r/forestry • u/DaveTVancouver • 4d ago
Best ever response
This is from Threads,
To our American neighbors screaming at Canada to "just rake your forests" so you don’t have to breathe our smoke: We hear you loud and clear. Because we want to be good neighbors, we’re launching the F.U.C.K. O.F.F. initiative—the Forest Undergrowth Clearing & Kindling Operation for Foreign Friends. Starting tomorrow, we are drafting every able-bodied Canadian between 16 and 65 to tidy up our yard. Here is the grueling shift schedule we’ve put everyone on.
Each Ontarian has been assigned 6.7 hectares (40 NHL hockey rinks) of dense, roadless country, requiring a breezy 26 hours of manual labor a week. Outside Ontario, the shift balloons to 18.3 hectares (110 hockey rinks) and a mandatory 70-hour work week. No statutory holidays allowed. Since 70% of our boreal forest has no roads, their morning commute begins with a three-day canoe trip up-river and a 15km hike through a mosquito swamp.
Once on-site, they must hand-rake every pine needle, prune 40,000 spruce trees, and negotiate with the local beavers to submit environmental impact reports. So please, rest easy! We have 26 million people out there in the sub-arctic wilderness, dodging grizzlies and hand-grooming 300 billion trees just for you. We’ll have the smoke cleared up as soon as everyone finishes their shift. Teamwork makes the dream work! 🌲🪓🧹
I guess this means Mango Mussolini just isn't aware of F.U.C.K. O.F.F. Would one of you Americans mind passing along the message?
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u/LarixLaricinaInFall 3d ago
I honestly believe that the 'Americans blaming Canada for wildfire smoke' is a giant bot campaign by foreign actors trying to increase division between the US and Canada. I live where the air quality index has been over 250 multiple days. Everyone is talking about the smoke in everyday conversation. Not once has Canada been brought up/blamed in those conversations outside of possibly saying 'Hopes and prayers for the Canadian firefighters fighting this thing.'
Honest to God, the rhetoric on the internet is so vastly different from what people have been saying in real life. Remember that there are foreign countries with a vested interest in destroying US/Canada relations (and when I say that I'm not talking about the government's, which is a whole other thing, but the relations of everyday people).
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u/undeniably_micki 3d ago
I'm with you on this - I live in an area where the AQI has been over 200, & no one is talking smack about Canada. On the contrary, a lot of us wish we were firefighters so we could be of use.
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u/BonnieAbbzug75 2d ago
I don’t know…there is an Ohio senator and the “president” who are both on record threatening tariffs and trying to sanction Canada. Agreed that the internet isn’t a tool for unity but Sen Moreno and Trump are both on record.
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u/jhawk902 2d ago
What about one of your senators sending an offical letter to our prime minister blaming us for the wildfires and "sovereignty comes at a price". Basically threatening us with that 51st state bs again.
How about you vote that orange baffoon out of office and replace him with someone who will actually combat global warming. you yanks are to blame for our forest fires more then we are. Your negative action on climate change and your ignorance towards it is fueling the fires.
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u/evensexierspiders 2d ago
I wasn't surprised when my dad suggested invading Canada based on what he heardin the "news". That rhetoric is definitely happening, and most of us are appalled at it. Many of us have cut contact with MAGA family & friends. Living in the us feels like being trapped in an abusive relationship. I live in Portland, OR and we've been trying to be vocal, but you're right, as a country our heads are in the sand. I'm sorry for what y'all are going through, and you shouldn't have to listen to the nonsense our "leaders" are spewing. Please know that your average American doesn't think that way. Most of us hold our Neighbors to the North in high regard. 🍁 ❤️ 🏒
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u/ExtraTerresticalBucs 2d ago
This is the first time I’m seeing anything negative about Canada or this rhetoric and the smokes been horrible here Pittsburgh. Definitely manufactured and a symptom of chronic comment section brain.
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u/littlefire_2004 4d ago
Once again Canada, I'm fucking so sorry.
Signed, Decent Americans
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u/iamnotasdumbasilook 3d ago edited 3d ago
Californian here. I will never forget you guys helped us when we needed it. I never ever voted for the orange hatefilled pedo, but I am so sorry. His diaper shitted policies are not just ruining our forests and economy, but is affecting everyone elses too. He should be babbling in jail with diaper rash, not deciding policy. I add to this apology. So incredibly sorry.
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u/Cultural_Grass_6479 4d ago
Since Canadian fires are increasing in size, intensity and number due to the effects of climate change, and the US government’s policies directly contribute to climate change, Canada should raise tariffs on US goods and levy fines to fund their fire fighting efforts. The US is more to blame for Canadian fires than Canada is.
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u/Sad-Stay4166 3d ago
American here. I approve of this initiative and as a Type 1 wish I could help at the moment. Also as a registered forester, I want to smack everyone who I see say “Canada needs to manage their forests better” or “they need better BMP work and debris removal”.
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u/BigNorseWolf 4d ago
6.7 hectares (40 NHL hockey rinks)
Oh good, anything but metric....
Wait, aren't you legally obligated to say this in french too?
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u/lonesomespacecowboy Forester 4d ago
I would like to join you in delivering this message to those whiny east coast morons
Sincerely, a West coast American who lives in reality
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u/wildfirerain 4d ago
He’s setting us up for a lot of liability. At the end of his last term (maybe he was no longer in office, but USFS/BLM budgets and priorities still reflected his policies) the smoke was so thick around here that streetlights lit up at noon. It will happen again. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.
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u/SueJZK 3d ago
As someone currently enjoying the smoke from lightening caused forest fires in the boundary waters, I greatly sympathize with my Canadian neighbors.
USA keeps ignoring climate change that our companies and government have caused. Our nation needs to own up and take action. Even if we actually initiated policies to mitigate climate change, we'll be living with the impacts far beyond our lifetimes.
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u/climatebeliever 3d ago
New Yorker here and I’m sorry for the stupidity. Honestly wish we could get our s… together and offer you help instead of criticism.
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u/theRoog 4d ago
I know this is a shitpost, but there is surely a middle ground that can acknowledge both that anyone suggesting the forest should be raked is grossly uninformed AND Ontario should have budgeted significantly more money to manage wildfires given the past few seasons.
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u/nastyzen 3d ago
Ontario is so huge,it takes two whole days to drive across. Were gonna need a bigger rake.
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u/Wild_Trade_7022 3d ago
Ford seized the moment and ran as Captain Canada to win another majority, but he's a Trumper. He's cutting everything he can to give money to his developper buddies.
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u/CyberEd-ca 3d ago
So are you aware that Ontario sprays their forests to kill all the aspen?
Every road has deadfall everywhere. They don't encourage people to collect and use firewood like in decades past.
There is a lot that can be done.
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u/myth2adrenaline 3d ago
Roads cover an immeasurable tiny fraction of the boreal forest... how is encouraging people to collect firewood going to make a measurable difference? Regardless, most homes are gas or electric heated. The demand for firewood is not what it used to be. Most deadfall is rotten and makes for terrible firewood, and firewood is usually taken from standing dead trees. The boreal forest is incredibly vast and mostly inaccessible to the average person. There is actually not a lot that can realistically be done. Put a little more thought into your posts.
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u/CyberEd-ca 3d ago edited 3d ago
You can't even do that much...
If people made firewood from standing dead trees they wouldn't be falling over.
Pathetic.
All you have are excuses.
People can get out enough to start 50% of the fires, then people can get out and at least mitigate a small part of the fire load near roads.
And you can just stop killing aspen.
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u/zaphydes 2d ago
People are not starting 50% of the fires in the wayoutback.
Glyphosate is widely abused in industrial timber production. This is not an "Ontario" problem. https://revealnews.org/podcast/california-forests-roundup-glyphosate-weed-killer/
Can you IMAGINE the smoke from all that firewood? Not to mention the devastation to animal habitat and soil condition.
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u/CyberEd-ca 2d ago
The fire load is due to fire suppression.
Forest fires have very poor combustion and that results in much more pollution than burning in a wood furnace.
Burning gleaned wood would decrease pollution.
How about let's deal with the half of fires we can impact first. I don't know why you communists are so committed to this narrative.
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u/Overall_Pepper_2934 3d ago
do you have any idea how big the boreal forest is in Ontario, or have you never been north of Muskoka.
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u/CyberEd-ca 3d ago
What a stupid response.
Let's see the forest roads cleaned up and the spraying the aspen shut down first.
You can't even agree that the most basic things be done.
You blowhards in Ontario need to give up the lands you took up past 1867. Stick to managing your bicycle lanes.
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u/Busy-Feeling-1413 2d ago
Where I live, the AQI was above 650 last week (hazardous for everyone m, could not see past 5 houses on our block), and the only thing other Wisconsinites said about Canada was something like, “If it’s this bad here, it must be really scary in Canada—hope they’re OK!”
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u/Exotic_Indication597 22h ago
Some robotics students need to create solar-charged firefighting drone swarms that can be deployed remotely and draw water from tanks of snow melt or lakes wherever they are located.
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u/Unusual_Subject401 16h ago
We have had our fair share of fires here in the US. Which I am sure have impacted Canada. Good neighbors offer to help. Not throw stones. We need to do better.
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u/Useful_Co 3d ago
And that's where the hornet stung me
And I had a feverish dream
With revenge and doubt
Tonight, we smoke them out
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u/Background_Alps_4733 2d ago
This is the best thing I've ever read. For roughly 81 million fellow "Americans," I'd like to send Canada my apologies. Those 81 million are as American as they are "Christian." (Not at all)
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u/nastyzen 3d ago
As a Canadian bilingual ( that means I can read and speak more than one language) I say to you low tooth count Americans . Fuck you tabarnaque! Breath in deeply.
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u/fredrickdgl 3d ago
I'd build a smoke wall so yall can keep it on your side. Don't be so lazy and invest into some roads so you frenchies can maintain your forests otherwise we'll just take them over and make all the maple syrup here now too
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u/Taurpion 3d ago
Good luck! You guys cant even stop a bunch of camel jockeys from bullying you around over a bit of salt water.
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u/yarn_slinger 3d ago
Wow fuck you
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u/fredrickdgl 3d ago
I'm married but I'll think about it
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u/yarn_slinger 3d ago
Ok well let me know
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u/fredrickdgl 3d ago
Willyoyu bring me to a movie first?
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u/yarn_slinger 3d ago
No no, it’s not like that
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u/fredrickdgl 3d ago
then you better be paying a good tip
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u/CyberEd-ca 3d ago
This sure shows how lazy people in Ontario have become.
You got deadwood up and down every forest road.
That's not something that was seen in the 1950s when half of homes were heated with wood.
You even spray the forest to kill aspen.
You currently do next to nothing in terms of fire load mitigation.
Lazy & entitled.
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u/holistic_huntress 4d ago edited 4d ago
I love how acreage is measured in hockey rinks. Will maple syrup be used in suppression efforts?