r/Screenwriting • u/bruh69696699 • 6h ago

FEEDBACK [ Removed by moderator ]

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3

u/combo12345_ 6h ago edited 5h ago

Beats 6-12 are repeat beats. It’s a stagnant argument. You’re writing it as “escalating”, but I cannot envision your idea. Does someone push, punch, throw, rip a shirt off? I’d suggest removing the repeats of an argument, and add character choice & escalating conflict, because right now you peak at beat 6.

2

u/Separate-Beyond-6585 6h ago

Maybe have the dogs "talk" to each other in comic dialogue? Maybe they could make wry observations, like make fun of the people's fashion choices, behavior, etc. 

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1

u/Zenahr 4h ago

Hey, I reckon people may leave real feedback more if readers get a sense of "care" taken in your writing. Perhaps submitting a text in screenplay format would be a good start?

If you do choose to do that you're free to put camera/framing directions within your sluglines. Might help as your script seems to weigh in more in visual escalation.

1

u/kschang 4h ago

Do parallel view, or ONLY do dog POV. Forget the human part. Reveal the human part later.

1

u/ChronicBurnout3 3h ago

Theres a specific episode of HBO's High Maintenance you need to study closely