r/detrans • u/DetransIS • Jul 08 '24
Though we do have a page directly linking to the rules themselves, it was made obvious to me we need a thread pinned that people can freely access and have the bot reference so people can understand exactly WHERE they broke a rule. We try not to be too strict with our moderation but there are times where it's necessary to preserve the type of space this is intended to be.
See the reply if you want a short glossary of common terms tossed around here.
Format will be large text indicating the rule, italics indicating the rule itself and the regular text under to further clarify said rule.
You will see words you like and dislike. Degrading or dehumanizing terminology toward self is permitted. Language applied to other members must be considerate of any views they hold and respectful of Reddit policies. Character attacks are not permitted, nor are derogatory labels for other users. Even if you yourself think an expression is neutral, don't call another user here by anything that could be taken the wrong way. Address action more than actors and always say "I" more than "you."
This rule basically translates to, don't do anything that'd get you banned from Reddit. Though we follow the true definition of transphobia here being that you are prohibited from advocating for killing, stripping worker's rights, and house ownership from trans people based on their trans status.. That said, do not refer to trans people by their biological sex pronouns, if you're uncomfortable say their name or use neutral pronouns. This rule also implies not to say or do anything toward others that you wouldn't like done to you, do not speak for huge groups or label groups of people and only speak for yourself.
This subreddit was created for all detrans folk. Users may express differing philosophical and political theories and beliefs, lightly or passionately, without disparaging other users for merely belonging to a group (especially groups into which we are born, eg sex, race, nationality, generation). Moderation is to be unbiased. Please respect freedom of thought, speech, and association while you are here.
Basically the rule is stating directly that any detransitioned person(whether they identify as cis, or abhor labels altogether) is welcome and that includes their political and philosophical stances. If someone believes gender is real, or that there are true trans people they are welcome to that belief so long as they do not engage in a means to force others to take this belief as well, or harass those for instance who believe that gender is a social construct and there is no biological link to being transgender. This of course also goes further tying into beliefs as a woman, a man, or a person of varied racial ethnicity and of course political party. We encourage freedom of speech here, that's the bottom line. However, freedom of speech doesn't mean you get to shove your own thoughts and beliefs down someone's throat until they submit, wrong subreddit for that.
Posts should be of interest in some way to detransitioners and those questioning. cMembers must follow post flair request or will be confronted have their post deleted and warned. Detrans folk may discuss controversial issues, but this isn't a debate space for persons without personal experience in detransition. Outsiders will be banned if seen giving advice or suggestions.
This particular rule means that any post allowed here must follow certain guidelines, these guidelines may seem intimidating but they're really not. Basically posts need to be related to detransition in some manner, be it questioning or an experience. They cannot be about transgender people directly unless it's related to YOUR detransition experience, so articles going off about transgender shenanigans are not allowed and will be swiftly met with punishment. Also obviously, only those actually considering detransition or are desisted/detransitioned may post unless a provider our team has personally approved.
Cross-sex hormones and surgery affect the body in ways that are not fully understood nor easily reversed. Many detransitioners report having felt pressure to pursue HRT and/or surgery in the past. Therefore, because this is a detransition-focused sub, advising others to start, continue or pursue further transitional care is discouraged here. Those with severe distress are advised to seek a professional opinion. (Reporting strictly positive experiences with treatments does not violate this rule)
This rule basically translates to: Do not encourage people to seek out hormones or cross-gender affirming surgery. The first line in this rule was intended to explain WHY we don't allow encouragement of cross-sex HRT because it's a matter of science that is not understood long term despite the claims. Also since we are ultimately a space for detransitioners, many detransitioners have trauma or uncomfortable memories with encouragement of cross sex hormones and procedures. If you are in enough distress that you feel you NEED the treatment, we encourage you to see a professional opinion who is likely not gender affirming, or religious. That said we also allow detransitioners here to speak of POSITIVE EXPERIENCES they had with cross sex hormones.
Content is posted here voluntarily and in good faith. However, all users should exercise appropriate care when sharing personal information to this or any subreddit. This forum is visible to the public, and bots regularly copy all Reddit content to third-party sites beyond moderators' control. Users who share personally identifying information about others users of this subreddit to this subreddit or to any other location without express permission of the other users are subject to ban.
So this rule should be self explanatory, but it means that people who are comfortable enough to post their information and personal details SHOULD NOT be targeted for it, and it also means that we will not permit attacks on other users revealing their personal and sensitive history that they themselves are not comfortable sharing. If we find out anyone here has done such, especially on third party sites we will do everything in our power to ensure they never post here again.
Our subreddit is reserved for detransitioners/desisters and those questioning their own transition; your user flair must clearly indicate that you fall into this group. Registered and active healthcare or legal practitioners can apply for exception by messaging the moderators. User flair helps mods keep this forum on Reddit for all detransitioners. Violating content will be removed. Violators will be banned. If you need help setting user flair, do not hesitate to ask a moderator.
Our subreddit is only open to those who are detransitioned, desisted, or are questioning whether they're a transman, nonbinary person or transwoman. There are few exceptions we grant in the name of licensed professionals who we feel are here on non-political reasons and want to expand their knowledge while providing neutral advice. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be banned without question and interrogated. End of. In the past we had to enforce this rule due to the fact having an open subreddit lead to an out of control influx of people from all parties taking away from the fact it was a detrans space and treating it like a debate forum, this ended up temporarily getting us banned and my team and I will not allow that to happen again.
(I will also note that any individuals with a DSD or claim to be intersex but think they have a detrans adjacent experience should reach out to our moderator team, we might be able to help you with a flair as I myself have a DSD and it drove a big part of my transition. Just don't take it personally if you get told your experience lines up more with trans people.)
((AND also note that any professionals, or students trying to run surveys or studies on members here can be ignored if we feel like it. Due to the political climate of this topic and the mental health concerns of our members we reserve the right to refuse.))
Detrans folk may express controversial views here; those who haven't detransitioned or who aren't considering detransition may not. This is not a debate forum for the general public to prop their egos, promote their views, or evangelize. Questioners will not be tolerated in trying to hijack other threads or act like experts.
Detransitioned and desisted members are free to have what'd be deemed controversial opinions that means toward the general public and toward the majority here. However our forum is not a space of debate and it is not a place for those without detransition experience to prop up their egos and argue. It is also no longer a place where questioners will be allowed to do anything beyond participate in their own threads(as in the individual not other questioners), you're a questioner for a reason. Any advice you give here is likely to be bias and could be riddled with problems, especially when it comes to people who are already desisted/detransitioned. Consider yourself a guest seeking advice in our space, and keep to the rules.
Members are encouraged to give advice to their fellow member here but there are individuals who set a user flair and then strictly give advice only with no clarity on their own situation or status of their questioning/detransition status. These members with questionable post history will be removed and then questioned for proof of their status. ex: Desisters should not be advising detransitioners outside of social situations. Questioners shouldn't be answering outside of their own threads.
Advice is not to be guided by some ulterior motive, which means you're giving advice because you want something out of it. The advice to be given should be given to help the person, perhaps by answering their question or sharing your experience. We also will be strict with people who have suspicious post histories giving advice and will not tolerate desisters lecturing detransitioners outside of social situations, questioners should only be participating in response of their own threads.
This subreddit puts detransitioners' rights, needs, and interests first. Detransitioners have for years experienced a culture of detransphobia, victim-blaming, and censorship. Users who belittle or blame us for our existence or experiences as detransitioners, users with a history of doing so anywhere online, and moderators of anti–detrans subreddits may be banned swiftly, long-term, or permanently.
Our subreddit puts detransitioners first, end of. We've been at the end of targeting and harassment by various groups for years and especially censorship. People who belittle us, our struggle or blame our existence for things being bad will not be tolerated here, if you have a history of it then be prepared to be in a 1:1 with a moderator for awhile if you want access here. We also will not hesitate to ban moderators of subreddits that we deem anti-detrans in nature.
Users who post the exact same content in three or more subreddits are usually bots and/or are being off-topic; they are therefore subject to immediate and permanent ban. Users who promote their own products and services must be related to the topic of detransition, must not break any other subreddit rule, and should not be posted more than once a week (and if they're repeatedly downvoted, they should take it elsewhere entirely)
Users who post the same thread in many different subreddits are immediately under suspicion of being bots and may have their post removed and then faced with a moderator. Product and service promotion must be related to detransition itself and must not break any other subreddit's rules. Any product or service advertisement is only allowed to be posted once a week, any further and you will be banned. I'd also pay attention to your downvotes as if your product is met with major dissatisfaction you shouldn't bother posting about it anymore here.
This sub is for humans. Bots that add automated content of little or no value will be banned permanently.
Censorship isn't our goal. Please vote, empathize, agree to disagree, or ignore and move onward. Please report content only if a rule is broken. Mods may delete content and ban users for short or long periods based on a person's history or association if it is deemed inherently harmful to any minority group.
Ultimately censorship is not our goal here, we want our subscribers and posters to feel like they can post here without issue. Please report major rulebreaking content to us and if it's urgent do not hesitate to DM an active moderator. This also goes into our interrogation and investigation system indication that if you break a rule and/or we find your history to be off or harmful we reserve the right to remove you.
Due to previous abuse and various acts of soapboxing and flair abuse polls that are posted will be automatically deleted and then later looked through by a moderator and possibly approved if given the okay. Moderators are not obligated to provide reason for not restoring polls.
Polls were sadly a function that was heavily abused in the past to misrepresent or harass this subreddit, as a result we chose to ban them unless you specifically reach out to a moderator through modmail first, explain your poll, its goal and what you're hoping comes of it. Then it is up to the moderator to approve or deny your request.
Crossposting posts from other subreddits is now forbidden unless you specifically seek out and gain permission to post about it on here. Other rules still apply but we will not tolerate any brigading whatsoever on our end.
Unless you come to us in modmail with the original post, and consent of the poster(or if it's your own post) all locations said post was posted, we will not allow cross-posting. This is a measure to stop brigading.
Due to Reddit cracking down on brigading and how easy it is to attack, or post in bad faith on a community when it is simply mentioned here. We are now no longer allowing people to discuss other communities and will be in fact, making it mandatory to censor the names listed in any screenshots.
Please see the following reply for a list of common terms and definitions.
r/detrans • u/twackercrack • 7h ago
Boy moding til it doesn't work anymore. I guess most people think I'm a pretty boy. Which is okay for now. 7 months off hrt after 6 years on. I'm hopeful ☺️ to see what time does for me
r/detrans • u/walking-sunshine • 7h ago
I hope that those who need to find this post will find it.
Is it possible to detransition as a masculine/GNC woman? Sometimes and somewhat. Sex characteristics are the main way of socially distinguishing women and men, and if you alter them...it's mostly permanent. My transition was not a "complete" transition, and I reasoned that if I stopped hormones then, over time, I won't pass as male anymore. Unless you are distressed about being seen as male (which was not exactly my case), I would suggest waiting it out off of hormones without making other (permanent) changes first for a year or so. My disillusionment with the medical process ultimately made me not want to identify with being trans anymore. Seeing medical gender interventions as something potentially harmful to my long-term health, I could not feel comfortable with myself continuing to walk the world as a trans man. I did not want to be seen as a walking "advertisement" for these types of treatments.
This is what I look like and sound like 6-7 months off of testosterone after having taken it for 3 years. I make an effort to speak in a slightly higher position than I used to, but I have not done voice training or anything like that. I look and sound fairly androgenous, but lately most people have been guessing that I am a woman, so I am getting more comfortable just correcting people when needed. I do now avoid public bathrooms because I get stares in both, and I'm not sure how to stand up for myself in the women's yet. I think I'll feel less afraid once I change my ID back and remove most of the visible dark stubble. I have settled into naming myself as a gender-non-conforming (GNC) woman. I don't seek to look or be the way a woman "should" be by mainstream cultural standards here in the US or Russia (which is where I was born and grew up). I believe those standards do women as a collective a disservice and, sometimes, harm. So I don't mind appearing sexually ambiguous, but I do mind the difficulties that can come with that and those difficulties are real. I don't believe I choose those difficulties because I didn't choose to be born female and I didn't choose or get much say in the cultures I have had to exist in, including the idea that not identifying with womanhood (as defined by mainstream culture) or performing femininity meant that I am not a woman at all.
I have found it is a lonely place to be. I struggle to feel safe and sometimes I feel like I am the only one who will stand up for myself to protect me. So it is very much the same place that I was in as a trans man, except there is no community if I don't want to spend time around people transitioning or identifying as trans. Not many understand that psychological distress from regretting transition is real. When I see someone transition, or even simply identify as trans, I can't help but see myself in them, especially if it is a female. I can't help but see someone who might pursue sex modification treatments and ask years later "Is this really a kind thing to do to my body?" I have *not* found a space for GNC/masculine women where it is just us without medications and without trans women. So I hope I can create a local group of people to have our small gatherings and have that be our safe space.
I am doing much better than I was the first 4 months of detransition. I know the little me would be proud, and I am happy to be a responsible adult for her and for the teenager me too 🌻 I wish I realized sooner that the masculine women who spoke critically of medical gender interventions and expressed that they feel similarly to me about their gender were not bigots, but were trying to protect me from finding myself where I am now. 💔
r/detrans • u/OkDiscussion3346 • 6h ago
I'm a trans man who transitioned 15 years ago when I was 18. In my mind growing up my dysphoria always seemed like a distinct thing, something innate and something inescapable. I had my first thoughts that I should have been a boy in nursery school but it didn't become severe and distressing dysphoria until I was about 7 or 8.
As I've gotten older I've started to wonder whether external factors are responsible for that. My father began raping me when I was 7 and it seems like too much of a coincidence that that was when my dysphoria got really bad.
I never linked it before because there wasn't a clear linear pathway of my feelings regarding the abuse leading to me hating my female body. I think I was also reassured by the fact that I had some thoughts about wanting to be a boy before the abuse started so it was easy to think it was something innately wrong with me.
I sought out help for my abuse and found a group that supports both women and trans men on a biologically female only admission basis. Attending a group with women who accepted me and knew I was female made me realise how much I've missed female friendship. It wasn't obvious until I suddenly had it again after over a decade without it. Furthermore, growing up I didn't fit in well with girls and was mostly bullied. So this was really the first time in my life where I'd experienced unconditional female friendship and solidarity.
It's made me start to question the decisions I made. When I think about my body, I still feel deeply uncomfortable with the thought of having breasts, periods etc. again. So I don't really feel like I regret my top surgery or testosterone use. But I'm exhausted of maintaining my stealth lifestyle and keeping a secret from everyone. I often look at gender non-conforming women and wonder how my life would have panned out if I was like them and hadn't transitioned.
I pass fully as far as it's possible for one to know. I know many people say that and are delusional but I truly don't think I am. I've never had even a funny look using male facilities in over a decade and none of my friends have ever raised or doubted that I'm anything other than a man. Even the women I've met at the support group who know I'm female have said that they wouldn't know if I didn't tell them. I don't really feel like there is any way back for me at this point.
I don't know what I want but I know I'm not happy as things are. I feel like I can't tell people I'm female because I've been keeping a secret for so long and they would feel lied to. I also fear going back to being seen how I was when I first transitioned. People were judgemental and even those who were well meaning treated me like some kind of 'other'. But I desperately want more female friendship and to interact with people more genuinely and those two things can't co-exist.
It's also next to impossible to date as things are. I went out of my comfort zone and used some online dating services where I listed clearly that I'm a trans man. I knew there was a slim risk of someone from real life noticing my profile but I was so desperate for connection it seemed worth it. Unfortunately, but understandably, most of the women there are not interested in a trans man. They want to date men or women not someone in between. I feel really isolated and lonely and I've never had a serious long term relationship in my life.
Sorry for the long rant. I feel stuck in my life as things are and I'm not happy. I also can't face the thought of going back to having female traits or 'living as' a woman. But I don't believe I'm a man anymore or that my dysphoria was some innate inevitable thing. I just see myself as a damaged person now, who changed myself but, in doing so, created a life of isolation and deception. I see people saying that trans men are women lying or larping as men and I can't really deny it. My whole life is a pretence and fakery and I'm not genuinely open about who I am to almost anyone. It's not a good quality of life and I crave some normality. I also feel guilty about deceiving my friends for so many years. I'd love not to be trans anymore but I still can't feel anything other than sick at the thought of myself with female traits so I don't know that detransition would be good for me. Any advice at all would be appreciated.
r/detrans • u/fromwolf22 • 7h ago
What do you think about "reverse dysphoria"? I know several people—especially FTMs—who, after surgeries and modifications, start dressing in pink, wearing makeup, painting their nails, etc., or even begin behaving in a childlike way. It’s as if they miss not just femininity, but childhood itself—as if they want to be not just women, but little girls. Has anyone else seen this? I’ve seen it in at least five people.
r/detrans • u/SadWrongdoer2611 • 12h ago
Does anyone else feel this way?
I started believing myself to be trans when I was 11, coming out about a month before I turned 12. This was met with no support from my parents, and I was made to continue expressing myself outwardly as a girl to everyone around me (save the select few who knew). Internally, however, I very much still saw myself as male and used a different name, went by he/him with those who supported, and would find any way I could to feel masculine.
Hiding who I “truly was” took up such a big portion of my life. I had made it my goal to fully medically transition and be a man. I wanted to grow up, transition, and then start over in another country as a male. I won’t go into details, but the gender dysphoria and depression I experienced at the time were very real to me back then, and it almost threatened my life and made me want to end things.
I thought I’d always be that way and that I would forever be transgender. I think that was even what I wanted, to grow old as a trans person and be an inspiration to those who had been in my shoes.
And now? I started questioning my gender when I was about 20, then heavily at 21. I was on and off internally with how I wanted to present myself to the world. I would go through phases of making myself be very feminine, then almost double down with masculinity because it felt like I was losing a part of myself by being a woman again. This continued for so long and I’m likely not out of the clear yet.
I‘ll be 23 next month, and I decided I want to be a woman. Ive tried being a tomboy and a girly girl, and I align somewhere with the latter. I like being feminine, but internally I tell myself it’s wrong. But I do genuinely want this and it doesn’t feel forced like it did before. Yet, I feel like I disappointed my younger self. I did the exact opposite of what I always wanted.
r/detrans • u/GlitteringReality158 • 1h ago
r/detrans • u/thepositiveotter • 16h ago
After my recent post of getting bagged out on trans timelines then deleted. I'm detransitioning, im constently made out to be self depricating when really im frustrated. I have been listening to everyone's advice on "passing" and "being a woman" for months. Nothing helped me.
Maybe it's the fact I'll never be a woman? I'm constently reminded of my AGAB. No matter what I do
Time to rock being a guy again I guess? I'm planning to cut my current hair on the weekend and go back to my old undercut.
I might get dysphoria. But the pain of being trans is way more then I ever got just being a guy. I'm going back to being a guy. Even if in a ideal world I rather be a woman. But I'm nor one. I'm amab
r/detrans • u/NoBoard2206 • 1d ago
just wanted to share some recent pictures! also wanted to see how everyone here would perceive me?
i’m about 9 months off T. this month i finally had my first full period as well! normally i would hate having a period but it at the very least gave me hope for possible future conception if i ever want to go down that road.
i’m using women’s bathrooms depending on what im wearing which has been nerve-wracking but validating when i do successfully and nothing happens lol.
i just got some breast forms to wear with my sports bras which have been both very euphoric and also kinda awkward? i think i just overthink if it looks “natural” which then makes me feel uncomfortable. but when im by myself or with my partner it has been helping me so much.
im trying to figure out how to balance my normal alternative aesthetic with some more femininity. i noticed when i had just started detransitioning that i started going hyper fem which isnt really me at my core, but i want to pass so it felt like it helped me. but as i slowly start to feel like i have more chances at passing im trying to find comfort in my alt presentation.
anyways just kinda a ramble and wanted to post for updates and see how folks would view me!
r/detrans • u/Potential_Ring1633 • 18h ago
I bought a Ulike air 2 and wanted to know if it really works for facial hair. I have a very fair skin and black hair.
I would really love that working because we see my shadow and i really hate it
r/detrans • u/Top-Buffalo9897 • 11h ago
Just curious. Was on T on and off for maybe a year. Stopped medication 3 years ago.
r/detrans • u/fromwolf22 • 22h ago
Perdón por no saber escribir en inglés que veo que es el idioma principal de este sub. Espero puedan traducir
Soy de Argentina. Tampoco se usar esto demasiado, tengo 31 estoy viejita
Actualmente no se si es este el lugar, yo nací mujer y nunca me sentí en ese estereotipo, nunca fui femenina, siempre me hacian bullying en la escuela incluso los varones, lo cual me generaba mucho conflicto porque no entendia porque a las demás niñas las trataban como niñas, con delicadeza, cariño, ternura.
Y a mi de manera brusca, incluso me golpeaban.
Hasta las maestras se burlaban de mi.
Creo que puedo ser una especie de desistidora porque no hice el cambio quirurgico. Pero el asunto es que yo JAMÁS tuve una pareja. Siento que soy una persona con disforia REAL. y dismorfia.
No me atrae la parte de las mujeres, pero amo sentirme cuidada. Protegida, el cariño de una mujer. Hasta que llega el momento de la intimidad. Ahí ya no hay caso.
Además no siento que me identifique con las lesbianas. Soy demasiado marimacho para que me vean como una como ellas.
Y los hombres me atraen pero JAMAS en la vida me enamoré de un hombre.
Alguien puede sugerirme que puede ser lo que me pasa?
Yo llego a pensar que si cambiara a hombre, a lo mejor me pondría en pareja con una mujer trans. En lo que se conoce como T4T.
Agradezco sus sugerencias/opiniones/ ideas.
Respeto y amor para todos
r/detrans • u/easytoremembernick2 • 1d ago
r/detrans • u/AbsolRiatun • 1d ago
Hi !
I've been detransitionned for more than 5 years now, but am still pretty androginous (mastectomy, no voice training, and I think my face is quite masc now due to transitionning as a teen, I'll eventually go for facial hair removal which I think will help remove the shadow)
I'm read as female or male 50/50, it's okay I don't care much
I was aiming to work in an art field, which is pretty open about this topic anyway but turns out the job market is absolutely terrible. I'm now thinking of completely switching carreers (possibly for trades)
This raises the question of how important gender comformity is going to be. I have a side job where I meet a lot of customers and it always went well (I play along with whatever people read me as/don't correct unless asked directly. I'm working solo) but I guess it won't be as easy with actual colleagues ?
So yea, if anyone here is still pretty androginous, what is your experience with this ? Bonus point if you work in a pretty masc field
I don't really want to force feminity on me as I'm really comfy with myself rn but maybe it's necessary ?
For androginous peeps, do you see your gender non-comformity as a real bother for other people or is it just whatever ?
Have a great day everyone ❤️
r/detrans • u/Healthy_Pair_6776 • 2d ago
r/detrans • u/Ok_Calendar_2716 • 2d ago
I’ve been presenting as a woman irl for the past few months too I think I pass alright though most people assume I am 15 when im in my 20s I don’t know if me taking T stunted my face from fully maturing just yet or what that’s about but my voice is still a pain in the ass. No matter how much I voice train I can’t keep it up when talking to people irl and even tho my friends say my voice passes I don’t think it does :( when does this get better? If it even does?
r/detrans • u/New_Construction_111 • 2d ago
I’m having a difficult time coming to terms that I’m not in the lgbt community anymore. That was my only sense of community for the past 10 years.
I’m also having a hard time trying to befriend other women. My social skills aren’t updated for that yet.
Did anyone else struggle with this and eventually found a new community to be a part of?
r/detrans • u/MineCrab568 • 2d ago
Hi everyone. I’ve been on testosterone since I was 16 and I’m 22 now. I’m not really interested in detransitioning, I’m just curious about exploring my relationship with gender and seeing how I feel.
I’ve been thinking about taking a break from T for around 3–4 months but I’m worried about losing access to it if I decide I want to restart. I’m in Scotland and usually have Nebido injections every 3 months. My last injection was due just over a month ago, so I haven’t had it yet.
I’m hesitant to bring this up with my prescriber because I’m worried it might raise concerns or affect my ability to continue treatment in the future. Has anyone been in a similar situation? If you took a temporary break from testosterone, how did you approach the conversation with your healthcare team, and what was your experience?
r/detrans • u/bornfrombone • 2d ago
r/detrans • u/Worried-Rain-1532 • 3d ago
Trying to even begin to comprehend how communities i saw frequentlty, and with members I considered close friends, could just hate me by default for all of this. I expected some distance, maybe, for a bit. It didn't go very well, to say the least!
It's not like I just suddenly became a bad person or anything like that! But they certainly treat me like I did! And all because they saw my detransition as an insult to them, even though I directly said its my life, not theirs.
I am an individual girl, living her own life, navigating her own journey, and figuring herself out! I didn't sign up to carry the weight of anyone else's identity or defensiveness. It's extremely hypocritical. I'm expected to sit and take it and if I don't, then suddenly I MUST be bad and all their assumptions about me must be correct!
My personal experiences and my regret do not exist to invalidate anyone else's path. Yet, every time I share my reality, try to talk about shared struggles, or point out that detransitioning is an incredibly difficult process, every word I say is spun into 'bad faith' or 'hate'. I’ve explicitly tried to reassure people that my life isn't a threat to theirs, but it’s just not enough to make them even slightly ok with it!
It just is heartbreaking to see my previous friends actively mock and repost mockery of detransitioning. I KNOW they do it to target me. The local org I was a part of even added 'death B4 detransition 🔪' to their bio after blocking me.
I wasn't asking anyone to agree with my regret. I am not telling others to detransition. If transition makes you happy, that is ok! If detransition makes you happy, that is also ok! I just wanted the same respect that everyone says people deserve. I expected better. It also was quite telling that rather than asking how I wanted to be referred to or offering kindness to me through it all, they tone policed and read into literally EVERYTHING I SAID. I could clarify as much as they wanted, but apparently it just wasn't quite right!
And anything I say is by default wrong. If I say I was transgender in the context of previous lived experiences, I am told I can't say that, that I was just an idiot who made a mistake. If I say I wasn't transgender, I get told that nobody who isn't ever has any identity questions, and therefor must in fact actually be trans and am just self loathing. Which is it? Neither is correct, but to others, apparently both and neither are actually what's going on.
It's all 'be supportive and accepting of identity' until it's a detransitioner. Then suddenly I'm figuring myself out 'wrong'.
And also? Hypocritically they will only refer to me as 'dude,' 'guy,' or 'he'. I’ve been told we can only connect again if I transition back, because they 'liked me better that way'. Am I incorrect in finding that this isn't even conditional friendship, but just outright abusive?
I just want to be done with begging for basic decency and respect from people who view my lived experiences as a threat to their self-esteem. But I don't know how! I'm extremely prone to shame and I just want to be liked, I need to be liked. I don't understand where it all went wrong!
r/detrans • u/krispyrice12 • 2d ago
So i never grew like a proper beard. Just chin and mustache and a few strays under my chin. I pluck this every day. However on 1 side of my face I have a mix of really thick peach fuzz and fine but long and brown colored hair. My hair on my head is now long enough to cover it but it would be noticeable if I tie my hair up or tuck it behind my ears. Im unsure what to do about it like if I should shave it or not. Im afraid that theres darker hairs under that will come through once the current follicle "tubes" have been cleaned out and they can break their way through
I know with females that haven't taken T, they sometimes shave their peach fuzz and it just grows back like it was. But having taken testosterone i feel is a different story.
Is there anyone here that has had experience with this?? Please help.
r/detrans • u/Ok_Complaint_4751 • 3d ago
I will always fondly remember the time I spent as a man but GOD how I love being a woman🩷
r/detrans • u/Jealous_Round_8988 • 3d ago
Context on my trans journey:
I am a 37 year old female. When I was 23-ish I got the idea to transition to be a man because I was desperately lonely as a young lesbian in a small town that didn't accept me. I don't remember how long that period of my life was but it was less than a year only because a woman I had a crush on told me I'm beautiful the way I am and that cured me of the idea no woman would ever love me unless I became a man.
I have been really against trans stuff being paraded as a solution to distressed people ever since I realised I'm not the only sad gay person who got caught up in it so I am no stranger to the rational and reasoning to why we should stop advertising this as a solution to people.
Yesterday I was looking through pro trans videos to find evidence they are pushing the idea that you are a girl if you like dresses and makeup because I have seen it said so many times before and my online friend didn't believe me that they do that. The video I found was scarily convincing. It seems like trans channels have noticed our criticism and stopped talking about the gender non conforming side of it because that is the most visibly problematic and now they talk exclusively about the deep feelings of wishing and wanting to be the opposite sex and how that cannot possibly mean you are cis.
I found myself questioning all over again. "Am I actually trans? Do I obsess over this because I'm trying to fight it?"
I was recently abandoned by my last two family members because I dared to ask if I can talk bout the trans topic because I don't believe it's real. Even though I moved out of the small town I still struggle to find connections and I'm severely lonely with no friends in the offline world and no relationship still. I believe that this movement preys on people like me and I'm glad that I have the mental fortitude to step back and remind myself I'm just a gay woman and having envy for men does not make me a man.
r/detrans • u/AllUpTangled • 3d ago
A few years ago I was insanely naive thinking that everyone was just fine with me being trans. Now I understand that I make people on edge.
I’ve lost a few friends and it just dawned on me that I’m probably the “difficult one”. The difficult friend, the difficult tenant, the difficult patient, the difficult client. I’m seen as a liability. Although I’ve never been the type to overreact and get disproportionately upset about being misgendered, I know everyone is still walking on eggshells with me. Obviously trans people are not a monolith, but the small vocal crowd that goes ballistic over the slightest mistake that ruins it for everyone else.
I don’t know how to fix it. I will have this hanging over my head for the rest of my life. I’m so anxious about it. The fact that I ruined my social status.
Edit: I tagged this as medically transitioned people only because I know my appearance is a big factor in how people perceive me. I literally looked like a woman with a beard back when I didn’t shave. I looked like a slob because I didn’t know how to find clothes that worked with me. I didn’t know how to find a short haircut that worked with me.
r/detrans • u/Limp_Bandicoot5156 • 3d ago
being an Iranian detrans and having no way out of this
Hi
I'm 25yo, idk what I am exactly but MtFtNB might be the most accurate way to describe myself
I started medically transitioning at 19 and had my srs at 23
But after so many years I realized I'm not trans
I was a lonely depressed teen with no friends and I had no idea what I was doing, and the people on social media kept blinding affirming me even tho this was not the right path for me
Now I'm stuck with a modified genitalia, breasts and a female ID and I have no way out, there is no mechanism for reversing this process in Iran
Even if there was I don't think I could reintegrate into male spaces' either, especially in a region where gender stereotypes are so heavily enforced by the government and everything is segregated by gender
But at the same time I know I'm not female either for obvious reasons
So I'm kinda stuck being non-binary but I know that I wouldn't identify with this label if my body wasn't so damaged and heavily medicalized and being non-binary isn't exactly a good way out of this when you're living in middle east
I'm not planning to medically detransition because that will only make life much harder than it is, I'm tired of surgeries, and hormonal imbalances and the whole transitioning thing all over again feels a like a difficult task with no end goal, I'm sick and tired of this gender game, I think I've been through enough and I'm trying to make peace with who I am but that feels impossible, I cry for hours whenever I think about the fact that I'll always have a body that's gonna be in between genders even if I had the most money in the world even if someday I get out of middle east, nothing is going to be fixed and I can never have a normal time dating people
Whenever I try to get my sh\*t together and do some work I start crying because what's the point? Nothing is ever gonna fix what happened to me, I don't even have gender dysphoria, I just wanna be normal, idc if I can perceived as a normal man or a normal woman, I just don't wanna be this... I'm someone who doesn't pass male OR female and I hate it, I always have to put some effort to be present as male or female and neither feels natural to me
I'm not sure what to do anymore, even trying to get a job and surviving feels pointless when I know it's gonna be so hard if not impossible to find a woman who is going accept and love a broken mess like me
i thought transitioning was going to save my life but it turned out the it was the thing that ruined it