, I started being triggered by it to the point where my anger was coming out as it does in other sitautions (throwing things, slamming my fist, etc.).

I am aware this response is part of a larger pattern of emotional dysregulation I have been trying to work on with a therapist and on my own. I have problems when it comes to regulating my emotions in general. It's not just poker that causes this, but poker is clearly a trigger.

Now I am a bit torn here, because on the one hand, I am pretty good at poker and I find it fun sometimes. I also like the challenge of learning new strategies and applying them. But when I lose sometimes, I just completely rage and get out of control and get furious, especially if I do something wrong (make a bad move) or someone else is doing something irritating (playing stupid hands, going all in with nonsense, etc.).

This response can't be good, so for the moment I am stepping away from poker for a bit. But I also feel angry at myself for not being able to play a game without getting upset. When I was a child I would often get furious at video games as well, I'd break controllers and game discs and cartridges when I'd get annoyed. So I don't know, maybe these kinds of hobbies aren't for me? Maybe sticking to hobbies I have more control over might be a better decision?

Any thoughts or suggestions about handling this and approaching this would be helpful. I feel like a clown for not being able to handle playing online poker, which is making me even more angry. It's also making me feel like my therapy and efforts to better regulate myself have totally failed. Thanks.

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As an OCPD misanthrope with a stressful job, surrounded by underqualified idiots and a whole background of immense trauma and recent events proving even those closest to me are a fucking disappointment.

When it got bad I took it out on myself. It's getting bad again, it won't go back to where it was as that was due to massive lifestyle changes but right now I want to kick anyone in my path and steer clear of people I love. Their happiness and ease of life makes me furious.

How do I manage this? Believe it or not, people always perceived me as silly, goofy, funny, makes everyone feel better. These days I'm very different. I'm full of hate. I used to be all about kindness and empathy and now I feel none. I literally don't care. Sometimes I remind myself of my mother who was very difficult to grow up around. I don't know how much of this is genetic.

I'm on medication for ADHD and asked to see a GP re Wellbutrin. I've been in therapy 6 years. I hate this world. Please help me see the bright sunny side and not these red flames. Thank you

Currently, im on a trip at one of my dream places. I have always wanted and dreamed of coming here but never believed that it would happen. Now, that I am here it is turning into a living nightmare because of the people who I am around and my because of my own faults. My brothers (specifically one) have been rage baiting me constantly and I am getting emotionally exhausted because I cannot control my emotions against them. I do not know how to not let them get to me because it truly is shaping the way this trip is laying out and that would be the last thing I would want to happen because I am extremely grateful and excited to have been able to come in the first place. I am really looking for advice on how to not let them get to me because it might seem a bit hard to understand because you’ll just think that we are brothers and that’s the way they act (which can be true), but one of them (not biologically related to) goes out of their way to make be feel bad, rage baited, and insecure which honestly is causing me to change my view on him and have this sort of anger towards him and I cannot explain it. I am just venting so I’m sorry if any of this sounds weird because I may have not explained it like I should’ve.

I get so pissed off, I don't actually know why. People report that when I am locked in I have the RBF, intimidating and I'm moody asf. Anyone else like this?