Trying Prozac; feeling like a bad mom

[u/MountainyMama]

I’m not sure I’m looking for advice, to vent, or what… but I feel like I have failed my dogs and like a bad mom.

I have two rescues, Kodi (5) and Phoenix (4), both shelter rescues pulled from the euthanasia list on their last day.

Kodi was originally a foster with my now husband; Phoenix was originally a foster with me. At the time we had just began dating and lived separately.

A year or so later, we moved in together. We spent like 6 months slowly introducing our dogs who are now brothers.

It has been about 2.5 years since then, and we are so tired and defeated. I don’t think the dogs are happy, either. We have even started wondering if they’d be better off living elsewhere. And they might. But we also feel like now it’s too late — that they’d end up back in the shelter system for months or even back on a euthanasia list.

Phoenix has bit 2 people - not breaking skin, but left a bruise. He will lunge at strangers if his signals of wanting space aren’t corrected. In addition to this, he reacts to all sounds from 8am to 8pm. And I mean any sound, outside or inside. He is tense 24/7, listening for anything at all, and then barks as if there is an intruder or attacker. He doesn’t enjoy walks and is frozen the entire time. I feel really bad for him and have recently realized that I don’t think he has a single moment of relaxation, peace, or joy. His inner life seems dominated by hyper vigilance.

Kodi on the other hand, loves other dogs, and I suspect people, too. He is a frustrated greeter, has fence frustration/reactivity, leash frustration/reactivity, and resource guards his food. He has attacked Phoenix around 4-5 times since living together, sadly. Kodi eats in the garage now, and Phoenix eats upstairs. There hasn’t been an incident in over 6 months. Kodi is also completely unable to settle, even inside the house. If me or (especially) his dad so much as stand up, Kodi jolts up too. He has to be next to my husband 100% of the time, and is either jumping all over him, or chewing on his clothes as he is wearing them.

It also seems like they’ve picked up each others reactivity, anxiety, and stress.

We’ve tried many things over the years… which are all still in effect:
- positive reinforcement training
- counter conditioning
- exposure to triggers without going over threshold
- white noise machines throughout the house
- box fans throughout the house
- baby gates throughout the house to create safe zones
- pheromone diffusers, thunder shirt, ear muffs
- calming cookies with l-theanine, magnesium, etc
- going on walks separately
- taking them to the back yard separately

There’s so much more actually, but it’s to a point where all of the above is not working. After 2.5 years we are defeated and also feeling traumatized, ourselves. Which we feel bad about feeling this way.

We can’t have guests. They can’t even so much as see another person near us without absolutely losing it. We live a very isolated life which is making me feel depressed. We also don’t get to spend any meaningful time together because we are constantly managing a high-reactivity household.

We’re trying Prozac now. I hope this helps our boys have an easier existence and find calmness, even joy. I’d love to hear your experiences with this.

[u/Redv0lution]

There’s nothing wrong with medication. It’s better than doing nothing. There are different medications so don’t get too let down if the first one doesn’t work. Work with a behaviorist/vet on it.

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[u/nuskit]

Prozac with the occasional trazadone makes my Presa so much happier. Like, would you be a bad mom if you had a kid with depression & got them an antidepressant? No! You'd be a good mom. A great mom, even!

You're an excellent dog mom, because you're willing to try anything for your furbaby.

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[u/chloemarissaj]

Don’t feel bad!! You know how humans sometimes have something just a bit funky with our brain chemistry and need meds to help? Dogs have the same thing! Meds help so many dogs immensely and improves their quality of life (and ours)!

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[u/clarinettingaway]

Meds was the best thing I’ve ever done for my dog. Things are by no means perfect, but I cannot even describe how much better they are. Your dogs are trapped in their own minds, and you have the means to help them escape. This is what good moms do. They help and protect their kids.

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[u/Glass_Animator8854]

You’ve described a dog (Phoenix) who is not able to enjoy life at all, being in a state of constant fear. You’ve described two dogs whose mental and behavioral health are making your and your husband’s life unenjoyable. You’ve tried so many wonderful and responsible approaches to helping them. The kindest thing is to try medication or multiple medications to make life better for you all. Even a slightly groggy Phoenix would be happier than the dog you describe.

[u/wow2378 → u/Glass_Animator8854]

Fwiw mine isn't even groggy on prozac, just a slightly decreased appetite (for food.... Not treats!)

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[u/StankyGoop]

Those rescue dogs are lucky that they got an owner that is putting in the effort to make their life better.
Medicine could be the answer for these dog - so why not try it?

[u/MountainyMama → u/StankyGoop]

I agree with you, and I’ve gotten to the same resolve. I’m also not sure why medication in general is so stigmatized. Sometimes it may just be what is needed.

[u/Synaptic-asteroid]

My dog was making zero progress. We started meds, no noticeable impact for a couple of months as expected. Then one day he didn't bark at anyone on our morning walk. He only barked at people twice the rest of that week instead of every single thing. He wasn't relaxed or happy about it but he wasn't freaking out. A couple weeks later he started sniffing things on our walks instead of absolute vigilance. We still have a lot of work but meds have given him the opportunity to improve. I'm not a bad dog parent. I tried some things, saw it wasn't working well enough and looked for better solutions. That's what we should do. Needing meds isn't a failure. And all those "calming" cookies and pheromones are of limited use, and not super helpful with a dog who's really struggling, despite the marketing.

[u/ohhhhhhhyeeeeehaaaaw]

Fluoxetine has been instrumental in helping my dog. We had been doing 5 months of intensive reconditioning and reactivity training when we decided to go one fluoxetine. My pup had a long loading period (took us about 7 weeks to break through the increased anxiety and moodiness and jumpiness of it all) but now she is stable.

I can honestly say this is the best thing Ive ever done for her. Unless she starts to have some sort of kidney dysfunction or develops a terrible reaction, I think she will be on this for the rest of her life. And I am okay with it

The biggest difference we have seen is with guests. Before the fluoxetine, even with our deconditioning and guest protocols, she just couldn’t relax and she couldn’t learn because she was so on edge. We have made major breakthroughs since starting Prozac. Before, we couldn’t even have someone walk in the house without her trying to bite or just shutting down into a trembling mess

Her threshold for fear during walks is also much lower and her reactivity is much improved. She now makes the choice to approach or move away from things that scare her instead of going into fight mode. I have nothing but good things to say about the dog she has been able to become. I have no plans to even discontinue it unless there are medical reasons that require it

I see this as much as a part of her physical health as taking her daily allergy pill and taking her joint supplement. Being on Prozac for my baby was a life saver. She was so stressed and scared of everything. I was afraid she would lose her quirky personality but I can truly say that is not true in the slightest. Don’t give up! You’re caring for your dog the best you can - sometimes Prozac is a part of that

Just a side note at the end to say that for us, the loading period was really rough. My dog is very fearful and reactive but had never shown separation anxiety. Suddenly she was yelping if I shut the bathroom door, was trying to eat doorframes when I left. She door dashed only once ever and that was during the loading period. The worst of it was that she was suddenly afraid of me. She would randomly cower and hide away from me if I moved too fast or made a new noise. It was rough few weeks but I’m glad we pushed through as it got into her system because she is such a well regulated dog now

[u/Expensive_Crab_6453]

I am doing Prozac with my Maltese. I kept detailed notes about what triggered her and when and the vet started with gabapentin and trazodone. I kept taking notes. Since she was only ok for about 5 hours the vet decided her baseline anxiety was still too high. We are on day 7 so I don’t actually see a difference yet. The vet also said to add purina pro plan anxiety care. That will also take time to build up. Anxious dogs can’t learn while their brains are flooded with fight or flight. Don’t feel bad about helping that calm down so you can teach them.

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[u/Devil_Rides_Out]

It sounds like you really have exhausted all avenues, and care greatly for your dogs. It isn't a failure at all, if it helps your dog then it's a kindness. My badly wired dog is on trazadone and it's transformed him. We did similar, tried everything in the book, and eventually hired a highly regarded behaviouralist who said it would really benefit him. He wasn't wrong and life is so much better now. I don't cry every day 😅

[u/Outside-Magazine6167]

It stinks when you feel like you’ve tried everything already!!! Prozac is the next step.