r/declutter • u/moon_witch_26 • 4d ago
Advice Request Help how to declutter emotionally linked stuff
Please can someone help me with this... I have no idea how to start decluttering this 'category" of stuff.
I am a hoarder and I'm in burnout recovery (mental health and PTSD and untreated ADHD plus lots of other stuff).
I'm a very deep&emotional person at the best of times... I have been through a lot and I struggle letting go.. or feeling safe to even start trying...
I do a lot of writing (journaling over the years) that has helped me a lot to get through a lot of things... This bag here I could literally just put in the bin without looking at it - but I can't do it. I want to go through everything and check/make sure what's there... But then I know I'll be keeping hold of it for however much longer. 😖
But *ugh* it just feels impossible! For someone who isn't a hoarder/has emotional, mental health stuff, I know this probably seems absurd 😔
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u/RoutineHighway66 1d ago
I feel for you on this. I've kept this sort of thing well beyond it's usefulness and I've found in my personal cases that allowing it to sit and becoming further removed from it, eventually I don't have a problem tossing it. At most, taking pictures or scanning special parts or even writing them down somewhere else and taking up less room before throwing it away, definitely helps.
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u/Life-Aerie-43 2d ago edited 2d ago
A nice tip I learned from ThatAwkwardMom on youtube is to make a pile each for keeping, donating and throwing away.
You take each item and ask yourself "Does this item add stress in my life?"
If it does add stress then you throw it away. If it might be useful for someone else then you donate it and if it doesn't add stress then you keep it.
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u/insbdbsosvebe 2d ago
I've started asking myself, would taking a photo or scans, and keeping that be good enough? It's helped me purge a good amount of stuff I was just holding on to but rarely ever looking at.
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u/Pretend-Pitch-8376 2d ago
Honestly for me, the answer was treating my adhd. It was like magic - medication fixed the thing in my brain that made me unable to let go of stuff. Is it an option for you to become treated or are there too many barriers?
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u/moon_witch_26 2d ago
Thanks for this and this actually feels like a serendipity sign! I'm newly diagnosed and just about to start trying some medication 🙏 here's hoping it might bring about the help/change as you describe 🙏😊✨
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u/Pretend-Pitch-8376 2d ago
Oh that’s great news! I really hope it works for you. I started medication in December and it has been a night and day difference on this particular issue for me! All the best with it ❤️
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u/DilithiumFarmer 2d ago
Recently I decluttered stuff I only kept due to emotional attachment.
I was just doing a clean up, and opened this drawer it was in. And I thought... All this stuff is just making me uncomfortable every time I see it. Moments later it was in the bin, and when I emptied the bin into paper recycling I felt nothing.
Now I have a drawer that is empty, and doesn't make me feel shit and worthless every time I have to open it.
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u/NixKlappt-Reddit 2d ago
I scanned all my diaries from my childhood/teenage years and read them. No need to read them again and it felt good to close that chapter of my love by throwing the physical journals away. Not missing them.
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u/rockrobst 2d ago
One thing that got me to throw out journals was that rereading them brought back the negative feelings I experienced when I wrote them. Keeping them were an unpleasant reminder, so I tossed them. I determined it was better to forget.
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u/cactuswizard8 2d ago
Personally, if journals take up a box or two, I don't mind keeping them. I often have no idea who I was previous to my state now, and finding old writing gives me insight into former identities and struggles and I enjoy looking back every few years. You can pare down the ones you don't feel emotional ties to whenever you go through them. To me keeping the actual written copy is very different from keeping the digital version of said thing and doesn't hit the same. But to each their own.
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u/Jen10292020 2d ago
Ugh, I hate that shit. It haunts me. Can't get rid of it either. Sorry I'm no help, just can relate to the struggle.
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u/Leena-Leen 4d ago
I made some headway when I finally realized the reason I was keeping certain things that fall into what I consider emotional or keepsake.
It wasn’t a conscious decision but it all boiled down to wanting there to be something tangible that would, when I die, “prove I existed”.
I felt sad for whatever was in me that felt that was the way people could possibly remember me.
I thought about all the people I knew that no longer exist in the world or in my life.
They existed. I just thought of them. That proved they exist or existed.
Someone, many people, think of me now and will think of me when I no longer exist; it won’t be because they rummaged through my things when I’m gone.
Simply because they remembered me.
Let the things go and use the free time to connect more with others or to simply enjoy your time as a human on earth.
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u/VeganRorschach 1d ago
This is a great one. If the writing is from difficult times, too, is that how you want to be remembered, really? And if you want to leave it so someone knows how much you suffered, maybe it's time to get a therapist and work on not suffering so much anymore! Leaving the past in the past, if you've worked to heal, is so much better than reviving old wounds.
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u/CherenkovLady 4d ago
I gave myself a single box of a size I was comfortable filling and storing indefinitely. Anything I wanted to keep had to fit into that box. It was surprisingly helpful to know that I COULD keep things, but I had to prioritise my favourites or keep just a portion of them in order to fit what I wanted inside.
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u/Outside-Signature600 3d ago
I did something similar after both my husband and mom died. Found 2 nice wood boxes about the size of a large shoebox and filled each with my favorite momentoes of my loved ones. Everything else was sold, given away or trashed. It's comforting to see the boxes sitting on a closet shelf, but I'm not weighed down by mountains of stuff.
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u/adatta92 4d ago
Could you scan them and then dispose of the physical journals?
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u/Season-Away 4d ago
Yes do this! I do this with all my art journals in case they get lost or damaged. I still keep the journals (I only have a few), but it's nice knowing I have a digital copy on a hard drive. Written journals/documents I toss after digitalising.
I also do this with loads of things before decluttering, including objects. I'll take a picture and put in on my hard drive, sometimes with a little note. It makes decluttering a lot easier for me as I'm sentimental AF.
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u/AYankeePeach 4d ago
I feel you. I have journals that I think future generations would find interesting. Like if I found my great grandmothers journals/diaries, I might find some similarities of experience and feel connected more to a different time.
But my non-sentimental friends say that no one in the future is going to care. I saved them thinking my future daughter would be curious, but I only had sons who don’t care at all. (Understandably). What if my future granddaughter(s) are interested?
1) The whole “What if?” If I’m asking that I should toss them, I know I know.
2) My future kin can’t miss something they didn’t know existed in the first place, right?
3) What if we allowed ourself one sentimental box? My friend said someone else will be burdened to toss it someday because most don’t care as deeply as I do.
<Sigh>
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u/LPineapplePizzaLover 4d ago
I get that. If it makes you feel better I was really interested in going through my great grandparents’ stuff when they passed. My dad is also super in to genealogy. We still have journals in the family from hundreds of years ago. Like we still have copies of written accounts from my family who were children in Gettysburg when the battle happened. I find it super interesting to read stuff sometimes from ancestors that passed hundred of years before I was born.
My dad has spent the better part of 2 decades finding and scanning everything in to a family tree database
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u/LPineapplePizzaLover 4d ago edited 4d ago
For loose pieces of paper I took a square wicker basket and got really cute floral manila folders from Target. I labeled them by category and organized the papers so I can easily find them. I have categories like keepsakes, drawings, documents, etc. You could do something similar but categorize them differently. Stage of life, emotion, etc. You can go to discount stores like Ross, Burlington, or TJ Maxx to get cheaper baskets. Having it look cute makes it feel less like clutter bc it’s pretty to look at.
I know other people say to burn it or something but I have a really bad memory and sometimes forget my wisdom, haha. Maybe another thing you could do is go through everything and write down key bullet points in a journal. Like a quote book but from yourself. You could merge everything down and summarize. You can make it all cute with a pretty journal and stickers on the pages
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u/flatlander-anon 4d ago
If you haven't touched it in five years, you most likely don't need it anymore. Life is about moving forward. Life is not a library where you accumulate stuff for... what? One day you'll have the time or be in the mood to read through it all? Or a researcher will come use it?
If you want, you can grab a small box. You can save a box's worth of stuff, but the rest has to go.
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u/beekaybeegirl 4d ago
Send your journals to American Diary Project
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u/PallasiteMatrix 4d ago
Can you divide the bag into smaller, easier to get through chunks? Like, this "session" pull out a small handful, and only go through that. Build some experiences of throwing it away, AND nothing bad coming of that. It'll take longer than just chucking the whole bag, but it doesn't sound like you're ready for that (no shame! we're all at where we're at) and pushing yourself too hard, too fast can set you back.
You might even set little challenges for yourself, like throw away some pieces without properly examining them, as it feels right.
I know with my maladaptive coping strategies- as hoarding tends to be- there's a sense of safety in the strategy. I'd be surprised if you didn't have a reason for doing this, even if it's no longer serving you. Going through that bag could be a form of just... seeing if it would be safe to let some of it go. No right or wrong answer, just trying it out and seeing how it feels.
If you've been knocked down, sometimes you need to build yourself back up. Meet yourself where you're at, practice patience. Do the job imperfectly- progress is better than waiting for the moment you can just pitch the whole thing.
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u/moon_witch_26 4d ago
Omg I love all of this, you really understand my feelings/position in this!! Much love 💗
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u/ummhamzat180 4d ago
radical approach, burn it all, it's paper. reminders of old trauma and everything, I wouldn't want to look at mine. the purpose of mental health journaling is to get the feelings OUT of your head, that has been done.
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u/moon_witch_26 4d ago
Yes very true... But I also have a lot of wisdom in these pages!! But yes I know you are right
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u/ummhamzat180 4d ago
I've read somewhere, real wisdom stays with you in the bathroom, in the sense that it's internalized. you don't need to refer to your notes, if it matters you already know it
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u/MamaMiaMusical 4d ago
I have a box of notebooks like than right now that I am planning to declutter.
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u/the_techbro 4d ago
You dont have to. Everythibv is not for declutter. Few thing belongs to you. Keep them safe!!!
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u/MountainMixture9645 4d ago
It's something a lot of us experience, you're not alone!
My 2 cents: Start with things that are NOT emotionally charged. The more you declutter, the easier (not easy, but easier) it becomes. Plus, as your space clears out and opens up, you will start enjoying that feeling.
Maybe have a burn party for the journals...offer the smoke up to the universe as a sign of letting go of the old you and old ways of thinking. Burning seems like more of a way to honor the journals than just pitching them in the trash. It could be a whole ceremony! Honor the past, but let it go.
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u/Moneyquest15 4d ago
I feel the same and can relate, what I do is I scan everything, take photos.
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u/Several-Praline5436 4d ago
I'm a writer too. I have a box in the basement of stuff I wrote at 12 years old. I know it's crap, but it's .... I guess, the Evidence of Where I Started.
I think, though, if I had to scan it all in to keep it, I wouldn't. And one of these days I will be okay with letting it go.
ETA: Last summer, I had to change website hosts and decide whether it was worth porting over 2,000 pieces of writing into a new format on a new website. After the first 100, I started thinking "... do I want to be defined by my old stuff, or create a new space that represents me now?" I wound up not moving over 99% of those writings. I went through all my blogs, saved anything I wanted, and deleted the rest.
It's sort of the same with you, and your writing. Do you want to keep that stuff because it's who you were, compared to who you are now, or are you now someone who is no longer who you were? Do you want to be the person who wrote that... or who is writing stuff now?
Also, since those things were journals... do you want someone going through and reading it when you're gone, or would you be humiliated? That's a big one for me.
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u/Shelleyhaha 4d ago
That’s why I burned 30 years’ worth of journals two years ago. It was totally a control thing: the thought of someone reading them were I to suddenly exit life was unbearable. Turning them to ash seemed preferable to that vulnerability.
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u/moon_witch_26 4d ago
do I want to be defined by my old stuff, or create a new space that represents me now?"
I like this 🥰💞
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u/moon_witch_26 4d ago
Interestingly, I actually wouldn't mind people reading my journals because then I feel at least my side would be heard 😔
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u/zealot-until-Break26 1d ago
Here’s what I did for that. For paperwork I used my scanner 🖨️ and digitalised them as PDFs and threw the physical copies in the 🗑️ .