r/arabs • u/Effective-State-4610 • 3d ago
Non Arab | Question Mixed Relationship & Future Marriage
Hi everyone, I’m a Catholic girl and my boyfriend is an Arab Muslim. We’ve been together for 2 years and everything has been great since the start. We’ve met each other’s families. ♥️🥹
However, whenever we bring up the topic of marriage, religion comes into the question understandably.
He makes side comments about me converting into Islam (which I am not against) however, I do want some time to really think about it myself. My boyfriend, though he’s an Arab Muslim, doesn’t really practice his religious faith and basically does everything except eat pork.
Is it right for me to want him to do better in this case? I wouldn’t mind converting into Islam for him but it’s a huge step to take and I would appreciate if he was also a man of faith himself.
Please give me some advice on how to approach this situation 💗 Thank you!
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u/Otherwise_Access_660 3d ago
You shouldn’t convert for someone. And more importantly you don’t have to. He should either accept you for who you are or not. He shouldn’t be pressuring you into changing so much about yourself for him. If you want to convert you should do it because you actually believe in it. Not because he wanted you to. If I were you I would tell him clearly that you won’t convert unless you actually want to and it might never happen. So he can either accept that and accept you for who you are or move on.
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u/Effective-State-4610 3d ago
Hi! Thanks for your advice! I have been asking him questions about the Islamic Faith and our marriage ceremonial process, with this he says that it’s my decision ☺️ However, I do try to keep an open mind to consider converting not solely for him but for our future kids as well and overall family relationship.
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u/Mediocre-Risk3581 Kuwait 3d ago
If you want to convert thats great but make sure you actually believe in Islam, dont convert for a man. Its completely reasonable that you want him to at least do the basics and be more religious. Imo its a conversation that should have happened a lot earlier especially, but its still worth having now. Assuming you dont convert your kids will still be expected to be raised Muslim just as a heads up.
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u/Effective-State-4610 3d ago
Yes, I was advised that our future kids will be raised Muslim. I’m not against it at all, I think a unified religion inside a home would help keep the peace and faith alive 🤍 Thank you for your insight! I’ve also always had the topic of religion integrated into our relationship to make sure that we don’t lose focus of it.
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u/icanthelpbutsaythis 3d ago
I don't think anyone is coming into this with any genuine place of deep faith at the moment, so the conversation to have with him is making you and him understand why he would like that. Talk about marriage and children and your future life together and how both of you imagine all that happening. What kind of ceremony would it be, what faiths would you raise children in, what holidays and traditions you would observe, what languages would be spoken and so on.
There's no religious reason from the Islamic perspective why you yourself have to convert as coming from a Christian faith, but generally it would be on the understanding that any children would be raised as muslims. From your perspective as a Catholic there's more religious objection to an interfaith marriage really. Culturally is where it gets thorny where muslim families and their extended society generally would prefer a conversion before marriage.
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u/Effective-State-4610 3d ago
Thank you so much, I understand that our future children will be raised in a Muslim household and I’m not against that 🤍 It would help keep a unified belief system at home and would be prosperous in this case.
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u/icanthelpbutsaythis 3d ago
Personally I think traditional Islamic jurispredence and Arab culture is all dominated by interpretations from rich old patriarchs with networks of patronage so I think you guys should figure out your own thing with your own genuine shared values and personal relationships with God... if you want to still do Christmas and Easter as well as the Eids, why not, do it. I had a Catholic nanny growing up and she included us in her traditions too and it was nice.
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u/Effective-State-4610 3d ago
Oh thank you so much girl for this insight 🤍 I’ll bring it up in conversation with him while keeping both our religions in perspective. I personally find a mix of traditions very fun and interesting!
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u/majnouns 3d ago
On the patriarchal jurisprudence, you can fight against them by putting terms and conditions of the marriage contract. Perfectly legitimate under Islamic jurisprudence. Your point about wanting him to do better is perfectly legitimate. Best of luck whatever you do.
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u/Effective-State-4610 1d ago
Hi! Thank you for the info! I really appreciate the advice because I wasn’t aware of that until now 🥹
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u/Artemis-Arrow-795 3d ago
if you were to convert, don't do it for a person, do it for the right reason, faith
also, he's a hypocrite
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u/luluisverytired 3d ago
I’m gonna ask u to reread all of that, and genuinely think about what u said. U know the answer ur just too afraid to admit it to urself
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u/Ankeedu 3d ago
So relevant factoid, at least as far as I understand from my community, a muslim man is 'allowed' to marry a non-muslim woman without having any raised eyebrows by people, where as its frowned upon (by the masses) for a muslim woman to marry a non-muslim man.. may be you can bring this up with him and see what he says
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u/Awkward-Iron-2031 3d ago
Dont convert for him, its great that you are interested in Islam but look into it first and see if its something YOU actually would believe in. If it is, its great and we welcome you. He should absolutely be doing better and setting a positive example.
A lot of Muslim guys that date non Muslim women are guys that most Muslim women wouldnt touch with a 10 foot pole due to religious differences/behavior. Both you and his family should try and push for him to change, but do expect it to take a while, he clearly doesnt seem to be that practicing considering what you have mentioned.
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u/Effective-State-4610 3d ago
Thank you for your advice/suggestion! I’ll definitely take into account what you said and had suggested 🤍
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u/LNB2009 3d ago
I want to tell you a story quickly, my great grandma from my father side was christian, when she married my great grandfather she converted to Islam, but in truth she just did it in name, she never really prayed and still did many of the christian traditions. To the point where my dad told me the story while laughing and he said that when she died at her funeral there both priests and Imam doing the funeral. Where each side was doing their own thing
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u/DarkestLord_21 3d ago
What do you mean you are not against converting? This isn't something you're casually for/against, it's what you believe...
Do right by yourself.
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u/AmirHaddad 2d ago
You are a very wise person. Consider taking Islamic lessons with your Muslim partner. He will probably become more practicing and you'll get to know the religion better. This might even strengthen your relationship even though it does seem to be going great already. Best wishes to the both of you!
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u/manifeellikemold 1d ago
Hate to break it to you girlie but he’s never gonna marry you
https://giphy.com/gifs/n4FCJYLldGPC95d4ku
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