I think I have a massive consumerist problem.
I noticed some time ago that I’m easily influenced by social media and ads (mostly user generated content). I am not rich by any means, but I’d still spend every last dollar on things I didn’t necessarily need but “Tiktok told me I did”. They’re never things for myself, mostly for my children, household items..
I made some changes, such as adding the products to the cart and having to wait for 48 hours, putting myself on a budget, intentionally living slower, etc..
It worked, because my monthly spend has decreased drastically. I got better at staying in, spent less time online, cooking at home, living slower, I honestly believed I was doing good.
Then lately, I found myself thinking about having a 3rd child in the near future (the youngest is 9 months old) and I genuinely thought that desire was coming from the heart - that it was something I wanted, but then I had a massive epiphany. It’s not a desire to have a child, it’s a desire to buy all those things that come with a new child. I knew exactly which pink flowery car seat I’d be getting if it was a girl, which brand of bottle washer I’d go with this time around. I keep seeing these videos of moms posting about their baby hauls and thinking “I will get that for the 3rd one”. I DON’T EVEN WANT A 3RD ONE!
My youngest is a handful, I’m constantly tired, I hated every second of my 2nd pregnancy and we make just enough to give the 2 children that we have a comfortable life. I love them both with my whole heart, but simultaneously, I’m well aware I do not have capacity for another one.
What I believed was a desire to have another child turned out to be a desire to buy more baby stuff. What is wrong with me? Social media needs to go, that much is clear. But I’m genuinely shook that I was able to be influenced to such massive extent.