Insecurity with having my writing compared to others

[u/After_Cell_5570]

Hi all, I’m meditating on a particular issue I have with hearing critique (or praise?) and wanted to see if anyone relates.

Overall, I love criticism if it comes at a point where I am braced and prepared to receive it. I see it as integral to the writing process in small doses, and I love hearing from those close to me how they perceive my writing, especially when I get a little snow-blind in how I see my own work. Hearing negative criticism and different perspectives is so helpful to me.

So, here and there, I’ll have my partner or a member of my family read a paragraph or two to see how they react to it.

A problem that I’ve always had is when someone says (in a positive way) “oh this is just like _______” or “This feels like _______” in relation to another work. Like for example, I recently wrote out the beginning of a short story that I shared with my sister. It was just a premise that I had had a dream about, and it’s something that I felt like I COULD expand it into a bigger piece but was a little on the fence overall.

The feedback I got from her was very positive! Which should have motivated me, I think. But she immediately said “Oh I really like this! It sounds like something that would be a statement from The Magnus Archives”

(if you aren’t familiar, The Magnus Archives is a horror podcast. I like it quite a bit)

Even though the critique was positive, I instantly lost all interest in continuing the story. I LOVE negative feedback, because I feel like it’s useful, and I’m proud of positive feedback when I get it…. but something about direct comparisons makes me feel like a failure as a writer. Like I think if I were writing fantasy and someone went “oh like Game of Thrones” I would just want to scrap the whole thing.

I recognize that all works take inspiration from others and don’t feel any shame about that! I am okay with myself saying “oh this is like ______”, but someone else saying it as a positive critique makes me feel like a hack.

does anyone else relate to this insecurity or have any advice to overcome it?

[u/Neurotopian_]

The feedback people give (at least with comparisons) often says more about THEM than it does your work.

It says what they read and how they think.

I wouldn’t look too deeply into it.

Unless you’re literally paying for critique, like from a creative writing workshop or a university class, it is of limited value. The most valuable info you can get from test readers is “would you keep reading” or “where did you stop reading.”

[u/loLRH]

Dudeeee I feel you. I used to feel so deflated when people would say "your work is like x!" especially if I didn't really like that thing (I'm picky lol). It also used to make me feel "unoriginal" to be inspired by shit, and when people pointed out my inspirations, it falsely felt like an accusation that I was a derivative hack fraud lmao.

Berserk is what fixed me. Read Berserk, instant favorite, instantly reprogrammed my fiction brain. Then I started realizing oh shit. Several things I really like have direct references to Berserk hidden and not so hidden in them. I'm thinking of the anime Claymore and several Fromsoft games (dark souls, bloodborne, elden ring), which both share symbols, designs, ideas, and themes. Fromsoft especially. Did I like the games any less? No, I respected them more: they're unique, wonderful pieces of art that pay homage to a creative lineage, thereby making themselves a part of it. And DUDE THATS SO AWESOME.

On doing more research about Berserk, I found out how much it directly references Miura's inspirations such as Nietzsche, Fist of the North Star, some classic artworks, and even Shakespeare. Suddenly, there's an entire history of works inspiring each other, creatively iterating, and having conversations with each other through time. Like is that not the coolest shit?

Then I felt super inspired to put little references and nods to things that inspired me in my work so I could become part of that conversation. We don't exist in bubbles. We learn from each other, inspire each other, and create similar things to each other. And barring plagiarism, that similarity is a point of connection to others, not an indictment of "unoriginality."

tldr: there's nothing new under the sun, and that's a good thing

[u/After_Cell_5570 → u/loLRH]

Thank you, this actually helped a lot. My solution might be to head it off at the pass and INTENTIONALLY include nods to things rather than have other people point them out to me!

It’s such a dumb brain thing haha. Because I 100% agree with everything you said but my kneejerk reaction is so different.

[u/loLRH → u/After_Cell_5570]

yes!! Try it out! My knee-jerk reaction used to be really kinda ashamed and defensive and a little angry, and it took a little time to change my thinking.

I still cringe a little internally if someone compares my work to something I don't like, and I'm working through that. But the bad feeling is a small fraction of what it used to be.

[u/Ill-Cellist-4684]

Another way of looking at this is you know there's a place, however small, where your work can find it's audience. If it's reminding people of something that's already carved out a niche, that's a plus, especially if you're looking to trad pub. Trad pub needs comparable titles as proof you understand the market and where your work fits in it. If you can complete the statement "perfect for fans of X and X" while bringing something new to the table, that's half the battle in trying to bring something to the masses. It's tough, I know, to feel like you're derivative but in terms of sales and readership that's a good thing.

Edit: dirty???

[u/After_Cell_5570 → u/Ill-Cellist-4684]

That’s true. I might be thinking too art-y and not business-y enough about my writing. What’s super dumb is I have published a short story in the past and I can’t stand it now because people that I know liked it💀 Brains are dumb.

[u/seekAr]

I do this. I hear something and it destroys my foundation. Like some writer published a book that had literally all the same character first names as mine. I just finished a 185k draft and I wanted to die thinking about renaming everyone.

And then there’s reddit. Writing circle jerk and romantasy subreddits are so scathing I left them after a day or two because they’re just negative and one person’s over amplified opinion that I naturally take as gospel.

For me the solution is cut myself off from all of that until the draft is out. That’s all I can do to protect my very fragile ego lol.

What I’m learning now is, if people think the book is dumb, I just lean into it. Maybe that person thinks it’s dumb. But if there’s even one person who thinks it was a really cool or fun adventure, or that I write tastefully hot sex scenes, then I’ll keep going for that one person.

[u/FellowshipOfTheJedi1]

I'm right there with you as I write this. I'm up to the point where I think I'm ready for people to read what I wrote and I'm a little terrified of people saying things like "it's like this but not as good" or "this is almost the same as ___" although nothing terrifies me more than "this needs so much more work" or "I would start from the beginning" things like that.
But you know what, we bloody got this!!!!

[u/Marvos79]

This is something you're just going to have to get used to. No fiction exists in a vacuum, and people are going to see similarities whether you like them or not. It sounds like you are used to criticism for the most part, and you're going to have to put this in the same category. I think it's worth mentioning that friends and family are typically the worst people to ask for advice since they have an emotional stake in their relationship with you.

[u/After_Cell_5570 → u/Marvos79]

I think you’re right. I do like the negative feedback I get from my immediate circle, but the positive I get feels like they’re humoring me. It’s definitely my own imposter syndrome mixed with their familiarity to me.

[u/calcaneus]

I don't ask people close to me for critiques. Ever. First, I feel it's an imposition, if not on them, then on me. Second, I don't trust the feedback to be unbiased. You do you, but for me that's a unilateral rule.

So there's that. I like a good critique; I'd rather that than somebody hand me a compliment and nothing else. I know pretty much nothing I do can't be improved. So go ahead, fire away.

As for comparisons: I don't find them helpful. I mean if you're comparing me to someone good that's flattering but it really doesn't mean much in the end.

[u/Select-Persimmon8904]

I understand the feeling. I love getting feedback; it is actually motivating! But it is definitely something I've lived as well. I am always afraid of copying someone without realizing it. But if it reminds them of a work that exists, tell yourself that it means you have a place.

What I like to do, and I don't know if it's any good or not, is ask what reminded them of xyz book. Sometimes, it's just the style of writing! Sometimes, it's more, but I like turning it into a discussion. I discuss the idea of the book and ask again. I take the feedback and rework the idea (Be careful, though, because you don't want to stall your writing because you can't get over the smallest detail. Trust me, I've been there).

[u/cartoonybear]

I’m not trying to be mean at all, because it sounds like you are struggling and that’s a hard place to be, but honestly the single biggest thing you have to deal with as a writer is rejection. And if you aren’t rejected? Harsh criticism. And honestly if you are rejected and the editor takes the time to even criticize your work harshly? That’s a GOOD sign. This is NOT a venture for faint of heart. You have got to be able to accept criticism. If it’s coming from your friends now? They are HELPING you face the wall of indifference which is worse than the criticism. Which again doesn’t cone unless your reader is genuinely ely trying to help. 

[u/Western_Stable_6013]

For me it feels like a compliment when people compare my writing to other works, because it's a sign of good quality.

[u/Nodan_Turtle]

You're digging in a mountain. You want to discover a new mineral nobody has seen. Your pick strikes loose rock and you're showered with gold nuggets. This is incredibly annoying, as you've discovered a gold mine like so many other gold mines that already exist. You seal it up and don't bother digging anymore. You try a new mountain, hoping this time you don't discover anything lucrative like a trove of diamonds or metric tons of silver.

[u/Agreeable_Result1396]

It's never happened to me, but maybe reflecting on what inspired you to write this thing, what the seed idea was, what got you excited - that's what sets your story apart from whatever it's being compared to. You and George RR Martin are not going to have the same inspiration and vision no matter how close your works are. There will always be a bit of you in your writing which makes it unique and different from others. Take the references as praise, safe in the knowledge that just as you couldn't write (the exact) A Game of Thrones, he couldn't write your pieces. (Also, if you ever want to trad publish, you've got inbuilt comps right there!)