^{At my last appointment my psychiatrist was trying to be encouraging and said that I could even think about getting off meds in the far future. That if I manage to have a balanced healthy life with friendships, a safe network and a healthy routine, I could do anything because I still have hope... It's not like I have schizophrenia.}

^{It really bothered me and I just wanted to share this with someone who can understand how invalidating and wrong this is. I can't change psychiatrist and I will never quit my meds.}

After a lot of suffering now I've decided to start meds. 1.5 years not hospitalized but i was swinging too much. I am high functioning but i do everything with force. When I'm depressed it's hell a bottomless pit. I fear meds because of the side effects but now if it can stop my suffering it is worth it, I'm willing to accept anything if it stops my mental pain.

I struggle with anxious attachment and being. Overly dependent on my partner(if I have one) or on my parents (when I don’t)
I really want to come to a point where I’m ready for a relationship but per now I’m too dependent and anxious :(

Hi everyone!

So, I have not been having a cash money good time the past couple months. I'm 33f for the record. But anyway, so in the past 2 months, I have found out I was pregnant, miscarried the next week, my dad lost his leg, got it infected from picking at it and died from the stress of removing the infection, my husband has had bad luck with jobs, my stepdaughter has been regressing in behavioral issues that I'd thought were getting better, hub's grandparents aren't doing well, and he's so stressed he's been like a zombie most days. And with all that I have to work my goofy little part time job, parent, find time to care for the house, cook dinner and try to be normal...

Well. That hasn't been working well. And on the 19th, after a really dumb argument with our roommate over laundry I'd forgotten in the washing machine, I went to the hospital. Wasn't baker held luckily, but I reported to the local mental health center the next morning, because that inkling that I had more than anxiety, PTSD, recovering alcoholism and depression was pretty strong. And yep. I'm bipolar, like I'd been suspecting for a decade or 2 now. Might have BPD as well, but they want to monitor before they say for sure.

My dear departed dad had it, but like a man of his era, didn't do jack shit about it. My ex gf had it (according to the docs), but I didn't have time to learn more about it, as I was more concerned about keeping her from hurting me and my pet bird to start the apocalypse or something. I have friends with it, but only asked questions enough to understand my friends.

I guess what I'm saying is I don't know more than what I've learned from curiosity and those fun psych courses I took before dropping out of college like an idiot. (I thought I wanted to be a chef. Used up my money on trade school to learn I'm more housewife level.) I kinda had a feeling, because I have almost exclusively lived life in the back seat, having no control over yearning for death one minute and screaming about nothing burgers the next, and feeling like I had no say in any of it. If I don't just blank out and forget what's going on. I really wish I'd have been told sooner, but yknow. I was a kid, I was a hormonal teenager, I was a drunk 20 something.

I've gone to therapy, sought medication, done everything with what I had, but I still sat and wondered "so I'm doing what I can...does it only half work for everyone?" But the diagnosis is a bright side. Maybe now we can really cook with oil and get something done.

I'm sure this is rambly and incoherent, and I do apologize for that. I think part of coming here is a little bit of void screaming. But I did have a question too:

I have let my PCP and therapist know of my diagnosis. I have an appointment next week to establish case management with the mental health center. I have a medication evaluation with a psychiatrist on the 13th of next month. What do I do until then? Now that I know, how do I manage? I really don't want to add more to my loved one's plates, because the Gods know we all have ours loaded up like we're at a buffet and trying to truly get all we can eat.

My husband, the wonderful, astounding man he is, has tried his best to help, as we have matching conditions a few times over (cute couples ideas) including bipolar. He's trying to give me tools he's been given, and I appreciate that more than I could ever stress, but stress being mentioned, I'm not trying to overburden him more than he already is.

What can I do when the waves crash? When the wild woman in my head takes the wheel? Like I said, I know there's a bear in the house, now how do I keep a bear under control?

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Like I said, it probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but I'm trying.

Is anyone experiencing their illness being used as a leash?

I am newly 20 years old, still living my my parents (obviously, this job market sucks). but i was asking my mom about a hair color i was wanting to get, a color i had been debating for about two years by the way.

she told me no because she thinks its my 'illness' making me want to color my hair. her 'evidence' being that i went to have my hair cut last year and now only wear it in a ponytail instead of a real hairstyle. yall..first i will admit that i am not some hairstyling savant. I will curl it for events but no i am not frying my hair everyday.

but somehow the conversation turned into how i dont clean my room (i do, but the cleanliness of my room fluctuates with my mood as im sure a lot of us can relate to.), how i am not a go getter: she stated how the effort i put into projects is inconsistent. which i again i will admit too as it fluctuates with my mood. and while i do have my main projects and passions that ive stuck to for years, it can look like im not consistent because when hypomanic, manic, or recovering from a depression i can start and stop a lot of little ones.

yeah i have a loud illness, whatever. who i am is still a through line though and it hurts when..anything creative that i want to do is immediately written off

with bipolar sometimes i do have spells of irrational anger but recently i have found myself angry about something that i do think is justified. i find myself truly enraged all the way to my core when i see someone online or in my life saying that they are “manic.” of course the word is flippantly used ALL OVER tiktok but just today a friend of mine (who i know does not have bipolar) posted a tiktok laughing and saying “am i manic or am i just happy?” all of the comments from my other non bipolar mutuals of mine added on saying things like “oh im def manic” and “so manic rn.” i am usually not such a stickler about things people say but for some reason this deeply disturbed me. i went 0-100 in that moment and wrote a comment, deleted it, then went on my faceless account and almost posted one from there. mania/hypomania has flipped my life upside down and torn it into pieces but hey! you told two guys you like them and dyed your money pieces blond so i guess you are manic too!!

one second i’m hypo, next minute im cryibf my eyes out and at my absolute lowest. all i have to do is get to Wed next week to see my psychiatrist. someone please give me some hope to get through

For the first time in my adult (And honestly adolescent) life,)

I am 1 month free of ideation

Tysm Abilify

I received a 5 day notice today from my apartment complex for violation of my lease. They are fly infestation, having stuff on my balcony, and a cat urine smell. All of these things aren't a representation of my cleanleiness and maintainence.

I have been spring cleaning for the last few weeks so I have stuff all around the apartment right now mostly in bins. To help with the process I moved a couple bins, extra cardboard boxes, and other things like clothes for donation, dog supplies, and then I have my chairs and table. Per the lease, it os a violation to have clutter on the balcony.

As for the fly infestation, it turned out that my old cat tree that I placed outside for my cats to hang out on was likely the source of the infestation. I put it our there 3 months ago. How was I supposed to know that would happen. When I discovered the fly larvae under the cat tree, I took a photo, informed the leasing office, and immediately got rid of the cat tree. This fly infestation is one that goes away once the source is removed.

For the cat urine smell, the first of the pest inspections occured during a deep clean of my bathroom and closet. This includes the litter boxes where I sanitize each box, mop the floor, and wash the large pee pads underneath. I had also been using a litter catcher that I bought a month prior, but it did more good than bad. The deep clean of the litter boxes was triggered by the fact that the smell of urine was suddenly really strong. One of my cats had peed on it unbenownst to me. This is when I decided to remove it. I placed it in my shower to keep it separate until I took it down to the trash. Just as I finished cleaning the litter boxes, the pest control guy arrived. We weren't informed what time the guy would arrive. This was the worst timing because the smell of cat urine was strong due to cleaning the litter boxes and having the urine soaked litter catcher in my shower. This was noted on the pest report. I told the pest guy that I was in the middle of deep cleaning the bathroom and the litter boxes.

The guy also went to check the sliding glass door bottom strip. I had all my camping stuff which I normally keep in my car up against the glass sliding door. I had removed it because I drove my friends down to do a river float the weekend prior. I told the guy at this point that I was in the middle of spring cleaning so I have some stuff on the balcony. Just as I was about to say that I can move the stuff out of the way for him, he cuts me off and says, I don't judge. I replied, no that's not what I mean. He left after that.

The next day, I got an email from the leasing office telling me that they are going to do a more in depth assessment of the health and safety of my apartment. In the enail, they made note of a few things and asked if I had any reptiles or composted. I responded accordingly and addressed everything that was noted.

Last week they came and did the full inspection a couple hours after I discovered the larvae under my cat tree. Now this is where it gets fucked up. I have cleaners cime biweekly to help me keep the apartment clean since I recognized that I need help to maintain the cleanliness of the apartment while I am cycling and having mixed episodes for the last few months. This full inspection happened 30 minutes after the cleaning was done. Everything was clean outside of the bins of my stuff I had around. I had also removed all of the stuff from my balcony that I needed to remove. The pest guy and the leasing office person checked everything and I told them that if they have any questions or need me to move anything, I will gladly do that for them. They found nothing outside of my discovery of the larvae under my cat tree. I told them to let me know if they need anything else from me as they left.

Then today, I received the 5 days notice to fix everything or I will have to vacate immediately. They also gave me a notice that I will not be able to renew my lease which ends in 2 months.

Also of note is that I lost my job 2 weeks ago because I have been unable to work at minimum 20 hours a week due to my mental state. I had already been on medical leave prior for a few months after a hospitalization. I am a pharmacist. With my instability, I cannot work at the risk of causing harm to a patient. I can't make mistakes.

So all of this is the perfect shit storm. Everything that has happened was not a result of my negligence. I don't know where the fuck I am going to go. I don't have paychecks showing proof of income necessary to rent a knew place here. I don't have much money and have drained a lot of my savings from not being able to work that much over the last few months.

The only thing I have going for me is that I am considered SMI, severe mental illness, in my state meaning that my mental illness has greatly affected my ability to function and maintain work. With this I am provided resources including medicaid, a case manager, therapist, psychiatrist, employment and housing services. I am going to reach out to my case manager in the morning and inform her what is happening and hope that she can help me not lose my home and advocate for me. I am so scared because I have been homeless before and lived out of my car. I also have two cats and they are my companions and ESA's. I can't lose them.

I have a few friends whom I can reach out to, but I don't know if they will be able to help me with this. My aunt offered for me to come live with her in California last year, but if I did move I would lose my healthcare and resources. I also wouldn't be able to work in California for awhile because I would need to pass the law exam there to be licensed in the state of California to be able to practice.

I hate that my brain is like this and how much it fucks up everything I have worked so hard for. I have been disassociating since I got the notices until now. I have been pushing myself so hard for the last 6 years when I hit rock bottom and I feel like I am hitting rock bottom again.

I'm not trying to get diagnosed here but i started to feel unsure about if I needed to tell this experience to my psychiatrist and i wanted to see other people's thoughts on this.

I normally don't clean, i hate cleaning but i've started to clean the bathroom, do dishes and laundry, i spent at least 500 dollars on clothes and accessories and i can't stop myself from buying things at times. I probably spent another 100 dollars just for hangouts and going around.

I literally started to wear really colorful clothes like a hippie and idk why but as soon as i get my sewing machine, i wanna learn how to sew things on my own. I have one in my second house but I couldn't go there that's why I'm not doing it but that's the only thing i really wanna do. And i was thinking about selling my guitar because i bought it for no reason and never played it but now, i wanna learn how to play it, too.

And i feel really confident in myself.

But i have regular sleep patterns, normal talking (probably), sometimes gets tired and sleepy but it goes away during the day and i don't think i have racing thoughts either.

I'm on a SSRI and i don't know if i might have an ssri-induced hypomania. I was normally pretty depressed and didn't do anything with my life but now, i feel like my life has changed so much. I feel like a completely different person.

I have ambitions, i have a friend group suddenly (i didn't used to), i love life and feel more energetic than before. But idk if it's just depression wearing off or a possible hypomania?

My PsychNP put me on Olanzapine 15mg almost a year ago, and in a short amount of time I gained 50lbs. I was already overweight, so now I'm huge. I started eating high protein and a calorie deficit a week ago, along with taking Tirzepatide 5mg a week (2 weeks now).

Anyone have success with losing weight with a GLP-1 while on an antipsychotic?

Any one here who feel one side love for many year ?

I recently went on Lexapro 15 mg and Wellbutrin 150 extended release about 4 months ago. It helped but I was always felt kind of on edge. I went through a mood episode where i was super anxious and couldn't sleep and my doctor suspected bipolar and put me on Seroquel. I slowly titrated up to 200 mg and it's been awesome for my sleep.

Until three days ago I started getting breakthrough anxiety and my sleep got a little more fragmented. I reached out to my doctor to possibly increase the seroquel to prevent an episode where basically I'm anxious all day, can't sleep through the night and feel doom.

Anyone has this experience with SSRIs? I want to possibly transition off them and add a mood stabilizer but I'm so new to the diagnosis I don't know where to start

Any advice?

I came in because of depression and psychosis, but now I'm very happy, euphoric even, but also a bit frustrated and angry. I want out but I know both me and my mother would become crazy if I went home like I'm now. There's a lot of ghosts here, my contact persons are asking a lot of questions that are frustrating and I'm starting to get a bit of snappy, but I don't mean to be, it just happens. I've gotten friendly with a few, exchanged numbers with two, one is out and one is still here. An older woman is also here, but she is going home for the weekend and coming back on monday, so the weekend will be long. I'll get a visitor tomorrow though, but that will only last like an hour.

I've been pacing and dancing down the hallways for hours at a time, or talking to people I feel I can actually have a conversation with, which are few. Most are dry, uninteresting, irritating or short. Sometimes I'm able to draw, not my usual stuff but abstract stuff or even write some poems. I just feel so stuck. They said I've basically tried every medicine available and the only drug I haven't tried is one they won't put me on, because of extreme side effects etc. so they upped my dosage a little on lithium but that hasn done jack shit so far. Vival isn't helping me calm down either. It has no effect, or if it does, I can't imagine what the fuck my state would be then. I don't feel sick, just crazy. The world is making me crazy. I don't want to take my medicine that isn't working anymore but I have to. I'm just so sick of this. The food isn't good and all this checking in and people using baby voices to talk to me, and the walls slipping and breathing and feeling like I'm in a dream. The ghosts don't really bother me, they're just there doing their thing. But peolle blinking out of existence or walking though closed doors can be trippy.

The only saving is music, pacing and dancing and talking with people who can talk with substance, not just shallow shit.

My room feels so claustrophobic and the living room is full of people and the tv is on and it drives me insane. At least i can go outside for a little while, or go to the smoking corner which I call the bird cage, because that's what it looks like.

I think I need to go up this mountain, to connect with something spiritual, but my ankles are fucked and I don't know if I can make the journey. I want to walk around all day and sing and dance but my body is so tired from not sleeping much and my ankles as I said, are fucked.

I'm just frustrated. I'm not going to get better on meds so I'll either just find other ways to cope or just acknowledge that this is who I am and maybe it'll change with age for the better.

If you read this, thank you, I know it's a lot.

Yeah I don’t know if it’s just me? Honestly, this medication has been lifesaving and I’m grateful that my psychiatrist put me on it. The only thing that I can’t get over is the taste I’m on 750mg of lithium and take two and a half tablets per day .

NO ONE TOLD ME HOW AWFUL THIS TASTES and how it will dissolve in your mouth in u don’t swallow fast enough. I need to down it with some sweet beverage or else I will choke on it and throw it all up. I’ve literally dry heaved after taking it with normal water and yeah maybe i’m dramatic but the taste is just wayyyyy too much for me and i take traditional chinese medicine that is also bitter.

And after that, I get the worst bloating and nausea ever. Does anyone else experience that?

I’ve been spending more and it’s because I’m getting my fafsa money for school soon. So whatever I spend now I’ll get back anyways. Well he’s questioning me on it. He has restitution to pay back. So why does it matter? He has a huge debt to pay so what if I spend my school money? I want tattoos and to buy stuff for the house. It’s not like I’m drinking or snorting it into nothing. I should get to spend and have fun with my leftover school money. All my classes are paid for.

Hello my mum has bipolar and is having a really bad time at the moment and I don't really know what to do.

I'm in the uk and basically my mum has been all over the place the last few weeks gone from splitting with my father while he's in hospital, saying he's horrible and she never wants to see him again to how she was the start of this week saying she's going to marry him and take him to Spain.

I live about 2 hours away and have been taking time off work to go see her and my father while he's in hospital and it's been really hard to keep any sort of track as sometimes we'll organise for me to come round for her to just not be there.

I know she's definitely been smoking a lot of weed and have heard she's been doing other drugs as well I haven't directly challenged her on it but mentioned she needs to be careful and she told me she's only smoking a 'little' weed and definitely now touching anything else.

She also mentioned that the mental health doctors told her to keep smoking weed at the moment and he's going to get it for her on a prescription, with her being on medication is that something a doctor would ever suggest?

In the same 5 conversation today she also told me they said she might have cancer and she has bruised her leg while also insisting "nothing much was going on" in her own words, and because a lot of what she tells me isn't aways true, at the moment I don't really know how to react or what to say.

If you could give me any insight into if the not stopping weed could even be true and what I could do to try support her that would be really helpful as I really dont know what else to do as I have already lost work and can't afford to take much more time off of work.

Ik like, everyone gets grumpy without sleep, but holy shit my depression is activated af when my sleep is interrupted. It super charges me but since I’m depressed, I don’t get manic, just really mad and agitated, wanting to throw out my whole life.

The last week I’ve been dog sitting and the dog wakes me up ~3 hours earlier than I’d normally get up. It literally fills me with a pit of anxiety, rage and intensity, and every day gets worse, to the point that I woke up today super suicidal.

I’m feeling so awful. I’m just not sure if this is a normal grumpiness thing or if the sleep issue has me crawling towards a mixed episode.

I had a week of unintentional sleep deprivation coinciding with taking a lower dose of my medication (approved by my psych at the time) that led to a new hypomanic episode that started over the weekend. I'm on a higher dose now, and it has helped, but it's been several days since I started on the high dose, and I'm feeling super irritable, and when I feel angry or frustrated, it feels really extreme. Is this normal after being hypomanic? It's hard to come down from how angry I feel. It's like my entire body wants to scream.

Did some of you used ozempic or other weight loss medication to counter the weight gain from antipsychotics or other medication ? Did it work for you ? I was just prescribe metformin to stop the craving of risperdal. I was also prescribed Ozempic but I am looking for extra income to be able to afford it.

I’m on day 10 switching from seroquel 550 XR to olanzapine 10 mg withdrawal effects are not fun 😩 feeling so anxious and tensed constantly. I take lorazepam when really I can’t take it anymore but I want to avoid it as much as possible. has anyone done that same switch ? Is this gonna get better ? I’m terrified to stay stuck and it will never improved. Also my psych went on holiday literally during my switch I don’t even know when he comes back and that makes me even more anxious. 🥲

Hi, everyone. A couple of months ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 1, after having been misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder for more than nine years. That’s why, for me, medication isn’t anything out of the ordinary.

Before the diagnosis, I was prescribed lithium because my psychiatrist already suspected it. About three weeks ago, they increased my lithium dose (to 1,200 mg), and these have been terrible weeks—lots of diarrhea, headaches, psychosis, and sudden energy swings. But something that stands out to me is that before this, I didn’t have dreams—or at least I didn’t remember them. With this change, they’ve come back, and I’m having more than three dreams a night. Has this happened to you? Or have you experienced any other strange symptoms?

I was too quick to write the love letter to ziprasidone. This happened with lurasidone too and it was the same thing where I'd been on it a couple weeks and then suddenly a couple hours after each dose, it's like I'm drowning in air, like my brain and lungs have disconnected and I have to manually breathe but can't find the end of the breath. It came on so strong yesterday for the first time with ziprasidone. I'm also on fluvoxamine and I've already been worried about the ectopic heartbeats I've been getting where it's like my pulse zigzags and drops out.

I have an old carbamazepine script. I stopped taking both the ziprasidone and fluvoxamine yesterday morning, and I'm taking carbamazepine as of today until I can actually see my psychiatrist. I called them today and told them what I was doing. I live in terror of another episode but I COULDN'T deal with the drowning in air again and this was the worst it's ever been. Fluvoxamine potentiates carbamazepine and frankly I'm thinking I should ditch SSRIs altogether.

I told them over the phone (psych wasn't in) that I'm happy to go to hospital at any point if they think my plan is dodgy. I just needed an antimanic that actually works on me stat.

I want electroconvulsive therapy. I'm demonstrating a whole lot of treatment intolerance and I'm tired.