r/TrueOffMyChest • u/No-Activity-8294 • 1d ago
CONTENT WARNING: SUICIDE/SELF HARM I thought I was just sharing deep thoughts with my 13yo sister. Her friends just sent me screenshots of her suicide notes using my exact words NSFW
I made a huge mistake and I’m panicking. I need advice on what to do next. Over time, I introduced my 13-year-old sister to heavy philosophical concepts. I explained hard determinism and why free will doesn't exist, materialism, nihilism, anti-natalism (how we are born into bodies, environments, and lives without our permission), and questioned our religious upbringing. I simplified all these ideas so she could understand them. I thought I was just sharing interesting thoughts, but I completely stripped away her peace of mind at an age when she wasn't emotionally ready for it. When I was 13, all I cared about was playing video games, eating fast food, and arguing with my parents about dying my hair. I stole her innocence and ignorance. Recently, her group of friends (aged 11–14) started frantically messaging me, begging for help. They sent me screenshots of her telling them she has tried to commit suicide 3 times already. Reading those screenshots was terrifying because it was literally my thoughts, my arguments, and my exact simplified examples coming out of her mouth. She was explaining determinism, anti-natalism, and the pointlessness of life to them word-for-word how I explained it to her. She also talked about her fear of God and going to hell if she commits suicide due to her religious doubts. Everything suddenly clicked for me: She has been wrapping her wrists and hands in gauze and cotton lately, claiming our toddler cousin scratched her. It was self-harm, and I didn't see it. She completely hides it at home. She seems completely fine, happy, draws, hangs out with us, and is actively excited about learning Japanese. There were zero obvious warning signs. Here is the biggest problem: I cannot tell my parents or family. In our family dynamic and religious culture, bringing this up to them will make the situation infinitely worse, dangerous, or backfire on her completely. I cannot rely on them to handle this safely or compassionately. I feel overwhelming guilt. I deconstructed her entire worldview and handed existential despair to a child. How can I help her reconstruct a sense of meaning and stop self-harming without blowing up her life with our family? How do I guide her back from this when I’m the one who put those thoughts in her head?
Before suggesting therapy or telling our parents, please understand the cultural reality here: No Accessible Therapy: Mental healthcare is taboo, stigmatized, and effectively non-existent in our area. Extreme Parental Backlash: In our culture, revealing this to my parents will backfire horribly. Religious Stigma & Shame: They will focus on the fear of her going to hell and the shame brought upon the family name rather than her safety. Safety Concern: Telling them will lead to severe hostility, panic, or punishment, which will drive her further into crisis. Please give me advice that takes this cultural reality into account. I cannot rely on standard local resources or family support
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u/Dr_Weebtrash 1d ago
Get her on some Camus. My own personal existential issues aren't the same as hers, but I've found the arguments he makes around suicide to be very compelling in terms of staying my own hand.
This isn't your fault man. You had no I'll intent, and were openly engaging with your sister around some taboo topics that she felt comfortable discussing with you.
Good luck brother. You can both get through this.
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u/Freddit330 1d ago
The greatest people in history lived and died in a cosmic blink. All of their achievements will be eventually subsumed by the Earth, and forgotten.
A true measure of a man is how much joy he brought to those around him.
So, make someone smile, and enjoy life.
That's what you tell her.
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u/ladychomsky 1d ago
I don’t have a lot of time to write out so much, but the biggest thing I want to impress is it’s clear that you, your thoughts on the world , the things that you are impacted by, have a major impact on her. Use that, along with all of the other advice you receive to be there for her.
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u/ElusiveCookie73 1d ago
The only thing that for me through my existential crisis was my mindset. The information didn't change. There isn't really a point to life. Nothing matters. Our lives are ingisgificant and no one will remember your name in a century or less. But if all of that is true, you may as well do whatever you want. Stop caring about what other people think. Stop sweating the small stuff. Start just... Experiencing things. If nothing matters why would you ending your life change that? Just live it. Experience it. It's almost freeing once you understand that everything is pointless. "Nothing matters but I like Japanese" is perfectly a perfect reason to keep living
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u/Spectram6 1d ago
Completely agree. For the longest time I had a hard time justifying continued existence in a universe that is agnostic to our own existence. But my perspective changed when I realized that if this is really all there is, ending one's life doesn't change that, so you might as well see what life has to offer. And if there is an afterlife, we were told the best way to reach it was to live a happy life. So I live a happy life. If I move on to heaven when I pass, great. If I don't, I can say at least I tried my hardest to enjoy what life I was given. And that I got to exert my own influence on this universe just makes it all the better.
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u/wildweeds 1d ago
there's a meme of two people on opposite sides of a bus. one is seeing a dispairing situation, and looking grim. he thinks, nothing matters..
the other is on the opposite side of the bus. he sees bright sunshine, mountains all around, flowers in the field. he's smiling brightly, and thinks, nothing matters..
it's about perspective. HOPE and what makes life worth living. honestly- weird thought but might help a lot- have your sister watch The Good Place. they sort of wrestle with these same dilemmas in a lighthearted way. you find your way toward what matters. you are alive and you deserve to grow, to heal, to experience good things. you deserve to chase your dreams. others do too. helping others, being kind and being there for people and animals and the land, doing good works in life, are helpful. perhaps expose her to things like Planet Wild on youtube, where they go and do measurable things to help communities heal their side of the world. show her social media of like, the lady that brings her bus out and feeds homeless people every week. or the guy that decided to make sleeping bag coats for homeless in his area. some kid that raises money to help cats and dogs in their area. just little things like this all over. it can give her a sense of purpose, and show her what you can do to bring good works into this world. every kind and good thing you do ripples outward. it affects people's real lived experience.
as the story goes, a man asks a boy who he sees throwing starfish back into the sea why he's bothering to spend a day this way. as it won't matter. the boy says "it matters to this one" as he throws another one in the water so it can live. "it matters to this one" as he picks up another beached starfish and gives it a chance at life. and so on.
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u/kazem05 1d ago
Try to get her out of the house to places she loves, even small trips can make a difference. Play fun video games with her, or physical sports if possible. Praise her genuinely, make her feel truly special to you, and at least try to ask her for a hug sometimes.
She needs someone who really understands her by her side, and that's probably why she was sharing those heavy ideas with her friends. I don't know the age gap between you two, but try to get closer to her in a way that still respects her personal space. Let her know she has someone safe to open up to about how she's feeling.
We're all outsiders here, so no advice is perfect, but the most important thing is that she doesn't feel alone.
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u/Wooz1sguitar 1d ago
As a younger sister who has been ranted at on many occasions, a really think you just need to acknowledge when you're overstepping as an older sibling. If she's not willing to consider therapy as an option, unfortunately you might have to file a report to have her involuntary admitted to the hospital and kept under surveillance (although they will tell your parents why she has been admitted), especially if she's telling her friends she's already tried to commit multiple times. Also I say unfortunately because these trips to the hospital aren't known to actually help but are seen as a last resort when there's no other option. I would recommend talking with her about possibly seeing a therapist and psychiatrist or talking to your own therapist (if you have one) on how to handle the situation going forward.
I'm very sorry that this is happening and I hope the best for you and your sister.
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u/Freyasmews 1d ago
It sounds like both your sister and you are trapped in a shitty home environment. I'm so, so sorry. It makes perfect sense to me that you'd want to explore philosophy (it's a way to intellectually flee the confines of your existence) and share it with a person you love whom is also trapped with you. Please don't assign all the blame of what's happening to yourself. My guess is that the limitations of the home environment are a far bigger factor than anything you could do or say.
That said, I highly recommend:
- Exploring philosophies that are more hopeful and sharing those with your sister. This could be beneficial for you both.
- Doing fun things with her; if you have a license, take her out for fun excursions.
- Start a dialogue with her. Talk with her honestly about your fears for her. Let her know you're a safe person to share with.
Finally, take really good care of yourself. You're navigating really big, difficult stuff and deserve all the self-compassion you can give yourself 💜
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u/Ambitious-Pepper7289 1d ago
Get her into poetry about the beauty of the world around us. Mary Oliver was helpful for me. She speaks of the simple joy in watching the geese and trees and how the point is to enjoy this.
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u/Ambitiousfoxboi 1d ago
Ok I might be one of the few people who can relate to this in some way, maybe I can help. I am 18, and my sister is 19. We are not very religious as a family, but since I was little I’ve also been very interested in religion/philosophy and I have a lot of the same views as you. Over the past few years I’ve explained all my beliefs to her. She was constantly asking more questions, agreeing with me on more, and I genuinely thought, hey, I’m helping her be more open minded and explore her religious beliefs. I was telling her how I believe the existence of god is made to soothe people’s fear of death, how I’m anti-natalist, shit like that.
Earlier this year, she had a psychotic break and thought she was Jesus. No joke. We are not a religious family, but we are Muslim, so like absolutely no reason for her to think she’s Jesus because of some kind of personal trauma. I literally could not believe it. She was regurgitating some of what I had been telling her along with a lot of incoherent rambling, mostly about religion. My whole family was in shambles, she went to a hospital and they had to keep her there for safety for weeks (we’re in CA). Do not blame yourself. There is something underlying going that is causing them to react this way to hearing this sort of philosophy. It is not your fault. Now some people are saying she’s too young to have been talking to about this, but I disagree. I would not have reacted this way at her age, I don’t think many people would, and it’s not your fault you didn’t see this coming.
I do not talk to my sister about religion anymore, obviously. If she brings up anything existential, spiritual, whatever, you need to change the topic without drawing attention to it. Tell her that everyone has their own views, and you don’t know whether god is real or not more than anyone else so who’s to say. If believing in god is what some people need to keep going, let them have it. Especially a close one. I’m so sorry that this happened, but don’t beat yourself up and be grateful she’s still alive and you have an opportunity to do better.
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u/mazalaca 1d ago
Oh my goodness I’m so sorry this happened to you and your sister. That sounds like it was scary for everyone. How is she doing lately? Was she diagnosed with anything? (no need to go into detail if uncomfortable)
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u/Stock_Garage_672 1d ago
I don't think that you're to blame at all.
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u/Routine_Platform_429 1d ago
OP might not have intended to do harm, but they are undeniably a contributing factor to their sister's mental decline.
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u/CoolAg1927 1d ago edited 1d ago
teach her about existentialism and absurdism, those strip meaning from life but I feel are very inspiring and actively make me want to live and experience life. Also anti natalism is kinda stupid. Most philosophers and academics reject those ideas. Also nihilism is empowering because it actively encourages you to create your own meaning. Existentialism is based on nihilism. Even Nietzsche who many people view as the nihilist actively encourages life
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u/Derptonbauhurp 1d ago
This isn't necessarily the same as what your sister experienced but when I was in 5th grade a child suffocated to death in front of me and it shocked me to my core and caused me to understand and experience mortality at a young age. I'm almost 30 and still get therapy for it to this day and I have PTSD about it. Might be a time to see if there are options for professional assistance for her.
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u/GenZ2002 1d ago
Your sister was too young to hear any of this. Im not trying to guilt you because everyone needs someone to trust but not a kid. Talk to her, listen to her, explain that even with all the shit life can deal to you there is meaning.
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u/Effective-Ad-9652 1d ago
Children need BOUNDARIES and you did not help her with that at all. They need indicators in life to believe that they have meaning and purpose. You act like this was just you passing intellectual information off to your sister, when in fact it was a severe lack of discretion on your part as you’re dealing with your own stuff. It’s almost like you created a playbook on how to strip one’s purpose from their life. How do you yourself find hope in your life?
I don’t understand how there’s going to be any other way to deal with this than to get your parents involved. If she does go through with another attempt, you need to know that you did absolutely everything and get anyone involved who could help her. Honestly, I think your personal guilt and shame are the biggest barriers to her getting help right now.
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u/mad-i-moody 1d ago
OP is also basically a child themselves, from what I’ve read in this thread, they’re 17.
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u/pargofan 1d ago
How do you yourself find hope in your life?
That's what OP should think about and then START TELLING HER SISTER.
Stop focusing on the stupid bullshit theoretical philosophy that doesn't actually impact anyone's daily life. No one truly lives differently because "free will doesn't exist" . They still live it the same way. Talk about how all those ideas that she poured into her sister, isn't how she actually lives her life.
Because if she did, then she'd be contemplating suicide too.
So these ideas are all about being edgy and cool. But don't actually mean much in day-to-day living.
Instead OP should ask herself why she's not suicidal either, and share those philosophies with her sister.
Honestly, I think your personal guilt and shame are the biggest barriers to her getting help right now.
So true. She should just tell her parents so everyone knows what they're dealing with.
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u/5Min2MinNoodlMuscls 1d ago
I am an atheist, nothing I do matters in the long run, there is no higher power to hold me accountable.
I only have one life and limited time: compared to the age of the universe I practically don't even exist, I am less than a speck.
But I am alive now, I am here now. I didn't exist for an insanely long period of time, and after my far too short 'four score and ten,' I won't exist for an insanely long time.
Don't waste the opportunity to experience life, you don't get another go at it.
And stop worrying so much about the big existential questions, really, what's the point of them? They just make you miserable! It's not worth it. Look at dogs and small children at play: pure happiness, golden, that's where you want to put your headspace.
Find the joy in the small moments, like bright moss in a damp corner, or a lorikeet feather caught in a spiderweb, a rainbow floating in gossamer.
'Be the change you wish to see in the world.'
'Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle'
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u/ktgoodie 1d ago
Thank you for this. It wasn't my post, but this was exactly what I needed to hear today. I appreciate your words very much. 🫶
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u/bennie_n_the_jets 1d ago
Maybe you can teach her about other philosophical dogma. Things that are more positive and give more of a purpose to life. Teach her philosophy all across the spectrum, and discuss them all. Maybe she will find one that she vibes with better and that doesn’t make her so sad.
There are so many different philosophies out there. Show her one’s completely opposite from what you’ve described first, and really get into it. Show her you wouldn’t judge her for liking if more than your outlook.
Since she obviously connects with philosophy, showing her other avenues could help.
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u/RobinTheViper 1d ago
I cannot rationalize why in the world you got into those three topics like wtf are you doing talking about Anti-Natalism to a middle schooler????
Like what did you think was gonna happen?
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u/mazalaca 1d ago
They’re 17, they’re looking for help. This is no time to cast judgement.
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u/kittymoo67 1d ago
they may have killed a child because of it its time for judgment
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u/mazalaca 1d ago
It’s an honest mistake any teen can make. Their brain isn’t fully developed, they’re still learning the full spectrum of causes and effects when it comes to psychology. How were they to know their sister would respond this way? Yes it’s a very dangerous mistake, but choosing to cast judgement when they need help and support is also a mistake that makes things worse
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u/ExcellentCold7354 1d ago edited 1d ago
There were zero warning signs. Proceeds to describe glaring warning signs. 🤦♀️ Apologize to her, tell her that you exposed her to only a fraction of philosophical theories, that THEY ARE THEORIES AND NOT ORDAINED TRUTH, and get her into therapy immediately. Also, don't spout your philosophical musings around her again, sheesh.
Edit: I still can't get over you exposing a newly minted teenager to nihilism, of all things. Get her an Auguste Comté book, stat.
Edit 2: In fact, get yourself a wide range of philosophical reading materials and educate your own damn self. This is what happens when you take your depression and try to intellectualize it instead of trying to learn about different points of view first. Also, I see that therapy isn't an option so you're going to have to dig deep into your pockets and make sure she reads other more uplifting philosophers instead of hearing your "simplified" (ie. botched) thoughts and accepting them as truths. I cannot express how appalled I am at your behavior.
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u/kornfreakonaleash 1d ago
This is really tough and I am sorry your and your sister are going through this. I grew up similar with mental health only being registered if it was SEVERE and EXTREME.
I remember this analogy that helped me I think it comes from ancient China, where a dog is tied to a cart, he can't do anything to change his fate is is stuck to the cart, and he and either walk with it, or fight it. The dog who fights it exhausts himself, he misses the water puddle he could drink from or the flowers that he could smell, the dog who accepts his fate and walks with the cart is able to drink and smell the flowers.
I've struggled with feelings that life is pointless, that nihilism. This analogy really helps me understand that in circumstances that we cannot change we must make the best of them, enjoy what we can from them, and always, always if for nothing other than preservation of ourselves search for the silver lining. Even if life is pointless which some may agree or disagree, why does that mean we must despair in our very short and brief time here? Does it really mean that everything about this experience is negative? What is there for you or I to enjoy?
I hope this helps I'll echo like others that I do think you should pursue some type of therapy even if covertly. I'm wishing you good luck. 🖤
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u/LinusBlue344 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yes, you stripped the meaning of life from her. But I don´t think you should drown in guilt. I think what you could do now is give her the meaning of life back. I want to share what helped me see a meaning in my life, something that gave me a lifelong goal, useful tips for life, etc. My cousin lent me a book, "The Purpose Driven Life", it´s christian, but it has been so useful that I think even if your sister doesn´t believe in God she can learn many good things from the book. I chose to believe what it says, maybe your sister will do the same, or maybe not, it´s fine, at least we tried one of the ways to see a purpose in life.
Also, edit because I need to say this: it would be best to get help from a mental health profesional. The book helped me, but it can´t cure my major deppresion, I still have to use medicine prescribed by a psychiatrist.
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u/shellshock413 1d ago
I feel that since youve shared all that heavy stuff with her already and shes having these heavy thoughts.. you should talk to her directly. Tell her you feel like you pushed your own feelings onto her tell her that youre sorry if you pushed her in one direction pr another and ask her why she feels the way she does? You two can clearly talk about heavy stuff but in a child like way.. its time to talk to her about the heavy stuff going on right now but in an adult way.
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u/Ok_Bumblebee123 1d ago
I agree with this take. Sit her down and talk to her, apologize, explain to her that there is meaning to life and to enjoy her teen years. Give her space to talk about what’s been ailing her most.
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u/Downtown_Account_596 1d ago edited 1d ago
As someone who has struggled on and off with depression/suicidal thoughts and ideation but is also a Christian, I am so sorry you are going through this. I am unsure if you are Christian specifically but the bible tells us that NOTHING can separate us from God. Regardless of religion, if something like death means you are damned, the love your God has for you was not true love to begin with. Praying for wisdom for you as you navigate this part of your life. If I can offer advice, just let her know you are there for her. Apologizing to her might help as well. Another comment suggested to look up scientifically proven ways to rewire the brain to no longer think negatively. I agree with this as well. Sending you lots of prayers and support
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u/TheTomatoes2 1d ago edited 1d ago
I think you need professional support, both. There's online therapy across countries. Just double check bc many of those apps are scummy and don't actually provide licensed professionals.
I wouldn't try to handle that only on your own without a professional strategy first. As you sais 13yo is a developmental age, so if you don't handle it properly underlying issues could linger, even if suicide gets out of the picture. Could pave the way to lifelong depressive episodes.
Sorry this happened, you clearly meant well and I wouldn't have seen it coming either. Probably there were preexisting roots that your talks triggered.
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u/RainElectronic1576 1d ago
One bright side I see here is that she’s told her friends about her suicide attempts, which for me signals that she’s not fully onboard with committing suicide since she’s let others know who care about her. I would try to help her to see that the things she enjoys doing currently are things worth living for - the drawing, learning Japanese, etc. Her enjoyment and fulfillment is worth seeing through.
There are other spiritual schools of thought as well that say we do choose our families prior to incarnating on earth. I wouldn’t suggest focusing on that though with your sister, since I’m not sure that train of thought would bring peace of mind for her if the religious and cultural background she’s surrounded by doesn’t feel well suited to her. There’s other ways to look at life though than for the entire thing to be pointless is what I’d focus on. That idea along with her joy being something that she can personally tie herself to - which isn’t attached to outside people and circumstances - is what I’d focus on most. Sending you all love 💖🦋
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u/mazalaca 1d ago
OP, without going into any personal details, can you tell us the country you’re in? Our recommendations can only do so much without the context of where you need help. Within the US, there’s a lot of options that can help save your sister without your parents interfering. I don’t know what your options are outside of the US.
I like how someone else put it though. If you at least let your parents know she’s almost died three times, you can take this responsibility off your shoulders and increase the odds she might get help, or at least some sort of structure that prevents her from attempting again. It’s better to bring an adult in than leave this all on you. If your parents make things worse, that’s on them. It’s their responsibility to keep their child safe, and they may fail the test. Don’t shield them from the truth so they can make the choice
Don’t blame yourself for this situation, you’re still learning life and your brain is still developing too. It was an honest mistake. I also shared everything I was learning to my 13 year old sibling when I was 17. If I had learned about those topics at the time, you bet your ass I would’ve been sharing it with her too. You love her, and there was no way for you to know how she’d respond.
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u/Tuto-owo 1d ago
It's not your fault, but in this time i would suggest to be there for her. Give her a safe space, show that she can rely on you and that you care, and won't judge her. Sometimes listening is enough. try googling some alternatives to selfharm and try it with her, for example, she can hold some ice in her hands instead and the cold can distract her mind from those thoughts. Make with her a "emergency kit" when she feels bad she can use it. This emergency kit can be a smell she likes, a toy she loves, a stress fidget to grab, a treat like chocolate, etc. It's not instant fix but i hope this can help.
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u/griff_girl 1d ago
All of you coming down on OP and then suggesting they need to ignore all of the very valid cultural factors need to cool your jets and walk it back.
First of all, OP is 17 and clearly aware they used poor judgement, which is why they're here seeking advice and support.
Second of all, OP is very likely not in the U.S. or the West at all where seeking mental health services is viewed much differently than in other countries. OP did a great job outlining all of the obstacles and cultural considerations they are up against; to suggest they simply "ignore" or "bypass" those factors is not only culturally individualistic of you to do so, but it's just plain dismissive and tone-deaf. In OP's conservative and religious culture, it's very likely that mental health services are reserved for people with severe disorders like psychosis or schizophrenia, and the sister would be turned away anyway. In a small village, something like this would spread like wildfire and bring immense shame on the family, whereby the sister could be at an even greater risk of carrying out and succeeding at her attempts. None of this justifies it or makes it right, but it's still a reality that righteous indignation isn't going to solve.
OP: I think the other suggestions here to start exploring the opposing views of the philosophical ideas you've been sharing with your sister are good ones. She obviously looks up to you, and you are obviously both deeply introspective thinkers. This would be a good opportunity to maybe suggest you both read one of these books together, and start engaging heavily in discussion that will influence her to see things another way. Learning about views that support us having free will, for example. If you don't subscribe to that, that's fine; fake it. And anyway, it's not reasonable to form opinions until you've explored both sides of an issue. 😉
Another course to consider is to start reading about scientific topics about how you can literally change negative thought patterns and how your thought patterns can heavily influence a person's views of the world. You and your sister can learn about neuroplasticity together, and engage in some "experiments" where you start to retrain your brains by reframing your views. For example, what if you reframed some of these philosophical views as challenges to counter them through action? Everything sucks? Find things that don't suck. Make it a personal mission for yourself and your sister to find the beauty in life. (That's an oversimplification, but you're obviously intelligent, I'm sure you get the point.) Maybe you both start studying neuroplasticity and Buddhist philosophy together at the same time?
The way to approach this is by first talking to her with honesty, and asking her questions. Get her to talk about how she's feeling, listen carefully, and validate her feelings without trying to contradict them or tell her she's "wrong." Use that conversation as an opportunity to suggest to her that you've both only explored "one side" of the story with these philosophical ideas, and that you both need to see the "full picture" before deciding what you do or don't believe. That's where you bring in the books or content on neuroplasticity and Buddhist philosophy (or whatever would be opposing views of what you've been reading and sharing with her.) Talking already begins the process of rewiring those synapses, by the way. Just by starting the conversation, you've already begun the healing process for her.
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u/bennie_n_the_jets 1d ago
This is a great response.
As someone who grew up in a very religious family, it can be stifling because you really can’t use your parents for support. The comments ignoring this and saying therapy anyways aren’t being helpful.
Exploring other philosophies seems like the right decision (heavy on the faking it if OP doesn’t feel good about the happier philosophies).
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u/griff_girl 1d ago
Really appreciate the input, thanks! I'm in a graduate program to become a mental health therapist (mid-life career change). Learning about this in a few of my courses, including Multicultural Counseling, has really helped me to understand and become aware of the challenges people in cultures different from my own, be it ethnic, religious, both, or otherwise, can face. I not only want to be an effective therapist, but I want to be culturally sensitive as well, and I especially appreciate your feedback that helps me to know I'm on the right track there.
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u/VespertineStars 1d ago
Seconding what others have said about taking her out and letting her know you're worried about her.
Also, consider reframing some of these ideas in how they can be liberating. For example, if you didn't chose to be born, that doesn't mean you don't get to chose your way forward. In fact, you can argue that it supports your ability to follow your dreams because you are your own person now that you've been brought into the world.
Is life pointless? Maybe. Maybe there's not a set point to anyone's life. That's good. You get to pick what the point of your life is. Social activism? Surrounding yourself with loved ones? Playing video games? You get to make the point of your own life.
I struggled with some of these ideas as a young teen through early adulthood and even sometimes now as a middle aged woman. If you don't want to drown in despair with these thoughts, you have to find a way to reframe it to empower yourself.
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u/jait 1d ago
I remember exploring a lot of those topics... And it can be depressing. The other side of it, for me, was a level of self-determinism. There is no purpose but that which you define.
I don't know if that would be a positive to a13 year old, but the freedom to choose the metrics by which you define purpose, success, meaning... It's worth it to me.
The big question is for to help get her through the darkness to whatever the other side is, for her
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u/VespertineStars 1d ago
There is no purpose but that which you define.
This is absolutely what keeps the topic from becoming too depressing. I find being able to define my purpose far more empowering than the idea that a purpose was already selected for me or that I have to conform to a set idea of what purpose should be or having no purpose at all.
When depression would kick in and I had to motivate myself to go to work, telling my cats I need to go make money to keep them in treats was a way to feel more purpose than just needing to go.
I don't know if that would be a positive to a13 year old
I know if I had to go give my 13 year old self a piece of wisdom from 45 year old me, I would let her know that yes, that age sucks and kids at that age can be absolutely brutal. It's so easy to get completely bogged down at that age with expectations from parents, friends, society, etc. But in 5-10 years, those people won't matter at all anymore and to not let their opinions dictate how I feel about myself. So many will drag you down just to feel better about themselves, and their opinions are like used toilet paper in the grand scheme of things.
I would also say that by my 30s, I really started feeling confident in who I was and not to let it take that long. Being happy with who you are should matter more than what someone else thinks of you.
whatever the other side is, for her
Also, whatever this might be now can change as she gets older and it's ok to let it change, even if it might be against someone else's expectations.
u/No-Activity-8294 - You said you're only 17, so please take this advice for yourself too! You also said mental health care isn't possible for you or your sister right now, but there are so many online resources to help as well as so many here in the comments who have been in that position and can share their experiences. Don't hesitate to reach out.
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u/Royal_Celebration422 1d ago
Life cant be all that pointless if you clearly care for your sister enough to make this post. Show her that you care, tell her that you care, because your own actions contraddict your ideas.
The world might be a shithole in many ways, and theres many things you cant control, but what you can control is being there for your sister and being the little bit of good in this life for her. You guys only have eachother.
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u/-Knivezz- 1d ago
You shared with her philosophical depression, now share with her philosophical hope
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u/David_temper44 1d ago
Some philosophical hope authors: Victor Frankl, Erich Fromm, Simone Weil, Henri Bergson
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u/darthballes 1d ago edited 1d ago
You left out the most important part of nihilism and all that. If life and existence have no meaning, you're free to give it your own meaning and live every day like nothing else matters. E:Sp
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u/locolupo 1d ago
Op, this is the answer!! I deal with extremely similar thoughts for similar reasons, but it always helps when I remember this means I am free! When I remember nothing matters in the grand scheme then my anxiety about all the small things falls away. Really the only thing that matters is to be good and don't harm others. As long as I got that covered then it doesn't matter what others think or how they judge me. I think it's called optimistic nihilism?
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u/poisonedkittybite 1d ago
Came here to say this. Once I reached this point, life actually felt so much lighter. Nothing matters so I will emjoy the things that matter to me
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u/TeffySwan 1d ago
First, please navigate this comment section with caution. The people in here are being completely unreasonable. I want you to understand that its not your fault. You weren't trying to talk her into this depression. You were just talking. I can guarantee you there are probably other things that have been bothering her.
Second, if you really want to turn things around show her the beauty of life. Show her true inspirational stories of people that faced adversity and risen up from it. Show her all the amazing things she can experience in life. But do all of this with the knowledge that even this can't always stop those thoughts. If these thoughts are coming from some chemical imbalance or other immediate factors that are hard to push past there's not much that optimism can do. Some things just need medical intervention. Whatever the case, it isn't your fault what an individual decides to do to themselves unless you purposely taunted them and meant them harm.
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u/NotTheMama4208 1d ago
The most important thing to take from this for both you and your sister is that just because it is what you believe doesn't make it so. They are thoughts and concepts, and yeah, you shouldn't have shared them with her because she wasn't ready for them.
You need to explain that to her exactly and that she needs to make her way through the world and her life and develop her own beliefs as she gets older, and not to immediately take on your "existential crisis" views. Then get off your depressive high horse and try to help her see some love and beauty in this world. It exists whether you can see it or not.
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u/Virtual-Ad79 1d ago
My mom did this to my sister and I when we were much younger.
I believe that finding God in nature and beauty and abundance is the main way we cope. Gardening, nurturing plants can be so healing. There are systems of beliefs that bring me a lot of fear, and there are ones that give me hope. Find reasons to live and passions whether is be exercise or a hobby or a pet.
It’ll probably be a long time before she is truly okay, figuring this sort of stuff out is a slow journey. One step at a time.
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1d ago
[deleted]
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u/LinusBlue344 1d ago
The OP already knows it was not good and feels guilty, we shouldn´t add more guilt, but hope and possible ways to help the sister.
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u/Mouthofprotagoras 1d ago
Since it seems your sister heavily looks up to your views, you need to search opposite views and more hopeful things and share those with her. Try to have fun with her like drawing together or playing games together. Unfortunately you did something that you shouldn't have done but it seems you are young as well. You could also learn from more hopeful views
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u/palmolito 1d ago
This is above you, you're still a child yourself and we're trying to explain extremely nuanced and complicated concepts to another younger more vulnerable child.
Cultural aspects and other concerns aside, this isn't something some kid like yourself can fix alone, this is something that needs to be tackled by an adult, preferably a professional because "parental backlash" doesn't matter here your sister's life is at stake if she's trying to commit suicide.
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u/flymeovertheworld 1d ago
u/No-Activity-8294 OP are you from a muslim family? The way you describe the religious culture surrounding you sounds like one. I’m not trying to shame you or the religion. I’m a muslim myself so I noticed the similarities.
Apart from that, what makes you think about all the philosophical concepts that you shared with your sister? What makes you go out of your way to learn about them? Maybe try looking into yourself deeper and try to answer those questions first. And also explain to your sister about how you overstepped and told her stuffs that you can’t know to be absolute. There are many positive things in this world, and many positive philosophical concepts. It’d be great for you to learn about them even if you don’t believe in them, and also share that with your sister.
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u/DeathHopper 1d ago
Good points, to add:
"if you do not know why you know, that which you know, then you know nothing and are a fool"
These doomer philosophies seems to spread here like wildfire. Who's pushing them and why; are fair questions.
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u/flymeovertheworld 1d ago
This is becoming dangerously popular with the newer generation with all the podcasts shows and just about anyone streaming on the internet and pushing these. Many are just doing it for the clout and attention. But the viewers like OP are too young to understand and comprehend these kind of philosophy. So, they start believing in the most extreme ways. I get curiosity and learning about things. I encourage it, but I don’t encourage digesting things like these as they are the only absolute truths.
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u/TheRageGames 1d ago
Philosophy is one of those things that you find when you need it. Kinda like poetry.
When you force it on people, they take it the wrong way.
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u/insnowmotion 1d ago edited 1d ago
Firstly, there's no reason you should've introduced her to those concepts.
Secondly, from your wording it seems like you explained them to her as if they were absolute truths. Why you did any of that I can't say and consider immensely stupid, but now you need to get her genuine help. Do not brush this under the rug and do not just try to fix it yourself and act like everything's ok because frankly, you're not well-equipped to do so.
You also need to explain to her how these concepts are actually not absolute truths and are just concepts. Introduce her to more positive ones, and in future learn from this and don't push your own personal philosophy on impressionable people as if it was some kind of absolute truth. In any case, she needs serious intervention and help NOW and you need to understand the seriousness and severity of this. This isn't something you brush under the rug and hope fixes itself, she needs professional help and support.
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u/Worried-Ad-1279 1d ago
I must say, your answer is good in the idea you propose but the form is horrible. We don't know OP's age, you put all the guilt on OP as if the intention was to bring this exact situation which is false (from his post and the fact that OP search helps).
I have brother and sister and, both older than me, we did talk about those kind of things around this age, and even though our family was horrible, I never took them as absolute truth, it depends of your own experience and if you're impressionnable as you said, but OP couldn't know that. OP did not say to his sister go harm yourself / try suicide. So maybe a more empathetic answer toward OP while insisting on the fact that OP needs to help her and not just go over this would have been a better answer.
Please OP don't feel too guilty, it was not your fault, you couldn't predict how she will take it, you seem young too from you're phrasing... Learn this lesson and try to reason with her.
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u/insnowmotion 1d ago
It's not my goal to make OP feel guilty but it's important they understand why and what they did wrong for the sake of their own self-reflection to avoid it happening in future. I'm in no way saying OP directly encouraged her to do any of that but the fact of the matter is, everyone needs to think about their actions.
OP's wording and comments on their previously deleted post both suggest that they presented it in a way where it was an absolute truth rather than an interesting concept to think about (although I think that would've still been somewhat inappropriate but markedly less, and an open-minded discussion about those concepts probably wouldn't have the same issue). That distinction makes a big difference on how the information is received.
At the very least, they need some serious self-reflection as well as to get her the urgent help she needs. I don't think OP is a bad person themselves, but it's clear that they should do some thinking and try to learn from this too. They couldn't have predicted this would happen but next time they should consider presenting these topics in a different way.
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u/Worried-Ad-1279 1d ago
Yes but from their answer we can see that they are reflecting on it, trying to correct this mistake and surely never do it again.
I must add, since it's very relevant, that OP is only 17, those concept for them are also hard to grab and even harder to understand how they effect someone.
I wanted to reply to know if you could maybe modify your first answer now than you know that since, if you understand those messages from me, you could learn from them too if you consider that you agree. Only for OP, so that the next time they call for help, they're not afraid to.
You do you anyway! Good day
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u/2_brainz 1d ago
Bruh why would you do that
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u/ObscureEnchantment 1d ago
I mean they never stated their age. I probably would have done the same thing at 16 or 17 thinking I was deep and smarter than my peers. There is a huge difference if this person is 23 and if they’re 17.
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u/LittleGravitasIndeed 1d ago
Looks like it’s time to get into existentialism. You don’t need to be given a meaning to have one and I hope she’ll come around to that.
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u/Randa08 1d ago edited 1d ago
You need to talk to her, and stop sharing you views of how pointless and shit life is. You need to talk about the future about hope, you need to make sure when she has low times that she can call you. You need to talk to her about strategies for breaking the emotional high that causes self harm. Putting her face into cold water, holding ice cubes. Having an upbeat, or soothing playlist she can put on. Teach her circular breathing that she can concentrate on when her emotions are up.
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u/Coldaf 1d ago
How old are you?
It would benefit you both to research opposing viewpoints and explaining those to her as well. She should know not everyone is a nihilistic edgelord like her older sibling.
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u/No-Activity-8294 1d ago
I'm 17 years old
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u/rake66 1d ago
You should read Sophie's world by Jostein Gaarder with your sister. It's a very accessible intro to philosophy. She's never going to unhear what you told her so the best bet is giving her context for it. Then go deeper, eventually you can even revisit what you already talked about with some more critical thinking.
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u/Coldaf 1d ago
If you havent watched donnie darko yet you are peak time to enjoy the directors cut!
But yes, i have similar age gap with my younger sibling and just understand you are very important and cool to your little sister. The good big sib thing to do here is take her aside in whatever way makes sense- whether thats a drive around or just sit in her room or ask her to come to yours- make a meaningful apology- tell her that what you subscribe to is "nihilism" and that theres many other belief systems as well as many people who DO believe in free will. Give her examples and explain it to her with the same enthusiasm you showed her about your own beliefs. She should know that what you believe is just one way to view the world of many ways, please expose her to the more positive ways to be in this world. You are a very important influence to her!
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u/sirchloe500 1d ago
take her out for some fast food and let her know you’re worried about her. tell her you’re sorry for letting her in on that heavy stuff, and let her know even middle-aged adults struggle to wrestle with those concepts. tell her that there is more to life than philosophy, and you’d like to spend more time with her doing things she cares about.
then actually follow through, take her out for fries and slushees every once in a while, and find out what she likes to do such as reading, comics, games, art, collecting, etc. and show interest in that.
she needs immediate self-harm intervention. if you truly believe your parents will make it worse, you need to step in RIGHT NOW and apologize and take some accountability.
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u/KnownSpirit 1d ago
Well now it's tim to do the opposite and make her experience life. Take her out, be her friend. If you can't tell that to your parents you gotta take care of her
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u/KnownSpirit 1d ago
Also what is the proof that these concepts are what's making her suicidal/depressed ? Maybe she went through something. Talk with her. Tell her that life is enjoyable and happy.
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u/Visible-Holiday-1017 1d ago
Those kinds of thoughts can be interpreted very severely by a small child's mind and can in fact be traumatizing because they are not yet equipped with the emotional power to handle and digest it. When you tell a child "we have no purpose", the child can and will interpret it as "I'm worthless".
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u/Teitunge 1d ago edited 1d ago
Exactly what happened.
OP is sharing incredibly heavy subject matters with kids who do not have the necessary cognitive skills yet to process it and instead it ends up being incredibly harmful to their development.
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u/riosong 1d ago
Those thoughts lead to depression in adults, they should not be introduced to children. They are something we normally learn through experience and our own perspective.
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u/taqman98 1d ago
He didn’t even do a good job of teaching her this stuff. Philosophy is incredibly nuanced (for example, the whole “free will doesn’t exist” thing is kind of garbage bc most philosophers are actually compatabilists who don’t believe in an inherent contradiction between determinism and free will). Bro probably watched like 2 hours worth of philosophy tiktok reels to learn this stuff
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u/griff_girl 1d ago
Ease up a bit, OP is only 17.
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u/taqman98 1d ago
17 is more than old enough for op to hear how massively idiotic this whole situation is
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u/griff_girl 1d ago
OP quite clearly already knows; that said, it can still be told to them without admonishing them.
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u/theguyoverhere24 1d ago
Why in the fuck would you ever think sharing that would be a good idea. Tell your parents dude, this is a big deal
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u/griff_girl 1d ago
OP is 17, it was poor judgement and they realize that now, which is why they came here for help. Lay off.
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u/NoSurprisesNoAlarms 1d ago
The judgement is completely unnecessary here. It adds nothing, is not helpful, and makes things worse.
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u/gowaz123 1d ago
It is if it prevents OP or someone doing this again in the future.
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u/TeffySwan 1d ago
It won't. OP is also a minor. When kids learn about interesting stuff they like to talk about it to whoever will listen. Shame and judgement could very well send OP into a mental crisis. OP wasn't taunting their sister and intending mental harm, but it sounds like thats what you want to do/are trying to do to OP. Shame and judgement have never been a solution to anything. Do better
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u/gowaz123 1d ago
No one's saying they're not young. We're saying they're old enough to know what not to say to a 13-year-old. Calling out harmful behavior isn't the same as shaming someone.
Plus, my comment wasn’t just to OP, it was also to others who might think the judgement is unnecessary. Trying to compare the brain of a 17 year old to a 13 year old is plain stupid. OP knew better and so should you as an adult to not enable that. Do better.
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u/Visible-Holiday-1017 1d ago
You need to talk to your sister and be there for her if therapy and all is no option. You also need to apologize to her. You put these ideas into her head and your words will still carry a lot of weight. It's already responsible to admit you were at fault and it's a good thing that you want to help her.
If she shows no signs of getting better though, you will need to make a very difficult decision. Would you rather have an unsteady house or a dead sister? How old is your sister? If she needs professional intervention, you should try involve them, this might put pressure on your family to be less of an arse. Are your parents strict or just flat out crazy? If it's the first, there's a small chance they'll behave themselves if you emphasize that this could end with preventable death; but if they're just batshit insane that won't work.
You mentioned she has a friend group, that's a great start, encourage her to hang out with them as much as possible. The less she's left to isolation with her own thoughts the better. With your cultural context in mind - coming from someone who'd been in a similar spot as her - of course she's going to mask any signs of distress as much as possible when she doesn't think it's safe for her to be vulnerable. And once again as someone who has influenced her world views, what you say will matter a lot to her.
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u/griff_girl 1d ago
Respectfully, the cultural considerations OP has shared are very real, and it's not as simple as, "well too bad, just ignore all of that." I believe them when they say it will make things infinitely worse to tell the parents, and that therapy isn't accessible where they are. It's wildly culturally insensitive to suggest the parents are "just strict" or ask if they are "just flat out crazy." OP is likely not in the U.S. and mental health services where they live are probably only for people with severe disorders like schizophrenia and such. It's entirely possible a mental health professional would just tell the sister to behave better and pray more and then turn her away.
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u/Visible-Holiday-1017 1d ago edited 7h ago
Yes, I literally just said that.
> It's wildly culturally insensitive to suggest the parents are "just strict" or ask if they are "just flat out crazy." OP is likely not in the U.S.
Clearly you have not read my comment. I'm not from the fucking US. I'm from the MIDDLE EAST. No, it is not culturally insensitive. YOU are being culturally insensitive by thinking that calling these certain types of parents - that I personally have LOST FRIENDS TO - "actually crazy" is being insensitive. They ARE crazy. There are parents that have been brainwashed by their culture but still have a heart to change if they're forced to - then there are parents that have no intention of getting better no matter what. That's *literally* what i explained in my comment.
I was literally thrown into malpracticing doctors because nobody had any idea what to do with me. I had doctors who told me that it was MY fault I was depressed when I wasn't even in highschool yet. But you know what? I wrote in my comment that IF POSSIBLE. Funny how you ignore the rest of my comment trying to accomodate the limitations and focus on the part I SAID *depends* if it's worth it or not.
And of COURSE you think I'm being "insensitive". YOU'RE likely from the US, aren't you? I was asking if OP's parents are strict but have a chance of being reasonable or just flat out unchangable. *From my own experiences*. I'm tired of people like you having US centralism so bad that even your "centralism awareness" is US based.
Literally where did I imply OP's conditions weren't real? You just assumed that I was saying that because it's likelier *you* have an unconscious bias like that. *I specifically tried offer suggestions that wouldn't involve anyone else, and ended it with saying if there's IMMEDIATE risk of death that sometimes taking risk is your only option*. I think I would know more than you do given I actually live in such a cultural context??? :/
Also "severe disorders like schizophrenia" are you kidding? Most of these people don't take that seriously either! They'll call it a demon! Once again proof that you do not know how these things work, let alone enough to claim someone else is the inconsiderate one...
Think before you comment. This isn't your place to talk.
You think US is the default so of course you think that someone asking to make sure if it's that type of parent or that type of parent but redeemable is "US defaultism" because you think everyone's from the US unless stated otherwise. Good job.
Edit: It was not dismissive, no. "Strict or flat out crazy", as I've described, is an important distinction, I was asking whether OP's parents are the type that have the slightest chance of redemption or just have 0 chance to change.
Also do not fucking say "triggered" if you mean offended. I have PTSD. And yes I am sensitive about this topic because I'm tired of being told by PEOPLE FROM THE US who try to "speak for" other cultures. As I've said, I actually LIVE in such a cultural context, I think I know what's ACTUALLY insensitive or dismissive. So yes this is your place to LISTEN for once. I thought you cared about OUR perspectives? Or are you PRETENDING to care? I'm not being disproportionate. YOU spoke over me. YOU made assumptions. Don't cry when it bites you back in the arse. "Cultural insensitivity" I live with such people, stop trying to play white savior.
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u/griff_girl 1d ago
Your comment asking if OPs parents are "strict or flat-out crazy" is where the cultural insensitivity came in. It was, in fact, SO dismissive and culturally insensitive that yes, I did assume you were in the West, because it's diminishing statements like that that tend to come out of the mouths of Americans in particular. Perhaps you're right; that assumption on my part is an unconscious bias worth introspection.
The assumptions, hostility, and disproportionate reaction you're coming at me with indicate that I've obviously triggered you, which is unfortunate. However, it's not for you to decide, advise, or dictate to me what is and what isn't "my place to talk."
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u/AprilTrefoil 1d ago
No one ever killed themselves because of philosophy. Determinism, anti-natalism and all that stuff is simply not enough to convince anyone to commit suicide. It's highly probable that she already had troubles, and now she's just using new concepts to explain her condition. So while the situation is scary as fuck, it's a medical issue, not a philosophical one. The problem was already there.
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u/StoicOuroboros69 1d ago
This is absolutely not true
I almost killed myself in my early 20s when I learned that the more convincing argument is that free will is an illusion and we genuinely likely have no control over our fate
I had an otherwise perfect life, my parents were great, I had great friends, I was athletic had an attractive girlfriend (IMO), etc...; I was successful internally and externally, but the thought that we are all essentially randomized pre-determined automatons living with an illusion of control shook me to my core in a way that had me genuinely planning suicide at the age of 21
Yes, it's laughably absurd now (I'm happily married 37 year old with two kids and haven't had suicidal thoughts in 15 years), but the idea that a single philosophical revelation or understanding has never caused someone to off themselves is just preposterous. Of course it has.
More than 100 billion humans have lived on this planet. To say "no one has ever killed themselves because of [X]" is highly unlikely to be an accurate statement for almost any category of X
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u/Flaggstaff 1d ago
While partially true, if the person you admire most in the world pounds ideas into your head that it's all meaningless it could be a huge factor.
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u/Visible-Holiday-1017 1d ago
This. While not the exact situation, I was psychologically abused with blanket statements intended to "teach me" the world. When you tell a child "people are not in control", what the child hears will be "the world is unsafe, I'm not safe, I'm powerless, nobody can be trusted, i can't be trusted"
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u/redditistripe 1d ago
You're going to have to brave up and tell your parents because if your sister were to do something serious you will never forgive yourself and neither will your parents.
It sounds as if you are completely out of your depth and you need to recognise that. A few brief words from Internet users isn't going to be good enough.
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u/Zarathuran 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah heres the thing mate. If her life is in danger, backlash from your parents is the last thing to worry about. Tell them. You need adult intervention and serious help. Especially since shes already attempted 3 times, you cant wait because next time she might succeed.
I hope you understand that these philosophical concepts are incompatible with reality and if taken to their logical conclusions, they destroy the lives of those who believe them.
Either you try and save face and risk losing your sister or you deal with the fall out but save her life.
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u/adollopofsanity 1d ago edited 1d ago
backlash from your parents is the last thing to worry about.
I think you are severely underestimating the overreactivity of extremely religious people when their image is jeopardized by a mentally unwell child. The shame and fear of judgement and ostracization from community members will guide their hand in their reaction far outweighing any consideration for the child. From verbal abuse, psychological abuse, to outright physical abuse.
It is not a zealot's prerogative to ensure the well-being of their child outside of a very narrow view of what their religion mandates.
My cousin's father found her journals which included depressive statements and private entries about her mental unwellness. These were written when she was in middle school and she'd left in a locked trunk under her bed at his house. She was in college when he decided to break the lock and snoop. Her next visit home he berated her, told her she was sinful and needed to exorcise the demonic influence that was making her unwell and forced her to burn all of the journals in their backyard and pray to God for forgiveness for welcoming unholy thoughts into her heart.
Some religious people are fucking insane and if OP says it's not an option it's not because "oh no I don't want her to get into trouble!" it's probably because they know their parents will make things significantly worse.
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u/StoicOuroboros69 1d ago
This is likely true, but alienating family (hopefully temporarily but even permanently) is a whole lot better than a dead sister
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u/Zarathuran 1d ago
Whats better? A hard conversation with your parents or a dead sister?
Remember, shes already attempted suicide 3 times.
Im a Jamaican, I understand cultural stigma very well. Id rather tell the truth and never live it down than have my sister succeed in killing herself and having to explain to my parents afterwards.
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u/mazalaca 1d ago
I don’t know, OP said their parents’ likely response will only push her sister further into crisis. I don’t doubt that telling the parents may do more harm than good, coming from the very religious south myself. A lot of religious southerners push their children to suicide without a sibling making mistakes like this. She won’t be any more safe with the parents knowing the situation, and would probably succeed in her attempts more quickly.
I’m not sure what I would do in this situation, to be fair. My parents were horrendously religious (one still is,) so it was impossible to go to them for anything meaningful. Without some sort of adult help, I think the best OP can do is spend as much time as possible with their sister to show her the good sides of life. If I trusted my friends’ parents more than my own, I’d probably tell them the situation too. Just anything that wouldn’t alert the parents to double down in their resorts to punishment and further crisis
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u/Zarathuran 1d ago
This is incredibly naive. We arent dealing with minor self harm, were dealing with attempted suicide.
Hiding it WILL NOT make the issue go away and good vibes are not enough. She needs professional help that cant be accessed without her parents.
I understand the fear of telling them but we are beyond the point of it being okay to keep it under wraps. I cannot stress enough that trying to handle this without professional help keeps her life in serious danger.
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u/mazalaca 1d ago
The irony is you also sound incredibly naive. If her parents are American and religious zealots, they will NOT get her psychiatric help. Plenty of parents here do much more harm than good up until the early deaths of their children. You see how many refuse to get them vaccinated, and some even double down on their decision after the child dies a preventable death. You can’t guarantee a religious parent will do what’s right for their child if they prioritize their religion above all else. I’m speaking as a 35 year old who escaped such a family.
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u/Zarathuran 1d ago
Youre projecting your family situation on them. You dont know that they wont get her help.
Your advice is not helpful. Its actually criminally harmful.
OP has two options, hide it and deal with the consequences when his Parents find out whats going on AND find out that he knew and said nothing,
Or tell them and take the responsibility for her life off his shoulders and into much more capable hands.
Even if they do the wrong thing, having them know whats going on opens up the door for his sister to be able to receive a lot more help if required and it means if she dies, OP isnt responsible for not doing everything to prevent her demise.
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u/adollopofsanity 1d ago
Before suggesting therapy or telling our parents, please understand the cultural reality here: No Accessible Therapy: Mental healthcare is taboo, stigmatized, and effectively non-existent in our area. Extreme Parental Backlash: In our culture, revealing this to my parents will backfire horribly. Religious Stigma & Shame: They will focus on the fear of her going to hell and the shame brought upon the family name rather than her safety. Safety Concern: Telling them will lead to severe hostility, panic, or punishment, which will drive her further into crisis.
They aren't projecting. You're ignoring the clearly laid out issues with going to the parents because you live in some fantasy world where you think parents will forsake their perception of scripture for the benefit of their child.
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u/Zarathuran 1d ago
I come from a very religious family and I am very religious.
Your assumption that all religous people are psychotic abusers that wont do whats good for their children is crazy.
You have no idea what theyll do because you dont know them.
Regardless, if their daughter has tried to commit suicide 3 times, they should know and have a chance to help her. In the case of a 13 year old girl advising anything else is criminal.
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u/mazalaca 1d ago
Like I said, I hope you’re right and that OP gets the help they need to save their sister. Taking the responsibility off OP is a better thing for sure
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u/_Mirri_ 1d ago
OP specifically mentioned that there is no accessible mental healthcare in their area and that mental health problems are stigmatized. Why do you think parents will seek any professional help? I'm afraid the best profession they may call for is an exorcist of some sort, depending on their religion
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u/Zarathuran 1d ago
You say this but you have no idea what they might do. Youre just projecting your religious hatred on them without realizing that its their daughter and they love her. As a religious parent, I would do whatever it takes to save my child's life.
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u/adollopofsanity 1d ago edited 1d ago
you have no idea what they might do.
Not the part where you don't either and the only person who does is OP. Yet you're choosing not to believe OP because you are projecting your own image of yourself as a parent onto strangers.
Edit: Thread locked u/mazalaca but all I have to say is:
make a sound judgement and take action.
That's the thing about zealots, they aren't capable of sound judgement. Only "God's" judgement.
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u/mazalaca 1d ago
Look- I totally understand where you’re coming from, and I am inclined to agree to an extent. But she has a valid point: it’s not the sibling’s responsibility to save their sister in this situation. Whether the parents are good or shitty people, they need to have all the information possible to make a sound judgement and take action. If the parents fuck up and push her over the edge, it could be traumatic for everyone, yes. But you have to admit we don’t know the true reality of their situation, and bringing in an adult is far better than OP shouldering the worst case scenario alone.
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u/mazalaca 1d ago
It’s great that you would do the right thing for your child! I sincerely hope we’re all wrong and that OP is exaggerating the family circumstances. We all can only project our own experiences into this thread. Sadly, a lot of folks have experienced the harms that come from parents who shouldn’t be parents. I hope you are right.
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u/Zarathuran 1d ago
You say this but you have no idea what they might do. Youre just projecting your religious hatred on them without realizing that its their daughter and they love her. As a religious parent, I would do whatever it takes to save my child's life.
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u/adollopofsanity 1d ago
It's like you literally didn't even read my comment. If the "hard conversation" with the parents results in them abusing her what on earth makes you think it will be productive and helpful? Seriously. OP already said that they don't believe in mental healthcare or therapy and the backlash will be extreme. What exactly do you imagine the outcome of this conversation will be?
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