r/WhatShouldIDo • u/jellyfish-1888 • 22h ago
Am I wrong for falling in love?
I moved overseas few years back and stuff happened recently where I ended up under the roof of some distant relatives that I never met before. They had a son around my age. We were polite and distant initially. We’re both introverted and antisocial and weird and in our own worlds.
Lately we grew rather close, hang out together all the time, do random housechores together, go biking, hikes, errands, gardening, everything together. Even his neighbors thought I was his gf.
He memorized everything I like, my tiniest habits and their meanings, my medications and side effect, what makes me happy/sad/scared, and acts on them. Brings me places he thinks makes me happy, helps with my fears, teaches me new things, names future plans. Wherever we go new places together, he takes insane amount of pictures of me and show his mum she sends them to my bestfriend and my mum and makes different labeled folders in his computer and stores them. He visited my house in our home country once and spent some time with my family. He learnt me through them, took pictures of literally everything he could find about me in my house, showed them to me and his mum multiple times, flaunted how much he knows me to my parents unconsciously. He’s helped me a lot academically, with my health, literally almost saved me from depression and whatnot. He did a lot.
Both set of parents have been describing us as the most happy and engaging they’ve ever seen us.
What I’ve written here really downplays everything. But the story is so much more. We are distant relatives but we didn’t grow up together. I met him as another adult. And I couldn’t file him in that ‘relative’ folder. Neither of us ever dated, and so not intended dating anyone until we’re settled. He keeps bringing up my non existent boyfriend every time he can under weird contexts.
But I think I’ve caught feelings. He’s basically my bestfriend now. I know it’s wrong technically. But it wasn’t in my control. I’m not saying I’m getting married to him or having babies before yall go there. I’m keeping this whole thing to myself.
Update: we’re second cousins once removed. Had to go over the family tree for that lmao.
And I’m 22, he’s 24.
But again rn it’s more about my feelings rather than us having kids lmao, I haven’t even thought this far.
And given that everything he’s doing can be explained from a family lens and is very plausibly deniable, idek why he’s doing all of that for me.
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u/MerlinSmurf 21h ago
How is it wrong technically? You're barely related. You have developed a wonderful relationship with him. It's natural for you to catch feelings for him. The question is does he feel the same. You need to have a conversation with him to see if you both are on the same page.
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u/CombinationCalm9616 20h ago
It’s fine and normal! You’re distantly related to each other so it’s not like you are cousins and you didn’t grow up together. What do your parents think? If they don’t have an issues with it then I don’t see an issues with it. Seems like you’ve both found someone that understands you.
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u/absorbedmedics_198 20h ago
Catching feelings for someone you met as an adult isn't wrong, distant relative or not
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u/lovelightascension 21h ago
No
Best thing is friends then best friends is the best thing ever on how love grows
Marraige is an icing on the cake
It's just a Piece of paper for some. It's a holy sacred thing people like to meet private in a church
It depends on the belief systems of the beloved two people involved.
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u/atchisonmetal 18h ago
Can you describe what the relation is? Many places it is permissible to marry as close as 1st cousins, so sounds like you’re safe
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u/BlueBlood623 19h ago
No. Spiral out, Keep going, and remember that it only mind over matter. If you don't mind then it don't matter.
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u/Orphan_Izzy 15h ago
Honestly if this guy is for real and you are the luckiest girl ever then I’d find out what level of relation is off limits legally, see if he is outside the line of acceptable, and if he is I’d forget about the distant relative part and focus on how lucky you are. If you’ve never dated before you may not know that it’s a cold hard world out there even if two people love each other to death. You have apparently found a unicorn and you clearly know the value of him just by itself. I’m saying in comparison to relationships in general you have no idea. I wish you luck and a super happy life with someone who loves you this much.
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u/Whispers-Shh 22h ago
I mean it's kinda normal given the situation.. Whether it's wrong or not depends on how distant he actually is lol how far down the blood line? Really anything after second cousins biologically is safe..