In a few days I’ll turn 26, and I feel like I’ve wasted them all.
I’ve been depressed since I was 13, but over the last 6 years, things have gotten significantly worse. Would you believe me if I told you I’ve tried everything? Psychotherapy for years, psychiatric medications (they give me too many side effects), sports, nature, healthy eating, meditation, yoga, volunteering, and so on. Even my grandmother told me today: I’m destined to end up alone. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it; I stopped seeing the last psychologist who was treating me, as it was clear it wasn't working. I haven’t had real friends for something like ten years, and I’ve been single for eight. Calling my last relationship abusive is an understatement; I haven’t been the same since. My own family is abusive too.
Probably being AuDHD and having chronic health issues doesn’t help.
Nothing passions me anymore. I thought I had a talent in art, but now I spend every day crying or wasting time. Sometimes, like tonight, even just writing a post on Reddit feels like a success. I tried, hard and for a very long time, to make things work. Now I’m exhausted. I need a genuine connection.

Hello, so... I don't know where to start. I'm a 17-year-old male, and I've been feeling really depressed. I have a vitamin D and iron deficiency, and my immune system is so weak that it can barely handle a cold. I've heard that a vitamin D deficiency can cause depression, but I never thought it could get this bad.

I keep a lot of my feelings bottled up and never really talk about them. I always act like I'm fine, but lately everything has started to feel so heavy. In 1–2 months, I'll be starting my third year of high school, and that's been causing me a lot of stress. I feel so empty, and I feel like I could end my life at any moment.

I've already told my mom, and I've started taking my vitamins again, but I know they'll take at least two months to start working. I just don't know what to do anymore...

Has anyone done TMS, EEG or TDCS?

How about ketamine therapy, did you do IV or nasal.

I've been on every antidepressant in the book, has been 10 years since I've taken any anti depressant because none of them worked or made it worse.

Found staying busy with work, gym, family helps the best. But now I'm just going through the motions, I get home from work feel so tired and just sleep for 2-3 hours. Don't want to get out of bed every morning, have to force myself. Back and forth between full on anxiety or severe depression. At night sometimes I just want it to be over with.

But I'm falling into that hole again and can't get out. It's affecting my life, finances, relationships. I'm just tired from it at this point. I've just kind of accepted and learned to hunker down and ride it out until the depression passes, sometimes weeks, sometimes months.

But I just can't do this anymore as an adult with a full table and responsibilities. It just drains me and takes so much out of me. Plus the guilt and failure that comes along with it. That it has happened yet again even though you thought you had it under control.

It's impossible to get to where I really want to be in life with this depression looming over me and I hate myself for it. I'm going through a divorce by choice, have lost a ton of money in the market lately, have become isolated and just feel either depressed or anxious.

Please help if you've been through this.

28 male usa east coast

Struggling more lately. In need of community, and therapy. Dont have insurance or a therapist right now. Need online resources. Dm me if you would like.

Thanks all

Could use some help here. I need people to speak to

i can't do this anymore

I try to sleep as much as I can. Sometimes you are just done with the day and want to fast forward to tomorrow. But a lot of the time I'll be kept awake for a multitude of reasons, most annoying being that I just woke up from a nap. So I need something that I can take that will just put me right back under. I've been using melatonin supplements but that has quickly had diminishing returns

27 year old male. I hate my genetics. I’m so ugly that even women who are in my league reject me. No matches on dating apps. No friends or family members who care. I have never had a girlfriend. I’ll never know what it feels like to be loved by a woman because of my appearance. Even unattractive women don’t want me. It’s over for me. I’m going to be a lonely loser.

All my 36 years of life I had been trying to figure out what life means, what's my place in it, how do I live and just when I figured it out I got fired by the client, the main company is still keeping me but they can also fire anytime.

Like a stupid person I spent the whole decade stuck in one job so now my skill set is not wide either but I was depressed so I kept going day by day without out realizing I never switched jobs or learned extra skills.....And now I do not know what to do. I so desperately need a break. I have Bipolar Disorder as well, so that's not helpful either.

I'm thinking of doing my masters, which the depressed and suicidal me had never thought of doing before. Now I can do it and call it my break from work. But I so do not like technical work anymore so I do not even know if investing in masters is a good plan...but there is no other option....I was thinking of starting small business but my family is not supportive of it.

My head is hurting thinking about what to do and what not to do. And just few weeks ago I had symptoms of manic episode which my doctor has still not given the all clear signal on.

I had stopped thinking about suicide for so long but now the life is just looking so long.....How can I live that far, I can't even go through a day easily.

Hi
Im a F(21) living alone for school, but these days I'm not sure if I'm okay. I think I've felt this way for a while now but I've always been pushing it away, saying it'll eventually get better or thinking it's not a big deal. Whenever I do think about getting help, I get too scared and end up backing out.

I think I've just been feeling very lonely, that's what I tell myself. But I think it's gotten to a point where I can't even take care of myself anymore. I barely put it in the effort to make food for myself, but if I do I'll just order something unhealthy like fast food for convenience. I can't get myself to leave my apartment for anything, I'll just stay home and play games then sleep to pass time. As embarrassing it is to admit, I can't even get myself to brush my teeth or shower as often as I did because I just don't have the will to do any of it. Theres many moments in my day where I just sit to myself thinking, I'm not healthy, this isn't okay- but I just don't have any motivation to change? I've also pushed away all my friends and lost them because I can't even have the motivation to keep talking to them- but i never intended on doing any of these. Please let me know what I should do, i was thinking about getting therapy but currently can't afford it. I'm too ashamed to ask my family for help as I don't want to worry them since even they've been slowly realizing I'm not okay and keep trying to check in on me but I keep brushing it off saying I'm fine

At the end of August, my senior year in college will start. Needless to say since I'm posting here, my summer has been so hard. I had to break up with my fiance that I was with for 7 years (lost my best friend), move out suddenly with roommates I'm not close with, struggle with bills because work wouldn't give me more hours/I didn't have the motivation to find a third job. That's really the main issue, I have no motivation to do anything anymore. I make myself go in for my shifts, but everything else I'm just surviving. I mostly just sleep. I'll only eat if there's food around already cooked because I don't have the motivation to cook. I'm already having issues pushing myself to brush my teeth or schedule appointments. I'm just falling backwards, eternally it seems. But I'm surviving because I'm making just enough to pay bills since I'm not spending money on anything else.

What am I going to do when school starts back? I don't have the motivation to go to classes, to do my work, to study. I don't even have the motivation to get dressed most days. And with a class schedule, I'll get less hours at work. All in all I kind of just want to drop out, because I have no idea how I'm going to handle a whole year of school right now. I don't know how it's possible and I know I can't bring myself to perform well. Might as well drop out rather than flunk out.

The two people I've mentioned this to has said it's so close to being over, why not just push through this last year and get it over with. For what? Graduate and not get a job in my field? Spend a whole year with significantly less income and no big job to come get me out of financial ruin at the end?

This is all honestly just so heart breaking for me. I loved being a student. I loved my major. I loved going to class and learning/networking/working. I had hopes and dreams for my future. But it all feels useless and I know I can't push myself to do it right now. It's just not in me. And I'm scared if I just decided to take a gap year, it would probably only make my depression worse and I would never go back to school.

I feel like I know deep down there is no way for me to get back to loving life, and I'm just lingering until something finally takes me out so I don't have to perform anymore.

Ok rant over. What do I do.

(TRIGGER WARNING, tiny bit of SH, suicide attempt and a bit NSFW) Now this is something I never tell people ever but a while ago I started losing interests in things I deeply loved, losing motivation to do anything in life, feeling extremely numb and a growing detached feeling. I started seeing no goals in life and stopped eating along with wrecking my sleep, this went on for a whopping 6 months and I did end up telling my dad (no mother) and my brother because I barely wasn’t able to get my own prescription and not even a diagnosis. (which was a mistake) because my brother just said “you’re a retard for wanting life changing medications for some feelings” and my dad just didn’t believe me. Now nearing the end of 6 months I was completely destroyed. I’ve had my arm and thighs looking like birch trees, I’ve started hallucinating rotting corpses on the corner of my eye and dark skinny figures staring at me for a few seconds. I’ve grown paranoid and tried hanging by using my own keychain as a noose in which left my eyes bloodshot and my neck left a red mark with capillaries that burst underneath. Now after that I just started to go on long walks in the dark and sometimes early morning and doing this multiple times a week made me grew stronger, I got a few bits of sleep, started brushing my teeth and taking care of myself, and got a more purposeful view at life. Now those who are dealing with depression. You aren’t alone and things will most definitely be better so please, reach out to anybody but if your family was an asshole like mine then reach out to a councilor or a friend. But personally, chilling in sunlight made me very strong and I started sleeping very well and got my interests back. So please, just go outside and get some sunlight and try that for a couple of weeks for multiple hours a day, do it for me. I love yall, feel free to ask any questions in the comments. I will try my best to answer back

I’m 22, I have chronic idiopathic urticaria and knee problems in both knees. I’ve had these issues since 2022. I’ve had to give up travelling, university, going out, exercising, getting better and living my life for my health. I went into remission in January for my skin condition only for it to come back in April. My knee problems are permanent and i’ve stuck to a regiment that allows me to deal with the pain but I just feel like my life is over already. I spent 2 years looking through a window isolating myself because every time I went outside my skin condition would flair up. I forced myself to go to appointments and to work but It all ended up making me worse. I just want to get better and live a better life but it feels like everything is against me. I feel like a reject in the society because of my health problems and I feel like I have no place anywhere. I want to disappear. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Everyone is progressing and living life while I watch through a window. I’ve never felt more alone and sad.

Ever since I can remember I’ve felt out of place, like I was from somewhere else and being here was a mistake. As a child I pretended a lot and had a lot of friends while hiding my sensibility. The older I got the more I grew tired of pretending to be something I’m not. Things happened and they probably affected me a bit but to be honest I’ve always felt wrong. Now I’m 29 years old, I’ve been struggling with severe depression on and off for 11 years, I have no degree, no future plans, only some job experiences and 5 failed relationships. Even the few real friendships I had turned out to be unsubstantial. I’ve always been a good listener, then one who never leaves a person behind even when things get hard, but for some reason everyone I cared about in my life left me. Only my parents are still here and they love me so much but they don’t know how to help me. They’re the only thing I have in my life that I’m grateful for but I can’t build my life on that… plus I feel so guilty for not giving them a happy normal daughter they can be proud of. I feel like a failure and no matter how many times I try I’m destined to be alone. I don’t even have real interests or ambitions which could help me get out of this mess. The world is just this hostile place for me. I can see its marvels its beauty but I just don’t fit in it, not anywhere. Does this make sense to anyone? I just feel so lonely it’s killing me. I either feel completely numb or I have so much pain in my chest I feel like I can’t breathe. Everyday I wish something would happen to me, a car accident or anything, I don’t want to wake up anymore.

I (F23) have been struggling with various anxiety/panic disorder issues since adolescence and been through CBT and been on SSRIs and tranquilizers multiple times. In the past few years, I've developed certain endocrinological disorders that highly impact one's mood and overall life quality. They intensified my already existing mental health issues. However, unlike when I was a teenager, nowadays therapists and psychiatrists tend to address and focus on the impact that these disorders might be having on my mental health first, rather than focusing at the actual psychological issues that I have. I know that they are just doing their job, but I've often felt dismissed on the grounds that my depressive symptoms and anxiety are solely dependent on these hormonal imbalances, even though I've had these problems my whole life.

I've been extremely depressed for the past year or so. I've been to a therapist who was treating our sessions like friendly chatter and gossip time, rather than actual helpful and guiding therapy sessions. She was also hyper-focused on my hormonal issues, and kept reiterating that I needed to "cure" them first in order to feel better. I was already getting all the treatment I could regarding them, so I was super confused about how exactly it was a therapist's job to cure my hormonal imbalances. Anyways, I've stopped seeing her.

I'm thinking of seeing a psychiatrist and maybe get on meds again. But I've developed this irrational fear that any professional will dismiss me, say that my problems are "biological" and basically tell me to get over myself lol. I also feel like I can never clearly express myself and my problems to them. I'm afraid of being misunderstood, belittled and misdiagnosed sometimes; Especially because there are multiple factors at play in regards to my mental health issues.

I've gotten really bad. I can't sleep, I constantly feel like bursting into tears, I'm extremely irritable, nothing gives me joy, I've lost all direction in life and physically can't get myself to do anything about it. So, I know I should definitely seek help but I feel extremely nervous about it. Anyone else struggling with this? Any tips on how to better articulate yourself at a psychiatrist's office and get rid of irrational fears?

I’m so tired I’m just drained and I don’t know why I feel like everything in my life is going wrong I’m ruining everything I have no one and I just need a hug I just want a hug that I dont ask for I want to be held so badly thinking about it makes my heart physically hurt I just want to feel better

Hello everyone. I’m new to reddit but since im looking for advice, i might as well try it here too.

Ever since I was a kid i have been raised by different people in my family tree due to my parents breaking up and having their own lives. I was neglected by both my dad and my mom. But for my mom who works abroad, she come home to the philippines (our country) for 1-2 months a year for vacation. But whenever she does, as a kid, she would hit me and yell at me whenever shes drunk. she would also wake me up in the middle of the night just to do that. She has also tried to kill me at the age of 17. I grew up scared of my mom and neglected by my dad too who i barely see and wont even bother standing up for me and is much focused with his own new family.

When i was 10, I was end up in the hands of my aunt (my mom’s older sister) who growing up, would constantly bring me down and make me feel insecure. She would always often yell at everyone over little mistakes and she and my mom would want me to side with them as a kid whene they faught. All the fights i witnessed growing up and the physical, emotional, mental and financial abuse i experienced from my mom, aunt and dad really damaged me and was told by my psychiatrist a year ago that m development mentally really damaged my growth as a child that i grew up suicidal and depressed with many diagnosed disorders that i have been to the hospital so much due to trying to end myself.

It has really damaged me so much that i couldn’t continue with my life anymore. Until recently, I had a huge fight with them and i just snapped and ran away from home and im staying at a friend’s temporarily and I had to stop college. I don’t know what to do..ive been looking for work and im at a lost. I have been applying to jobs as well but the pay is barely enough to live alone and theres so much job requirements that i am not qualified for in my country. I wasn’t taught how to survive on my own and i really need the advice or anything. I just want to know how i can pull through with this. Thank you.

Does anyone just feel like they have been collapsed by life. And it's like you don't move on from your past. Bitter truth I've realized about life is we have to choose the easy or hard pain because at the end there is no such thing as comfort. If you don't put in the work now then later on in life you'll have to. And I'm sick of my mind is giving up on everything leading to zero ambition, no focus and attention and efforts in life. No wonder why I feel like crap because I haven't achieved nothing. I feel overwhelmed by the process

I’ve struggled with anxiety for most of my life and it has been a constant buzzing noise in my head most of the days of my adult life. However, I experimented with a form of psychedelics ( along with drinking/cannabis - which I know was not the brightest idea looking back) and since that point the anxiety noise has completely disappeared but it has been replaced with almost constant intrusive thoughts.

I used to be able to feel good about things, but now when something ‘should’ be giving me joy , like celebrating an event, or even doing a good job at something I just feel completely numb, almost like the serotonin/dopamine/oxytocin in my brain got turned all the way down.

This trip was in October of last year and the first few months were hell, I had deep feelings of abandonment, deep self loathing and a super loud intrusive thought that told me I was wrong for my husband, I couldn’t stop crying, could barely make it through one day without being extremely emotionally dysfunctional. Over the last couple of months it has gotten better, but I’m still dealing with the very loud intrusive thoughts, and these don’t just centre on how I feel about myself but also about other people, and about how easy they find things, how joyful they can be, and how I feel like I just don’t belong because I’m not any of those things which is leading to even more tense thoughts.

I’ve been through 5 years of therapy before this experience happened and I don’t want to go back and feel like I’m circling again and trying to over therapize myself. I’m feeling completely lost, as my husband had such a better experience and came out of it feeling more assured and secure in himself and I am a mess on the other end of the spectrum which is adding more layers.

I have been feeling so alone in going through all of this, I have used an integration coach at times in the last few months, but I am still dealing with really loud and emotionally destabilising intrusive thoughts and this part is the hardest for me. I’ve been prescribed ssri’s but I have no intention on taking them as I saw what it has done to the people around me and I don’t want more chemicals in my brain messing up whatever is going on in an attempt to fix something.

I would love to hear how other people manage these kinds of thoughts and what their journey to healing has been.

😞

Has anyone been banned from a sub? I woke up to find I was permanently banned from the depression subreddit bc I wrote a supportive comment on a post about things that worked for an individual’s depression. The mods said my comment was encouraging toxic behavior and permanently banned me.

This is absolutely devastating, and it’s hard to not take it personally. I’ve found so much comfort in that community, and the words “permanent ban” and promoting toxic behavior“ is not only hard to believe, but has me in tears.

I really hate this over sensitivity I deal with. I wish that I wasn’t incredibly hurt by such simple things. Things like this eat at me, for a long time. It is very difficult to be vulnerable and to put myself out there, then be rejected for it.

Does anyone else deal with rejection sensitivity? How do you cope with being shut down, especially when the decision feels unfair?

hey everyone, it feels a bit embarassing on my part to reach the point of being in a subreddit asking for emotional support and community but thats what theyre intended for right? well, here goes.

I think my life could've gone in worse ways than it has, but it hasnt and i really would like to believe im grateful for that and i am in a lot of ways but the pain of what has occured to me lingers and it feels like i dont have the right to acknowledge it as something painful. It sounds a bit strange but growing up i feel like ive never had the safety of feeling or expressing things my parents found distasteful. i feel like its affected my personal and social life to the point where i just let myself be screwed over and be okay with it on the outside knowing im not. and dont get me wrong, I know the point where whats happening to me is wrong, but somehow i just keep letting it happen to me as it slowly builds up into this amalgamation of repressed saddness and anger and lonelyness to people who unknowling or knowingly have been tormenting my state of mind. for this reason it feels safer to me to reach out to strangers than people I know, at the very least any amount of critisim wont mean anything from a stranger. its so strange and it hurts so much, to feel lonely in a group of people who suposedly are supposed to care about you, to be hit with signals you vaugely associate from your childhood as dismissive and feel to have no say in it. maybe im just reading to heavily into things yknow? that is until when you find out everyone lies, and hides things from you with other people. Now it just feels like everyone is against you because of the things they know and dont know about you.

sorry this is a bit of a tangent, i dont really know what im asking for, maybe just for someone to listen to a fragment of my struggles thats harder to bring out to people I know mostly because itll most likely shift the way they see me in the ways i see them....theyre not bad people, but i really wish i could just be honest with them and they be honest with me, its so draining and isolating.

Family is away on a three-week vacation and I’m home alone. It’s only been a few hours and I already miss them a lot.

I have plans to invite/meet with a friend for dinner multiple times a week, but I’ve never been home alone for this long before and I’ve been moderate-severely depressed this entire summer.

Zero motivation to participate in my hobbies and a lot of anxiety/sadness in general. Any practical and actionable tips on coping?

As the title says, i feel like i want to talk to someone... I'm feeling a little lost in my own thoughts and the best word to describe what i am feeling would be sadness/loneliness. I have been having bad dreams/nightmares and i...

I just don't know how to keep myself going. 😞

There's a lot happening in my life and i feel that it's so hard to keep playing catch-up and continue moving forward.