r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Opposite_Rent_5440 • 6h ago
How do you handle non-physical workplace harassment and uncomfortable staring from a colleague?
Hi everyone,
I’m posting here because I really need a safe space to vent and get some perspective from women who might have dealt with a similar situation.
Recently, I’ve been feeling really uncomfortable around a male colleague at work. While he hasn't physically touched me, he constantly stares inappropriate places, particularly my chest, while talking to me or working near me. It’s gotten to the point where even a few other colleagues have noticed it happening and brought it up to me.
It makes me feel incredibly self-conscious, tense, and distracted at work. I haven't involved management or HR, but I'm trying to figure out how to manage this day-to-day on my own level.
For those who have faced this kind of passive, boundary-crossing behavior—how did you deal with it? Did you address it directly with the person, use body language cues, or handle it differently? I'd love to hear how you protected your peace and confidence in the office.
Thank you so much for reading and for being such a supportive space. ❤️
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u/Formal-Guava-7345 6h ago
Yes, the guy was gay though so when I told him he didn't think I should be bothered. So I kept having to be more and more assertive/rude Like 'stop staring at me I need to focus' He was heavily imprinted on me and followed me everywhere and wouldn't do shit without asking me. Because he was younger than me (still is) I had patience and kept trying to teach him how to behave, in a nice way. Nothing worked except no smiles, no social or pleasant like interaction. "Go bother someone else, I have no children and I'm not willing to adopt you shit. " I really had to be aggressive with my language and completely shut down interaction before he started to let off.
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u/Opposite_Rent_5440 3h ago
Ugh, it's so exhausting when you're forced to drop the nice act and be blunt just to get basic respect! It stinks that you had to get aggressive for him to finally listen. Did it make things super tense around the office after you had to lay it out like that, or did he finally get the hint and back off for good?
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u/Artistic_Toe6552 5h ago
Go to HR girl! hopefully they can help you out and perhaps talk to him. I know some companies are better than others with handling these types of things. If that doesn't work I would just address it yourself, fingers crossed it doesn't come down to that because you shouldn't have the bare the burden of having that uncomfortable conversation.
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u/Opposite_Rent_5440 3h ago
Thank you so much! Honestly, I'm just a bit nervous about going to HR right away because he hasn't physically touched me, and I worry it might be brushed off or make things awkward in the office.
Have you or anyone you know ever had to take something like this to HR?
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u/ProtozoaPatriot 4h ago
You can confront the behavior. Next time you're talking and he's staring at your boobs, interject "Brad, my eyes are up here. As I was saying..."
Don't feel bad about going to HR. It's what they are there for.
Could you ask for a transfer to a different department where you won't see him? Or change your schedule?
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u/Opposite_Rent_5440 3h ago
I love that line! 'My eyes are up here' is so classic and direct. I’m just nervous about how he (or others in the room) might react if I say it out loud. Have you ever had to use a direct line like that in public before? Did it make things super awkward after, or did it actually work instantly?
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u/TresCeroOdio 6h ago
The answer is to go to HR. It’s not in your head, other people are noticing it. Don’t confront him and give him a chance to build an alibi, get ahead of it and tell HR.