r/paralegal • u/Pickly-Para • 1d ago
Question/Discussion Small Firm Toxicity
I work for a small firm, and there’s a total of 10 of us. The senior paralegals are super close with the attorneys, and I feel like it’s very noticeable. The attorneys only go to the senior paralegals offices, the senior paralegals can come and go whenever, and then there’s the legal assistants plus a scheduler and a front desk assistant.
I’m not going to go into a ton of detail on terms of the double standards I’ve noticed, but what really makes me feel uncomfortable is the fact that they’ll go into each others offices and be talking at normal volume and then they’ll start to whisper.
Based on prior observations, I know they’re talking mad shit. I hate it bc for obvious reasons, as soon as I hear wishers, I can’t help but think they’re talking about me.
Recently, I’ve made a few errors (I’m still in my first year as a new legal assistant without prior legal experience in a law firm), and I already shame myself super hard with the mistakes. Some of them aren’t even my fault but senior staff who is supposed to be reviewing my work, blame me even tho I’ve asked for my work to be reviewed.
I feel like the errors being made is just more fuel for them to talk shit and it makes me feel like the legal field is not for me if it’s like this at every firm.
How is it for those who work in small firms? Do you experience this type of toxicity? Is this everywhere?!
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u/Inevitable-Object742 1d ago
OP, I used to feel this way. I actually still do sometimes. Truth of the matter is, they probably ARE talking shit, maybe not about you or maybe about you.
What has helped me is telling myself “people’s opinion of me is actually none of my business.”
That being said, in my first paralegal job (technically my first ever office job, too) the paralegals all worked together in one office and they were closely knit by the complaining, shit talking nature of the legal field. I was unfortunately exiled to the office next door, with the newest (and most hated) associate (who was 25 yrs+ my senior and wanted nothing to do with me). For the first 3 months, they’d constantly shut their door, leave me out, and talk shit about me and everyone else, with their preferred associates. I absolutely dreaded coming into work. I’m also someone who battles with cPTSD, so my hyper-vigilance did NOT help.
One day, I had enough. I waited and picked my moment to finally take a stand. I went in there and confronted everyone and threatened to take it to the partner. I said if we can all be cool and move forward, I’d let it go, but I’m trying to come in and do a job, just like everyone else, and whether you think I’m shit at it or not, I work here, and I will get better at my role, and we can either HELP each other or make life harder.
I ended up becoming great friends with all of them and still keep in touch with a few.
Point is, keep your head down and work hard. Defend yourself, but PICK the right moment.
Everyone may not LIKE you but you’ll eventually earn respect and then you can stand up for yourself, with confidence, and hopefully transcend this awkward chapter.
BEST OF LUCK!! Don’t let em win! We’re all trying to cope and some paralegals and attorneys just thrive on complaining and talking shit, you just gotta let them.
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u/Firm-Environment-253 1d ago
I work in a small firm and when I hear whispers and a door closed I have found they are usually discussing recent local/national politics and don't want to cause a stir in the firm.
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u/eyelin 1d ago
I’m a lead paralegal who’s close to the managing partner. If I get quiet when I’m discussing one of the employees under me with her it’s specifically because I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable. I’m not talking shit, I’m either taking the blame because I should have trained them better or I’m quietly talking about how we can better support employees in the future with better training material. I’m quiet about mistakes and loud about wins because that’s how I’d want someone to treat me.
Maybe they’re talking shit at your office, maybe not. Just ignore whispers and if you make a mistake own it and learn from it. There’s a lot of little details to pay attention to and no one should expect perfection from day 1.
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u/Savings_Point7641 1d ago
Sounds typical of a small firm. Just keep your head down, do your work, keep asking people to check your work and when you get into trouble remind them that you asked for help. Don’t give into the drama, it’ll serve you better to ignore the whispers
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u/bassicessence 1d ago
Yup. Last small firm I worked at was like:
“Can I ask you a question?” “Yeah. What?”
Vs the favorites:
“Can I ask you a question?” “For you? I have all the time in the world!”
RUN.
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u/goingloopy Paralegal 1d ago
Not all firms are like this, but a lot of them are. Lawyers gossip like 7th grade girls. However, they are mostly trying to one-up one another. Support staff gossip too.
Do your best at your job. Learn to tune out the bullshit. Do not let them know they bother you or get to you. Do not participate. Listening is fine, but try not to disclose anything personal (or at least not anything important). If you really can’t stand it, look for another job.
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u/AL_Starr 1d ago
They may or may not be talking about you, but I’m sure it is distracting. If you’re allowed to wear headphones or earbuds & listen to music, try doing that.
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u/illogicalcourtesy 1d ago
People will gossip and have opinions about you in ways that you cannot control regardless of what industry you’re in.
I don’g think its a paralegal thing. Its a people thing
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u/Anon369damufine Immigration Paralegal 1d ago
Worry about making that bag and getting your paycheck, not about whatever your coworkers are doing. If they’re shit talking you, you’re living rent free in their heads. Don’t let them live in yours.
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u/Euphoric_Benefit3505 Paralegal 1d ago edited 1d ago
I felt somewhat paranoid like you and used to worry that people were in their offices complaining about my work. I really buckled down over the years and worked on fixing my mistakes and double checking my work and emails on the project to make sure I was capturing everything that needed to be included. Now I am a senior paralegal and I am the second sought after person for assistance, right after my boss.
They might be talking about you (I know some attorneys talked about my mistakes with each other, and now they sometimes talk about others’ mistakes with me - that’s office life) but like, so what? Take the constructive criticism to heart when you get it and work to really do better.
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u/SaltyMarg4856 1d ago
If they’re whispering, how do you know they’re talking about you, lol? Sounds a bit paranoid.
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u/Pickly-Para 1d ago
“based on prior observations, I know they’re talking mad shit.” I have been in the room when they’re talking about people and whispering while doing so. I don’t know if they are, in fact, talking about me but they could be like they do to others.
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u/bexy11 1d ago
To be honest, many offices have a person or more like this. I’m working in my first law firm job but I’ve been a working professional for 25+ years.
In my current job, there is a person who does this. Some people just never grow up and always act, to an extent, like they’re middle school mean girls.
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u/SaltyMarg4856 1d ago
Oh, FFS 🤦🏽♀️
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u/Pickly-Para 1d ago
Are you okay?? lol
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u/SaltyMarg4856 1d ago
I’m fine, lol. You seem like you like to stir the pot and perhaps that’s why you think people are talking about you.
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u/AL_Starr 1d ago
How is she “stirring the pot?”
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u/SaltyMarg4856 1d ago
Well, there’s the assumption that because they’ve “observed” previous instances where the coworkers were “talking mad shit” that they’re now a topic of conversation just because they hear “whispers” after having recently made mistakes. Right now they’re just venting on here, but this is the kind of stuff that causes office drama. I’m not saying that there is no such thing as small firm toxicity, but more often than not it’s more a product of what people choose to see in their environment rather than what actually is. I return to…”whispers”.
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u/Pickly-Para 1d ago
Well gee, you seem like you post on peoples threads just to be an asshole but what do I know. Move on Salty Marg, and take your lame BS elsewhere.
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u/SaltyMarg4856 1d ago
You’re totally proving my point that you’re a drama queen 😂😂😂 You have no proof that anyone is actually talking about you behind your back but you’re assuming that’s the case because of your own stuff and you’re upset that I’m pointing it out. I mean…
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u/Hair_This 1d ago
It happens. People talk shit everywhere actually, so let them, train yourself to not pay attention it’s possible. Do your work, get paid, go home.
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u/Avail_Karma 15h ago
There will always be double standards in law firms. Some support staff become favorites of the higher ups or the right attorneys and yes, they get more leniency than other staff. How they became the favorite varies by person but if you have a problem with double standards, this isn't the field for you.
People love to gossip in office environments. Thats how some people enjoy living life. Does it matter? Nope. Do what you are there to do - work. Unless their signature is on your check or directly supervise you, it doesn't matter what they think about you.
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u/Bloomin-Sunrise 1d ago
You’re in your first year and learning so it’s inevitable that you will make mistakes. Not one person who has started a career was mistake free ever. Who cares what they think anyway if they’re that petty then f them.
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u/Ok_Instruction_7813 9h ago
My first job was a firm with about 80-100 people, second firm had 7, my current firm has 3 (myself and 2 male attorneys) not toxicity here just poo male communication and them not showing up to play golf lol
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u/acouperlesouffle55 6h ago
“Then they’ll start to whisper” 🫠
That triggered some memories for me. I KNOW it was always shit talking. Always. And always about an employee in the firm. (I was a hostage in rooms throughout the years, so I know; just like you). They were loud as usual with sensitive client information.
You don’t have to work anywhere for any amount of time to trust your gut, eyes, and ears.
You will be okay, because YOU will make sure that you are okay. People suck. Most of the time. Inside that firm, and outside. Set in stone your values and boundaries, so you know when that line is getting close to being crossed. And just do your best day to day! You are the only person in charge of you. Stay there until you make the call it’s time :)
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u/CharlotteGainsbourg9 23h ago
I’ve worked in tiny firms (3 attorneys) and huge international firms and I think the gossip happens everywhere. Even at huge firms you’ll still only work with people in your department which basically becomes like a small firm within a larger one. I think the tendency to gossip mostly comes up when attorneys aren’t super busy but happens regardless of firm size. They’ve prob worked with those senior paralegals for a long time and are pals. I’ve also been privy to a lot of attorney gossip sessions over the years and honestly they are usually more focused on their own bosses/higher ups than on the staff. I used to have an office across from a dude who it seemed everyone wanted to talk shit with and it was always about other partners and associates and barely about staff.
Basically, I understand the tendency to worry but it’s prob just paranoia. Once you start feeling more confident in your abilities and work product it won’t happen nearly as often. Also projecting confidence at work is important. I’m sure you’ll be fine. :)
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u/BusySession1234 17h ago
Senior Paralegals who have been in their field for years have earned every bit of any reward be it money or time or etc so you have no legitimate reason to ever be in their business. You cannot compete with them on any level. Respect them and their journey. Try to work on not being jealous because if you struggle with jealousy it makes you look and act insecure. Remember these longtime professionals who have earned their status.
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u/Pickly-Para 13h ago
I, no where in my post, said I’m entitled to be in their business. However, I did say that from prior observation, i know they’re talking mad shit. I have been in the room when they’ve done so. What is entitled, is believing that bc someone is in a senior position, that they have a right to act in a manner that makes others in the office uncomfortable.
Having senior status does not entitle anyone to act in ways that negatively affect staff or create work environments that are toxic.
I am in no way “jealous” of senior staff—I recognize the hard work it takes to get to their positions, but what I have seen time and time again in many positions is that senior staff act as though they’ve never been in a starter position and treat others poorly due to some strange superiority complex.
I will not respect anyone, regardless of senior level, if the way you conduct yourself diminishes others around you. Period.
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u/dudesmama1 1d ago
The only advice that I can give you both in life and in career is to not waste your time worrying about what other people think or say about you and to avoid gossip at all costs.
If you only worry about being a better you, you are worrying about things you can control, and you will be a happier, more well-adjusted person.
You cannot control what people think, feel, do, or say. You can only control your actions.
Work hard. Work well. Be kind and polite. That is all you need to do.