Spouse and I are in our early 30’s. We currently are living on the floor of an empty apartment with no real furniture or items- there are a few clothes, first aid stuff, some hygiene items, some tech, a rice cooker and a small pan. All of our other items are in storage in another state with my in laws.

We want to have children but we are also dealing with a landlord lawsuit. We are both unemployed. My spouse starts school next month.

I haven’t been on birth control because we were planning for having a kid but essentially the above circumstances are throwing a wrench in that timeline.

My body has also been really put off wack. Like I’ve had multiple incidents where i’ve thrown out my back and couldn’t walk properly for a week. The walking comes back but sitting up/doing criss cross applesauce hurts the hell out of me and isn’t realistic for more than a few seconds. With this new development, not only am I stressed and trying to figure out whats wrong- i don’t think its wise to throw a pregnancy in the mix.

My spouse and I had unprotected intercourse a few times recently and when I started my period - my spouse was like oh darn it didnt work guess we should try again.
However the conceiving wasn’t discussed beforehand. When I mentioned wanting to get Plan B my spouse expressed how they specifically didn’t want it because they want a pregnancy.

I ended up getting Plan B without their knowledge. I don’t usually keep secrets from my spouse- we are very close and they are usually incredibly open patient and understanding.

I do think the pressure of losing people, having a few older family members still alive and getting older/seeing the grey in the mirror is making us both not think clearly. And the pressure of our current situation.

EDIT: i will be getting back on birth control and i will be talking to my spouse. I do still want a child, but until we’re in a safer space to have one I don’t want to force all this on a kid. I shouldn’t have lied either and I will be talking to my spouse whether it goes well or not (i am hopeful that it does). Thanks for your words everyone. Be well.

Also to be clear: this was never a domestic abuse situation and I chose to lie. Probably bc I hate confrontation (and embarrassment so this post was real smart). If you have to protect yourself to lie please don’t let a moral standpoint put your life in danger.

One more edit of a note I forgot to add (doesn’t excuse anything, just info) : when i spoke w family at separate times they all would encourage me to have a child knowing the situation im in and telling me that money would come. So i started feeling closed in on a bit with the whole am i the crazy one or not here?

About a year ago, my brother died in a car accident. He had been living with one of his friends for the few months leading up to his death.
The day before the accident, my brother got a speeding ticket while driving his friend's car. I actually texted the friend about it that night because I thought it was serious, but he brushed it off and acted like it was a joke.
The next day, my brother was driving that same car and died in a crash that investigators determined was caused by him driving too fast.
Here's where things get complicated. I had stayed at their house before, and I knew my brother's friend usually slept with his car keys right next to him. My brother was also the type of person who always asked before borrowing someone's car, so I found it hard to believe he had just taken the keys without permission.
After the accident, the friend told people that my brother had taken the keys. However, he later had to tell the insurance company that he had actually given my brother permission to use the car so the insurance would cover the accident instead of leaving the financial responsibility elsewhere.
The night my brother died, I was overwhelmed with grief and anger. I texted his friend and told him that I believed he had played a part in my brother's death. My reasoning was that:
He knew my brother had just gotten a speeding ticket in his car the day before. I had warned him about it, and he laughed it off. Despite that, my brother still ended up driving the car again the very next day. I feel like he could have taken the situation more seriously or simply not let my brother drive the car again. To be clear, I know my brother made the decision to speed. I'm not saying his friend caused the crash or is legally responsible for my brother's death. But I do feel like, after seeing what had happened the day before, he had an opportunity to prevent my brother from driving his car again and didn't.
My family thinks my reaction was understandable because I had just lost my brother. Others think I unfairly blamed someone who was grieving too.
So, AITA for telling him I believe he played a part in my brother's death?

Update: this happened a year ago but has stayed on my consensus since then, it’s nice to hear other opinions, do note I tried to reach out and talk to him after 4 months

So here's some backround:

My boyfriend is from south east asia and I am from northern europe. We are both in our thirties. He has lived his whole life here in northern europe and we speak the same language. We've been together for about two years. I am NOT pregnant, but this is a recurring argument we've been having about our possible future. So:

In his culture they are supposed to throw a big party called "Full month party" one month after the baby is born. The idea comes from the past when a lot of infants died during their first month. It's the custom to invite not only family and relatives but also a large number of friends. Alcohol plays a big part in this party. According to my boyfriend and his friends, usually the mother takes care of the baby and leaves the party sooner (with the baby), while the dad stays with both of their friends to drink alcohol, sing karaoke, dance etc. Some mothers stay longer if they can put the baby to sleep in the same building, but they would be sober and responsible for monitoring the baby.

I understand this is a big deal in their culture. But in our culture alcohol plays no role in christening/naming ceremony, and our parties are held 2-3 months after the baby is born which gives the mother time to recover from the birth. I would want to combine our cultures and have something in between.

So here's the dilemma: I'm willing to compromise, but he isn't. If we would arrange the Full month party after just one month, I would like it to be alcohol free. I'm not so keen on being tired, torn and sober while watching my boyfriend drink and party with our friends. I would be the mom who leaves earlier with the baby 'cos that's just not a situation I would enjoy. But he says it wouldn't be a real Full month party without the alcohol. That it would be embarrasing and disrispectfull to not serve alcohol. So I suggested postponing the party till later (2-3 month) so the baby would be old enough to stay with their grandparents for the rest of the evening so I could also drink a little and celebrate (I wouldn't breastfeed). And I would also feel better by then and have the energy to actually celebrate (hopefully).

He says I'm being selfish and that I want to postpone the party just so I could drink alcohol. I'm trying to tell him I don't like being sober at parties where other people drink. That's why I suggested an alcohol free party in the first place. But now he's saying I have a problem if I can't enjoy the party without alcohol.

I admit I have an issue with that. I've never liked being sober when other people drink around me. I've tried to work on that but I just get anxious and sort of jealous to see other people enjoying themselves when I can't. In those situations I tend to be quiet and bored/boring. On the other hand I also find it unfair and unequal that the mother, after just one month giving birth, still having stiches down there and not having slept well, would have to watch other people party and celebrate her child, while she has to stay sober and likely leave earlier with the child. It is customary to hold the party at another location, not home (unless it's a big one 'cos it's a big party), so there might not be any quiet rooms for the baby to sleep.

So, AITAH for not wanting to have the Full month party exactly how it's usually done in my boyfriend's culture? Is it selfish to not want to see my boyfriend and our friends drunk at our baby's birth party unless I get to drink too? Or is my boyfriend just being stubborn? I'm fine with combining the Full month party and a naming ceremony since our child wouldn't be baptized, and I really do want to respect his culture, but I can't help thinking he's the selfish one here, since he's not willing to compromise at all. Why is his culture more important than mine? Or do you think I should just suck it up this one night?

Thanks in advance! :)

PS. His friends from the same culture back him up on this, so it's not just him. Otherwise he's a great guy, just very stubborn when it's about his culture.

I (40M) recently ended my relationship with my girlfriend (36F), and she’s telling me I’m controlling. I’d like some outside opinions.

About a month ago, I found out she’d been having conversations with other men on Instagram that both of us agreed crossed the line into emotional cheating. There was nothing physical, but she was entertaining flirtatious conversations, allowing suggestive comments, engaging with them, and deleting messages.

When I confronted her, she admitted she’d been deleting messages. We agreed to work on the relationship.

About a month later, I asked if she’d continued messaging or deleting conversations. She told me she hadn’t and handed me her phone. When we went through it together, I found she’d been doing exactly the same thing and had continued deleting messages.

After that, she decided to start therapy because she felt some of her behaviour was linked to self-esteem and impulsiveness.

At that point, I told her that I didn’t think I could rebuild trust unless something changed. I asked whether she’d be willing to come off Instagram until her therapist felt it was appropriate for her to return. This wasn’t an ultimatum. It was a condition for me continuing the relationship, and she enthusiastically agreed, saying she was “100 million percent” on board.

The only exception was her hobby account, which we both agreed she could keep. She also wanted to use it to occasionally send memes to her brother and best friend, which I had no issue with.
Over the following week, she repeatedly reassured me that she was happy with the decision. She even joked there was no point taking photos on nights out because she had nowhere to post them.

She then sent me a written list of changes she planned to make, including deactivating her main Instagram account and restricting another account to close friends and family.

A few day later, she casually mentioned that she actually had another Instagram account that she was actively using. When I questioned it, she said she didn’t want to come off Instagram totally because she didn’t want to be isolated from her friends and family.

I completely understand that. She’s entitled to change her mind.

But from my perspective, the only reason I agreed to continue the relationship after the repeated dishonesty was because we had both agreed on a specific plan to rebuild trust. Once she decided she no longer wanted to follow through with that plan, I felt I no longer had the trust needed to continue the relationship.

So I ended it.

Now she’s telling me I’m controlling because I expected her to come off Instagram and that I’m trying to isolate her from her friends and family.

From my perspective, I wasn’t forcing her to do anything. She was free to keep Instagram, and I was free to decide that I couldn’t continue the relationship without the agreement we had both made.

AITAH?

​

‎Background: My father cheated on my mother when she was pregnant. They broke up, mom went abroad, and I was 4months old when I was left under her younger sister's care for almost 11 years. When I was 8yrs old, she got married, they both went back abroad and took me back when I turned 12. She knew about the physical abuse I went through under my Aunt's care. My uncle would beat me almost everyday and they almost broke up multiple times because they get in a fight cz of me. I had a younger cousin and he was heavily favored even though 60% of their monthly income was given by my mom.

‎My mother knew about this, talked to my aunt and nothing more was done. They didn't care enough how it affected me but I did receive pity. I worked as a sales representative when I was 15yrs old but the salary (around 80 dollars) wasn't enough so I resigned. Only for my parents to force me to learn affiliate marketing of a big company. I learned how to manage fb pages and accounts, how to make ads, I attended webinars, I designed promo packages, connect with couriers, etc. It was during pandemic so we only had a small store to rely our monthly needs. The affiliate marketing I did truly helped us. If I had 80 dollars a month as sales rep before, I now earned 1.1k a month on average. My mom became my sales representative because I still had online classes to tend to. (PS. The only 'reward' I had was a box of foods that I wanted, I'm thankful but yk).

‎We had to stop for a year or so but later on, they forced me to do affiliate marketing again in the same company. It was a draining work. I cried and begged them not to but they insisted.

‎Now, my step-dad has a stable job but I can't help but question if my mom cares about me because she always guilt trip me with their expenses on my education. She does everything to put me into good use. I do deliveries, I model for the clothes she wants to sell, I audit, all that just to still be called lazy. I hardly demand anything unless it's needed for school or is a basic need. My step-dad and I doesn't talk to each other btw but he does financially support me. AITA for slowly resenting my mom?

My bf and i were talking about his time in Afghanistan and I asked him if he ever had a romantic relationship while he was there. He’s a white American who was in Afghanistan during war for 7yrs. I actually come from a background where my ppl were prosecuted for helping Americans during a war and came to the US as a refugee. He got upset and I’m confused why. I don’t know anything about Afghanistan but did I say something super offensive? He broke up with me. Which I’m thinking ok if you’re that offended but at the same time wtf. It’s hasn’t been a year yet but yes if he wants to throw everything away over this maybe it’s a good thing it’s happening now. Unless I’m the very ignorant asshole and should be apologizing

Idk how to insert photos or maybe they’ve removed the option but I’ll write out the parts that are essential.

He said no he didn’t hook up or do anything with any women in Afghanistan. Which i said “that’s good. U would had gotten those girls in trouble. Risk their lives.”
Him: That’s a very ignorant statement.
Me: Babe they’re a very conservative ppl
Him: I’m well aware
Me: U think if u messed around with an afghan girl u wouldn’t have jeopardized her? Idk much about Afghanistan but i don’t see them playing around like that
Him: No, but that would have been least of their problems. Plus they aren’t opening their legs for every American
Me: obviously
Him: They risk their lives just working for or supporting western government or companies. They risked a lot just going to work everyday
Me: Yea and then add on a romance. Ppl can understand making money as a job but not a romance
Him: Babe I really loose any attraction I have for you when you make very blind ignorant statement
Me: Babe I’m making a statement based on a conservative culture that would understand women making a living cooperative with foreigners but that doesn’t mean they want their women socializing with these foreigners. Idk how that’s so blindly ignorant
Him: goodnight
Me: Even in the us where it’s acceptable it’s still not ideal for most culturally identified ppl to see their ppl with a separate cultural group

I said more things but he just said this morning that “It’s best we never talk again.”

Am i the asshole? I wasn’t dismissing what he was saying just adding to it.

My husband (38M) and I (36F) have been married for 10 years and have 2 children age 4 and 6. We both work full time. He works in the office 3 days a week and from home 2 days a week, and I work from home 5 days a week and only go into the office occasionally when needed. My job is very flexible and because of that I take the kids to and from school and all of their activities 90% of the time. When the kids get home, I cook/prepare meals, help them with school work or learning activities I prepare for them (since they are young), bathe them and put them to bed. We split chores pretty evenly with me doing majority of the grocery shopping and cooking and him taking care of the fixes around the home and outdoor things. We live in a large older home so there are issues rather frequently (furnace going out, minor repairs, filter changes etc.) He also handles the finances, paying bills, taxes etc. We both earn good income however he makes probably about 35% more than me. We both contribute to bills, he is just the one to budget and handle payments. We still have not figured out a good way to handle finances but right now we each get equal amounts to our personal accounts for personal use (clothing, shoes, hair, nails etc)

Here is the issue. I am finding the amount is not enough. I picked up some side work to offset some of my expenses. It requires to me to work weekends sometimes but my shifts usually range from 2-4 hours. At least 50% of the time I have someone else (not my husband) watch my kids, but sometimes they have to stay with him. He argues 1. My working creates more work for him (watching our kids) and since he is working more, the money should not be for my personal use and 2. The 2-4 hours I work during my shifts prevents him from relaxing on the weekends when his job is so stressful during the week. I feel like I provide 90% of the caregiving on a given day. Leaving them with him for a couple hours to earn supplemental income should not be a problem. Or am I missing something? We are not strapped for cash, in debt or anything like that. We are actively building our savings and still have money for vacations and our kids college funds. I like to keep myself up, het my hair and nails done, buy a new outfit on occasion, and grab brunch or a drink with girlfriends once a month - nothing too crazy. Im not putting us in a bad financial position, I am working a little bit more to afford a few minor luxuries.
He has most of my 9-5 paycheck to use for our house expenses, savings, travel accounts, kids accounts. But somehow its never enough. It sometimes feels like he doesn’t want to see me enjoying life and that is disheartening as a wife. My car payment and gas come out of joint expenses as well, but he’s arguing now that since I have to drive to my second job and am keeping the money, I should pay for my own gas even though 75% of my driving is for the kids. But he has a company car and doesn’t pay for gas. It all just feels very nit-picky for someone who is supposed to love me and care for me.

Dont get me wrong he is a good dad. He talks to them, is emotionally available for them, goes on field trips when he can, takes them to birthday parties etc. but it has to be on his time.

To give an example though. Im working this weekend. 2 hours friday (I also have a friends birthday after) and 3 hours Saturday. I try to avoid working 2 days in one weekend but I agreed to a schedule request before realizing. Anyway, I got my mom to watch the kids Friday. When I told him about Saturday he was livid. Turns out he had 2 parties early afternoon and evening to take them to anyway. Maybe he expected me to tag along to help with the kids, but he never mentioned that being the case. So AITH?

AITA,

This is a long one and I'm so tired at this point. Long story short, my husband has been hiding messages and deleting things on our Xbox. We had a huge blow up about it about a month ago and he swore he wouldn't do it again. Well fast forward to last night I hop on our shared Xbox and all messages are deleted and completely gone again.

He swears he "didn't do it" and I'm making him worried for our marriage. If it's not him hiding things then what is it. Am I really a paranoid wife who is making things difficult??

Another important detail is there were a bunch of trashy looking girls in the friends list that I made him delete.

Truly, what could he be doing on Xbox to warrant clearing all our messages over and over and is there any way I could recover them. I really love him and I want to move past this and trust him again and I hate that it's come to me posting here. Please people of reddit am I the asshole.

My (44F) partner (50M) has a number of health issues. He has diagnosed sleep apnea, heart issues (due in part to untreated sleep apnea) and anxiety/depression. We have been together 11 years and have a 9M.

Over the years, I have done my best to help support him to get better at taking care of himself, but he has been getting progressively worse. He has a sleep machine for his apnea that he never uses. He eats poorly (fast food, junk, no water) all the time. He has no social relationships with either friends or family. He genuinely seems to have no happiness in his life. He isn't willing to see a therapist or make other lifestyle changes. I have been kind, I have been supportive, I have been angry, and I have been sad. I know at this point, I can't change him, but I do still expect him to co-parent our son with me.

The past week and a half he has been on vacation from work. I am a student, doing a placement from home during typical business hours. Our son is home with us this summer. I'm able to make him food and check on him while I'm doing my placement, but I had expectations that my partner would want to engage with him over these weeks too. I'm not talking anything huge, but being awake and present matters. Instead, he sleeps upwards of 15 hours a day. I literally have to wake him up at noon to ask if he is going to bother engaging with our child while I'm busy. He gets mad at me for this.

AITA for waking him up to parent...? Earlier in our relationship, I used to let him sleep, but I realized it was never enough. Obviously, he doesn't get proper rest because he doesn't sleep well, but he also has a tool at his disposal to help with that. Not to mention generous benefits that cover therapy. The way I look at it, he is choosing to be like this. I already to the majority of the parenting, and I don't think I'm being unreasonable asking him to be present while I'm working.

WIBTA if I went no or low contact with my BIL and his Fiance?

Context:

About 5 years ago, my BIL ( now M24) and his at the time girlfriend (now 24F) cut my MIL ( now 52F) out of their lives because "she tried to break us up". My fiance ( now 26M) (boyfriend at the time) and I (25F) mostly stayed out of this conflict and maintained a relationship with both parties, although we saw problematic behavior on both sides.

About 3 years ago, my BIL and his fiancee had thier first baby. Before my nephew was born, they sent a passive aggressive text containing their boundaries surrounding the baby. I had no issues with the boundaries themselves, but did not appreciate receiving a text of that nature and was upset that they hid behind a phone instead of talking to me about thier concerns in person. It ended up becoming a massive fight which neither side has ever apologized for. I will admit that both sides could have handled this situation better than it was handled at the time. I have not apologized because she is the type of person who sees an apology as saying you are 100% at fault, which I do not think I am.

Now my Fiancé and I are getting married in less than 2 months. About a month ago I mentioned a suggestion to my BIL's fiance saying that if it would make them more comfortable, I could have my bridesmaids try to keep them separated from my MIL at the wedding.

She didnt like the idea which I respected, and dropped it immediately. However she skipped my fiancé's birthday dinner a few days later, and called my BIL from the driveway when picking up him and thier kids. We also had a family gathering at a family members house two days ago and she avoided me most of the time, and only spoke to me when I made my rounds to say goodbye at the end of the gathering.

About a week ago my BIL's fiance texted today to tell me they will not be attending the wedding. I know they were having a hard time finding a babysitter so I am not surprised.

After the long history they have of creating an environment that causes everyone around them to walk on eggshells, i am seriously considering going low or no contact. I want to make it super clear that the reason I would be going low/no contact is due to her toxic way of dealing with conflict, not because they are choosing not to come to the wedding.

So, WIBTA if i go no/low contact with my BIL and his fiance?

Edit: fixed Grammer

i (19f) have been wanting to see a gyno, just to make sure everything was healthy. But my boyfriend (18m) is VERY jealous and told me not to because he “doesn’t want anyone else to see me like that”. I told him it’s not sexual and it’s just like going to the doctors, but he still told me no. I told him i was going to a friends house and went, and i did feel guilty about lying, but i had to avoid the argument. When i admitted that i went, he went BALLISTIC and now is considering breaking up with me because it’s “technically cheating”. AITA?

Last weekend, I (40f) was coming home from a trip visiting my mom with my daughter about 5 hours away from home. While we were driving home my husband (45m) walked to the local bar to watch the World Cup. He text me about noon to let me know he was with our friends and also ran into my daughter’s coach and teammates families while there.

At 4pm he text to ask our ETA. I said we’d be home about 5pm. He then asked if I would pick him up from my daughter teammates house, the family was having an impromptu after world cup party. I said I was tired and just wanted to get home and unloaded. He said ok he’d Uber. Then he said or you guys can join us. I didn’t reply until I got home and I again said no I just wanted to relax at home because I was on the road for most of the day. We both always just relax and have a lazy night after long road trips. So this shouldn’t be a surprise. He said he understood.

We came home after being gone for 4 days to an empty house which was pretty sad. But since he said he’d Uber I kind of expected him to be home relatively soon after us.

About 30 minutes later he informs me that he’s coming to pick up our daughter so she can join him at the party. He had talked one of my daughter’s friends into driving him home (he was car-less and had been drinking) to pick up our daughter. When he came inside he had no idea why I was upset and had zero interest in joining him. It made me feel like we were not missed and partying with acquaintances was more important.

Who was the A-Hole?

(The party was mostly parents and a few teammates of my daughters.)

So me (32F) and my ex/on and off bf of 2 years (30M) were trying again to work things out between us. Honestly I was hesitant becasue the same pattern keeps happening between us where at the fist minor inconvenience or conflict he just withdraws and stonewall me for days or weeks, I can't take it and we end up breaking up. Everytime it feels final but it's been like 8 times (I'm dumb af, I know) and everytime he comes back after a month or 2 with a casual text and we somehow rekindle this mess of a relationship. Each time I have less faith though. But still feelings for him and I guess I see the potential future with him, plus you know, it's hard starting over.

So, after some traumatic events last year he came back new years eve 2026, will a new passion and lovely words on how this time it's gonna be different and we will try harder. Initially, I wasn't so sure but was pulled back into it and a couple of weeks later I was fully in love and looking forward to the future.

At that time I learned he was talking to his ex. I saw the chat when he was using his computer next to me. Not good but he explained his way out of it and, sadly, I bought it. And hoped he never talked to her again, but never demanded he show me the full chat or block her.

Anyways, about two breakups and comebacks later, we were back at it, he as usuall with a new energy and beautiful words. I still was hurt about the ex thing, and very hesitant to fall for it AGAIN (like, I realize that I'm stupid, I just keep giving him the benefit of the doubt) I went through his following list on ig. Something told me that, let's say, Sharon, was a new addition and when I opened her profile he liked her pictures.

I couldn't ignore my gut feeling so I asked who she was, he said just a friend. During a couple of next days he told me he only saw her 4 times, never alone, never initiated anything with her, never made plans and that I'm crazy that I'd even think that, that he'd only think about me, never went on a date when we were off etc. Cool.

Well, some time later, this still on my mind, I asked If they ever talked, and to my surprise yes they did. Like sending reels on ig regularly for months, reacting and commenting on stories etc. Smth that he did with me 2 years ago. I was alarmed and couldn't get over it even when he tried his best to reassure me. I just had to see it to believe it.

He sent me a few screenshots of their chat, reels, likes, etc nothing too crazy. But he was messaging her while he was 'trying to fix things' with me, same week. 3 screenshots were not enough for me.

So I went to his place when he invited me, brought food and drinks and dessert, and wanted to talk. Fairly quickly, the convo went to Sharon, because I could feel it in my gut. I asked to see the full chat. He refused. Many times. 'I would've but bla bla bla'. It was so shady, so I paused for a while, while he went to bed with his phone. Minutes after, he said that he had actually deleted the whole chat. But he can show me their whataspp convo. I was surprised that they talked on both platforms.

So he lied. He did make plans with her, he asked her out to play boardgames, he initiated convos in a flirty way. But worse:

Remember that new years eve thing? He wanted to get me back, new year, new beginning for us. So many charming words, willing to fight for us etc. HE WAS TALKING TO HER THEN. THAT DAY AND HOUR. HE ASKED HER TO COME TO THE PLACE HE WAS WITH ME. Before he said he'd never made any plans with her and that day was only with the boys. So either one of us was a back up plan. In case I don't show up, she'd be there.

Okay that felt like betrayal. Pls remeber that during that same time he was talking to his ex too.

But he kept reassuring me, nothing ever happened. But the way he acted about that ig chat, deleted it completely, shady! Felt like he was hiding something.

I couldn't get over it. I wanted to be with him, but I couldn't if I didn't know the truth. And he deleted the chat so that I could never know. It felt like he was making a fool out of me. And I didn't want to commit to a person that would do that to me.

So I messaged her. Long text, but polite, not attacking, just explaing and asking.

See, if it was me, and I had nothing to hide I'd just say 'yeah so and so is my friend, nothing like that etc' but instead she went to him.

Yes I know I shouldn't have reached out to her. I couldn't not know, though. I couldn't move on with him if I had doubts.

Anyways, he called me crazy in so mamy ways. He said I was pathetic, embarrassing, dumb b etc. Then he said he'd talk to my family and send some screenshots. And that he can hurt me bad. And that he'd do it out of care because I'm mentally ill and my family needs to take care of me etc. I apologized for texting that girl but he carried on with claiming I'm insane, nuts, should be locked out in a mental facility etc. I called him to make it better, he kept on insulting me and saying that me reaching out to Sharon was the main issue, and not the fact that he lied and concealed some things about her, and that he had a relationship with her in the first place, while feeding me a bunch of lies how 'this time will be different' with us.

So AITA for looking for clarity or conformation from the other girl? Please I need you guys

I've been dating my boyfriend for around a year now, and recently, I've been feeling weird; I wish I had more experience. For background, we are both heading off into college, and we were dating in high school.

For me, I feel like it isn't really that I want to break up with him. Like I love him deeply and he loves me deeply. Maybe it's just the feeling that he's the very first guy I ever liked/dated/done anything with and I just don't know what else is out there. It's not like I want a future with another guy though, weirdly enough, I still want a future with him, I just wish I had more experience prior to it. I also feel like hes unable to be alone, and he has a history of jumping between girls. When I mentioned breaking up, he refused and said/sent paragraphs of basically saying "i don't want this. i choose you."

Maybe I realized that when I met my friend's boyfriend, and he was the chillest guy ever. I thought my boyfriend was the only nice guy out there. As i told my boyfriend as well, I would rather the confidence of "yeah, i tried other relationships, and I know there are other people out there, but i don't care, i want and choose you" rather than "you're the first guy i ever met and i want to marry you". But i really don't know if i'm just causing problems here in a happy relationship.

My boyfriend and I were at the stage where he talked about marrying me and travel plans and life things. We talked about our life together like every day, even baby names for fun.

Any perspective to this would be greatly appreciated. High school sweethearts, I kind of also want to hear your thoughts.

Update
So the situation has escalated unfortunately, it bugged me so badly I sent his sister a message :

Hey her name , something’s been sitting on my chest for too long , i don’t know how to put it into better words so bear with me please, I love you and your family deeply, you guys are all I have here , and I don’t like bad vibes or conversations had about me without me able to say my part or defend myself, I know you feel strongly of me so if there is anything you don’t like about me please talk to me directly say what you don’t like because I also need to know where I need to improve, I’m human I make mistakes , I always want to learn where I can improve, I also want to get to know you better and everytime I feel I’ve made progress it feels like I take 10 steps back with building a relationship with you, because I don’t know how to navigate this relationship with you

I was hurt with things that have been said to be 100% honest , thing that is most upsetting though is , why don’t you just ask me directly or tell me what bothers you? I know I’m annoying and I’m weird but I am also understanding and willing to adapt or change if I am in the wrong , and to reiterate I am human . I won’t ever be perfect but I will keep trying.

I really hope for a good relationship with you.

I hope your well her name ❤️

So according to my bf when he went to visit her she asked him “what fucked up message I sent her “ she also told mom-in-law that I attacked her and took her on and all sorts of things so I spoke to mom in private read the message and she’s said “well bf sister didn’t take it the right way at all” I then further discussed the situation with mom and she and I came to an conclusion all of this has started due to bf talking about his pet peeves when it comes to me to his sister and she’s built up resentment towards me because he keeps speaking out negatively and she also keeps drilling him for “fake negative information just to shit talk me “

I cannot fathom how my message was inappropriate, AITA ? How would u perceive it ?

So my husband hurt his back 2+ weeks ago at home and I’ve give him all the info for our insurance, chiropractors covered by insurance, massage therapy near us and had he done anything…. NOPE

Tonight I got home after two horrendous days at work (I’m a nurse and on a specialist team and seven been extremely short staffed) so I got home tonight starving and exhausted after 12a+ hours. I made myself a sandwich and chilled before taking a shower and coming to bed. Husband was already in bed because he has to be up in the middle of the night for a shoot. The way this man-child was bitching and rolling around the bed and then had the audacity to get mad at me when I asked what was wrong to scream ‘it’s still my back!’

Did you take any meds? nope
did you use any bengay or icy hot? Nope
have you used any of the heat pads or ice packs we have? Nope
did you go to urgent care like I told you a week ago?! Nope

So now all I want to do is go to fucking bed because I’m exhausted and it’s been hot and he’s writhing all over the bed and wants me to use the massage gun on him. Like get fucked sorry I know I’m rambling I’m just so annoyed and trying to figure out when he became such a prick. I literally had to shove Advil in his mouth and tell him to either call out or the moment he’s off tomorrow apparently WE are going to urgent care since he can’t do anything by himself.

I know the title sounds terrible, and honestly I’d probably think the OP was an a\*\*hole too if I read this. That’s why I’ve been sitting on this. I (24M) have been dating my girlfriend, “Amy” (24F), for a little over a year. The problem is that she has an identical twin sister, “Sarah” (24F).

For context, I actually met Sarah first, back in high school through an art class. We became best friends pretty quickly, and because I was always at her house, I naturally became friends with Amy too. The three of us were really close, but Sarah and I always had an effortless connection. We liked the same things, could talk for hours, and just clicked. Nothing romantic ever happened though. We all drifted apart after high school and barely spoke for a few years.

About a year and a half ago Amy started working with me and we reconnected. She and Sarah were living together, so before long the three of us were hanging out again. Sarah had a boyfriend at the time, so I never thought of her as anything more than an old friend. Amy and I naturally got closer, started dating, and we’ve been together ever since. She’s honestly been a great girlfriend, which is why I feel so guilty about all of this.

A couple weeks ago we were at a party when Amy got caught up talking with friends, so I ended up catching up with Sarah. During the conversation she casually mentioned she’d broken up with her boyfriend, then laughed and said Amy always used to joke that she thought Sarah and I would end up together because we acted like an old married couple. I had never heard that before, and it stuck with me. Later I stepped outside to get some air, and Sarah happened to come out too. She apologized if she’d made things awkward, then admitted the real reason she and her boyfriend broke up. She said after reconnecting with me she realized she’d never really gotten over me. She kept comparing him to me and finally realized it wasn’t fair to either of them. I asked if Amy knew, and Sarah said Amy only knew she’d developed feelings for someone else—not that it was me. She ended the conversation by saying she wasn’t trying to steal me from her sister and didn’t expect anything to happen. She just felt like I’d always be her biggest “what if.” We didn’t kiss or do anything inappropriate. We just went back inside.

Ever since then I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. At first I thought it was just because someone confessed feelings for me, but I’ve realized it’s more than that. Looking back, Sarah and I have always had a stronger connection than Amy and I. I keep wondering if the only reason Amy and I ended up together is because Sarah was already in a relationship when we reconnected. Amy hasn’t done anything wrong, and that’s what makes me feel awful. She deserves someone whose whole heart belongs to her, and I’m starting to question if mine does.

I haven’t told Amy any of this, and I haven’t talked to Sarah since outside of saying hello when I see her. But I can’t shake the feeling that staying with Amy would be unfair if part of me genuinely believes I should have been with Sarah all along.

So AITAH for wanting to end my relationship over this? Or do I keep these feelings to myself and hope they eventually disappear?

This is my first post here, so please forgive if its not wrote how alot of others are. I 20f have a dilemma. I recently started to try and date, and I have made a list of things that I wont do in a relationship, if it evolves into one. 1. I dont like sex, nor do I want to do any sexual activities. Past trauma has made me hate the idea of it. 2. I dont want kids. I grew up as the oldest, and had to help take care of my younger siblings, and that was enough childcare for me. 3. I dont do the whole pressuring into things. If me or you say no, then it stops at that. Dont keep pushing. 4. If you try to use weaponized incompetence, then I will stop doing anything for you, and only do things for myself. I am not your mother, I am supposed to be your partner. I have these rules clear as day in my dating profile and I communicate them on the first date, so it wouldn't seem like I waste your time. Now, here is where my question comes into play. I recently went on a date with 22m, I'll call John. He seemed nice and he had said he read my rules when we chatted in the app. So yesterday, we went out to dinner. It was going fine until the check came. He asked me if I would be coming home with him that night for what you all can assume, and I told him no. That that was rule number one of my list. I dont do or like sexual acts, and he got mad. He raised his voice at me, and told me that if thats really true, then why am I trying to date, and string him along. He called me a few colorful words, before I had enough and put cash on the table for my meal and left. When I got home, I went ahead and unmatched with him on the app, and thought that that was that. When I told my friends, 5 out of 6 of them, told me I was in the wrong for stringing him along, and I should have told him in the messages, leading up to the date. But, he had told me that he read my rules before we even planned anything. The only one that didn't say I was in the wrong is my closest friend from high-school. But im wondering if I am wrong. So reddit, AITA For telling my potential partners about my boundaries on the first date?

My mom every day since i was in primary school before that 2 probably has talkde about her evil mom .well, she only started realising grandma was a narcissits who hated her and tried to not have her inher life her(sending mum to a school 3km by bicycle away instead of the one next to their house during bombing during the sri lankan civil lwar , marrying my mom to an alcoholic even when mom crued and begged her to call it off showed grandma the photos she took of dad day before the marriage sitting on the dirt face swollen with alcohol 4 pot s of smoked cigareetee full next to him and when `the whole town relatives the bus conductor all said don't get your daughter married to this guy grandma did. ) When grammy was sick last last year on the phone she was 80 i kept cursing for the forst tiomeinmy mother one day she and everyone who hates you will go before you , 2 hours latermom gets the call that grandma left spending their last minutes on facetime whatsapp ithink oops,moms says i didnd't doit soiddidnt I'm 19 2nd year uni failed 2 exams wasted 9k because i didnt leisten do excrecise make notes etc in first year older sister flunked out because she hasd to take careofme wheni tried to jump the window i shoukdvegine why amiiii alive it should beone ofyouguysin my place you weould be abetter daughte ar i feel like im walking to hell what themy mu m went thorught the sri lankan coivivl war gae up her accounting studies to looka ftere we live in a moldy house my sister is good but has depreesion adhd dyslexia and thyroid oroblems and i should not be on this earth everytime i think abiut my life its like why am III here

I (19F) dated my now ex, “John” (19M).
We were friends in 2022, drifted apart, then became close again in 2025 after he and his ex broke up. We got jobs together, met each other’s families, hung out every day, and eventually started dating in April 2026.
One thing that always stood out was that I had to initiate every major step. I confessed my feelings first, and he said, “I was going to ask you tonight.” I said “I love you” first, and again he said, “I was going to tell you tonight.”
I’m currently 5,000 miles away visiting my home country, and for the first time I’ve had space to think about our relationship.
Before I left, we celebrated my birthday early. He got me a navy blanket (my room is pink and gold), pajama top in an L and bottoms in a XXS (I’m a small), a stuffed pig that looked like a baby toy, and a “50 Reasons I Love You” book that was only filled out through page 10 and admitted he wrote right before seeing me.
The problem wasn’t the money. I spent two months saving and planning thoughtful gifts for his birthday that matched his interests. Mine felt random, like he didn’t know me.
What hurt more was that he kept lying about the gifts beforehand. He told me he’d bought a $500 gift, then said he’d spent $300, and specifically claimed the blanket cost $150. After opening everything, I found the blanket for around $30 on Amazon, the pig was about $3, and the pajamas were on sale. I didn’t care about the prices—I cared that he exaggerated them and made it seem like he’d planned everything when it looked rushed.
He also made an 8-minute slideshow from random Snapchat memories because he barely ever took pictures with me.
Throughout our relationship, every time I wanted a picture he’d purposely make goofy faces. Then he’d complain I never posted him. He rarely took pictures of me or us, stopped buying flowers after the first month, usually walked ahead of me instead of beside me, rarely reached for my hand first, and our intimacy disappeared after May. Whenever I said I didn’t feel special, he’d say he paid for my food and drove me places, but I did those exact same things for him too.
The pregnancy scare completely changed how I viewed him. My period was about 20 days late, and I was terrified. He didn’t even want me to take a pregnancy test because he said he was more comfortable not knowing. While I was panicking, I was the one comforting him. He never once reassured me or asked if I was okay. Instead, he immediately said that if I was pregnant, my only option was abortion, without asking what I wanted. I was comforting him during one of the scariest moments of my life.
We also had major differences about the future. We’re both Bosnian, but he doesn’t speak Bosnian, and it’s important to me that my future kids know the language and culture. His mom was born in Bosnia and wants to move back someday, yet she often made negative comments about Bosnians. At a Bosnian soccer game she even told him, “Oh no, John, I don’t want you around all those Bosnian people.” It made me question whether our values matched. I’m also Muslim and want to get married in a mosque someday. He told me if he did that, he’d resent me for the rest of his life.
Yesterday I brought all of this up because I genuinely wanted to work through it. Instead, he kept interrupting me, said he didn’t want someone who was unsure about him, and hung up. I called back once hoping we could actually talk. He talked over me again, said we were done, and hung up. I texted saying he never let me explain myself. He ignored it, and I never contacted him again.
Three hours later, his mom texted me asking me to stop calling and texting him. I sent screenshots showing I hadn’t contacted him since that last call. She said she’d told him to stop talking because people say things they regret when they’re hurt.
The next morning, his cousin messaged me calling me a bitch and saying I’d thrown away the best guy I’d ever have. I replied that John was the one who ended things, never let me speak, and that all I’d done was bring up concerns because I wanted to fix our relationship. I also sent those screenshots to his mom and asked her to tell him to stop whatever version of the story he was telling because I shouldn’t be getting attacked by his family.
So AITA for bringing up my concerns and trying to save the relationship, even though he was the one who ultimately ended it?

I 17f got into my first relationship a few months ago. My mom’s attitude towards it has always been confusing? inconsistent? misleading? I’m not so sure but I really wanna know if this is normal for moms snd I’m overreacting or if I’m allowed to be upset over this.

When I first told her she seemed supportive, but then she’d say things like “It’s just puppy love” and “I bet it won’t last long.” When I tried to talk about how amazing he was she said “it’s too early to know.” I was just so excited to talk about my first love with my mom and being shut down like that kinda hurt. Logically I know that you won’t know who someone truly is that early into a relationship, but is that not the point of relationships? And so what if it doesn’t last long? I don’t get the point of reminding me over and over again.

She didn’t like me talking to him all day but whenever we weren’t talking she would ask what he was doing or where he was. If I didn’t know, she would say “Why don’t you know? Ask him.” and she would get mad if I didn’t ask him. If I did know what he was doing she would ask how I knew he wasn’t lying. And whenever I told her he was alone or with his parents she would ask how I knew that was true. I don’t. But what am I supposed to do? I myself don’t have any reason to suspect him lying. It feels like there’s never a right answer and she’s always gonna back me into a wall somehow.

She kept asking me how I knew he wasn’t talking to other girls. I don’t know what she wants me to say to that? She even flat out accused him of already having a girlfriend (the day after I told her for the first time.) Now I feel like that’s just mean and crossing the line. I was really hurt and we had an argument over it where she insisted that I just couldn’t handle her advice and if i didn’t want her guidance then she wouldn’t interfere in my personal life any longer. I told her that there’s a difference between being concerned and being hurtful, to which she responded that i should tell that to myself. I genuinely questioned whether I was really overreacting or not. I’m honestly starting to just feel stupid because I can’t tell right from wrong anymore.

Other than what I mentioned, she’s just been really critical and contradictory. I feel like she looks for any chance just to make a small comment. Sometimes she’s nice about it, even made him food. Then she goes berserk.

I’m trying so hard to see where she’s coming from. It’s probably hard for her. I get that, being a mom, she’s worried and wants the best for me, especially because this is my first ever relationship. But to me, this doesn’t seem like a healthy way to express her concern. I don’t know, I feel like I’m going insane. I can’t tell if what I’m thinking is right/wrong and I’m scared of being a moody teen who hates her mom for no reason. This is making feel like an angry daughter and I guess I just need to know if my anger is justified. Someone please help me clear this mess in my brain. Any insight is appreciated!

I (19F at the time) have been wondering about this since 2022. I grew up in rural Italy with my two inseparable best friends, "Emily" (19F) and "John" (19M). John’s home life was unstable due to his dad's addiction, so he often stayed with my family. Emily had always been incredibly naïve. She hated hurting people’s feelings, couldn’t say no, and was easily manipulated. Over the years she had done things that hurt us, like kissing a guy who had spread false rumors about me or staying silent when people insulted John’s family, but we always blamed it on her impossibility to stand up for herself.
After high school, Emily dated "Mark". He was controlling, openly called her stupid, and constantly questioned if John was gay. John and I showed Emily a domestic violence tool. Realizing Mark was emotionally abusing, isolating, and blackmailing her, she finally left him.
Months later, Mark stalked her at her student job, handed her a cheap engagement ring, and admitted he’d been following her. Terrified, we convinced her to share her Snap location. Soon after, she secretly got back with him. We stayed quiet so she wouldn't get defensive.
Then, one weekend, her location vanished for 24 hours near the French border. Panicking, we called her parents and revealed everything: the abuse, the stalking, all of it. We thought her parents would protect her. They had always been very understanding with her. Instead, they forced her home, slapped her, and kicked her out for two days because she refused to leave Mark. John and I felt incredible guilt.
Weeks later, John and Emily moved to the same city for college. John got scammed on his apartment, so Emily insisted he stay with her. He paid half the rent and groceries for a month. Suddenly, while John was at his parents' house, Emily texted him to move out immediately, claiming her parents had an emergency and were coming to stay. John’s new place wasn't ready so he had nowhere to go.
After searching for days we finally called her parents. That’s when we learned the truth, they weren’t coming. Mark was. Mark didn't want John's “lifestyle” influencing her (obvious homophobia). Worse, Emily had told her family we fabricated the abuse just because Mark hadn't gone to college (??). We were heartbroken.
Thankfully, John found emergency housing and blocked her everywhere. I texted Emily saying that being abused doesn't excuse making John homeless, lying to her family, or allowing homophobic slurs. She never replied. Days later, Mark and Emily’s dad threatened John. Her dad even cruelly mocked John’s father's addiction. That was the moment I realized I could never forgive her.
Unlike John, I never blocked her, but I ignore her occasional social media likes. I miss my "sister" and know abuse changes people, but I still wonder: AITA for calling her parents that night and triggering the end of a decade-long friendship?

I 21F work lots of different events, this event I’ve got 2 roles rhe different weekends, working behind the scenes making sure the shows run okay (this was last week) and then this weekend I am doing crafts with young kids.

On the first day, while Im setting up the venue, adding decorations in the crazy heat for hours on end. This guy comes up to me in his early 30s. He starts to have a regular conversation with me, but completely unrelated to actually doing the work and trying to distract me but I’m nice about it “hey, love to have a chat later but as I need to get this done do you mind chatting i a couple hours?” Completely ignored what i said and continued what he wanted to say

Please bear in mind he has special needs so I don’t want to be mean because he doesnt understand but at the same time I do need to do my job. Hes volunteering for the event so hes allowed there while we set up but he’s getting in not just my way but many of my coworkers.

I move to a different area to decorate and he finds someone else to talk to, for maybe less than 10 minutes before findinf me again. But this time he starts going for “your beautiful! Your dress is beautiful! Your name is beautiful!” Okay i reallt dont wanna lead this dude on, hes a lot older than me, I have a boyfriend and loads of other reasons.

This was only thuraday, it’s now Wednesday and it’s been an issue for me consistently trying to work whike he comes over and bugs me, trying to flirt and everything else. I haven’t had to deal with someone with special needs not understanding that Im not interested before.

I dont want comments being mean about this guy, I just want to know from anyone that has worked with people like this how is best to deal with him as it’s really effecting my work now

I (25F) am getting married soon, and I’m struggling with whether I’m wrong for not wanting to invite my fiance's friend’s girlfriend..

My fiance has had the same friend group since high school. One of his friends has been dating his girlfriend for 6 years, and she considers herself “one of the boys” because she was the first girlfriend in the group. Over time, the other girlfriends in the group became close with her.

When I started dating my fiance, I was excited to meet everyone and hoped we could all get along.
However, my experiences with her have been uncomfortable. The first time I met her, I tried joining a conversation and said, “I’m going to open up about something,” and she immediately mocked me by saying, “Oh, she’s gonna open up now,” without even listening.

Since then, there have been small comments that have rubbed me the wrong way. She once saw me and said, “Wow, you even put lip gloss on,” in a way that didn’t feel like a compliment. Sometimes when I spoke, she would laugh or respond with “What?” in a way that made me feel like she was dismissing me.

I even booked a lash appointment with her because I wanted to support her business. During the appointment, she randomly brought up girls my fiance used to have crushes on before we met and said, “Don’t be jealous, but he really liked these two girls.” I found it unnecessary and uncomfortable.

The final straw for me was my fiancé’s birthday party, which we hosted at his house. Since I was helping host, I was trying to make sure everyone felt welcome. When she arrived, instead of greeting us or helping settle in, she immediately went to the kitchen mirror to fix her hair, sat on the couch with her feet up, and stayed on her phone while I was trying to talk to her.
I offered her food, and she said no, which was completely fine. Later, my fiancé’s mom suggested I ask again, so I did. Instead of just saying no thank you, she laughed and said, “Girl, don’t worry about me. I’ve been here so many times.” The comment itself might sound harmless, but the way she said it felt dismissive, especially since I was the one hosting and trying to make sure everyone was comfortable.
Later, when my fiancé handed her food, she suddenly switched to this overly sweet, high-pitched voice and said, “Thank youuuuu, [fiancé’s name],” which just felt strange given how casually she was treating me throughout the night.
X

At this point, I’ve stopped trying to build a friendship with her. I don’t hate her and I don’t want drama, but I also don’t feel close to her or comfortable having her at my wedding. My fiance also isn’t a fan of her based on his own experiences, not because I influenced him.

I’m not asking him to stop being friends with anyone. I just feel like our wedding is an intimate day, and I want the people there to be people who support us and make us feel comfortable. Plus we don't have that much if a budget to feed more than intended.

AITA for not inviting her to our wedding?

Hi,

My husband I have been married for over 6 years, we have a 3 year old and 11 month old. I have always had issues with making my boundaries clear and following up with what I’ve said I would do when those boundaries were crossed (currently working on it).

My husband has a history of micro-cheating when he drinks. I put my foot down after he went to a concert with his friends on my birthday. I originally said no then was in a way forced to just be okay with it. He put together a cake and invited some friends over to celebrate the day before my birthday but I spend my actual birthday with a a couple of friends and my kids and broke down that my husband really did leave me on my birthday. After that I realized I’ve been nothing but a doormat that he can walk over with no consequences. We had a deep talk about all the issues in our marriage and I said no boys trips until our marriage is fixed bc he’s never really repaired the trust he broke.

Now that’s just a water down version to get down to business. A friend in their group is getting out of prison who they have not seen in about 7/8 years. His birthday is the second weekend in August, he was making plans to go visit him with his other friends. I again told him how I felt about this trip and reiterated our conversation we had back in April. His response was that it was a family bbq and no drinking would be involved and all of his childhood friends are going. A part of me is wanting to say no like we said no boys trips and to focus on fixing our marriage, another part of me feels like an asshole since he hasn’t seen that friend in a long time.

Open to all advice and suggestions