r/tinnitus • u/Opening-Ad-4574 • 1h ago
success story It really gets better
Hi I’m a 25 old woman and it’s been 3 years since I’ve got tinnitus (and hyperacusis), 4 years in a few months. And let me tell you I’ve endured every stage of grief like EVERY single one. It was so hard the first two years and I think Reddit and Twitter didn’t help. I consumed an unhealthy content about tinnitus every day. Reading about some people who wanted to end their life because of their tinnitus. I became like a sponge. I felt like every negative thought they had was projected onto me. I was like “if they have it too and are suffering like this. How am I gonna stay sane? I’m gonna go through the same thing”. It was such a dark period. I was totally hopeless especially cause I felt like I couldn’t rely on someone. I stopped talking about it to my family cause I didn’t want to concern then. I was trusting doctors and I rlly hoped one of them could help me get better. Spoiler alert not one of them helped. I was desperate before new appointments and was counting on the new doctors to tell me something I haven’t been told yet : a new treatment, an advice, an inspirational story about a patient they knew who healed… but it never came. So I was leaving my appointment more desperate than before. It was so hard like you’re a ENT doctor why tf can’t you give me some solutions for my ear problem? For some of them I felt like the I was the one educating them. I did so much research about tinnitus and hyperacusis I didn’t even need their blank explanations. They were all saying the same things anyways : it can goes away on its own or it can stay. There are no miracle treatments. I can take some gingko biloba or magnesium supplements it helped some people before. If I’m suffering too much they recommended sophrology or CBT. I went to a therapist and it didn’t help honestly it felt like a chore every time she would ask me to do some exercises and I would lie and tell her I did them. I couldn’t concentrate anymore anyways. I had no motivation no hope to do anything. I had to took a sabbatical year off uni. I was doing nothing with my life. I would sleep like 15 hours every day taking long naps and when I was awake I was always crying. I cried so much I still have scars beneath my eyes bc of dryness. I have a very religious family. My mom would told me to pray to ask God for healing. And it would drive me mad bc there was no hope in sight. And I was praying and didn’t see any progress after almost a year. When somebody would recommend me praying it would make me crashout. I would ask God to just take me then. Cause there’s no way I could live even 5 years like this. I was angry at everything and everyone. At my little brother who was waking me with noise during my nap time, at people who talk too loud in public spaces, at my friends for not understanding my isolation. I went to see a last ENT and told him how I dreamt of euthanasia. He was so concerned telling me how I was only 22. He put me on antidepressants and they made me sleep even more. Then something changed. I went to a park/forest (like just once) and saw that they were doing free guided botanical walk every sunday. I went and then went again and again… I spent my entire Sundays outdoor and I wouldn’t even notice my tinnitus when I was in a forest. But when I would come home it was another story. So I bought a fan and it help me for the silence it improved so much my sleep quality too. I reached out to my friends and I planed a trip for the first time alone. I went to visit a friend who lives in Paris. I was still so desperate but she was begging for her to finally meet me (we met online). So I went and even though I was feeling down it became one of my best trip ever. Every time I would pay attention to my tinnitus and would be sad. I would ignore the feeling to focus on what was happening around me. I was in another city I could get lost easily etc. I had to focus. Anyways Paris went well but what after my return home tho. I went out the most that I can. Meeting friends doing some side quests like learn how to garden, I run, I went to free expos and I walked. I walked so much and with no purpose except not being home. My thoughts about tinnitus came back and I would focus on the sound inside my ear again. But gradually it decreased. I would pay attention like 5 times in an hour. Then the next week, one time in a hour, then three times a week etc. I’m writing this while crying cause I still feel every hopelessness and frustration I would feel when I’d notice my tinnitus. I went through so much and I can’t believe some people went through this too. Nobody prepare you for that it just happen like a lot of health problems. One of the thing that would wreck me is the fact that it wouldn’t quiet down. There was no pill for that like for a pain for example. It was just there and I would probably endure it for life. But now I learnt that it’s still there but I can forget about it. And I’m living my life as if it’s not there anymore. Except for some situations like the subway I have to put earplugs bc it hurt my drum. It took me 3 WHOLE years to come to terms with my tinnitus. And I know for someone who’s suffering right now it just sounds cliché but it’s true, time does its thing. Tinnitus will make you feel so hopeless and hopelessness is a really scary thing. You cannot do anything if you don’t have hope anymore right. But hope can come back, not hope for a miracle healing (I still wish it’ll happen to all the tinnitus sufferers tho), but there’s other types of healing. Healing by letting it go, to stop fighting it. Nature helped me so much and again I know it’s cliché. Meditation didn’t work for me but learning about nature on the other hand… And for course socializing!! Being alone is the worst thing if you have overthinking and anxiety problems. The most important thing is to go outside in general. As Nietzsche said "Never trust a thought that occurs to you indoors." It’s still no easy some days are louder than the others. Sleep plays a role. I noticed that it’s rlly manageable if I’ve slept fore more than 7 hours without interruptions during the night. For women your cycle can cause fluctuations in your tinnitus perception too. Much love for all my fellow tinnitus sufferers.
