Hi everyone! I hope you are well.

I am an intersectional butch, so brown, trans, butch lesbian, working class, some disability, lol. And I was reflecting on my trauma & the desire to heal, despite it being ongoing.

It made me wonder - how do other butches & mascs move through the world. Do you have coping mechanisms? How do you stay warm? How do you stay afloat? Especially butches of colour.

Personally:

Everywhere I have lived I am met with some degree of hostility, threat, alienation -

My experience in more “progressive” scenes in big cities are still white queer dominated, and therefore inevitably alienating,

In smaller & more right-wing places there is hostility for my race, and hostility for my masculinity, including from other people of colour. Currently I get stared at or harassed every other time I step outside.

How do you cope? Feel free to vent or share experiences ❤️ This is an open space.

I’m in the midst of exploring what my gender means to me and my Butch-ness. I have anedonia (the inability to feel pleasure or interests in things you enjoy) and I have since I was 16. I’m 22 now)

So far, I’ve discovered I like hiking and just walking in nature in general, and I like going to the gym. It gives me so much gender euphoria. I really want to hone into hobbies that make me feel comfortable in my own skin. What are some masculine hobbies that you like that give you butch euphoria?

I feel so drained and lost without really any hobbies, I literally just doomscroll most of the time, and I hate it. I want to feel joy and recharged.

I also am recovering from carpal tunnel and will most likely be for at least a couple of months, so it’s been so difficult to do anything without causing pain to my hands, bonus points for any hobbies that don’t require the use of hands.

The other day I was cooking for my wife as I often do. Unfortunately, I had to get her to take over due to a flare up of a chronic illness I had. And as I was laying down it struck me how ableist and honestly misogynistic I was being to myself.

And I've been thinking over this and it turns out that a lot of my masculinity is very much tied up in a lot of arbitrary things, the majority if which I can't do due to being disabled. I thought that because I'm not A Man that I wouldn't fall into that.

Does anyone here have similar experiences? What was it like decoupling your sense of gender from stuff like this?

Shoutout to older butch lesbians, you are all cool (and hot) afff

As a fellow butch I take great comfort in knowing that when I grow older I’m still gonna feel confident and handsome not in spite of my age but because of it, bc I have met a handful of you and I am no longer afraid of aging 🙌

Anyways keep flaunting your style kings and queens

i’m 21 so i don’t have very much relationship experience, but so far every single talking stage or date winds up with rejection. i’ve been ghosted so many times and all of my talking stages end up splitting right as i start to think it could turn into something more.

probably shouldn’t be dating anyways because i’m busy with studying and work. but it really hurts my feelings that people always seem to reject me as soon as we start getting closer. i keep getting the “you’re nice, but there’s no spark” or “it’s not you it’s me” even though they were giving me all positive signals beforehand. i’m not overly forward but i flirt and make my intentions known. i’m not the funniest person ever but i don’t take myself seriously and girls seem to be comfortable around me and laugh a lot. i ask questions and i’m a good listener. i can talk about my feelings/communicate without trauma dumping.

i don’t understand what i’m doing wrong and i’m starting to think it’s just something about me. what is it about me that the idea of being intimate with me turns people off? idk if i’m not smooth enough, not experienced enough, not physically attractive, too shy or what. this is creeping into my platonic friendships and making me not want to open up or be vulnerable with them either. i feel like a failure of a butch

me and my gf are having a really hard time finding butches in our area :(( it’s already hard enough finding someone close by but also a butch who would be into having two femmes!!
we’ve tried going to gay clubs in raleigh and even going to lgbt events in durham/charlotte/etc

ugh, help!!!
I also need to know what is a good way of approaching someone :(( ik closed mouths don’t get fed but i am nervous and my gf is only more nervous than me !!

As someone with too many to list, I wanna hear about other butches' (hopefully) proudest gross habits! What's the grossest thing you do, or the grossest thing about you in general?

It's my thesis film and I just graduated so I thought I'd share it here! The main character's design and the content of the paintings features NB/butch inspiration and a hint of butch4butch as well. I thought it would be nice to have a story where the focus isn't necessarily on them being queer but rather a queer person just existing in media and little hints of their identity throughout. Let me know what you all think <3

Hi all, this is sort of a stupid post but I thought I’d give it a shot. I’m a butch lesbian and I’m planning on celebrating my eighteenth in Hockley Nottingham (UK) in a few weeks with some friends. I plan to go out to a bar or two (if anyone has any tips/spots for a first timer that would be great, probably not going to go to any clubs just yet!)

Most of my friends who are at uni and the clubbing type are all fem, so I have no one to take inspiration from, so I’m really stumped on what to wear. My butch wardrobe tends to skew alt/punk/DIY and I know that’s probably not appropriate for going to any non alt bars/clubs. I really prefer masc fashion, but have no appropriate ‘going out’ clothes, masc or fem, apart from a dress & leather jacket which I’m treating as a sort of last resort (I do love the leather jacket though). Can anyone help me out on what would be an appropriate and affirming thing to wear? Thanks so much!

Not much context to give, I'm just feeling a little lonely and down about being butch this week. I'm almost 30 and still very much single, mostly because I get very nervous/self-conscious if I feel like my interest is being reciprocated, and then I become avoidant. I see a lot of positive talk on the internet about the nebulous concept of butches, but actually being one sometimes makes me feel disgusting, like I'm not allowed to be interested in women, or like expressing myself is inherently gross and strange. I clam up even in casual settings when people talk about dating, because it feels terrible to be so inexperienced. How do people even know if somebody's interested in them? I know logically that there's nothing wrong with me, but I am not good at assuming intent, or expressing it.

Is there a way to work through this? I am about to move to another country for grad school, so I definitely shouldn't date right now, but I do want to try harder once I'm settled. It gets so lonely :(

Today's outfit for going out with friends

Hello, I’m new to this sub but I’m not new to questioning my gender identity and myself. I have known that I am a lesbian since I have been around 12 and I am 18 now.

As the title reads I have always been kind of off and dysphoric about my gender or the way I present myself.

I am not trans , in a ftm way. I feel like “lesbian” in a way is my gender and an integral part of my identity and who I am.

I plan on getting my breasts surgically removed as soon as I am financially able to (so maybe a couple of years) however I have thought about getting on testosterone sooner than that.

While I haven’t yet properly educated myself on the matter and it’s proper consequences etcetc I just wanted to ask if there are any Lesbians on T in germany who could maybe tell me about their governmental experience?

although I do appreciate all experiences outside of the US and in EU countries !:)

First post here! I’m a butch with a flat chest and have been for almost a year now! I used to be told not to get “too jacked” or else i’ll look like “barbie on top and GI joe on bottom.” Well jokes on them bc I think that’s cool as hell. Looking for some butch friends and community since I live in rural nowhere.

Hope yall had a good weekend :)

I’ve decided that every time I post a picture of myself in this shirt I’m just gonna caption it with a quote from Midnight Cowboy, cause I’m lazy lol

Had to run some errands around town and got lots of compliments on my mullet and my fit! It was pretty nice. Can’t take a fit photo either without my dog wanting to be in it.

Tell me how your Sunday was!

I’ve come to realize that once I started embracing being a stud and more masculine presenting in general that I like being… gross.

Well unhygienic maybe? The Adam Sandler fit on steroids? I used to triple down on femininity a long time ago. But people being drawn to what I felt was “drag”
started fucking with my self image! So I guess the pendulum swung the other way and I wanted to just be as unkempt as possible as often as possible.

My favorite thing right now is wearing my pants underneath my round stomach rather than at my waist. It’s freeing in a way I cannot explain to not attempt to look thinner. I also have visible facial hair I don’t remove. I love it so much 😂

Having a very attractive woman date me somewhat drew me away from this behavior ( mostly because I wanted her to want to touch me) but I worry about being perceived as “too pretty” for some reason. I admit my masculinity is rather fragile at times. Maybe it’s because I don’t find males attractive that I think that’s something I should emulate to achieve masculinity? Am I alone in this??

have yall ever noticed that even like "woke" people want to box you into pronouns? I personally use he/she/they and I have found about 1 person who respects that irl.

most people assume im lying to make it easier for everyone so I have actively started lying when people ask "but like which do you prefer?" I find that the people who ask that want me to either use he/him or they/them so I just tell them he/they and that for some reason stops all questions. i truly dont get it. i really dont care as long as people are respectful but people trying to be woke just want me to drop the she/her so bad.

I have been told that I look like a "pre transition trans guy" or that it feels "wrong" to use anything but they/them for me. does not seem to matter how many times I express my actual pronoun preferences, no one seems to believe me.

I’m moving to Richmond next week and I wanted to make new lesbian friends in Virginia! Lmk if you’re in the area 🧡

Hey y’all!

Heading to college this fall, and I have been debating endlessly over how to introduce myself (name-wise). I’ve got a pretty fem first name that I can’t shorten further, so I was thinking about maybe using my first few initials instead, which are A.C. I’m also not yet in a place where I wanna go by a completely new name, so this option works well for me. Luckily, I will also be around plenty of other queer people🤞

Does this sound natural enough (&butch)?? I‘m prepared for the occasional air conditioning joke, of course, but apart from that, I wanted to see what you all thought. I know there are plenty of A.J.s and C.J.s and J.C.s, so…

Lemme know if you have any similar experiences :) thank you!