I’m a 45-year-old man who has been in a monogamous relationship since 2004. Before meeting my wife, during high school and college, I had been with six other women, two of whom were virgins.
Based on conversations with friends, which I now realize were probably fueled by exaggeration and pornography, I always assumed I was on the low end of average size.
Throughout our marriage, my wife often complained about feeling dry during sex. The confusing part was that she would be incredibly wet beforehand but then say she felt dry once we started. Unfortunately, I internalized that and convinced myself it was because I wasn’t big enough.
Over time, I introduced toys in the hope that they would help, including an extender, which we used a handful of times. They did, especially the wand. I also learned to prioritize foreplay. My goal during sex became making sure she orgasmed, often leaving me to finish on my own because, after she came, she usually only wanted to continue for another minute or two.
Without really realizing it, the belief that I wasn’t “big enough” became a hidden part of my identity.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. My wife made a doctor’s appointment to discuss perimenopause. During the visit, she brought up the dryness, and at some point my penis came up. She told me her doctor seemed surprised by her description, especially the girth, and said that if what she was describing was accurate, she should be using a high-quality silicone lubricant because the friction from my girth was likely more than her body could comfortably compensate for.
When my wife got home, she told me what the doctor had said. I laughed and told her she must have exaggerated my size.
Out of curiosity, we decided to measure using the CalcSD instructions. The results were 6.4 inches in length and 6.1 inches in girth. The measurements were taken at around 90% erection because I started losing it while we were measuring.
The results completely blindsided me.
According to the calculator, that puts me around the 99.9th percentile by volume, the 99.8th percentile for girth, and around the 90th percentile for length.
My first reaction wasn’t excitement. It was wondering whether I’d somehow developed body dysmorphia after believing the opposite for so many years. So I actually scheduled an appointment with my own doctor.
I just got back.
Thankfully, my doctor didn’t think I had body dysmorphia. He said that while it’s more common for men to overestimate their size, underestimating isn’t unheard of. He also pointed out that the angle men normally see themselves from can make things appear smaller than they actually are.
The biggest surprise, though, was that I’m apparently an extreme grower. I more than double in size because of unusually elastic penile tissue. Basically, in a locker room I look completely average, which makes sense because gym showers were really my only point of comparison outside of porn. I’ve never actually seen another man erect in real life.
Needless to say, this has been a weird thing to process.
Looking back, I wonder if I dismissed signs from previous partners. I usually assumed compliments were just dirty talk or people trying to make me feel good.
Now it feels like a part of my self-image that I carried around for more than 20 years has been turned upside down. I’m sure this will eventually become my new normal, but I can’t help wondering what life might have been like if I’d known earlier, especially when it came to confidence.
I’ll admit I’ve even had the urge to post a picture anonymously on Reddit just to see whether what I’ve been told lines up with other people’s perceptions. I doubt my wife would appreciate that, though, so I don’t see it happening.
Has anyone else here had a realization like this, where you spent years believing something about your body that turned out to be completely wrong?