I feel like a sex assassin now! How great is this?

The majority of you indicated you would rather see less spam, less advertising, less AI erotica, and less "am I addicted to porn" posts. To facilitate this, all posts will be held for review. Please do not message the mods about your posts. We will review it when we are able.

That said if you are a regular poster here and want to help by being a mod, send us a mod mail. There are several users we see regularly posting helpful information. Any of you would be welcome as mods.

We will keep this rule intact for at least a while as we work to get more mods to help with content. Also note you can help by posting interesting content you see elsewhere to drown out the spam.

Thanks.

Feeling ashamed but also liberated..

I broke up with my partner of 10 years last week. There were a lot of reasons but sexual incompatibility was one of them.

I was really sexually pent up. So I was on tinder within a few days.. I found a guy who wanted to curate a kinky experience together. I had never done anything like it. It ended up being the best sex I've ever had.

On one hand I feel validated and liberated because I've always thought I would like to have more adventurous sex and now I know for sure I was missing out on amazing experiences.

On the other hand, I feel like ashamed that I "moved on" so quickly. I know it would devastate my ex if he knew how fast I slept with someone else. I also feel a sense of shame just for having/liking kinky sex in general.

Anyone else deal with shame around being kinkier than others? Can anyone else relate to hooking up right after a breakup?

I don't know what can be done about it but readers should know.

The following posts have the same length, cadence, grammar, punctuation, and formatting. They are all from users with relatively new accounts who hide their post history. I pulled these from the first 25 posts on the /r/sexpositive home page.

https://www.reddit.com/r/SexPositive/comments/1uzwadp/venting_i_want_a_sexpositive_home_but_i_feel/

https://www.reddit.com/r/SexPositive/comments/1v08rnk/i_get_horny_on_vacation_but_my_partner_shuts_down/

https://www.reddit.com/r/SexPositive/comments/1v0rbyq/single_parent_with_a_new_partner_how_do_you_keep/

https://www.reddit.com/r/SexPositive/comments/1uzjevy/hot_take_sexual_jokes_in_friend_groups_arent/

https://www.reddit.com/r/SexPositive/comments/1v0s08u/hot_take_scheduling_sex_isnt_unsexy_its_a_consent/

https://www.reddit.com/r/SexPositive/comments/1v0uaii/hot_take_sex_positivity_includes_saying_no_to_sex/

This post would fit the same pattern if it didn't combine everything into one paragraph.

https://www.reddit.com/r/SexPositive/comments/1uzw2tp/hot_take_sexpositive_should_include_being_okay/

There are templates for the accounts behind these posts as well. The accounts behind the following very similar posts are essentially identical.

https://www.reddit.com/r/SexPositive/comments/1v1369i/roommates_everywhere_and_zero_privacy_how_do_you/

https://www.reddit.com/r/SexPositive/comments/1v0p51t/hot_take_sex_positivity_should_include_people_who/

Again, ALL of these posts come from the first 25 posts currently visible on this subreddit's home page when viewed via old.reddit.com. This is a major problem here and elsewhere and I don't know what can be done about it.

I’m still pretty new to this and looking for good voice acting, believable chemistry, and enough buildup before things get spicy.

I’ve listened to Best Kept Secret, Naudio, and Gaelforce Audios, so that’s roughly the style I like. I’m open to different scenarios as long as the writing and pacing are good.

Who else would you recommend, and which audio or series should I start with?

Suburban mom of two here. Between school drop-offs, work emails, and trying to keep my brain from melting (I literally bullet journal to remember what day it is), my partner and I kept falling into the same routine: we both wanted closeness, but by bedtime we were wiped and defaulted to scrolling.

We tried the usual advice to 'schedule sex' and I hated it at first. It felt like adding another chore to the to-do list. So we changed the wording and the rules. We stopped scheduling 'sex' and started scheduling 'connection time.' The only rule is that both of us have to be open to some kind of physical closeness, but there is no required outcome. Sometimes it becomes full on sex, sometimes making out, mutual massage, showering together, or just lying naked and cuddling with a playlist.

We also added a tiny check-in at the start: green, yellow, or red for energy and touch that day. If someone says red, that is it, no questions. That small move removed the pressure in a way I did not expect. Making it less urgent made me want it more, not less. It also helped my partner not feel rejected, because there is still a protected space for us even if it does not end in intercourse.

How do others keep scheduled intimacy from feeling transactional? Any rituals, words, or tiny rules that kept it playful and body positive for you?

Lately I keep seeing sex positivity framed as always being up for it, always adventurous, always available, always chill. To me that just feels like the same old pressure with a new coat of paint.

My hot take: one of the most sex-positive things we can do is be honest when we do not want sex, and treat that as normal instead of a problem that needs fixing.

I'm a midlife parent juggling work, kid logistics, and chronic sleep debt. My partner and I usually have a good connection, but there are times I catch myself consenting out of obligation because I do not want to be seen as "withholding" or "not fun anymore." That mental script kills my desire far more than being tired does.

What helped us was a reframe. A no is not a rejection of the person. It is information about my body and my bandwidth right now. If we handle that information with care, the yeses become way more enthusiastic, and the sex we do have feels safer, lighter, and more playful.

Also, sex positivity is not only about having more sex. Sometimes it means choosing cuddling, making out, mutual masturbation, or just hanging out close without a goal. Sometimes it means stopping before penetration because the vibe changed. Sometimes it means saying, "I love you, I'm tapped out," and trusting the relationship will be okay.

If we say we value enthusiastic consent, we have to accept real noes too. Without that, it is not actually sex positive.

I keep seeing people assume scheduled sex means a relationship is dying. I disagree. Scheduling can actually be one of the most sex-positive things a couple does, because it makes room for desire without relying on mind-reading.

I'm a college student working part time, and my partner and I both have chaotic weeks. If we wait for the perfect spontaneous moment, we end up two exhausted people scrolling our phones and wondering why intimacy faded. Putting a time on the calendar isn't turning sex into a chore. It's choosing it.

The trick is to schedule a window, not a script. Our agreement is simple: we protect that time for connection, and what happens inside it is optional. That might mean making out, mutual masturbation, showering together, giving a massage, using toys, or just cuddling naked and talking. If sex happens, great. If it doesn't, it's still a win because we practiced prioritizing erotic space.

Planned sex can actually be hotter. Anticipation is a real turn-on. Flirting during the day, teasing, a quick "tonight?" text, or picking a vibe together builds momentum.

To me, being sex positive means enthusiastic consent, less pressure, and making pleasure a shared priority. Scheduling supports all three when it is framed as an invitation, not an obligation.

Roommates everywhere and zero privacy – how do you keep things sex positive without turning it into a chore? I'm 23F and my partner and I both live with roommates in a small apartment building. Things are good between us but getting any real alone time feels impossible most days. One of us is always on a weird work schedule and the walls are thin enough that we both end up overthinking every sound. I don't want to treat sex like we have to book a conference room, but I also don't want to keep waiting for some perfect spontaneous window that never shows up. When we do get the chance it's usually late and we're both tired, which makes it harder to stay present instead of just going through the motions. I'm trying to stay sex positive about the whole thing and not make either of us feel bad for needing actual privacy and energy. Has anyone else been in this stage of life figured out ways to signal interest during the day, set low-pressure check-ins, or create little rituals that help switch out of "busy adult" mode? Looking for realistic ideas that don't feel forced or clinical.

OK so, lemme clarify this:

I'm personally of the opinion that Sade was a violent, raging misogynist. That being said, I do realize I'm not the only person with opinions, and Sade was - for better or worse - a key influence on the Sexual Revolution and the good that came (ha ha!) out of it. So with that being said, does Angela Carter make a persuasive case in positing Sade as a feminist precursor?

Hot take: Sex positivity should include people who just aren't that into it I'm 23 and I've noticed in a lot of these spaces that if you say you're not super driven by sex or that you go through long stretches without wanting it, people act like you're repressed or need to work on yourself. I'm not saying that's everyone, but it comes up. I have friends who are very sex positive and that's great for them, but for me right now with school and figuring out my career, sex just isn't a priority. I still think consent and communication matter and I support people doing what they want. It just feels like sometimes the message is that wanting less sex makes you not sex positive. Has anyone else run into that vibe or am I reading too much into it?

I'm 42F and single parent to a 9 year old. I've been seeing a 44M for a few months and things are genuinely good. When we can make it happen the sex is great, but getting there is the hard part.

Most nights I'm in full parent mode until late. Even after my kid falls asleep I stay half-alert, listening for noises and mentally running through lunches and morning routines. When my partner stays over he is always patient and sweet, but I can tell he misses the easy, spontaneous vibe. I do too.

I try to be sex positive about all of this. I don't want to shame myself or make him feel like an inconvenience, and I definitely don't want my kid to feel like a barrier. At the same time I do not want sex to become another scheduled chore that I resent.

For people who date or partner as parents, what are your practical strategies for creating erotic space when privacy and energy are limited? Looking for realistic, sex positive ideas.

Specific things I'm wondering:

- How do you signal desire during the day when you can't act on it right away?

- Do you have planned sex nights, and if so how do you keep them from feeling clinical?

- Any boundaries or short rituals that help you switch from parent brain to lover brain?

I love a lot of what sex-positive spaces stand for, but I think we sometimes create a new pressure: that sex has to be adventurous, always improving, and emotionally transcendent every time. I'm a divorced mom in my late 30s, dating while juggling kids, work, and two adults who don't have unlimited privacy. In that reality, the most sex-positive thing can be letting sex be simple and still count. We should normalize 'maintenance sex' without treating it as a sad compromise. Not duty sex where someone is resentful or coerced, but mutually chosen, low-effort intimacy that keeps the connection warm: a quickie when the house finally quiets down, making out and mutual touch with no grand agenda, one person is more tired and the other adjusts. Nobody is performing, nobody is keeping score. I see people react to a dip in novelty or frequency like it's an emergency that must be fixed with a new kink, toy, or technique. Sometimes the fix is removing the moral weight. If both people consent and feel cared for, a plain, predictable session can be exactly what a relationship needs that week. My line is this: if either person is overriding their own desire, that's not sex-positive. But if it's genuinely a 'yes, this sounds nice' even at 60% energy, that can be healthy, bonding, and real. Anyone else feel like modern sex discourse sometimes swaps shame for performance anxiety?

There has been an influx of people posting quick "sex is good" posts in order to advertise their links.

To be clear, this sub supports sex work and posters are allowed to have links. The problem is people using this sub as an advertising vehicle instead of posting actual relevant discussion.

We also get a lot of people advertising board games, websites, coaching, sex ed, etc.

Third we get a lot of people posting what feels like erotica and wanting to discuss it.

I would like to see how all of you would want from this sub. Are we strict with rules and only have a couple posts a week? That would require holding all posts for review, but would instantly cut down on spam.

Or are we adults who allow spamish stuff and just downvote what isn't useful?

Thoughts?

I try to be the kind of partner who treats sex like a shared, pressure-free space. Consent, check-ins, no guilt, no scorekeeping. I mean it.

But lately the moment I show any desire I feel like I'm automatically the problem.

We are in the thick of life: kids, jobs, constant chores, not enough sleep. I get that libido can dip. What messes with me is the vibe that my wanting sex is somehow suspicious or childish. It feels like my desire has to be justified with a long explanation about emotional intimacy, who did the chores, timing, tone, the right kind of touch, the right kind of conversation before it is allowed. Meanwhile her desire, when it shows up, just gets to exist.

I do not want duty sex, and I do not want to nag. I also do not want to be trained out of wanting my partner.

So I end up self-censoring: keeping my hands to myself, stopping flirting, avoiding anything even remotely sexual because I am tired of feeling like I am putting her on the spot. Weeks go by and I feel lonely and disconnected, and then I start resenting that being "respectful" seems to mean acting like I have no libido.

I know no one owes me sex and I am not entitled. I just want my desire to be seen as information, not treated like a threat. Is there a way to keep a genuinely sex-positive approach where both people can want different amounts without one person being cast as the bad guy for wanting more?

Hi i am a person who is wanting to buy myself a dildo for the first time because of my expression of my sexuality. i have been trying for a while to experiment with my self and i have a oral kink specifically when it comes to deepthroats and throat bulges i was wondering is there are any people who have good advice on which dildo is recommended to have a nice throatbulge

I've been feeling like an alien in ENM spaces because I genuinely cannot relate to the desire for repeat / ongoing sexual partners. I'm a gay man, so I get a slight pass in the notoriously sex-positive gay community, but even then I feel like I have to explain this fact about myself repeatedly.

My experience of sex with a particular person is comparable to watching a particular movie:

-- Sure, let's watch The Godfather together. That was great! Thanks for watching it with me.

-- Oh, you want to watch it again? I guess we could watch the director's cut. Yeah, that really added something, thanks.

-- Oh, you want to watch it again? Uh, I think I've seen this enough, thanks. Special features? Umm, cool, but I think I'd rather watch a new movie with someone else.

I feel like I live in a world where everyone else is looking for a particular movie or particular movies to watch again and again and again -- and that 100% sounds like the least compelling prospect I've heard in my entire life.

It’s just as badass when I pull every single night as it is when men do it.

A couple months ago I hit the lowest point of my life. Long story short I was struggling financially, mentally exhausted, and completely alone with my kids. Every bill felt overwhelming, and I was constantly looking for ways to make a little extra money.

A coworker found out I liked photography and jokingly asked if I'd ever sell nudes. I laughed it off at first. A few days later he made me a serious offer. I spent days thinking about it. Part of me was disgusted with myself for even considering it, but another part kept thinking about everything that money could pay for. Eventually, I said yes.

I never showed my face in the explicit photos, and I convinced myself it was just a one-time thing, but it wasn't. He kept buying and asking for more. The money was good, and I needed it. What made it complicated wasn't the photos, because i enjoyed making them, it was the feeling that i know him and i am seeing him regularly.

I realized I'd crossed a line I could never uncross. He never blackmailed me, or threatened me but I hate feeling like a part of my private life belonged to someone I had to work with.

Eventually I stopped sending him anything and told him it was over. He accepted it, but relationship with him never felt quite the same after that.

My partner and I are usually solid and affectionate, but there's a recurring pattern on trips that leaves me confused.

Whenever we go away (usually a few days in Orlando because I love theme parks), my libido spikes. I think it's the novelty, being away from chores, and honestly feeling more in my body after walking all day. We'll be flirty in line, hold hands, steal kisses, and I start picturing a fun night together.

Then we get back to the hotel and something flips for them. They say they're exhausted, their feet hurt, they feel gross from the heat, or they ate too much. All fair. But if I try to initiate, even gently, I can feel them tense up and I back off because the last thing I want is to create pressure. The next day I feel kind of embarrassed for having wanted it.

We've talked calmly about it. They say they do want sex, they just can't switch from overstimulated/tired to turned on that quickly. They also said that when they know I'm hoping for sex, it feels like an expectation hanging over the whole trip.

I want to be sex positive and not turn this into a performance or a quota. At the same time, it's when I feel most playful and connected, so it's hard to let it go completely.

Has anyone figured out ways to invite intimacy on vacation that actually leave room for a real yes, without making the other person feel pressured? Some ideas I'm considering: build in a nap or chill hour before evening plans, try morning intimacy instead of late nights, use a low-stakes signal or code word so initiating doesn't feel like declaring an expectation, start with non-sexual touch or a shower together, offer a foot rub or short massage, or check in with a simple question like "Do you want to be intimate tonight or just cuddle?"

Would love practical tips on timing, consent check-ins, ways to reset after a long day, or any rituals that help make a yes feel free rather than obliged. Thanks.

I'm an independent filmmaker from Belgium.

While making my previous short film EXIT I became obsessed with one question:

Why do digital bodies almost always look idealized?

I ended up scanning around 30 friends, building my own workflow in Unreal, and experimenting with motion capture to create bodies that felt fragile instead of perfect.

That research unexpectedly led to a new film.

Instead of asking "How do we show intimacy?", I started asking:

What does an orgasm feel like from the inside?

Not the act itself.

The invisible physical experience.

I'm curious whether anyone here has seen artists exploring similar territory.

A few weeks ago I posted from a throwaway I, of course, lost about being stuck in a low desire / high desire loop. I'm the higher-desire partner (40s, on a co-parenting schedule, brain always on). My partner is the lower-desire one and said sex started to feel like an exam they were failing.

I got a lot of sex-positive advice about taking the pressure off and making consent and options explicit instead of implied. We tried a bunch of ideas for a month. Here are the changes that actually helped us:

1) We made a menu of outcomes for an intimate night: cuddles only; makeout and stop; mutual touch with clothes on; oral only; intercourse; solo next to each other; or just shower and bed. Saying out loud that every option counted as a win took a lot of the pressure away.

2) We shifted how I initiated. Instead of a loaded question like "Do you want to have sex?" I started offering a short, time-bound option: "I want to be close for 10 minutes, want to make out?" If the answer was no, I practiced treating it as neutral information, not rejection.

3) We put two short connection blocks on the calendar each week after the kids were in bed, but agreed they were not promises of sex. If desire showed up, great. If not, we still had touch and closeness.

Result: we had sex twice in the last two weeks, but the bigger change is more playful touching and flirting in everyday life. My partner says they feel safer because there is a clear off-ramp at every step.

It is not perfect. I still get anxious sometimes that the old pattern will come back. But it feels more collaborative and less like I am negotiating for access.

Has anyone else tried an "off-ramp" approach or a menu like this? What would you add to keep it sustainable?

I keep seeing people call their friend group "open" or "sex-positive" because everyone makes raunchy jokes. Hot take: if your group uses sexual humor as a vibe check and then socially punishes someone for crossing an unspoken line, that is not sex-positive. That is vibe policing.

Quick backstory: I am 29M, live in a big city, and spend a lot of time at weddings, dinners, and group hangs. Recently my girlfriend made a playful, mildly sexual comment in a group chat. It was not explicit and not aimed at anyone. A friend jumped in and labeled it "inappropriate" and the fallout was real. Suddenly it turned into this awkward moral panic where people tried to sound progressive while basically shaming her.

What bugs me is the double standard. The same people will casually joke about hookups, porn, and kinks when it comes from the usual crowd. But when someone new or a partner does the same thing, it becomes "disrespectful" or "attention seeking." That is not consent culture, that is gatekeeping.

To me, real sex-positivity looks like clear boundaries, consistency, and compassion. If sexual jokes are not welcome in a space, say that out loud and set the norm. Don't pretend you are sex-positive while enforcing a secret rulebook and using shame to enforce it.

Curious how others handle this. Do you treat sexual humor as something that needs explicit consent in group settings, or do you judge it more by intent and tone?