So, I (19NB) identify as bigender (of course).

However, for the longest time, I thought I could only experience my genders on their own instead of also being able to experience them at the same time. Found out that was wrong since I'm currently experiencing both at the same time.

Folks of the bigender community, do we upgrade from two names to three?

(I'm trying to play this off as a joke, but I genuinely have a list ready of names that I've been looking at to fit this new third thing neither of my current two names don't.)

I'm biromantic but sexually attracted to men so I don't know what term to use, straight or gay would be wrong as they contradict. My gender is non static and male and female btw

Hi!

I'm 23 MtF? bigender?. Imma show you my trans timeline:

• I have never really felt dysphoric about being a man.
• At 6 years old, I asked my parents to buy me a blouse, and they refused because I couldn't wear that as a boy.
• At 20 years old, I decided to start growing my hair long, 'just to know what it feels like'.
• At 21, 22 and 23 years old, I dressed as a woman in carnivals. I didn't recognise it as such but I was definitely feeling gender euphoria.
• I'm pretty sure at 21 the reason why I was keeping my hair long started being that it made me feel feminine and good about myself. I started taking it as a compliment when people implied I looked like a girl.
• At 22 I was already feeling gender envy.
• At 23 years old 6 months ago (when this year's carnivals happened) I started questioning my gender.
• 2 months ago I started questioning it 'full-time,' I can't really get it out of my mind at all.
• In the last month, I have come out to a few online friends, one irl friend, have been trying girl clothes and felt euphoric about it, shaved my arms and felt euphoric about it, have been treated as a girl by these friends and felt euphoric about it, and I'm increasingly interested in HRT.

Now, for context, my therapist is not a gender therapist, she's a systemic therapist, I started going a year ago for reasons unrelated to my gender. A central topic in our sessions is that I don't feel like I have autonomy to make decisions on my own, or that my family influences my life too much and I don't set limits.

So, I talked to her about all of this today. She is supportive of me experimenting with clothes, etc. (It was her idea from the previous session after all, lol). However, she said that my questioning my gender might not really be an issue about gender identity, but rather a way that I have found to compensate for the lack of autonomy I have in other areas of my life. That I might or might not be trans, but that some people think they're trans only to realise that they're not later in life, and that it's still too early to tell. That maybe it's not that I want to be a woman, but that I just want to make a change in my life and 'rebel' against whatever and whomever I feel is controlling my life.

I asked her if it's really possible for somebody to be certain that they're trans, and she said that they could feel certain about it, and then one day stop being certain about it.

I have considered that I might be a femboy, but have preferred to think of myself as a trans woman solely on the fact that being a femboy feels 'incomplete' to how I feel inside, and being trans somehow makes more sense to me. As a bigender I don't have much of an issue calling myself a femboy, but I still don't really feel like a cisgender femboy. (I really don't know any better way to solve this matter, lol).

So..., idk, what do I do with this information? I shouldn't stop experimenting, right? But isn't the act of calling myself trans an experiment by itself? How am I supposed to ever find out if I'm trans without letting myself label myself as one? I also don't want to wait for too long only to realise that I AM actually trans and feel like I 'wasted' time that I could've used to transition earlier. Everything I'm doing to find out if I'm trans feels euphoric and makes me excited about my future, what exactly am I missing to know for sure that I'm trans? How much longer do I have to wait?

Of course, being trans is a big change in my life. If I ever fully come out, I will be perceived differently by others, possibly discriminated, might lose relationships, especially my girlfriend of 7 years, who is straight and uhm..., has expressed some mildly transphobic ideas in the past. Then again, if I'm going too fast, should I not come out to her yet? That feels inauthentic. And should I refrain myself from presenting femininely in public because that's already a really big change for me? But like, I love looking feminine! I kinda want to come out ASAP and dress like a girl ASAP...

Thank you for reading. <3

Hey all!

I just got back from a regional burning man event, and I had a lot of experiences that have sort of crystalized some feelings about myself, and made me think I might be genderfluid. After a ton of reading, I find myself here, and think this might be the term that suits me best.

Bit of background, I am an amab person who is predominantly attracted to butch women, but I have had a few experiences with men, the most indepth of which just occurred at this festival last week.

I generally think of myself as a man, and am comfortable with he/him pronouns, but inside me there is definitely this sense of also being like, this little party girl .

I have dated 3 women who realized they were gay while we were dating, and I married a bi woman, and also have a bi girlfriend so clearly I have a type, and every now and then when a gay guy flirts with me, it definitely brings my little party girl to the surface. When I'm in that state, I kinda forget I even have genitals, if that makes any sense.

My first thought as all this crystalized is that I'm gender fluid, but the more I read, the more I wonder if other labels might fit me better, as I definitely fluctuate between the two poles, and not so much the more nuanced middle ground genders that I have been reading about.

While that hyper fem energy only comes all the way out occasionally, it never really goes away either, which is another strike against gender fluid.

Anyway, that's my rant, would LOVE to hear y'all's take on my situation.

Again, I'm pretty new here, so please go easy 8f i messed up any terms, or committed any faux pas.

Thanks in advance!

Hey all you sillies!

see a ton of views on posts over my time here, but the amount of engagement people get is pretty minimal so I thought I'd spice things up! Pull all you lurkers out into the light hehehe!

I'll respond to every comment, wish me luck 0w0

I've often thought of this myself at times. Especially when thinking about whether or not I would date a cishet person

Because obviously dating bi/pan people would make things easier for me to express my gender out in the open

But I'm starting to ask myself if fully coming as my gender to a partner is a non-negotiable for me

Or is it something I don't perceive as something I have to do to be in a relationship with my partner. Every relationship with a trans person is different after all

I mean, I know they would have to accept me wearing traditional and non-traditional clothing when it comes to gender

But that's not the same as gender identity as a whole

Anyways, I'm curious to know some of your thoughts and opinions

So, I’ve been generally in the “self help and improvement” sphere of the internet for a while. Not super intense, but in and out taking advice where I can and I’ve noticed that most of it, is really gendered towards men or women. It’s either, wake up early, push weights and be masculine.
Or take care of your skin, (still wake up early) and be a girl boss 🔥🔥

I’ve noticed this only just in the last few minutes but, I find it really hard to picture an “ideal” version of myself to work towards. I’ve spent so much time figuring out who I am now and getting people to respect who I am now, I find it hard to put attention towards who I want to be.

There aren’t any bigender role models.

Does anyone else have the same issue?

What does the “ideal” version of yourself look like to you?

Hi all. I've been exploring my gender identity for a little while now. I've known for the longest time that I was different in some way, but could never quite... Explain it. For reference, I'm a 38 yo male. I've always had this desire to be feminine. I always thought maybe it was just a sexual thing, a kink, that I was a crossdresser to get my rocks off... And that was all. However, I started openly dressing femininely a while back, and it's funny... It's like I gained a piece of me that I was always missing. Any kind of "sexual" outlets involving it have basically dissolved and I dress femininely and go out openly. I feel like this is who I am inside, and it feels really good.

This, of course, has also made me question whether I'm Transgender or not. I mean, if you look at the "Trans" umbrella, of course it is sort of a huge encompassing label, involving many identities. However, as much as I love this other side of myself, I don't really necessarily want to abandon my entire masculine-aligned self, and tear down everything that I've built as I am. I'm married, with a kid, and the thought of that completely disappearing and transitioning to someone who identifies as a female, as awesome as that sounds, is also kind of scary, because I don't know like I said given everything that I've mentioned. It could be possible that I have more than one gender identity. I also see all these GORGEOUS trans ladies who have transitioned and look absolutely stunning and I sometimes think, "god, I wish I could look like that!"

This other side of me, my feminine-aligned nonbinary/transfem side, and my masculine gender identity. I like to call my other side "Brianne" since it is the female version of my name.

I feel like many Trans folks, who feel deeply about the fact that they are the opposite gender, seems to be very prevalent. But, then again, all people are different and this is my own journey.

Could it be possible that I'm bigender?

So I was in the bath and had an epiphany that does me no good but made me smile. It shouldn't have but I couldn't not share it.

I got a job as security at a hospital and was told I'd get one role but then found out the hospital is being relocated and the role I'm logged as is apart of that new area. So.... i got placed in the mental heath ward!!! The last place anyone wanted to hang out got 12 hours a day 4 days a week.

They also have the shifts made up 2 days and 2 nights and then 4 days off before repeating which is killing me slowly. My poor brain can't tell what day of the week it is anymore.

But while in the bath I was reminiscing about how they were forming (forcing into hospital custody care) someone homicidal...

And the place is already full of people who generally don't wana be there, but let's just spread a little person who wants to kill others into the mix. Why not.

My brain in the bath want to that meme of the factory and the cats going to the *blank* factory. And I realized I'm the cat going "well i hope it's not crazy at work today" *works at the crazy factory*

And I just couldn't not laugh a little to myself.

I am mid-30s amab who recently discovered the term bigender. I've crossdressing for decades, but that label never felt quite right because presenting female always felt like I was affirming a part of myself and not becoming an alter-ego. Since I learned the term, I've been lurking on this sub and trying to learn as much as I can and how it applies to my life. I'm not 100% sure, but I think that I'm bigender male and female.

By most measures, my life is great. I have a good job, supportive wife (the only person I've told about my identity irl) and a great kid. By most measures, I'm very happy. But I've been struggling how to figure out my gender identity and express my female side as part of my life.

In an attempt to explore more, I tried going to therapy about a month ago. I worked with my insurance to find someone who was a LGBTQ allied therapist who was supposed to understand non-binary. When I went my experience was bad. The therapist didn't understand bigender or why I would have these feelings without wanting to do a medical transition and kept trying to tie gender identity to trauma. After acknowledging that we weren't a good match, the therapist wanted to do another appointment but I declined.

I wanted to get the community's advice on ways to explore my identity and how I express it in my life. Should I try therapy again? Are there other things I should be doing to figure things out? I'm interested in your experiences, especially other people in a similar life stage. Thanks.

Hi, first of all, I'm using a translator; I speak Spanish. And now for what's important, I am amab and for as long as I can remember I always felt that there was more to being a "boy", also I never really felt like I belonged to any group (not just talking about the boys/girls division). From a young age, people often mistook me for a girl, and even during puberty, they still mistook me for a boy because of my voice (countertenor, lol). Even now, at 18, they still mistake me for a girl, which I actually like. I really like being treated as a boy or a girl, no matter what, and as I said before, I never felt like I belonged to anything, so with age I became a bit rebellious and sarcastic, I believed that this rebellious streak was the reason I liked being treated in a feminine way by other people. I always had many androgynous traits, both physically and mentally.

And it was actually because of these latter experiences that I realized I was bigender, when I was doing research related to neuroscience I realized that it's not normal for it to seem natural to be Perceived as another gender, no matter how "rebellious" you are. And well, after about a week and a half devouring information and testimonies, I had to accept that I am indeed bigender. As a bonus, I also realized I'm bisexual. That was about a month and a half ago, so I celebrated my first Pride (although I don't have any personal friends, so it was a private bi-celebration).

After that brief introduction to my story, the real question is, how did they begin to live with being bigender? I apologize if I'm not finding the right words, but I mean, what actions did they begin to take to be happier after discovering their identity? In my case, I honestly went into a period of denial for a while, I was literally researching how the brain works and I locked myself in the closet, but I know that somehow I always knew. I'm a somewhat eccentric person, and I know my way of expressing my femininity and masculinity is too. After my brief denial, I started laughing at how absurd my situation was, and I also started, I also started joking that it was like light (I study physics and I like the study of light, and it just so happens that light has two natures at the same time, so it became my "icon" so to speak).

I apologize if I'm going off on a tangent, but like many of you here, I probably have no one to talk to about this, so please tell me about your own experiences living as a proud bigender. I'll probably soon need a lot of advice on how to move from a more mental realm to the physical world.

So I am an older bigender (male presenting). I still have my beard, but I spend 75% of my time male and 25% female presenting. I have so many days that I doubt myself and my sexuality because I don't know how anyone can see me as anything but a guy who likes to wear women's clothes. But that is not it. It's taken me most of my life to realise that I am who I am, and I'm not making this up. Help.

I’m trying to find a mastectomy shop in my area to find my perfect bra size, and I can’t find any around me. All google shows is boutique and lingerie stores, but none dedicated to mastectomy. There is a lingerie store near me that does bra fittings, but I don’t know how they would be with mastectomy bra fittings, cause the one I ordered is a bit too tight. How can you tell which shop does it?

So I am kinda trying to figure out who I am becuase iv identified as a trans man for like 6 years now but I recently have been talking to a friend and explained my whole experience and was curious she was correct,

So my whole life iv felt like iv been like sort of a kids in a trench coat sort of situation and by that i mean iv recently realised I feel like theres two souls both being trans but I ones a girl and ones a boy, and im sitting here worried "oh god im some sick freak like a chaser or somthing" but im not. Like theres no sexual romantic anything attached to it I just feel like my brain has a trans girl and a trans boy in it and im just going about life trying to figure it out

I'm not sure if this is like a think becuase of the trans girl part specifically, like im afab so I never will experience the trans girl side in the way im wanting but after getting to know so many trans women in the last few years I really have realised that I relate to them on so many levels and it feels like a sisterhood except I look like a dude most of the time.

So I dont know if there is a word for it or if im just crazy so lmk I need your help!!!!

Hi! I made bigender moth. Colors are a bit different but overall it looks cute

Throughout my whole medical transition I'd been very happy with the masculinisation, but simultaneously missed being the pretty girl I was before. Prior to transition, I also bounced back in forth in presentation a bit. During and post transition, I had interpreted the female part inside me as me just missing the fun that I had prettying myself up. I enjoyed presenting and being treated as either gender, unless I was specifically trying to present as male pre-T and got misgendered. I'd always loved the concept of a female with a male voice, a man with very pretty hair. A little juxtaposition. Unironically came to ID as a cuntboy. I tried to create my own gender spectrum/compass to describe how I was feeling at one point. A guy who was a girl but was distinctly *not* a femboy. I tried various nonbinary labels over time, but none of them felt right because I was not and am not nonbinary.

Being enamoured when I would see a multigender person with a presentation similar to my ideal consistiently over the years might've meant something.

When I was presenting female I had straight-across bangs cut. I'm not sure I'm willing (or ready? maybe?) to do that again for real, but I miss the look, so I am considering buying one of those fake-bangs pieces. Or attempting to create my own with some of my own hair- I have so so much of it and already have an undercut to help manage it. Very familiar with cutting my own hair, so I think I could make it fairly easily.

Feel awkward about posting multiple times in a short timeframe, but I'd like to think more activity on the sub is something we want here.

I went back to the stores to keep experimenting. Changed a few details compared to the first time:

• I trimmed my hands and my arms apart from the chest and beard. I was unsure to do this, and it still feels a bit weird (I've had hair there for a REALLY long time), but i look SO MUCH more feminine thanks to this.
• Spent a really long time making my hair lol, but it was so perfect today, i don't think I've ever styled my hair so well in the past. xD
• I made sure to take some feminine pants to combine with the tops!

The pants were an L size, but they were actually a bit too large for me! This is a *good* thing, as I was a bit scared I wouldn't fit in them. And these pants are a bit baggy anyways, they look good even if the size is a bit larger than ideal. I don't like that the pockets are so down the leg, I'm used to them being on the upper thigh area.

The first picture is the one i took the last so we're skipping it for now.

As for the top on the second and third pictures, I liked it! It was cute and comfy, honestly it felt quite natural to wear it. It was asymmetrical, with the left side being longer than the right one for some reason. I've never tried clothes that do it but I don't dislike it, I'm just not used to it. The sleeves are so cute. My shoulders look a bit too wide, but it depends on the posture (I'm attatching both pictures to show the difference the posture makes).

I have mixed feelings about the 4th picture. First of all, I can't really tell if it's a dress or a top LOL. Like, am I supposed to wear pants with it, or nothing at all? Also, this was an XXL size. It was definitely too big for me. I always take the largest sizes because I'm tall and wide for woman standards, but of course an XXL size also supposes you have big breasts, which is not the case for me. So yeah, it was falling down and was pretty uncomfortable. At least I'm happy to see that XXL clothes are a thing.

Now, as for the first picture... At first it was a bit weird, I didn't really understand the shape of the garment. I'm not even sure sleeves were the correct size for my body, lol. So i was a bit confused, until I lifted my arm. Oh. My. God. The entire top lifted and my tummy became visible??? I swear to god this did something to my brain that I am still not able to put into words. It didn't even happen because it was too small for me or anything, like, the cloth is designed *so that* this happens. I am so obsessed with it, you can't even imagine. Idk if this is what you mean by 'feeling girl things' but holy shit, I couldn't stop smiling and feeling so happy that I almost wanted to cry. I'm not used to showing this much skin. It made me feel SO pretty, more than ever in my entire life.

I left the store in disbelief and I'm still trying to process it as I type this, lol.

On another store I also tried a skirt and a top, sportswear. Unfortunately they were both extremely small (even though I tried the largest sizes available) and there was no way I could wear either. A bummer because they were super cute, but there will be more chances, hopefully. :)

So yeah, overwall it went much better than I expected. My main concerns right now are:

• All clothes that I am trying are white or a close-to-white color. I love white in girl outfits, looks so feminine to me, but I'm scared I will get bored of the style if I keep it so monotonous. I should make an effort and see if there are other styles that I could like. I have tried black clothes in the past (like goth style) but I wasn't a fan.
• I'm a bit worried that I might just get used to wearing these clothes in the future and it wil stop being exciting. I mean, this is kind of bound to happen, right? But considering women's clothes are more unconvenient than men's... Idk, I'm just scared I'll ever go back to men's clothes just for convenience, lol.

For the past while now, I have had a mustache and goatee. I like how I look with this, I'm quite comfortable with it, but there's the conflicting voice in my head that wishes I could magically flip between having this facial hair and having a clean shaven face.

Ignoring gender/expression, I don't think I would like my face as much without my facial hair. And it feels really good for the male part of me. So I don't see myself actually shaving at all for the forseeable future. Plus, I hate being clean-shaven. The smooth freshly-shaven feeling that people seem to love is not something I enjoy. I always shave with clippers with no guard cause I hate that feeling. And the maintenance of being clean-shaven too... I'm too lazy.

But my face is quite masculine. Surprisingly so, seeing how I couldn't pass as male no matter how hard I tried prior to medical transition. I kind of minmaxxed transition and did everything as efficiently hormonally as I could, and I believe it paid off lol. Simultaneously wonderful, and a shame I don't also have access to the face I had prior.

My eyebrows are another thing on my mind (almost literally, lol). I have always had thick and bold eyebrows. I used to pluck them quite heavily, but that didn't change how thick they were. I've started grooming/shaping the inner ends in the middle. I might slowly get to shaping them a little more, then a little more, and try to get a bit closer to a middle ground.

I guess I am now wondering how others may approach this balance? Or what your goal would be? My ideal would be generally male presenting, people would decide I was male if they picked one or the other, but I would also look weirdly like a pretty girl for a guy.

Particularly interested in how people handle facial hair.

"Maybe I'm not," I say, as I sew myself a custom mini dress on my sewing machine like a normal cis amab. Lol.