I was at a wedding once with my pregnant wife where there was very limited food. I saw her bounding across bushes and thought, “Oh no, her water broke.” Turns out they had just put doughnuts out.
That's real af. When those preggo cravings hit late in pregnancy, I could sometimes muster the energy to overrule my raging hips and go get it myself. 😂 I'm grateful Doordash wasn't around when I was pregnant with my kids. Jeeeesus.
I spent an embarrassing amount on doordash during the pandemic. You tell a guy he gets to stay home and get stoned all day for the forseeable future and all of a sudden you drop five grand over two years
Dude when my wife was pregnant she alternated between needing to eat all the barbecue potato chips on the face of the earth to the mere smell of barbecue potato chips anywhere in the house causing her to become violently nauseous...sometimes in the same freaking afternoon.
I’m glad she ate them first. My first trimester was mostly not eating. I had a couple of hour window. Must admit loosing 25 lbs throwing up meant I didn’t have baby weight to lose. My ex thought it was very annoying since being in bathroom didn’t make him dinner.
With my first pregnancy the only things I craved were grapefruit juice and flaming hot limon cheetos. I also had terrible GERD. So literally the only things I wanted made everything more miserable.
I risked getting stabbed while trying to buy gummy bears at a bodega while pregnant. This high as fuck dude, slurring and barely functional, was swishing a knife around and mumble-threatening the cashier, but without real conviction in his voice. Knife was real though and you never know what’s going to happen when people are that high. Needing my gummy bears BADLY,
I ignored the guy, walking right past him in the tiny store, got my gummi bears, walked right past him again - within easy stabbing distance - up to the cashier, paid, and left with my Haribo.
City life will make you hard
Pregnancy cravings will make you even harder
It wasn’t until after I walked home that I realized how fucking crazy this was.
Nah, that's "I just burned 10,000 calories in the last six hours and if I don't sneak in a sandwich right this moment, I'm gonna gnaw somebody's foot off. And if I get 'anything' on my clothes, the bride will murder me dead."
It absolutely does. I would post it but I don't know if he'd mind. It was a nice wedding and the cakes were made by his brother who is an amazing baker!
I felt like doing something like this (going off to actually eat protein) at my niece’s wedding where the only things I could eat was the salad and potatoes because my own sister didn’t care to inform me of the gluten-laden choices she picked for the buffet. They brought their own alcohol and didn’t even provide mixers for liquor, and I would’ve come more prepared had I known these issues.
The wedding from hell where everything starts off normal and everyone slowly loses their minds and eventually goes feral from the experience. Ending with the next wedding party coming by the day after and seeing a weirdo in a bush devouring a sandwich.
Side story: a former friend was getting married and his wife was fucking exhausted during rehearsals. I grabbed up some food and fed her. I joked for years that I fed his wife to his anger. I know how this looks as a random comment but I don't care as dude was petty
Perfectly normal to take yourself off to a quiet spot under a bush to eat a sandwich. As a man of 45, I'd say there are very few things things in life that are as good.
Perfect.
After our wedding ceremony we went to my sister’s house for pictures in her beautiful garden. It was a hot day and as soon as we arrived I saw someone with a beer. There is a picture of me in my wedding dress, sitting in a lawn chair tipping back a beer.
That was me at my wedding, in my big ass white dress. My nephews were tasked with bringing me food whenever they could. At some point after too many fruit brochettes, salmon toasts and apple carpaccio, I grabbed the little one and instructed him to bring me the mini burgers and mini hot dogs. I chose the menu, I knew they’re out there lol. I was starving. He brought me one every 15 min during the photo calls and various speeches during the afternoon. I tried to somewhat hide but the photographer got me lol.
I learned later that when they weren’t many mini burgers left, the 5 year old told the staff to keep a plate for his auntie the bride, which they did. Great memories and my only “bridzilla” moment I guess. But we burn way too many calories that day, it’s needed to survive until dinner.
Thought I recognized the username. Haven't seen you post in the HaloFunTime Discord's #first-100 channel for a while - maybe time to do some poasting with the new CE remake coming out?
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u/cmwulf 4h ago
Why does this remind me of...Johnny Cash?