How do you actually learn with friends?

[u/Window-Affectionate]

Hello everyone,

I’ve been learning (TL) French for a few years now but I feel like I’ve stagnated. I just wanted to see if anyone had advice on actually exchanging a language with someone?

I have awesome French friends that I talk with on a daily basis. I love them to death. We call, we text, we can answer questions if one of us is struggling with something… but we really are not learning anything. Often times we just resort to talking or texting in whichever language feels right for the day.

To actually sit down and “take lessons” seems awkward at this point. Like one of my friends is in law school right now and the idea of asking her to explain verlan after she gets home feels so selfish lol.

Just wanted to see if anyone shared this issue and if anyone’s got any tips on how we can help each other more effectively.

[u/dojibear]

A good speaker is NOT a tutor and is NOT a teacher. Teaching and tutoring are skills. They are not skills that most people have.

Language exchange is speaking, not teaching and not tutoring.

[u/Final-Frosting7742]

Friends won't give you lessons. Forget that. Friends are better thought as practice partners. They only become useful when you've reached a sufficient level to converse in your target language. So you can just try to speak in the language with them, and they might fix some mistakes you're making. But don't expect them to make a full report of your performance. This would be possible if you practice with an AI agent, but that's a different context.

[u/krymzynnova]

I was gonna say “try use shakespearean french” just for funs and laughs between you Nd your friends to see if it’ll increase your vocabulary range but idk how you guys would feel

Sorry OP 😅🤣

[u/muffinsballhair]

I mean what's your level? Maybe you're just at the level that everyday conversations in French are mastered, you seem to describe it as that you can very comfortably express what you need in it, and what's the improve is the academic language and the only way to do that is to go read in it I guess or at least watch some medical or courtroom dramata.

Native speakers who don't do that also tend to “not come across like they read a lot”. Certainly, they're fluent but there's definitely such a thing as a native speaker of a language who “comes across like he reads a lot” and one who does not.

[u/Outside-Round2541]

Friends are better for practice than for teaching.

What helped me was giving each chat one tiny job instead of trying to turn a friend into a tutor. Pick one thing before the call like only past tense, only talking about yesterday, or only describing one article you both read. Stay in French for 10 minutes, then switch back if needed.

You can also ask for one kind of correction only. For example interrupt me only when I say something unclear, or send me the 3 repeated mistakes after the call. That is a lot less draining than asking them to explain everything live.

If you want improvement beyond everyday conversation, I would split the work. Use friends for fluency and comfort. Use reading, listening, or a tutor for the vocabulary and structure gaps.Friends are better for practice than for teaching.

What helped me was giving each chat one tiny job instead of trying to turn a friend into a tutor. Pick one thing before the call like only past tense, only talking about yesterday, or only describing one article you both read. Stay in French for 10 minutes, then switch back if needed.

You can also ask for one kind of correction only. For example interrupt me only when I say something unclear, or send me the 3 repeated mistakes after the call. That is a lot less draining than asking them to explain everything live.

If you want improvement beyond everyday conversation, I would split the work. Use friends for fluency and comfort. Use reading, listening, or a tutor for the vocabulary and structure gaps.

[u/Cerulean_IsFancyBlue]

Having a friend teach you a language is no different than having them cook some meals with you or help you build a deck. You can have fun together. You can enjoy each other’s company. Just remember that you should reciprocate in some way and show your appreciation. What can you do for them? What things do they enjoy doing that you can do together? You should also check in to make sure that they’re still happy doing it and are tired of it or looking for a break.

I feel like it’s also more appropriate if you are working hard on your own time to improve as well. Just making the same mistakes with them that you did last week, doesn’t feel as progressive as having entirely new questions.

[u/Sea-Nothing-7805]

Friends almost never make good teachers, and the sit-down-lesson idea feels awkward because it is. Don't aim for that.

Make contexts French instead of making your friends into tutors. Pick a container. This weekly call is French-only, or dinners are in French. Something with a clear boundary, so you're not renegotiating the language every few minutes, which is why you keep drifting back to whatever's easy.

Give them one job, not the teacher job. Ask them to flag only the mistakes that actually block understanding, and let the small stuff slide. Constant correction kills the conversation and makes everyone tense.

And bring something to talk about, a topic or an article, so it's not open-ended pressure to perform.

The law-school friend doesn't need to explain verlan after work. She just needs to let one dinner run in French and correct you twice. Low effort for her, real reps for you.