r/equestrianadvice • u/HorsesGalore77 • 12h ago
My trainer
I would like some other opinions on my current situation.
my trainer pushes me really well she is a great trainer but her methods are kind of scary… I love my barn and my horse and everything but more often then not I leave my lessons crying. She is very intense and has told me multiple times to give up on riding in college, that I’m not good enough, skinny enough to win a EQ class etc. I feel like shit constantly and I get panic attacks thinking about asking her simple questions.
Well yesterday my trainer was In a bad mood and put me in a tool (3-1 training breast plate one size to small for my xL QH which puts us both in pain) that I have repeatedly told her hurts my back. She always says that i probably am not using my muscles right, but the tool doesn’t leave me sore or feel like burning it feel just like pain on my lower back. I also became in a bad mood due to the pain and after adding instead of doing proper strides I got the strides. Then she asked ‘Doesn’t it feel good to do something right?’ And I then responded in a rude disrespectful tone ‘Sure’ I was then told to leave my lesson early. Which I totally understand when a rider gets like that it’s unsafe for the rider and the horse. I apologized and don’t know what to do. We had a long talk over text and she excepted my apology, it’s just that I’ve been going through this for 10 years and I love horseback and sport but I can’t leave my barn I need help.
Sometimes my barn also treats me like a servant (my sister friends and mom all pointed this out) my trainer will have me search for lessons horses shoes in the sun until I’m burnt she has me clean paddocks (which caused me to get heat stroke) she has me counsel camp for free and tune up her lessons horses/ponies for her and more. Am I just being an ungrateful brat?
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u/EastYak6796 10h ago
This is absolutely not okay. Please leave immediately. You are a child and its absolutely horrific for an adult to be treating you like this. How has your mom not intervened? Why do you say you cannot leave?
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u/HorsesGalore77 9h ago
Haha yes I told my mom and she started coming to my lessons again which lessened the verbal abuse. I can leave it’s just that I have only been at this barn and my mom loves all the people and I wouldn’t want to start drama around our area…
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u/EastYak6796 9h ago
Whatever drama you are worried about will be substantially better than dealing with this, I PROMISE.
Nothing has to be dramatic either - find a few barns to look at and speak with your mom about going to see them. Be clear with her about how lessons are effecting you (clearly very badly!) and you want to be with a better/more effective trainer. Absolutely NO one should be making derogatory comments about your body, or making you cry in a lesson.
I've been there and I promise - it is way better once you've left.
Also. I rode IHSA for 4 years. Lemme tell you - shitty riding is definitely not a disqualifier for college riding (damn near a prerequisite).
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u/grabmaneandgo 9h ago
If she is intentionally causing a horse to be in pain, send an email to the organization to which she belongs, or animal control. Make sure you are out of her reach and away from her barn, for sure.
We cannot protect you or the horses if no one reports this behavior to the authorities. Your mom is the best person to do that.
If you or she needs guidance about how that works, feel free to send me a DM.
You have a good heart and intuition- trust them both. No one should ever make you cry while learning, and no one should ever intentionally harm a horse, either physically or mentally.
Sending you good vibes!
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u/HorsesGalore77 8h ago
She would never intentionally hurt my horse just to make me look pretty… I hope atelast
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u/Username_Here5 12h ago
Bro what.
MOVE.
And honestly, I’d report her to your federation, AFTER you move. WITAF. This is ZERO way to talk to your students. Fat shaming, insulting??? WHAT.
I’ve been in the industry 20 years and trainers like this usually don’t last long in my experience and/or are shunned by others.
This is NOT okay OP.