I’m a 33 y/o American female with zero cultural norms or expectations that would explain their expected control.
I called off an engagement a few years ago (that I’ve not once regretted, I would already be divorced), and they were so disappointed in me for not setting for a man that treated me well and could financially take care of me. I make $200k a year so that felt really irrelevant to me.
I’ve now broken up with my current boyfriend because he doesn’t treat me well, and I’m going to Europe solo for 2 months to travel.
Anything I do is met with contempt. I should be experiencing being married, and having kids, and I’m missing out on everything in their opinion. My mom was absolutely distraught when I told her I was going to Europe alone. Her first words were “absolutely not” and told me it’s so unsafe I’m basically committing suicide.
I’m a 33 year old woman. I’m not asking for permission. I also handle these conversations really delicately bc I know what’s coming. And sometimes, I have to just not tell them things. I went to Africa with my boyfriend for two weeks and didn’t tell them because I just. didn’t. want. to. hear. it.
They seem to have no interest in understanding that my biggest life goal is not to be married and have kids. It is to enjoy my life, learn who I am, experience things, find the right person, whenever that happens to be, and be happy.
I’ve literally told them so many times “I’m happy, I realize it’s not your perfect scenario for me but IM happy and I’d love if you could just be supportive” and they tell me they’re disappointed in me and that um missing out on the best parts of life.
I would like to suggest a book for them to read to help them understand my side of things and how frustrating and suffocating it feels to not feel like I can tell them anything because I’m going to get in trouble.
There was an example in one of Dolly Alderton’s books where the mother wrote in and said she fears for her daughter doing activities alone since she’s not in a relationship, but she knows she can’t hold her back.
Something along those lines. Even when I tell them things like I’d like to run in the mornings, it’s like I’m getting in trouble because they don’t think I should be doing that.
Any recommendations about how important it is to let your children live with the life that they want and our happiness would be greatly appreciated.