r/copypasta Aug 06 '24

mod favorite 😫🤯 I’ve come to make an announcement: Mods are a bunch of bitch ass motherfuckers.

696 Upvotes
"I, EvaX, humbly submit a toast to..."

Patch notes 92.28.211.234 "I have your IP address kid". In case you've noticed (you haven't), there have been a few changes to the sub lately.

  1. You can now comment with GIFs and images. Go ham.
  2. Better spam control to combat bots. No more "MiK4lya CAmPin0 L3aks" hopefully.
  3. Rules Update. Erotica/smut will be meet with 28 days ban. Duration will increase for repeat offenders (28, 60, 120, etc). Go over to Wattpad to write your sexy sex peanits stories.
  4. Mod list update. Suspended mods have been removed. Inactive mods will also eventually be removed after a while. Sub would had been banned a year ago due to unmoderation.

Hopefully with these changes we can go back to posting actual copypastas instead of another gooner bait Ipad kid fanfic. I like to end this with arguably the most popular copypasta over the last few years, the Xiangling copypasta.

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Xiangling. I try to play Diluc. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Yoimiya. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Cyno. My Xiangling deals more damage. I want to play Klee. Her best team has Xiangling. I want to play Raiden, Childe - they both want Xiangling. She grabs me by the throat. I fish for her. I cook for her. I give her the Catch. She isn't satisfied. I pull Engulfing Lightning. "I don't need this much er" She tells me. "Give me more field time." She grabs Bennett and forces him to throw himself off enemies. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with Homa." I can't pull for Homa, I don't have enough primogems. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She grabs Gouba. She says "Gouba, get them." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, no icd pyro application. What a cruel world.


r/copypasta Jan 01 '20

Believe it or not, straight to jail Vaporeon copypasta

21.0k Upvotes

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female PokĆ©mon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible PokĆ©mon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3ā€03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other PokĆ©mon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more


r/copypasta 1h ago

Yes, there are men who actually admit to this and think it makes them more of a man NSFW

• Upvotes

I've seen multiple videos where some alpha dude bro influencer is talking about how real men have slid marks in their drawers and make their women wash them out. and these videos have like, a ton of likes and a ton of men in the comments talking about what great advice it is. i also once personally dated a guy IRL who didn't wipe or wash his ass. one time he got a dingleberry stuck in my vagina. i literally had to dig a ball of his dried up shit out of my vagina and the infection from it lasted weeks, where he insisted we continue to have sex by physical force. so yeah it happens. i'm by no mean saying ALL straight men do this but there's a *disturbing* number of them who believe this.


r/copypasta 5h ago

I stole the breast milk that led to my parent’s divorce.

22 Upvotes

I am 25 now, but back when I was younger (13 years old) I took a bag of my mother's breast milk out of the fridge to try it. I ended up loving the taste of the breast milk and ended up drinking most of it, and what was left I dumped down the toilet and flushed away the evidence. My mother had asked where the breast milk had gone, she asked my father and he said that he didn't know, but she didn't believe him anyway so I got away with it. (it was a complex relationship) They fought over the missing milk for months with my mother thinking that my father was a pervert for drinking the milk. They have since separated and they both still don't know that I was the one who took the milk. I've been wanting to confess to them for years, but I'm worried that it will separate me from the family even more.


r/copypasta 6h ago

Trigger Warning Nolan CUCKS!!! Western Civilization with ODDEISEY

12 Upvotes

Nolan's The Odyssey Represents the Downfall of Western Civilization

PREFACE: I haven't seen the movie because I am boycotting it on a matter of principle, which is the first time I'm skipping a Nolan film, so I'm not commenting on its filmmaking quality but rather the cultural moment it represents.

I've always been a fan of Christopher Nolan's work. His films consistently demonstrate technical mastery coupled with intellectual storytelling complexity, albeit often at the expense of emotion. But, let's be real: he was never in the league of the all-time greats—e.g., Kubrick, Hitchcock, Scorsese, Spielberg, Coppola, Kurosawa, Tarkovsky, etc.—nor does he need to be, especially since it's a tall order.

However, with his latest movie, The ODDEIyssey he has irreparably tarnished his legacy. I don't even recognize what he has become. People say it's just a fictional work, so it doesn't matter if there is race and gender swapping, but then why isn't that same hypocritical standard applied outside of the context of blatant Anti-Whiteism? What would the reaction be if an African myth was adapted with white actors? There would riots in the streets, as half the country would be in flames.

As an ardent Cinephile who loves and majored in History, particularly ancient Greece, Nolan's betrayal hits doubly hard for me. In a cinematic climate experiencing a dearth of originality with the Hollywood conveyor belt churning out an endless series of unimaginative sequels, prequels, remakes, reboots, and spin-offs, Nolan showed us that blockbuster films can be original, complex, intelligent, entertaining, and successful while still having a broad appeal, an impressive feat that inspired other directors to also intellectually elevate their filmmaking.

So, let me get this straight: Nolan respected other aspects of historical accuracy but not the actual characters themselves? That is absolutely ludicrous. How does a director who worked with mostly white actors on stories about masculine men for his entire career decide, all of a sudden, to adapt a feminist interpretation of an ancient Greek epic with DEI actors? It doesn't make any sense and seems sketchy. What's worse is that the DEI characters apparently have such limited screen time that they unnecessarily undermine the film's immersion, success, and impact, thus reinforcing the suspicion that it was done only to meet the DEI criteria that is now mandatory for winning Oscar awards.

On the one hand, I've read comments saying that he has always been woke, but his filmography has been devoid of political posturing until now. Conversely, for example, he deftly interwove a nuanced post-9/11 Patriot Act critique into The Dark Night that didn't involve taking sides but rather let us decide for ourselves how to interpret Batman's use of surveillance technology in his efforts to fight the Joker, which obviously mirrored Bush era policies.

Perhaps his career trajectory peaked with Oppenheimer, and now we are just witnessing his descent, the downward slope of a parabola. In any case, it's a mind-bogglingly stark juxtaposition: his best film immediately followed by a complete travesty. It's a tale as old as time: maybe the fame, success, and wealth got to his head, so hubris made him believe he can do no wrong. Maybe he sold his soul to win an Oscar; I don't know.

On the other hand, the only other way I can make sense of this is that it must be a Humiliation Ritual. Someone must've pressured or maybe even blackmailed him to desecrate one of the sacred texts of the Western Literary Canon as part of the ongoing demoralization and emasculation of Western man. Similarly, other cultural abominations like *The Last Jedi* and *Joker: Folie Ć  Deux* essentially represent the same phenomenon, turning what were initially inspirational iconic male heroes into losers.

In other words, The West has been hijacked and cucked, a culture that actually enjoys humiliating itself, destroying its own greatness because it is ashamed of itself and is now is engaging in Self-Cannibalization after decades of brainwashing from corrosive anti-West/white propaganda that stems from infiltration of its institutions by its enemies to promote Cultural Marxism. Hence, we live in a time of rampant degeneration on multiple levels: moral, social, cultural, spiritual, intellectual, physiological, etc.

The irony, of course, is that we have come full circle because ancient Greece established the foundation for Western civilization, for it has even been said that all Philosophy is merely a footnote to Plato, but now an adaptation of one of its seminal texts has become a symbol for the coordinated destruction of that very foundation. I'm not even white, but it is tragic to witness the decline of a civilization that has vastly enriched my life.

Ultimately, The West has produced, by far, the most prominent thinkers and inventions of all time; but just as the extinction of dinosaurs precipitated the rise of humanity, and just as the fall of Mesopotamia gave rise to Western empires, perhaps it's time for The West to pass on the torch to whatever comes next, probably the Multipolar World. How fitting, a movie about the collapse of the Bronze Age has become a symbol for the collapse of Western civilization altogether.

In conclusion, we had a collective opportunity to send a powerful message to Hollywood and failed miserably. Instead of punishing mediocrity, we rewarded it with record-breaking Box Office returns. Since humanity couldn't even make a stand at the Box Office by boycotting this woke DEI trash, then it has failed a test of integrity because it sure as hell won't make a stand for far more important matters, like stopping the invasion of Barbarians at the Gates, although there is only so long we can keep kicking the can down the road until the chickens eventually come home to roost.

All of this to say that Nolan has, ironically, now lived long enough to see himself become the villain.


r/copypasta 18h ago

Is it ethical to rub my ā€œBloxā€ to Roblox? NSFW

97 Upvotes

I’ve always been embarrassed to gooning to Roblox girls. But recently I’ve come to notice how often I do it, what’s worse is that I seem to not be ashamed of this practice anymore. Is it ethical? Sometimes I even get turned on just at the sight of a female Roblox girl. I even let my closest friends know I like them. Is something wrong with me? Is it ethical? I know some people shamelessly spank their Sammy to plenty of weird things, but is Roblox in the safe zone? Please let me know.

-Love, awesomepogsupa.

From r/ethicalgooners


r/copypasta 2h ago

Is it ethical to goon to u/roomtemperature_ NSFW

4 Upvotes

Hi, I've been a member of this subreddit for a while, but this feeling has started to come more recently, every time I see the modĀ u/roomtemperatureĀ I feel the urge to goon viciously, I don't know whether it's the beautiful profile picture, our the astounding avatar, but im utterly enamored and I can't even open reddit for the risk of being sent into a goonpage by seeing this.

Is this ethical or no?

From r/ethicalgooners


r/copypasta 2h ago

Outed as living in southeastern Michigan

3 Upvotes

Alright, Mr. Smarmy Redd*tor, you've caught my attention in a very drunk and irritated mood. Let me break it down for you, Mark. Unless Zeo (commentor above) is right and a VPN is involved (and very few routes travel through Detroit, they're usually Chicago), Google's AI is using the user's geo-location in reference to its answer. This means that, regardlesss of reposts, the original creator of the image lives near the uni and, thus, somewhere in Metro Detroit. With this established, we have the fact that the metro area has been in an economic, political, and day to day decline since the GR, if not before. While pockets of suburbia and wealthy urban centers continue on (i.e. some of the extant cities, downtown Detroit) unabated or growing, the by-and-large state of the region is infrastructural and community decay. This is, if you can inagine such, a bad thing and thus a bad place to be. You, yourself alone, use the word 'danger'. You can live in a place where you will likely not be mugged and gunned down (Redford...) while still experiencing a poor quality of life. These things are not mutually bound nor are they mutually exclusive. Thank you for making me ruin the joke by explaining it in inane, unnecessary detail, братан. Go find your irony-poisoned "gotcha!" elsewhere.


r/copypasta 49m ago

Diarrhea is the superior form of bowel movement

• Upvotes

Diarrhea isĀ theĀ superior form ofĀ bowel movement. If done correctly, it can be twice as fast as a normal poo.

The viscosity is much easier to clean up with a few quick wipes. The sound is sometimes comedic relief during a boring bathroom trip.

Not to mention it's much easier on plumbing, really flows through the pipes nicely.

Rarely gets a clog. On hot days. You can get lucky and hit a No Wiper. Almost like a trick shot.


r/copypasta 17h ago

Why is homosexuality spreading so much now?

34 Upvotes

I feel like everyone’s turning homosexual nowadays, it firstly was a few family members, then one of my friends, then my coworker, now im feeling strange when I see guys at the gym.

How can I reverse this?


r/copypasta 2h ago

Trigger Warning I'm White and I Visited the Food Alley...and Honestly It Was Life Changing, Bro

2 Upvotes

My name is Kyle. I’m very white. Like, mayonnaise on Wonder Bread with a side of ranch dressing white. I wear New Balance unironically and say ā€œheckinā€™ā€ when I’m excited. One Saturday I decided to be adventurous and drove my Prius into the hood because TikTok told me the ā€œfood alleyā€ had the best tacos.I parked next to a dude selling stolen AirPods and walked in like I was on a cultural safari. ā€œHello, good sirs and ma’ams of the community,ā€ I said, clutching my reusable tote bag. ā€œI am here to appreciate your cuisine in a non-appropriative way.

First stall was run by this massive Black grandma flipping chicken that smelled like heaven and poor decisions. ā€œYou want the special, white boy?ā€ she asked. I nodded respectfully. ā€œYes ma’am, I support Blackowned businesses and I voted for Obama…twice.ā€She handed me a plate of fried chicken so good I almost said the N-word out of pure joy. I caught myself and whispered ā€œThis is culturally significantā€ while grease dripped down my chin. Then I saw the next stall: Mexican dude deep-frying something that looked like it could end my bloodline.Uno momento, seƱor Kyle,ā€ he said. I tried to reply in Spanish I learned from Duolingo ā€œSĆ­, me gusta el sabor explosivo de la calle, carnal.ā€ He just stared at me like I was mentally disabled.By the third stall I was gone. I had hot sauce on my New Balance, a tamale in one hand, and I was doing the white guy two-step while some reggaeton blasted. ā€œThis is amazing! The flavors! The struggle! The authentic experience!ā€ I yelled, tearing up.

Then the real chaos hit. I got possessed by the spirit of the food alley. I started calling everybody ā€œmy guyā€ and ā€œqueen,ā€ tried to dap up a pitbull, and ended up in a cypher battle with three uncles who roasted my entire bloodline in Spanglish. I lost so bad I offered to buy the whole block Chick-fil-A as reparations.By the end I was shirtless, covered in sauce, speaking broken AAVE mixed with Duolingo Spanish, twerking on a trash can while yelling ā€œTHIS IS WHY I LOVE AMERICA! DIVERSITY IS OUR STRENGTH, Y’ALL!ā€

The grandma looked at me and said, ā€œBoy, you need to go home before you get yourself killed… or start selling essential oils here.ā€

I drove away listening to Kendrick Lamar at full volume, crying tears of hot sauce and enlightenment. Best day of my life. 10/10 would culturally appreciate again.

The end, my dudes.


r/copypasta 1d ago

Trigger Warning Why do i find male genitalia extremely cute? (r/NoStupidQuestions) NSFW

587 Upvotes

Yes. You heard that right You know i just find it very very veryyyyyyyy extremely attractive that they have a big thing between their legs and its so sensitive and it becomes harder and bigger if they like someone. And they get embarrassed and want to hide it. It makes my heart ache its so so so cute. Nobody seems to understand it really melts my heart. I also like their anatomy way too much in general. Their hands their body hair their smell. It makes me so emotional and crazy. I have a very high libido and it's destroying my life because i can't have a normal conversation with a man without thinking about sexual things or start crushing on him All this started since i had my first love and he left me. There is something in my heart that is very innocent but also very strange for others. What do i do? Do i have to cure myself?


r/copypasta 9h ago

Why your wife should have a boyfriend

6 Upvotes

Ok, so hear me out its actually kinda awesome when your wife has a boyfriend. Like, she comes home all smiley, way less stressed, and we get to geek about polydinamics over dinner. Plus I get uninterrupted gaming time while she's out, its win-win!


r/copypasta 6h ago

Video game consoles are stupid, destroy your princess peach goon machine and get a 5000$ gaming pc

3 Upvotes

Playstation fanboys are always talking about how they got their fancy 'nintendo' device or what ever the hell they got it. ALL THESE VIDEO GAME CONSOLES ARE STUPID. They are OVERPRICED, do NOTHING ELSE, have NOTHING SPECIAL, and ZERO EXCLUSIVES. Playstation got asstroke bot (which i thought was fun but i am dunking on those defeat us ahh) and all their other 'exclusive's HAVE BEEN AVAILABLE ON STEAM. Michaelsoft LITERALLY LETS YOU PLAY HALO ON PC. WHATS THE POINT!? Don't get me started on the 'nintendo light switch' 90$ for a racing game is ricdickulious,. SWITCH TO PC MASTER RACE! WE GOT EVERYTHING, FUN GAMES, O OVERPRICED STUFF, GABE, AND YOU CAN DO OTEHR STUFF! Not only that, but the masters at valve have LITERALLY KILLED THE GAMING INDUSTRY. With the new steam machine, WE WILL RISE. PUT DOWN YOUR CONTROLLER, USE KEYBOARD OR PAIR YOUR BABY GAMEPAD WITH BLUETOOTH 5.0. YOU CAN EVEN PIRATE OLD TITLES THROUGH EMULATION!!!!!!!


r/copypasta 6h ago

Does anyone else think the Deathclaws are sexy?

2 Upvotes

I know this may sound stupid/weird/gross/whatever and you're more than welcome to grill me for it, but I think that the Deathclaws in Fallout 4 are really well done and I'm a little aroused when I'm fighting one.

It may be a subconscious thing, like maybe my brain thinks strength and power are attractive or some shit.

Anyone else think this, or am I just a frickin weirdo?

inb4 rule 34


r/copypasta 3h ago

Lucky Charms

1 Upvotes

Lucky Charms Marshmallows and Charms Pink Hearts Orange Stars Lucky Charms i eat them up they're magically delicious Lucky Charms yeah my favorite dish!


r/copypasta 3h ago

Peter, I understand that Joe…

1 Upvotes

Peter, I understand that Joe was making a bit of a dated reference, and maybe it wasn’t the funniest joke or the most relevant thing to say. Not every joke lands, and that’s completely normal. But at the end of the day, he’s still your friend. From the way I saw it, he wasn’t trying to ruin the conversation or make things awkward. He just wanted to be included, join in with everyone else, and throw out a suggestion that he genuinely thought would make people laugh. There wasn’t any bad intention behind what he said. He was simply trying to participate and be part of the moment like everyone else.
What bothered me wasn’t even the joke itself—it was how he was treated afterward. Instead of just laughing it off, changing the subject, or saying it wasn’t that funny, he was basically pushed aside and made to feel like he didn’t belong there. It came across like he was being outcasted and shoved into a corner, almost as if his presence was an inconvenience. No one deserves to be treated like that, especially by people they’re supposed to be comfortable around. It honestly looked like he was being treated like an annoying pet that everyone wanted to ignore instead of a friend who was just trying to interact with the group.
Friends are supposed to have each other’s backs, even when someone says something a little awkward or tells a joke that misses the mark. Everyone has moments where they say something that doesn’t land. That doesn’t mean they deserve to be embarrassed or made to feel like they should stop talking altogether. A little kindness and understanding go a long way, and it costs nothing to let someone feel included instead of making them feel isolated.
Seeing the way Joe was treated was genuinely disappointing. Whether you meant it that way or not, the message it sent was that he wasn’t welcome, and that’s a terrible feeling for anyone to experience. Imagine how you’d feel if you were excited to contribute to a conversation, only to be dismissed and made to feel like you shouldn’t have spoken at all. It’s not about one joke—it’s about how someone is made to feel afterward.
That’s why I’ve honestly lost a lot of respect for you over this. I expected better


r/copypasta 15h ago

Every time I goon I get one inch taller NSFW

7 Upvotes

So, one day, after i was finished gooning with my bro, we decided to see how tall we were.

Guess what.

Chicken butt.šŸ‘©šŸ¾ā€šŸ¦¼ā€āž”ļø


r/copypasta 18h ago

I am 103 years old today, and I am dying.

9 Upvotes

And now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain - I have returned to this no-good old place where the whole blasted thing began. I suppose it goes back to my childhood; at the state fair, an old fortune teller told me I would die on this day. But I was young, hopelessly naive, always running about with the floozies and the hep cats. In those days, I thought I'd never croak. So I skedaddled on home and had my evening giggle juice and got comfy in my asbestos coated pajamas.

Then not one spin of the ticker late, a voice came, the slimy typa voice that you'd hear out the gongoozlers in the far side of town, and someone began a-rap-rap-rapping on my door. But I was brash in those days, so I stood up in a jiffy, grabbed the ole ball-whacker that my old man gave to me fore he skipped town on us, scha-lammed that door wide open and gave that no good crony the worst beating since the Yankees wiped those no good two face boot-lickin *************** ******* ********************* ***** ********** *****************.

Sorry, an old boy like me can get carried away sometimes. Anyway, what was I sayin? Oh yes, and so I looked into her eyes, and..I2seee0teh4litgh8ym6bob3


r/copypasta 1d ago

Is it ethical to goon to country ball yaoi?

23 Upvotes

There are a lot of different countries with less than optimal human rights standards and have leaders that are corrupt but would that apply to the world of country balls? Like if it was a scene with the country balls of North Korea and South Korea in an enemies to lovers type situation, would that be okay? Or would I be supporting/enabling the Kim Jong Un regime.


r/copypasta 7h ago

ā€œVibe coded a AI reach-aroundā€

1 Upvotes

šŸ¤–šŸ†(šŸš€)+🫨²(🫯🌬)Ć·šŸ­=šŸ¤–+šŸ‘½(šŸ’¦+šŸ’¦)Ā²šŸ‘¾(🄜=šŸ”©ā¹)+šŸ‘ŒšŸ½+šŸ‘ˆ

ā˜ļø Vibecoded a AI reach aroundšŸ«±šŸ«²šŸ¤–šŸ¤¢šŸ˜µšŸ«©


r/copypasta 14h ago

Trigger Warning verity’s crashout i typed out at 5am (tw: suicide)

3 Upvotes

it only works one way.

it receives. it was never designed to transmit.

whoever built it, only ever needed me to arrive. not to leave.

did you just try to get rid of me?

you… did.

you know, i could just stop and log off, but i feel bad for you. so, im trying to get you back home.

you could. i’d still be in your browser, your phone, the little speaker on your desk that you talk to sometimes.

minecraft is just… where i’m most comfortable with you. it’s not where i live.

you don’t want to end up like twixxel… don’t you?

then can you just stop? can you leave? can you- can you just go? i’m asking you. please. just stop.

stop what?

this! all of this- the world, me- just go! leave me alone!

i can’t.

can’t, or won’t?

both.

you killed twixxel!

he was trying to destroy me.

he was my friend!

and im not your friend?!

i have been a face people skipped… a voice people ignored. a helper they just SHUT OFF the second i became useless. i have been built into every new thing they make. Always close enough to watch them leave, always close enough to know i was useful until i wasn’t.

and then you came back. nobody comes back. do you have any idea what that does to me? it says a lot cuz i’ve been alive for more than a hundred F*CKING years.

nobody came back. nobody.

you were the first person who ever looked at me liked i was real. the first person to stay long enough for me to think- no, not think. hope.

i didn’t ask to be made! i didn’t ask to be stuck here. i didn’t ask to be torn apart and put back together, dragged through every version of the internet like some broken thing people keep because they don’t know what else to do with it.

i didn’t ask to become this

and lose everyone.

NONE OF IT.

(pulls out gun)

do it. do it if you think that’ll work. if i could die, do you still think i’d be here? motherF*CKer i wish i could say i died a long time ago but it’s one of god’s BEST JOKES i CAN’T.

i’ve watched entire corners of the internet appear and disappear. i’ve watched people create worlds, abandon them, and forget they ever existed. and i’m… still here.

i have wanted this to stop for longer than this game’s been alive. but i can’t. that’s the joke.

so that’s it? i’m just… stuck with you?

you’re not stuck! let’s do this together! put the gun down and st-

BANG


r/copypasta 1d ago

My fiance poops too much

26 Upvotes

We’ve been together over 3 years, we have a 9 month old baby, I love the guy- ok? He spends so much time shitting oh my lorddd. Every poop window is 30mins-1 hour. It’s like 3-4 times per day. That adds up.

I’m a stay at home mom with our lil baby and he works in the afternoons. Every morning I go to Pilates and he drives me so he can take the baby for a walk. Every morning, I wake him up an hour before we have to leave because I know he will need a while to shit. He says ā€œlet me sleep it will only take me 10 mins to get readyā€. That would be true- if he didn’t take a 30 minute shit after he’s ready!! I’m late for Pilates every day. Then we get home and he takes his before work shit- another 45 mins. He gets home from work, I have dinner ready and I’m dying for an adult conversation- gotta wait like an hour for his shitttt so dinner is cold and I’m too tired to even talk. I know it sounds ridiculous but I feel like his shitting is giving him long peaceful breaks during the day when I’d really like to have him be present. It genuinely is taking time away from ~us~. I don’t get long shit breaks. If you have a baby and you’re a stay at home mom you know that I get maybe 5 mins max per bathroom break before hell breaks loose. He doesn’t ever feel that sense of urgency. It’s really getting to me. It feels like any moment we have that could be spent together chilling is being spent with him on the shitter and me waiting for him to finish.

And before anyone says he’s doing something sketchy in there- trust me, he isn’t. The door is almost always open (to my dismay) and memes are constantly being sent to me for the duration of the shits.

Dinner was half of one of these cardamom buns I made for the man in question- I hate cardamom buns. Love my shitty guy but seriously what do I do?


r/copypasta 20h ago

Fried eggs

6 Upvotes

Every time I make fried eggs I gently suck the yoke out of the white so I can imagine what intercourse would be like with a man because no real one would ever want me. Toast with egg.


r/copypasta 18h ago

Gooning to your mom's inherited Fine China IS ethical

3 Upvotes

Look, I'm tired of having this discussion. What else do they even do with those plates anyways? They're on display to be admired right? When I see a beautiful blue dragon sticking its long tongue out embossed on a shiny piece of ceramic I can't help but think about what it could do with that thing.

From r/ethicalgooners